Walking in Faith..........

Good morning....... Bill found out last night as of midnight, His company is on strike!!! No unemployment, no nothing. He could be on strike for a few days, a few weeks, a few months........it is all up in the air.

How am i feeling about this? I am okay, It is so easy to talk/preach about walking in Faith until you actually have to do it. Of course my mind has to process this...... i have to deal with the fear of the unknown, and with everything else in my life, when something happens, i take time to just meditate and pray..... like i said over and over again.... you don't "find" peace. You make a conscious effort to bring Peace to your soul. So how has my mind worked since i found out the news............ well last night, I listened to the sounds of the night, and stared into the dark vast sky, looking at the stars.... i fell into a deep sleep, I woke up this morning, watching the sky change from a deep purple, to a dark blue, to a soft gray to a deep red, with strokes of orange and pink and yellow..... to a baby blue, with the heat of the sun already pushing on the Earth... Yes of course there were moments that a dull ache in my stomach reminded me that Today Bill wasn't making any money.. but i made a conscious effort to put that thought away...... and i must be honest my thoughts immediately went to my nephew Alex, his brother and sister and his family... going on strike, losing a job...... not being able to pay bills..... IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in the big bright scheme of things. When Alex died, that family's life was forever altered... when Gail's baby boy died, it wasn't for a short while, or even for an undetermined time..... it is Forever on this Earth!!! No matter how long or how short, what we are going through is temporary.

I am just Amazed how God has prepared me, just think, if i were still at Kiski Prep... i'd be done with work this week too.... i'd be going on Summer break for 3 months.... we would have NO income....... we are so blessed that Bill was able to pull a little out of his retirement to pay the mortgage a month ahead, not everyone has that luxury. I know without a doubt, that God will see my family through....... oh and as of June first my health insurance is stopped..... not sure how that will affect my June 27th apt. but IF and i say IF we are still on strike, i'll just postpone the adjustment/check up...... i have a lifetime here, so what's a couple of months? if i need to Pennsylvania has an awesome health plan for children. no matter what the parents income is...... Andrew is getting his surgery under the wire........... Wow............ writing this, i am finding how blessed i am.........

Now why the geese???? well i think i may have posted something about them before....but i'll explain again..... over 10 years ago when my first husband left me, it was truly the darkest hour in my life..... it was the first time ever that i didn't feel the hand of God on me, Although i wasn't suicidal in the sense that i'd harm myself, i was suicidal in the passive way...... i would never swerve my car in the path of a Mack truck, but if that truck would of crossed over and hit me......... i would not have cared.!! The dark cold season, lasted throughout the winter.. i finally accepted my state of mind, and i stopped running away from the pain, but i just let myself feel the pain....... My life was suddenly and forever altered. Me a single mom of a 8,6,3 year old..... well during this time i started walking .......everyday..... for at least 5 miles...... it was more of a meditating time for me than an exercise routine...... one Early spring afternoon, i head out my door, and start walking on the country road, the air was so crisp and clean, and i remember the sky being so so blue.... not hazy blue of summertime, but the blue you see in early spring and late fall.... as i begin to walk past the pond...... two geese take flight out of the water,........ both calling to each other............. at that moment, my heart suddenly felt so light...... and i again felt God's hand on me, realizing He never left me, He had been there comforting me the entire journey. I KNEW at that moment........... i would be alright..... my spirit would not be altered by the circumstance.........bitterness and hatred would not remain....... The simple sound and vision of those geese gave me an incredible peace......... and i remember this EVERYTIME i hear and see Geese in flight............

This morning as the sun was coming up......... two lone geese fly past my window conversing with each other......... and I remember...... I remember that the Hand of God never Leaves me.........

~~~THE CHAIR~~~

This is what my Son Corey made me for mother's day! I just got it yesterday, and i am thrilled. everyone who knows me knows how much I love my porch...... so i am sure i will be getting plenty of use with this chair. But more importantly, it means something cause my son was so proud of it. You see, Corey and I had been having issues, and several months ago things got really really bad! it was a really rough time..... and I had to do a lot of fighting with myself to not take things so personally. you see, God didn't give me Corey like he gave me the other kids.... 3 of them i gave birth to, But Corey was given to me when he was 12. still apart of God's plan..... still my son.......... we were Corey's 9th home, and when i took him, I gave him my word that i would keep him no matter what........... well, he's really tested me over the years........ i think he just wanted to see if I would really weather the teenage storms with him, or just let him go........ oh i wanted too lately, but i guess it just wasn't an option. Teenagers are difficult to begin with, that transition between child and adult, hormones out of wack........ emotions out of control..... so add the difficulties Corey was dealt for the first 12 years of his life...... well the waters have calmed, and we survived. Corey even admitted that he was being down right mean to me..... he admitted this to his Case workers too. we've been doing really well for about a month...... hopefully with every storm we weather out, our foundation gets stronger.. instead of crumble, and just maybe, just maybe...... a reinforcement has been added to Corey's very very fragile foundation....... and just maybe, by the Grace of God, Corey will be okay as an adult. His early childhood sucked, it sucked really bad.... but I don't want him living there, or using that as a cop out to deal with life..... it sucked, you can't go back..... deal with it, cry...... scream...... let it go........ and move on...... *Corey is okay with me talking about this just so you know, i want to respect his privacy so i didn't go into details about the issues..... and he may even talk about his life and his many homes on a local TV show in the future..... i'll let you know.

opps its Tuesday<|> 5 mile hike<|> 2 months

okay i couldn't think of the title for this blog entry, so i thought i'd do three. first off, Christina reminded me that today was tuesday, and i weigh myself on tuesdays..... I lost 2 lbs. so i think i've lost in a month, what i was losing in a week when i first had surgery. which is a GREAT thing.... Megan insists that i look different every time i see her, i don't think it is that drastic anymore, but i will take the compliment.
I told Christina, we should work on 2 days hard work out at Johnny's, 2 hard hikes... like today!, and if able throw in two more walks, or one more walk, and one more weight training session. BUT we should try getting the 4 in for sure. Today we went to Conemaugh..... and i took her out on the trail a little over 2.5 miles. up the mountain side, and down the mountain side, and across two bridges that over look the river

and the hills for miles. absolutely beautiful!!!! i could have gone a little further but i realized that we had to turn around, and go back, and going back included a very steep hillside...... and when i say steep, i mean steep! my legs felt all rubbery, but i managed, and i managed quite well.

It has been two months today since i had Lap Band surgery. so far i consider it a complete success. I haven't had any regrets, well i think i may have said on Sunday i changed my mind, but that lasted only a minute. It has helped me in not eating as much at one sitting..... it does remind me to eat slow and deliberately. it really has been a fun journey so far.....

well so i blogged twice today......... maybe i won't have to tomorrow....

make it a good one

oh and the photo is of a tree, it seems that the wind and flood waters tore the bark right off of it, there is a piece of bark hanging on a vine .. it was just really cool to look at, the picture doesn't even begin to give it justice

~>what I NEED not what I think I WANT

my title is a topic on the "enjoying everyday life" with Joyce Meyer this morning. i so enjoy my early morning... enjoying the sunrise, sipping my coffee (that hubby brings) in bed, and watching Joyce. .... can't get better than that :0).
I realize there is a big difference in "needing" and "wanting". I trust that God gives me what I need. so many times I would waste time and energy fretting on what I think i need/want. i spent so much time dreamily looking on the other side of the fence....... you know where the grass is greener!!! So and so had a better job with more money, so in so can eat anything they want and stay so skinny. so in so's husband cooks dinner every night, and her husband gets her flowers ALL the time! So and so isn't tied down by kids, can get up and travel with out making it a major plan with what do i do with the kids and how do they get here and there while i am gone. A long time ago, when I gave over my life to God...... Faith stepped in. and as I get older, i find that i lean more heavily on my Faith! I just know that i am where i am supposed to be, I know that my future is taken care of, i know my past is forgotten. So more and more i am noticing what is on my side of the fence.........I have ALL that I need, not what I think i WANT! and guess what, my grass is pretty darn green. I am enjoying living my "simple" life, I'd love not having a mortgage, yeah it sure would be nice to hit the lottery, but i don't NEED it.!! sure there are times that i'd love a quiet house, But i wouldn't trade the noise, and warmth of having the house filled with teenagers! Peace surrounds me, and my home, Yeah it would be so cool to never have a weight problem, but that would mean that I would have never met some dear friends, speaking of one of these friends, Hi Patti, you'll be here in 10 days and some odd hours. I NEVER wanted to be a divorce statistic. but God even blessed that to work out for me sending me Bill, who was the perfect piece to the puzzle called my family, and that not only included me and the kids, but my X husband and his family. So as it stands........ I have everything i NEED, oh yeah there are several WANTS, but i will try really hard to sort out my Wants and Needs..........

well i am going over to my work for group therapy, and then Christina will pick me up and i think we will go directly to Conemaugh for a very nice hike, Johnny tomorrow, ..... it is a beautiful day, and i plan on enjoying it!!!

Why in the heck haven't I posted lately......

can't answer that! other than I've been busy...... but in a good way. and i just haven't mosied over to the computer lately. Patti comes in 10 days and 23 hours when i am writing this........ it is coming so quickly. i am excited and relaxed...... Andrew has major facial surgery in 8 days and 12 hours. He is excited, I am however a little nervous, i trust his doctor, and I trust God..... (not in that order) wow that means school is over for all 3 boys in 10 days and 21 hours.......... and summer begins. i am glad i have a job that doesn't go on a 3 month break..... it is a blessing in disguise........
So much is going on, and i have a lot to talk about, but not a lot of time. i will tell you this......... i got truly truly lap band sick yesterday. i notice that i can eat 1/2 of what i normally eat, and to date i haven't had a certain food that i totally rejected....... until yesterday!!! i made Stromboli's for the family, and i remember eating it before........ BUT not after my first small adjustment/fill. i don't eat even 1/3 of the Stromboli serving.... but i suddenly got a lot of pain and pressure, i so wanted to throw up, but didn't, got all dizzy and sweaty,,,,, and then of course the digestive tract started spasming.... and i had pretty rough diarrhea for about 2 hours. i was so sick, i began to think that maybe i had a stomach flu or virus............ i went to my room to lie down...... drifted off to sleep and woke up feeling just fine... so nope not a virus..... just my body becoming allergic to white doughy foods...... umm don't think i'll try that one again..... and gee this is before my second adjustment at the end of June.
i am enjoying a moment where there is peace and contentment with all 4 of my children..... usually they take turns giving me problems... well right now, all 4 of them are actually being a joy to be around....... what is up with that????
well i gotta get going ......maybe i'll post more tomorrow.... love and blessings

I REALIZE small changes*~*

I've been thinking, yes that may surprise many. But, I am lying in bed this morning thinking about my journey with the Lap Band. and for the entire journey, beginning last year, nothing has been sudden or drastic. It has been a slow and steady learning process. i keep blogging that i don't have restriction yet......... but in reality I DO!!!! I keep forgetting for almost an entire year before the surgery, i've been learning to eat slowly with smaller portions........ so there wasn't any sudden changes. i stopped drinking Soda Pop 9 months before surgery..... again no sudden change after the lap band.... 6 months before surgery i started concentrating on eating lean proteins first......... you got it no sudden change after lap band surgery....... 6 months before surgery i stopped drinking with meals and started waiting for an hour after............ So you get the picture.... Yesterday evening Bill, Me and the kids went out to eat...... I gave the kids the rolls that came with my meal, All four of Us shared my salad. I had fish and veggies........ i thought i left room for dessert at Rita's, i got a small gelati ...... don't forget i had the mindset that i am not restricted yet...... I ate 1/4 to 1/3 of the SMALL gelati...... Bill ate the rest!!!! I was done for the night. Sooooooooooooo looking back, and re-evaluating my eating... I AM RESTRICTED~~~ i am not so restricted that i can only eat a cup of food a day. but i am restricted in the sense, i eat a "normal" serving and i am comfortable. so i'll enjoy this stage, and we will see what will happen on June 27. .... there is a fat layer around my stomach, so as i continue to drop weight, i am losing it there too.... making my lapband feel loose..... my lap band has a lot of room for adjustments. ........ .

I am up early this morning.....want to have the house cleaned, prepare my stuffed shells, and be ready for work. Johnny wants to see me and Christina at 4:30 today I work until 3. Chris can you pick me up at home, as Katie is now driving again and will have the car for work. at least that is the plan???

It is a beautiful day..... not hot, not humid..... lots of sunshine, and fresh air......

Make it a good day........ Hugs to my GG's. gosh Chris, i haven't even had much contact with you and you are my neighbor...what is up with that????

~*~life as it is ~*~

-> First of all I just put this picture up, cause it is so darn cute. There is something about Izzy that you just gotta love! wait until you meet her Patti, you'll know what I am talking about!!!
-> Physically I am doing great. I am feeling so good, not having any problems at this point. I am scheduled for a lap band adjustment on June 26th, I've been told for the majority of people the second adjustment/fill is the one that makes the most difference. we shall see. I like where i am right now. I can still eat what would be a normal serving, my lunch today is grilled fish, spinach, and strawberries. Bill and I may go out to dinner, if that is the case, i will order my meal, and ask for the box to be sent out with it...... i'll immediately put 1/2 away.. and enjoy the rest. I eat mainly protein and veggies. i really limit the breads and simple carbs.
-> My job is going awesome, I have been busy but very productive. I am quickly learning what is expected of me and then some, funny today I am at Kiski, and i never felt like...... ahh gotta go to work today..... until this morning, it really has, and quickly, became my second job that i HAVE to finish. as a rule this is my last day here. I was asked to stay on as a fill in here or there. I really like the new boss, so i told her I would. but who knows what my future holds..... this may be the final chapter for Kiski and Me..... the book closes at 1pm today.
-> I am feeling very content right now. I seem grounded, I just know that no matter what happens, It will be alright. If Bill goes on strike next week, it will be okay. financially it seems to be getting tight, but that will be okay too. We are very fortunate that both Bill and I have good jobs. I am spending more time in quiet meditation and prayer. when i seem to be the quietest, i hear God the loudest. I don't know what I'd do without my Faith and Friendship in God! Without getting into it to deeply. I've been hurt, and a part of me wanted to lash back out, and hurt back, but the still quiet voice told me not too.... it took all that I could not to .... my humanity and my spirit will forever clash, sometimes my spirit wins, and sometimes my humanity wins... this is life as it is. this weekend the battle was in full force. Bill has some family that are just unhealthy to be around...... and when we are around them, we can just feel the tension. I told Bill what matters is he communicate with his mom, don't worry about what the "sisters" are doing. That doesn't mean we bash them, wish ill harm on them, BUT it is okay to distance ourselves in a peaceful way. and don't do tit for tat! Easier said then done. As i get older, i am learning Peace isn't "found". it is earned, I work hard to keep a peaceful environment in my life..... and gee Satan doesn't want us to experience Peace, cause that just makes Us one step closer to God.......... so he trys really hard to throw curves and dirt in our way....... in the form of a lost job, mounting medical bills, angry X husband, difficult kids,..... experiencing Peace to me just means......... giving ALL my issues to God to take care of....
Well it is beautiful this morning..... chilly, sunny, blue sky's, white billowy clouds...... I think I'll go take a minute and just enjoy it......

okay, now to explain

the day before i was to go to Gettysburg with the local school, i decided to call the office where Andrew had an appointment. Being that Drew's dad was in Erie, and i'd be in Gettysburg... i wanted to know if i needed to sign anything and fax it over... well the office said either I or The dad HAD to be there....... i said what if we get a notarization that the grandparents can take him........answer NO, okay Bill his step dad would take him, after all he is the carrier of the insurance, and He pays the bills......... answer NO, okay i'll come now and sign the papers........ answer NO...... so no other option.... i hated doing it at the last minute, but i had to call the school and tell them i could not go. If i didn't stay home, Andrews necessary surgery would have and could have been postponed several months..... There was really not an option on my part, i just felt so bad, reliability is very important to me, and i hated putting the school in a predicament. Andrew is scheduled for major facial surgery on May 27th they will cut into his upper jaw, and into his sinus cavity and pull it forward 8 mm's, and then they will cut his lower jaws and remove two portions and push it inward......... He is excited!!!
We had unexpected company this weekend. Bill's sister and brother in law from South Carolina came up because Bills mom isn't doing that well, the sister decided to just drive up on thursday...... she stayed with Us. it was a really nice visit. quite busy yet relaxing if that is even possible.
Sunday was a double header for me~ birthday and mothers day. lets see i got several trees to plant, house cleaned, lunch made, visit from my brother with a cake in tow. a couple hours of alone time, movies watched, and my day ended with my youngest making me a sugar free pudding/ whipped topping, fresh strawberries dessert brought to me in bed to enjoy while i was watching "the sound of music". last week Katie took me out for lunch and bought me not one, but two purses........ it was a good day...
This should be my last busy busy week for a long time, because tuesday is my last scheduled day at Kiski Prep. and Sat i am helping with a retreat . which makes me work~ mon, tues, weds, thurs, fri and sat.. throw in a few work outs with Johnny and a handful of mom things to do..... i think it will be a busy week.
well i want to get things organized this morning before i head to work, so that when i do come home...... i can walk into a peaceful atmosphere..

i didn't go to Gettysburg.... and i'll explain later

on my way out the door......... long story but i couldn't go to Gettysburg, i'll try to explain later, but my children always come first. had my first apt with my family doc since surgery. i will remain off of my blood pressure medicine for now........ i am off of my protonix........ heck i am off of everything....... but my Claritin when i need for allergies......... He was very very pleased with my progress.........

gotta go will try and get on later, there is ALOT going on right now.


love and blessings

No "sweet" spot yet......

well it has been a few days since my first band adjustment/fill. and as the swelling has gone down, i notice that although there is a slight difference, i will be needing another adjustment when i go back in June. I can tolerate pasta, and just about everything else. oatmeal is a no no, and yesterday i made fresh bread, and i tasted it ...... not a good idea..... funny i didn't get nauseated, or spit it up...... it like hit my intestines, and bam, stomach cramps and diarrhea. after 20 minutes I felt fine again..... this is a learning process, and even so i am finding the tools i learned over the year are very important in maintaining and continuing my weight loss journey. There has been a misconception that people who have this surgery are looking for an easy way out...... well i will verify that is no way true in the least. if i just wanted to rely on my band........ i would have gained back the approx 50 lbs i lost already. BUT because i am relying on exercise, proper portion control, meditation and prayer, mindful eating, chewing,......... i am able to continue with my weight loss and stabilization. while i wait to find the spot that my band is tight enough to feel full for a long time, but not too tight that i can't get my nutrients. Just like everything else, i am in no hurry.... the doctor wanted me back in 4 weeks, but they are backed up 6 to 7 weeks, he said just a very very very small percentage of people respond to the first fill.... it has to do more with the genetic makeup of your esophagus, and how your digestive tract moves, than anything else!! I think when they told me i couldn't get in until the end of June.. ..they were surprised I didn't get angry, they said many people get frustrated having to wait. I look at as a learning experience, more time to watch what, how much, and how fast I eat....... it is a good thing. Now understand, i am still not able to pig out like i used too, or even yesterday when i ate white bread, i didn't feel so well.... so there is some physical control there. But at least i won't be so restricted that i won't be able to tolerate any thing when Patti is here.. okay Patti, chances are i won't be able to enjoy the delicious Amish bread, but i will enjoy lunch with the man who serenades us while we eat, and i will be able to enjoy a few of Boogieman wings, .
Today i work until 3pm and then i'll go help Katie with her babysitting until 4 pm, and then bill and I will go grocery shopping..
tomorrow i leave the house at 5:30 am, and will return at 11pm. going with the school as the Nurse, to Gettysburg. long day.......... tons of walking, i will wear my pedometer to see about how much i may walk.... i looking back on the last time i went....... i notice that i weigh 75 lbs less than i did then. and as i recall i wasn't working out with Johnny........ so i KNOW that i will be feeling the difference. I will prob rely on a couple protein shakes, i do not plan on eating fast food, so i will pack a good appropriate lunch... chicken salad, wasa crackers, spinach leaves, strawberries, pecans, low fat cheese, and 2 hard boiled eggs.... sure sounds better than a double cheeseburger at McDonalds.
well i better get my butt moving......... make it a great day....... i plan on it.

~> Rain

you see i love a rainy day every bit as much as I love those sunny, billowy cloud, warm breeze type of days.... today we are having a "rainy" day. it is cool and damp, the rain is beating on the windows and the roof. this is a day i could curl up with a book or an old movie.... I have a couple hours before work, but not enough time to do either of the above mentioned. I could lay on my bed, stare out at the rainy hillside and be lulled back to sleep until 9am, but i am not going to do that either..... so this morning i will shut the TV off, turn on silence, let the rain be my music, pack a lunch, start supper in a crock pot, sweep the floors, fix my bed, get a warm bath....... and head to work....... that way when i come home.... it will be done.. and then i can enjoy my evening raining or not.
Today i pulled out my food journal to start writing in again, not that i am eating much at all, But i think this will help me to monitor my food and mindfulness. I need to learn to eat 3 meals, and if i get hungry, 2 snacks. and when i say snack, i mean snack....... not 5 meals. a snack would be 1/2 an apple and 1 oz of lowfat cheese.... thats it!!! or one WASA cracker with 1 laughing cow light cheese spread..... that is a 60 calorie snack, and very filling. I don't think i am going to focus on counting calories, carbs, protein, I just want to focus on eating 3 meals, and 2 snacks. I don't want to measure the amt of food, but rely on eating.......chewing....... and letting my band work with me........ how you can work through the band, is right after the full feeling, you wait a short time, drink water, and you can again eat .... you can do this all day long.......... and in this case you are not working with the tool given you,.. the lapband is like anything else... you can have a gym membership, if you go once in a while, and when you are there, you sorta kinda make some movements..... the tool of the gym is not going to work for you. If you take Alli the pill that makes you poop if you eat too much fat. if you don't take it with every meal, or you skip the pill when you are getting ready to devour some wings and Alfredo....... that tool isn't going to work for you. i remember when my husband decided what an easy way to lose a few pounds, he bought this to try......... so he took the Alli, and then proceeded to eat a dozen hot wings with blue cheese dressing.............. and then he proceeded to ummm, poop his work pants and had to come home and change...... so if he had 100 grams of fat... he lost 25 grams in his stool, so he STILL ingested 75 grams of fat for that meal.......... that tool DIDN'T work for him...

My mindset changed way before my surgery...... my habits already changing... now i must be cautious and remember... that for Lapband to work........ i better be diligent and mindful.
Have a beautiful Rainy day and Monday.........

This is my lunch for today grilled fish, spinach, strawberries, toasted pecans to make into a salad with a yummy homemade dressing . this is my lunchbox that i use now.....and i love it, love it love it.......

the correlation between the words, Christina, Green and Btch Hill

yesterday morning i call Chris, i have this brilliant idea, as so does she, that we go for our hikes early before "life" happens. so as the great Sophia Petrillo from the Golden Girls would say.... "picture this !!!) a cool morning, everything brown or "dead" from last week, is now green. hiking up onto a small little mountain, new blossoms, new air, new energy....... it was an awesome morning. I have been avoiding my Conemaugh trail for some time because there is no way to get there but UP.. and then up some more, i just wasn't prepared to do the UP part. I don't know why i changed my mind, maybe it was the day before doctors apt that i was informed.... that i could start doing more, or maybe i am just plain silly. Christina was hilarious, and talk about mindfulness.... that was her " oh look at the johnny jump ups, look at that perfect dogwood tree blossom,. oh look at those beautiful flowers growing from beneath the rock and slate........." if her head could of spun in a 360 it would have...... she looked up and down, and left and right..... how many times she stretched her arms out soaring like a bird, or an airplane, not sure which..... I never noticed the different sounds of so many birds, obviously Chris didn't either. 2 40 + year old women......... leaving their chronological age behind....... to hike the trail as carefree children........
for those who know what trail I am talking about, to get to the top of many trials you have to hike UPHILL(Btch Hill), forever , or a 1/4 of a mile, it just feels like forever, I have made it up a few times many many years ago without stopping. but not in the past 5 years....... so i take a deep breath, and i begin walking.... up.........up.......up..........no break needed......... up ......up.........up.......... well i might need a break, but no .......up .........up............up........ just a few more ups.......... and Christina gave me a high five.... I DID IT. i was quite surprised how strong i felt, how much strength i kept even with a surgery mixed in the middle. so i had this brilliant Idea that we do what I call a figure 8 hike... so we continued on our way....... ended up on the trail down by the river, hike back up to the "Hill" and then re trace a few of our steps heading towards the river again...but take a sharp right onto another trail that takes us up to the second and highest level. now here is another hill, different as the last one, but just as deadly... this hill is shorter but VERY steep..... walking up this hill literally burns the muscles in your legs.... Chris headed before me....... i had to wait, take a deep breath..... and mentally face this.... i made it half way up..... stopped for only 15 seconds, and finished to the top.......... another success....... we hiked 4.5 miles yesterday morning..... and yes maybe my legs were like jello most of the day, but oh so worth it..... wonder if Christina will go with me again...
Today is a Johnny work out....... maybe church.......... but the rest of the day......... nothing....
I am feeling so good after my first adjustment/ and already on day 3 i notice my weight......flying off again... i'll officially post on Tuesday when i will next weigh in.
Have a beautiful day

this is the day that the Lord Hath made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.

Wow, can't beleive it....

okay yesterday for dinner i had that 1/2 cup of Ricotta "soup". it DID fill me up, and i didn't get that hungry feeling the rest of the evening. They say the mornings i may "feel" more tight~ and have more of a difficulty swallowing, it isn't so much that the passage way gets tighter, the digestive system is slower in the morning, so the movement of the food passing is slower too. i do notice i am burping a little more after i eat or drink..... so we shall see. I let Johnny know that he can officially start working my abdominal muscles again..... and he can s~l~o~w~l~y increase my workout again. Dr. Mike (the PA that works for Dr. Courcoulas) is so nice and spends so much time talking and answering questions, and i must give him an A + for his ability to do a lap band adjustment. This journey continues to go so well for me, I know that anytime i may have a complication, but i am not worried, for now things are going textbook perfect. and I continue Thanking God, for seeing me through it. You know, for instance when i started my job, (as i do all jobs i start) i got nervous wondering if i could figure it out..... and i always do! But still, it was a worry for me.

First LAPBAND adjustment/fill

and i must say NOTHING to it....... the Doctor tells me to do a crunch so he can located the port, numbs the area, and puts this special dull needle directly into the center of it........ he inserted 5 cc's of normal saline, being this was my first fill, has me drink water continuously for about 5 minutes...... all went well........and i was done!!!! no pain AT ALL... . when i got home, i tried pudding ( he told me i didn't have to do liquids, just soft for 2 days then sun resume normal foods. For supper tonight i had 1/2 cup of Ricotta soup... ......and i tolerated it just fine, i must admit, that there is something "mental" about having the fill done though, and i somehow imagine that i am blocked...... but of course i am not or i'd of been tossing what i ate already..... wow it it hit me, I am full... not uncomfortable or in pain.......... lets see how long it last...... well Katie is doing okay....... she's a little bored, so i am going to take her for a little ride...
might come on and chat later, Kellie, i missed your call, i'll prob try you this evening........ if i can't get a hold of you , I'll try you this weekend
God is Good all the time.......

Katie ~Vicodin~ Injured shoulder, i am just sayin'

okay first the smile is deceiving, it is actually the Vicodin smiling, cause let me tell you, when it isn't working she is miserable.

those who know Katie well, know that Katie is umm how should i say... accident prone!!! i mean she falls walking up the steps, she fall's if she is chewing gum and walking at the same time..... heck she's even known to "fall" while she was sitting down... don't ask~ well yesterday she decided to go to gymnastics, not sure what happened... but she injured her shoulder.... it was swollen pretty bad, and the X Ray doesn't show a break, but let me tell you i won't be surprised if i get a call when a second person reads the XRay, .. i really really think it is broke.... (the collar bone). well regardless it will be the same treatment, But let me tell you........ she can't move well, can't dress herself, i touch her shoulder and she crys... Katie isn't dramatic with pain esp cause she is hurting herself all the time..... so i know something isn't right. I'll keep her on the Vicodin for a few days, rest, immobilization, ice....... and we shall see. i'd much rather it be a broken bone than something with the rotater cuff, and ligaments of the shoulder... time will tell. surprisingly she isn't being bitchy, she just crys quietly when she moves around or gets bumped. Patti she says she'll be ready by the time you get here, that is if we ever "include" her. not like "last" time.

Okay tomorrow i go for my fill/adjustment. i can honestly say i am not nervous or worried, and actually looking forward to having the band work with me. tomorrow liquids again, the next day pureed, the next day mechanical soft........ and then i resume regular textured foods again. I will let you know how it goes........

so ticked at Patti, let me explain......

okay, today although beautiful has been busy. I didn't feel like going to work out at Johnny's today.BUT i went because Christina was going... well well well...... we are driving up to the gym..... and are dialog is such

Me: gee i really didn't want to go

Chris: i almost didn't go, i was going to call an cancel and i check the computer first, read Patti's blog and it Inspired me to make habits that last a life time......... blah blah blah. (i stopped listening after the i read Patti's blog )

Me: why'd you go and read Patti's blog for???

......

Me again: i was thinking of creative ways to cancel

now i must admit, mid workout, when my muscles were burning....... Johnny said he likes to find the spot where you're muscles are burning, but the joints aren't injured...... well let me tell you....... he found the spot.... so as my muscles are crying i am thinking.....Dang you Patti, why did you have to productively blog today.... ;0). ..... as soon as we stopped with the weights he sent us on our way..... out the door, and we power walked a few blocks...... well i power walked, not sure what Chris was doing cause i was "power walking just to keep up with her".

So of course we had to call Patti on the way home from the gym... and i guess, Thank her, cause it did feel good to get ur done!!!

Okay Patti hear is a "blurry picture as to where your bed is"... since you asked LOL....

do you get

where it is now?

so anyhow that is my day at the gym

tomorrow i work at 9 am, and Friday is THE appointment.. looking forward to having the whole weekend off, since i've been doing Kiski also it has been a few weekends since i've had both days off.

talk to you later

~morning start~

yesterday i decided to move my bedroom around~ a trait i learned from my mother(* for a fresh look rearrange the furniture) Funny we've had this bedroom added on 4 years ago, and i never once thought i could put the bed were i did..... along the wall facing the country side.. this is a picture i just took when i opened my eyes...., what a way to start the day! in the photo you can't tell, but the plowed fields are just starting to turn green. this morning the sky is thick with clouds, that are actually traveling pretty fast across the sky. I turn on Joyce Meyer this morning, and what does she talk about? She was talking about how the first few moments in the morning can lay the track work for the rest of your day. How true that is, If i wake up anxious, stressed, worried about my job, worried about relationships, worried about my health, dreading the busy schedule, dreading the "not enough hours" in the day~ that seems to show thru the rest of the day! So if even before i get out of bed, I take time to meditate, talk with God, enjoy the view out my window.. that too will set the pattern for how i deal with things through out the day. Everyone has stressors in their lives, everyone has road blocks, everyone has "curves" thrown at them during the day. I am not saying if you get in the correct mindset in the morning........ the day will be perfect with out issues...... I am saying, it is how we confront the issues that will make the difference.
Today is a Johnny day for Chris and I, so i am trying to get everything done this morning, figure out what i am going to have for dinner, get my laundry finished........ cause i am going directly from work to the gym., and then i will come home, i am thinking about a crock pot meatloaf, and roasted potato's and salad...
I forgot that i yesterday was my weigh in....... so i did this morning, and i dropped another 2 pounds. I think friday will be my fill day....so it will mean liquids for a day, pureed for a day, and mushies for a day.... they say it takes some people 3 or 4 adjustments/fills before a Lap band person reaches the "sweet spot" (* you can eat enough food to keep you satisfied for a few hours, but you do not get sick) for the past 2 weeks i've noticed that All the swelling from surgery has gone down, and right now i am not using the Lapband............ i can eat just about everything..... bread seems to be my only problem. and i could prob eat alot if i allowed myself too. like i've said before, the Lapband is not magic..... it will NOT work, unless i WORK with it. i am looking forward to starting a new level of work out with Johnny....... it will be a long time until i get to where Chris is....... but that is okay....... i am sure knowing Johnny, tomorrow if i am released completely.... He isn't going to push me to level 2 to 10 overnight...... i'll trust his knowledge, so i don't injure myself
Well i am not going to get things done sitting on this computer.. so i best get my butt moving. Have a great day today.....after all a Good day is in your control.

on the Porch........

they tell me about the good ol days from years ago, from generations ago, i vaguely remember it during my younger years.......... The Porch!! that was my moms favorite place to be in the world, sometimes she enjoyed it alone, but most of the time one of her 7 children were there, i remember summer nights.... music playing inside, mom and dad outside swinging on the porch..... listening to Willie Nelson and Waylon Jennings. sometimes the neighbors would come over and sit, and if they didn't they were sitting on their porches, alone, and yet together with the other neighbors!! peaceful, simple times........
Today with mom and dads having two jobs, kids in soccer, girl scouts, little league, dance class, cheering practice......... are things really so simple anymore???
today i spent the afternoon on "the Porch" with Christina, Megan, and baby Paige... enjoying the beautiful day, the wind, the fragrance of spring, chatting and laughing, noticing how quickly the trees, and the newly plowed earth have begun to turn green, Doves cuing in the distance..... it hit me, How blessed I am, and how blessed Christina is. if Chris and I have absolutely anything in common....... it is how we both enjoy such simplicity in life....... So the world continued to rotate, swine flu, shaky economy, bills in the mail, loss of jobs, murders, hatred....... NONE of this could take away the joys of a simple spring day, the laughter and smile of a precious baby, friendship and laughter. we were on Christina's porch today...... before i left i went back into the house, somehow it was mentioned that she still had Christmas decorations up.. she looked around and laughed.... "yes i do", and then she proceeded to give her granddaughter a big hug and kiss on her head....... smiling the entire time.

Ahhhh Patti's back

finally got to check in with her today~ it was good talking to you Patti. Looking forward to seeing you soon........ sitting on the porch, heading to Amish country for lunch with the guy that plays the guitar, just maybe you could talk Bill and Katie to go back to the "haunted" house... Bill has been practicing with his wing recipe. maybe a walk on a trail or two......... and just maybe, just maybe a Johnny workout at the gym on Sunday morning ......bring work out gear just in case :0). He has been there every Sunday but one, but who knows his schedule...
I am thoroughly enjoying my job....... and as i get more comfortable, it seems to get better!!! the Doctor is giving me more responsibility, and i like that.
I am working on keeping stressors out of my life........ and at times i find it difficult, cause life happens!!! I've said this before, Peace isn't going to come knocking down my door......... it isn't just going to happen... it is something that i've made a conscious effort to find. that is why i get along so well with my X husband. that is why i enjoy my jobs so much... cause i have chosen this path. and i am constantly asking God to help me keep my soul calm and peaceful! it is a task that i have to work on every day of my life!!!
Christina and I went Hiking today, i cannot tell a lie........it was so dang hot, and for the last mile and 1/2 it was an up hill walk....... it was actually painful for me, the heat really bothered me, not my feet, my knees nor my legs.... i was never so happy to see the car as i was today.., i was dizzy and nauseous....... and i whined and whined...... and Christina was ever so patient....... Let me tell you...... she is really getting into shape... i don't even know if she is aware of it...... i know by seeing her on Sunday. Johnny has really upped her workout........ me... not yet, and prob won't for a few more weeks. John is determined that i will not injure myself or my surgery.......... good smart boy!!!
Well i think i will go get a cool bath, and get ready to watch a little TV
love and blessings

I'll get rid of the evidence before they wake up

Poor Izzy it didn't work that way! In the Picture you notice a box beside her, well it was a cookie box, and i think it had a cookie left in it, and it WAS sitting on my table! Katie woke up and this is the what she saw, Izzy sound a sleep with an EMPTY cookie box beside her. How in the heck do you get mad at her after you see this picture...... you can't

I just had to share

Silence.........

well anybody that knows my life, i don't have too much silence, i have 4 teenage children, and half the time they have their friends with them. So it was quite interesting to go to a Silent Retreat. quite interesting...... but i must say, i went with an open mind and totally enjoyed my day. they used several techniques to help us get into a peaceful, mindful calmness.. silent meditation, yoga, relaxing music, poetry. The first 3 minutes we were just to sit and decide what where and how we wanted this day to go, Obviously if i have quiet time, i usually spend it talking to God...... after 3 minutes i jotted this down, cause it quite surprised me

"~God came with me today, He was silent too! I tried to talk to Him, but He said to just BE in his presence today~"

it was a wonderful afternoon in silent prayer and meditation. I didn't tackle my problems, or ask Him for anything, or complain, or apologize,.......... none of that. I just enjoyed hanging with God!!! I think Steven Curtis Chapman sings a song the title is " Be still and Know i am God" that is what I did!!! So i sat in a room with Born again Christians, Muslims, Nuns, etc.......... it was quite a beautiful day.....

getting ready to head to Johnny's , and then i think I'll go to Church... Chris is having a cookout that we'll be going to......... and then i think i am going to Chill for the rest of the afternoon.

I notice that my stomach has healed completely and i am READY for my first adjustment/fill. although i am doing well, i do not have the restriction i had when my tummy was swollen........ that will be this Friday. wow time flies. but i don't think it could come any sooner.

have a beautiful day today folks

murder in a small town

our little town is in shock, last night, 3 women where murdered at their place of business........ no facts yet, and as of today it appears that maybe another family member was to blame.(the 3 women were related) this is not the way of life we are used too......... i guess if we lived in certain parts of Philly, or parts of New York City........ this happens!!! its like a slap in the face to wake up to reality..... I wonder if when it is said and done..... was it senseless death because of the economy??? it was a family run/owned business.... for a while paranoia sets in, the schools functioned under lock down today. Neighbors are keeping an eye on each other, families are hugging each other a little tighter...... Yeah living in a small town, everyone knows your business..... not always a good thing. But watching a small town come together during a tragedy, nothing like it!!!
I went to bed and fell asleep at 8pm tonight....... i feel good all day, and get so tired at night........ not a bad thing. i just woke up a little after 10 pm, decided to blog, and go back to bed. tomorrow i plan on going to the Retreat given by S'eclairer tomorrow..... its 9 to 3. I must say i really really am beginning to love this job. i am just so happy and content at this time :0). oh and speaking of which, i tried to eat bread for the first time today........ not a good idea, not a good idea at all..... so first food that i cannot eat.....Bread~~~ i am just sayin'!!!
Today was my one day off........ plan on hiking tomorrow, and then we work out with Johnny Sunday......... still feeling good and strong..... planning on going to Church on Sunday..... it will be nice to listen to pastor Tom again, it's been a while. Hey Debbie and Christina, is it okay to sit near you guys if i promise to shower first???
well good night....... anxious to write about the "silent retreat " that i am going to ....

Seasons..........

Well i have one more day left with Kiski, and that will be May 12th. its funny knowing that my "season" with Kiski is coming to an end... i suddenly feel like, i can't wait for it to end.... funny i didn't feel that way until the other job found me..... and now this job is my new beginning!!! Nurses are leaving Kiski that have been there since 1968..... but nothing stays the same forever!!! I am thrilled that God seems to know what is good for me even when i don't. i thought I'd be at Kiski forever. after 20 years of Nursing this is my first job that i will not work evening shift, i will not work weekends or holidays, its kinda of weird when someone asks me about doing something on a weekend in June...... heck i don't even have to wonder what my schedule is...... although there will be 3 or 4 Saturdays that i am "required' to help with or attend. these are retreats and such that S'eclairer offers their patients.
A dear friend of mine (Molly) several years ago gave me a couple of writings that talked about friendship~ one of these papers talk about the seasons and types of friends..... and i am realizing how true this is. There are people that have come in and out of my life briefly but ferociously... friends that still made a profound difference in my life..... even those that crossed my path for a weekend or a day. And then I have a friend like Christina........ that i know will always be in my life in some way, even 20 years from now.. there are friends that i haven't talked to in years, but the friendship bond is still there, and we can pick up right where we've left off! There are friends with whom i've lost contact over the years and will prob not see again....... i guess this is life, and it works this way for everyone. I do not regret any of these friendships however brief or long... each person came to my life for a reason, for a purpose for a season. Not all friendships are meant to last forever, Not all friendships are meant to be brief........ I guess my job is to accept change..... accept the seasons as they come and Trust God to help me with the changing of the seasons.
On the Lapband front. i am still feeling wonderful, have had no complications......... Christina and I went to the gym yesterday. we walked 4 miles on Tuesday, and we plan on walking 4 miles today. Friday if we can't figure out a time to get to the gym, we "should" maybe walk again. i am eating fine, and have no problems with any food, which i expect being that i have yet to be adjusted.
Well today i go to work at 9am so i really should get my butt moving.
Beautiful weather is being planned for PA. so i plan on enjoying the beautiful sun and the fresh air. with all the rain we've had, and now the sun and warmth....... i think Spring will hit in full force this weekend.... i see Green!!!

ouch

Blurry picture but how pretty~ here at work early this morning. this is out my office window. the sun rising, peaking through the trees, fog lying low just in the woods....

I am working so much right now since i am doing both jobs. i am not getting a day off! don't really mind either, but i must say Kiski is very busy... okay 3 hours later, and i can blog again..... that is how busy Kiski is today!!!

Christina and I were talking....and maybe it is time that i stop questioning Johnny and realize he knows what he is doing. last night it hit me..... my muscles started "screaming in pain". funny thing is , every muscle except my abdominal muscles were hurt. .... when he said all the exercises he was going to have me do would not affect my abdominal wall, he wasn't lying. Christina is going to wait for me to get off work and then we will both go for a nice walk.... I'd like to get in 3 miles maybe 4 today. we shall see.

I lost 2 pounds this past week. so i was correct in thinking my weight loss would stabilize and level off. i know when i have an adjustment (band fill) i will again take another jump down. but no hurry....

gee i should just end this entry now, cause I keep getting interrupted....... i work one more day at Kiski.... and then i can focus on my new job. I may stay on just to help out now and then. the new boss is one of my dear friends....

talk later

break over~~~~~>

So this morning Christina and I head to Johnny's. and i must admit, i felt better than I thought i would. of course i did nothing that would involve me bending or twisting my waist. What a smart smart trainer, he really is. he was so cautious, he must have asked me a dozen times, are you feeling okay, do you hurt any where...... at one point he said this isn't a time for heroics, so if i felt even a twinge i was to discontinue with the exercise immediately. He also sent me to the bike after every set of exercises, making it more of a cardio day for me. He adjusted every exercise to fit post surgery. he said he was beginning the abdominal strengthening process just by standing in proper alignment!!! I have NO idea what he had Christina do, i just know by the time we got to the car she was pouring with sweat.... and I heard him, lets say, "talk" to her several times. He'd like us to train with him tuesday and sunday....... and come and do one of the programs he sets up for us on friday. I guess he wants to take this head start i've had and run with it. so 3 days of weight training, and at least 4/5 days of power walking/hiking. So i BETTER make sure i am taking my protein....and all of it!
they say technically Lap band recipients don't feel the restriction/ or as many say, the sweet spot until there are a couple of adjustments. I'll prob be getting my first one on May 1st.
I think my weight will begin to drop more realistically now. but still a little more than avg. (3lbs instead of 1 or 2 lbs a week) I am not going to lie, this is a hard adjustment to make. I have lost about 10lbs a week for 4 weeks...... (averaged out). and of course that can't keep going...... so i do have to work again on my mindset that 1-3 lbs is dang awesome. ;^).
I've been thinking alot about Melody and my promise I've made to her, and i still wonder why is it after all these years, i am still so attached?? i mean the day i went into surgery i wore my Melody Mile tee shirt with an Eagle soaring above the mountains!!! I WILL be giving her the 10 mile hike this fall. i just know it.
I am content and at Peace with my life ... that doesn't mean it is easy, It's nice to know that I am where i am supposed to be.... with my job, my family...... and i don't have to worry about anything else.... cause i just know that God's got my back!
Well i am here at Kiski, I have 2 more days scheduled before the end of the school year... and then i may stay on to fill in once in a while when the nurse needs me which would be prob a couple evenings a year.

I am going to like it.........

i am getting used to working again. yesterday was the monthly meeting for the staff at S'eclairer. and I really got to see the Doctor who i work for , with his hair down so to speak. i observed how the staff interacts with him. and now i see why his staff has followed him from place to place, and how there are nurses in line wanting to work for him. He is funny, non judgemental, down to earth, and approachable. if he doesn't like something you do....... he tells you, and then it is over! I am learning my job~ i am where I am supposed to be and i am at peace, don't know yet, but i feel down the road, my weight loss journey is going to be a part of something..... and i shouldn't say weight loss journey But i should say my journey to better health Physically, Emotionally, Spiritually.... it all goes together.
I've been so busy, and so tired at the end of the day........i've been crawling into bed by 8:30 pm, oh i don't fall asleep, just love my cozy bed, and a book. can't say when i took an afternoon nap, i think it was a few weeks ago....... my energy is expanding. and actually i ended up doing a 2.5 mile hike on the golf course with Christina before work. Bill and I will go today. tomorrow i work at Kiski, but i plan on going to Johnny's just to do Cardio and start lightly with some weights!!!
I just love when God knows something is going to be taken away (*my Kiski job~ it is official now) He put in place my new Job. even before i had a chance to worry. I believe everything in my life happens with a purpose, the good things and the bad things!!! and as long as I continue to Trust in Him, nothing happens by accident.
Lap band update~ been too busy even cheating by checking the scale. but my clothes are getting looser, i found 2 size 18 pants in my drawer without the tags even off....... tried them on.......... and they fit!!! i'd like to lose another 10 pounds for them to be loose comfortable like i like them. so i am thinking that may happen just when Patti comes......... and i say may cause i am NOT putting any pressure on myself....... no time frame, no weight loss goals....... just continue to be mindful, and healthy.... and let the band work with me
Well to day is Date day for Bill and Me, and i must say i am so excited, we are going shopping and hiking....... and just hanging together i do love this boy so much...... no "sewing his eye's shut" lately!!
Have a great weekend
love and blessings

First really yucky feeling........

Yesterday was a very busy day........ left for work at 8:30 am, came home at 2:00pm, went directly to Christina's for our 3 mile walk, came home, went directly with Bill grocery shopping....... came home, by the time i put groceries away.. it was 8:30 pm time for a bath and bed........ Now what did i do to get myself sick..... i let myself get hungry since lunch was at noon.......... i should have eaten before i went for groceries, but i just wanted to hurry up and get it over with. I didn't want to go anywhere to eat, Bill went to Rita's for some Italian ice, i had the sample taste of sugar free pineapple, *free, and that is all i needed. But while putting groceries and cooking for the family, i made my protein shake to sip, and realizing that the time was getting late.... i started to eat my chicken while i was multitasking (putting groceries away, cooking for the men, making my curry chicken salad, drinking my shake, cleaning the kitchen) i ate too fast, ............. and i wasn't mindful of how i was eating. so suddenly i didn't feel well, and i suddenly felt really full, i had chest pressure/pain........nothing came up, i didn't have a productive burp or anything. so i decided to just sit down, relax, and do some deep breathing..... after about 15 minutes, the pressure and pain left, now i just felt full....... after another 45 minutes i started to sip water, and then as suddenly as i felt sick, i felt better!!! As my life becomes more "Normal" after surgery i am going to need to focus on "the rules" How could I have done things different? i should have eaten before i went for groceries.. and then that way i would have came home and just had my shake to get in. I have 2 more weeks before i get my fill/adjustment. and then i do a mini-start all over. with fluids for 24 hours, pureed for 24 hours.... and then slowly adding my foods again..... its also 2 more weeks before Johnny owns me again. Warm weather, a set work schedule.. this all could work for me. every other job i had since i've became a nurse, never had a set schedule......... so i must admit, it is sorta nice to know when i am working........ so far I like the hours. i am still juggling with kiski and my new job for another month.......and i am finding this difficult as i have very few actual days off. (this week i only have Sat off).
Well i should getting going........ laundry to wash, beds to make, floors to sweep....... i like to have it all done so when i come home after 5... i don't have chores staring at me...........

plugging away

plugging away at my health, plugging away at work, plugging away at home........ that seems to be what i've been doing. Now my life seems to be getting into the routine of being Post lapband client~ i am doing so well, I can't quite figure out if i am working with the band, or the band is working with me, if that makes any sense. i am quickly adding foods without any complications, i can eat thin crust like tortilla, flat bread, etc. well chewed. i can eat lean ground beef, i am even able to tolerate pasta. i don't eat much, occasionally i feel a slight pressure in the center of my chest~ but i have yet to push the envelope, to see what i can tolerate before it makes a backwards exit. I haven't tried fresh veggies or fruits yet. They say that I won't "feel" the band work for me until after a "fill, or adjustment". right now i need to focus only on 3 meals a day. along with my protein shakes and the extra fluid i am drinking....... but i am finding it is just becoming a way of life......
I've been really busy learning my new job, i come home tired but content. i think i am going to like it~ alot of thinking and problem solving, a lot of pt interaction....... hmm wonder why God is taking me this direction..... guess i need to TRUST Him. He knows me better than i know me!!! i work tomorrow until 5 pm and then the weekend off..... weekend's have more meaning now that i am back to work.
At home, i am catching up on house work, dealing with a 17 year old that is really testing me. i don't feel the need to Nap anymore, but by the end of the day....... my head hits the pillow...... and i sleep!!! i wake up at 5:30 am refreshed....... i wish i could sleep until 7am...... but the dang internal clock of mine is stuck at 5:30a
well i know Bill and i are going grocery shopping tonight, so i need to see if Christina is up for a walk now........ maybe i'll get on later,

I've been doing it all wrong.....

gee, why have i bothered to put so much time and effort into losing this weight and getting healthy?? I was up early this morning, which mean i was able to watch those Infomercials ~ one, i join this club for 25 month, and i will lose all the weight, i will eat all the foods i am eating now... and get this........... NO EXERCISE, so i eat all i want, don't exercise.. and bam i am thin. and the other thing even makes fun of the surgery, didn't need to do that either, instead i could spend mega bucks for a special shake that fills up 1/4 of your stomach, so you just have a little space left for your meals you eat....... and why did i go through the surgery??? it wasn't just the infomercials that were a hoot, i witnessed a commercial that put regular soda pop and vitamins and antioxidants together..... "drink all the soda you want, and get your vitamins too"!!! and here i am trying to eat veggies, and lean proteins and fruits to get my vitamins... gee i've got it all wrong........ :0).
Today was weigh in day and i've dropped 4 pounds.......... yeah i am thrilled, and i will try not to get on the scale until next Tuesday...... besides, i am sure the great surge of weight loss is coming to an end. it was great while it lasted, ..... now they say i should lose about 3 pounds a week for the next few months... i know i am starting to up my Cardio, and in two more weeks, i'll be adding johnny again.... the big jump has helped my body so much, i can tell when i am walking now..... I love my journey. well i am going to head to work for a meeting for about an hour, and then Katie and I may take the little girl she babysits for somewhere.... and then home for the afternoon.. hopefully

The other side of my view

Today Bill and i went for walk number 2, in a row. we left the old dogs home to rest a day, and took Izzy! I am still feeling really good. don't seem to have any problems. walked a lot of hills today. when i take pictures from my porch, it is over looking the front half of the used to be golf course...... this photo is taken from the back end of the "used" to be golf course...... i am looking forward to seeing hay fields now....... what a beautiful piece of property, so glad i have friends that will share it with me!

Today i made Curry Chicken Salad, Bill picked me up a Rotisserie Chicken from Walmart..... i took the white meat and shredded it , added celery, toasted pecans...... pepper and curry powder......... and i tried 2 Tbs. on one of those WASA rye crisp lights......... and i must say delicious!!! Thanks Jeanine, Curry was just the seasoning i was "looking" for.

I am really liking my job....... and i've only been there 3 days, but i am at peace, and feel i can go my pace...... my boss is very approachable. and The Doctor practices what he preaches..... so there is an Aura of calmness in the air,...... i like it.

well i think i am going to soak in an Epsom salt bath..... seems to really be speeding up the healing process of my incisions that are pretty much healed ....

think I'll go to bed early and read.........

A Nice Walk......

Yesterday was such a nice day. because the kids go to grandma's for the "Easter" dinner, i decided to do homemade Stromboli's for lunch... they turned out really good. i was able to eat just a few bites, and i was fine with that. I made myself some baked ricotta with a little sauce and seasonings........ I am concentrating on 3 meals a day and 3 protein shakes a day. and my water in between. i am not craving foods right now, it hasn't bothered me that i can't eat what i used to....
Bill and i headed out the door with two of the dogs, (we left Izzy home). and went across the road to walk on Chris' farm (can't call it the golf course anymore). this was my first REAL walk since surgery. i mean i've been walking, slow and on level ground for a couple weeks now. but yesterdays walk WAS NOT level in the least. I felt really good, we ended up doing almost 3 miles..... i didn't even wake up sore this morning. i wonder if the weight I've dropped already had made it easier on my body to walk/hike like this already??? could be. I plan on going this afternoon after work again~ time to get back into a routine. still have a couple more weeks before i can begin my weight training with brother Johnny. but there is no excuse not to up my Cardio.
Well i should get going, cause i leave in an hour, and i got to fit in a glass of water, a protein shake, and my quiche before i leave, cause once i eat the quiche, i can't drink again for an hour....
Make it a good one folks........

HE IS RISEN!!!!

Thank you Jesus!
Happy Easter.

real food

i don't know, maybe you guys are getting tired hearing about what i am eating.... But understand to me this is all so exciting, it seems like it has been months since I've been on clear liquids , but in reality it was just 3 weeks ago, (2o days since my surgery). i began real foods on Friday at lunch during work. Fridays is treat day for the staff, The Doctor or a Drug rep provides us with lunch..... lets see the menu was skewers of barbecue shrimp, saffron rice, pasta in a very creamy yummy sauce, fruit, salad, pastries and petite fores, and soft bread sticks. I took one skewer of shrimp and 2 tablespoons of the pasta. I chewed slowly, and had absolutely no problems. Today i was at a baby shower, and there was so much yummy food there........ not even going to list what was available........ i took a little dessert plate, and i put on 1/4 c of Polenta (cornmeal mush), w a tomato and shredded chicken sauce, i had a pickled egg, 1 olive, and a meatball. i couldn't eat the meatball, but i did enjoy and tolerate everything else. Even the green olive, (which by the way, have you ever chewed an olive until it was almost liquid in your mouth??) try it sometime??? i didn't have the cake, but i did have a little square of this delicious sugar free, fat free..... lemon dessert, it was so good, i questioned the lady who made it twice, if she was sure it was sugar free... she insists so and will be giving me the recipe. i never experienced pain or nausea, just a little pressure when it was time for me to be done eating. i was full, and comfortable....... and truly didn't think i missed out on anything... Megan, Christina's daughter in law, whom she shares with me, kept saying in shock.......... "you are melting away, " she even noticed a big difference since last weekend ... i don't know how i am doing it........ i really don't, i am just doing what i am supposed to.... but i am more convinced than ever that THIS was God's plan for me, i am on the right path...
Supper tonight was my basic re fried bean/light cheddar/ light sour cream. i want to slowly add my foods, and right now I'll stick to the soft/pureed foods for 2 meals, and eat normal for one meal....
well i think i will go dust and sweep my bedroom...... so tomorrow, other than a nice walk, i can just chill.......
Happy Easter To all

oh Patti, i found the wasa crackers, and I'll try them tomorrow for one of my meals.

oh and i checked my blood pressure today......... without medicine for the past 4 days........ 112/80.......... that is what is truly AWESOME about this whole journey.... i tried to go back on my blood pressure medicine for a few days.....but i found i was too tired..... I have an appointment in a couple weeks, so i'll keep monitoring it.....

Okay i peeked........

i cannot tell a lie, i just had to get on the scale today. I can't help it :0) This weight loss is blowing my mind.... I've dropped 5 more pounds. I haven't been in the (50's) and its not the 150's lol. for a long long time, prob 5 or 6 years. I keep going through things to make sure I am doing this right... i am drinking 9 ~8oz glasses of water. 3 protein shakes =90+ grams of protein and i am eating 3 meals a day mainly fish or beans, oh and the "pureed pizza". I don't even nap right now. I've been busy with work and like today...... worked my new job, then came to Kiski to work the second job....... I'll get home after 11 pm. I am not finding myself hungry right now~ not like i was those first 2 weeks.... very soon like Monday i will start eating normal foods, i gotta try those WASA rye crisps that Patti was talking about. i have whole wheat low carb tortilla just waiting for some turkey and arugula c spice brown mustard.....

I work tomorrow at S'eclairer, and i just hope i can catch on, i think i am going to like it. time will tell. I do this every time, i get nervous about my job...... instead of trusting that if God put me there, then He will make sure i will figure it out. and again i keep repeating, if something happens then it wasn't meant to be........ This is the most unique psychiatrist office i ever worked at...... and to some, they may think it is very odd~ they believe in meditation, prayer, yoga, healthy food, exercise... in observance, i see the Doctor treats the Lawyer exactly like he treats the "man living on the streets". and actually we as the staff, are not allowed to disrespect ANYONE, even behind closed doors. I think he is Muslim, and i know he embraces my Christian Faith, and i respect him for that. if you would like to just get a glimpse into this very unique doctors office...... check out the site http://www.seclairer.com/

90 more minutes and i can crawl into bed........ ummm a warm comfy bed....... sounds good to me.
oh and does anyone have a good chicken salad recipe ??? made with light mayo??? just askin'

oh , oh, and Jay thanks for such a sweet compliment, you can be a Golden Girl anytime !

Working world......

yup that would be me, I've got a lot to learn. but this week I've been getting home at 5:30. today i am going in earlier so i will get home at about 2:30........ tomorrow is another 5:30 day but i don't leave until noon. i am feeling really well, and next week i will be starting regular texture food.......... slowly adding......... and observing what i can and cannot handle. last night i had 1/2 slice of pizza......... don't get all excited, no crust, and ummm pureed with extra sauce.. no pepperoni either......... pureed pizza doesn't sound very appetizing does it?? well i really had to stretch my imagination........... really stretch my imagination! i am still getting at least 90 grams of protein in from my shakes that i take 3 times a day... Haven't even tried to TEST my band to its limits. and really hoping that i don't, at least for a long while!
The past few days, Joyce Meyer's TV program, has been the episode where i was at in Hershey a couple years ago..... i don't know but i could swear i saw the back of my head not once, but twice!!! does that make me a TV star? Speaking of Church, last week going back to my old country Church for Paige's baptism, i forgot how wonderful Pastor Tom was/is. this man hasn't "lost" it yet. I think I'll start going again. that is if Christina doesn't mind if i sit near her!
Well i better get going, i am a little nervous I cannot lie, new jobs always do this to me....... the fear of not knowing what to do....... i try to calm my spirit and understand....... I can do what I can do..... and the absolute worse scenario is , i don't like it and i go somewhere else.....

continue downward

today was my official weigh in... and again i am down 6 pounds , and again not even counting the first ten pounds that I gained and lost due to surgery...... that makes a 30 lb weight loss! i am assuming this large weekly loss will be coming to an end, and i should start seeing a 1 to 3 pound weekly loss now! and i am more than fine with that too. but i must say this added (mid weight loss) jump start was nice. And gee i haven't even started back up with my brother Johnny yet.....and can't for 3 more weeks. time is flying though, so i know it will be here soon enough.
Well i am leaving in an hour to go spend a day at my new job..... i won't be home until after 5 pm. but i gotta get back into the grove thing... and i need to drink my protein shake, eat my quiche, and pack my lunch so can't stay long on here....... maybe I'll stop in later

Katie made me feel so good

okay let me explain, cause Katie would never make me feel good on purpose~i am just sayin'. She came home late last night after a long day of working both of her jobs.. she looked at my jammie bottoms and accused me of taking HER jammie bottoms. now understand Kate is a size 8. she didn't beleive me, she finally found her jam's in her hamper. she forgot that 2 years ago we bought matching jammies. sadly they didn't have my size , so in my dream i thought i'd get the size 18, and maybe someday.......someday i'd wear them, it never happened, until YESTERDAY!!! and they fit very comfortably too, with some room. now i know not all 18's will fit me yet....... but still i will celebrate that these 18 pants fit!! yeah.........
And the weekend is winding down. today was a busy day too.... went to church at my old church for Paige's baptism. what a beautiful little girl, and she was so good and then went to her little party afterwards~ the afternoon was dedicated to Bill as I haven't spent much time with him lately, and he worked so much this weekend......so we just chilled.
I did well at the party, i had 2 tablespoons of Christina's cheesy potato's mashed and i had 3 small bites of cheesecake.... i was fine. the food didn't bother me at all. actually it was nice not to focus on the wonderful food there..... later on i came home and had 1/4 c of refried beans seasoned with taco seasons, 2 tbs of cheese, heated until melted with Tbs. of light sour cream..... yummy........ and Supper was 3 oz of fish and 1/4 c of mashed potato's and ff gravy. oh and breakfast i pulled out of the freezer one little serving of my Quiche i made yesterday . That is it, i wasn't hungry at all today, ..... it feels good to eat food that, how do i say it......... stays in my tummy for a while. now i have 24 ounces of water to drink before bed.....so i better get to it......
have i mentioned yet that i am feeling so good.... OH OH OH...... i almost forgot.... i couldn't figure out why last night i woke up in the middle of the night with such bad stomach pain..... i couldn't figure out what i have done wrong. or what could be wrong........ well go figure..... my 28 day "schedule" did not get altered by surgery..... and so the cramping begins. gee usually i retain water/weight at this time of the month ..... if that is the case am i going to have another big dip on the scale...... time will tell

overdosed on activity....sorta

okay yesterday was a big day for me, and a very loooooong day! i spent exactly 1 hour and 6 minutes at home. after my appointment and "lunch out" i came home, blogged, sat down for 30 minutes and then out the door..... i didn't get home until 11 pm. Katie and I picked up a little girl she babysits for, we took her out to eat she wanted Dairy Queen, (why i don't know) they had burgers and fries, i had a little baby ice cream while i watched them eat.. then we went for groceries....... ran home literally threw the stuff in it's place, and back out the door in just a few minutes. we went to the High School Play, Saltsburg was performing Beauty and the Beast.... one word......AWESOME!!!!. it was actually a first rate production, i loved it...... i came home to Sammy and 2 of his friends.. and a messy house. oh well, he didn't watch the puppy too well......as she proceeded to eat two of Katie's summer flip flops......her favorites. and no Izzy didn't eat just one pair......... she was nice enough to eat two different shoes.......... what a long day 9am-11pm
Bad idea....... i didn't drink much yesterday, and didn't eat much...... i tried to eat a little before bed...... but i just couldn't, so i ended up eating a diet fortified pudding. i woke up in the middle of the night with bad belly pain..... not from surgery....... it feels more like muscle/rib pain and lower abdominal pain, again not my tummy..... more intestinal. actually i had no problem with the one meal, and it kept me full for quite a while.
Tomorrow i may go to Johnny's to ride the bike while Chris is getting beat up. My doctor said i could.... I can do the bike, treadmill, elliptical. i cannot use my abdominal muscles until May 1st. The doctor said if my trainer can work with me without using my stomach than i can do that. Well Johnny is all about Core weight training..... every exercise he has me do, is stabilized by using my abdominal muscles.... so i will have to wait...
well i better go get my fluids started, i do not want a repeat of yesterday. also it is Caleb's birthday party today.........so i will prepare what i am going to take for myself to eat. also want to make the quiche i am allowed to have now..... this evening Bill works his second job... so then i can chill.
i also gotta call Kimmie, we haven't chatted in a while... but i saw she did stick up for me on facebook when my brother Doug said he took my mom and dad on vacation with him (mom and dad have been dead for years)
well i really do have to go........... drink and eat.......
love and blessings

~~> and it wasn't pureed!!!!

i had my first post op check up, it has been two week since surgery. Everything looks great..... he said i was doing "awesome" not counting the 10 gained post surgery, i've lost almost 20lbs in 2 weeks....... (*a little more if i weighed naked, my weight that i do at home doesn't involve clothing... just seems more accurate that way. and i cheated and weighed myself yesterday and lost 4 more since the last 7 lbs loss). The Doctor said it was a fabulous beginning.... i just assumed that most people lose that much weight the first two weeks..... He said no, it is rare!
So i've been a good girl....... food wise, so he said i no longer have to puree' everything.... i can eat mechanical soft foods now...... and i will continue to add soft foods in the next two weeks....... and then start regular foods. i am to keep track of how much i eat, how full i feel, what foods i can and cannot tolerate.... all this info is needed so they know how to adjust my band. His last order was to go some place and have mashed potato's........
Bill and I stopped to eat, i ordered the senior citizen/child's portion of baked cod, and a scoop of potato's and gravy... i was a little scared to take my first bit...... so i take a small piece of fish, chew it well........ and swallow........ nothing happened..... so i continued to eat slowly...... thinking wow this isn't bothering me at all..... and then the next bite, i felt a little pressure in the middle of my chest, it wasn't painful at all...... but i was suddenly done eating...... i ate 1/2 of my children's portion of lunch
i am not allowed to drink for an hour after a meal....... so i can resume drinking my water now.
i have a very busy weekend planned, and it begins tonight, so i am going to go take a nap now...... have a great weekend

my enemies aren't His enemies.....

you know it would be really wonderful to think, who ever hurt me, or who ever i "can't stand".....well of course God would just feel the same, i mean since i love Him so much..... and I am so "good"........ uhm yeah right!!!. I guess it would be appropriate for Christians like me to get off of our high horse and realize that yes we are so incredibly special to God, BUT no more than anyone else on this beautiful earth. ... (even those that inflicted pain on us). It has been a while since i read a nice piece of Fiction, The Shack. I KNOW it was fiction, but obviously there was a message that has really hit home with me, and something i can't seem to forget ~Christina will verify, how many times I've said..... that darn Shack book.... i didn't want my eyes opened. let me explain an example.... and i am going on a limb here,cause i am not sure if my sister in law reads this..... My brother married my sister in law who had a little girl.... well she is ten now. and she has been one of the most difficult children that i have ever had to be around (* her mother would agree, and has said so many times). my family esp the boys and Bill have a real problem being around her.. i am not going to get into her behavior or her history, cause i will not cross the line with someone Else's privacy. well shortly after reading that book... this little nagging feeling kept digging at me.... and it was God telling me, not only did he not want me to avoid her anymore... he wanted me to start doing things with her just the two of us.... i thought to myself i can't tolerate her at all.... there is NO way i can do this...... the nagging never stopped........ well over the past couple of months my heart has softened... the day before my surgery i took her out and bought her a few things and took her out to eat........ it was so nice, and we truly had a nice time.... her comment was "Aunt Sandi, can we do this once a month?" she was so excited...... i truly don't feel the same about her now. has she changed much? i really don't know? Cause it was me that needed to change. the boys STILL feel the same, Bill still feels the same. and they are quite confused as to how i changed my feelings so fast!!! I don't know....... all that i know is ........SHAME on me, she is a child that has had so many 'issues' i can't begin to explain.... God wants me in her life i know this.......
who would have ever thought that a silly little fictional book could have such an impact on me....... i mean I've read books by the greatest ministers, and teachers....... and they didn't have an impact on me.
Also i am back to listening to Joyce Meyer again in the mornings....... and she has such a cool way about preaching about Living...... its a nice fix to start my day.
well enough of that........
I continue to feel so well....... although had a little scare yesterday..... in the morning i noticed "drainage" from my largest incision, it was thick whitish yellowish..... panic set in for but a second....... i felt good, was NOT running a fever, other than the incision site, there was no increased redness...... but being the good girl i called my surgeon anyway. well it seems to be some fatty tissue dissolving..... almost liquefying, they didn't seem to think there was anything major going on. BUT if my temp even went up a degree, that could indicate complications......... i took the last steri-strips off, cause moisture was being trapped, and it needed air, and antibacterial soap, and nothing else......... it looks fine today, no pain, no drainage....... so all is well.
ALSO, i haven't gone back on my blood pressure medicine yet..... i mean i was going to......... but i've been monitoring my blood pressure closely, and it isn't even remotely high......... the last time i checked it was 120/80, heck my medicine would keep it at 138/84. so i see the surgeon on Friday, and my Family doctor next Friday..... so we will see what they are going to do about that.
I was very tired today.......... very tired, and i am sure it was from a busy day yesterday being the first day i went to observe my new job.......... so i spent a good part of today resting, went or an appointment, and will rest all evening and drink my fluids, my snack, my supper............... Friday i will be adding more foods......... i am just afraid to do such until i see my doctor, i have a wonderful Mushroom/Cheddar Quiche to make, and a huge box of Talapia to cook...... wow something not pureed.... soon so very soon..............