Sunday, December 30, 2007
There is nothing more priceless on this Earth, than human life........NOTHING!!!! and I've learned that so greatly this holiday season.....beginning at Thanksgiving time when Alex died... and Christmas time when Michael almost died....... hug your family and friends.......... and if you are holding on to any anger at someone....... let it go now............ life is precious and short....... to keep anger and resentment in your heart.
Happy NEW YEAR
Saturday, December 29, 2007
I didn't really come right out and say in my blog..... But Mike had more of a chance of dying than living!!! He really is such a sweet boy, that has made some bad decisions in life (who hasn't), and I just want him to wake up so he Knows how much he is loved. obviously this is one of those life changing experiences for Mike and his family, and i can see God's hand in every second of this journey. Yesterday Mike started breathing on his own, and the ventilator was doing minimal work.... the "Lung Wash" was a success, and his lungs are on their way to healing. They are still keeping Mike so sedated, we haven't seen any movement, or acknowledgement that Mike is aware of his surroundings since last Sunday before he went into Respiratory Arrest, So if the tube comes out of his throat today......... he'll be taken off a lot of his drugs.......and hopefully his mom and dad can see he is okay. He has been alert for the Nurses, but they seem to do it when family isn't around.......because Mike is in a lot of pain, and panics and "gags" with the intubation tube down his throat.
I was going to go to Amish Country with Christina today, But , I think Bill and I are going to go at some point to Pittsburgh to see Mike, and if Doug wants me with him today (he mentioned he might like to take me with him) well that is where i should be, and want to be....... I want to tell Mike that i love him.
Kimmie is coming tomorrow........ can't wait
Well i should get going, I call the hospital in the mornings, and then Doug calls me........and I update him....
Thank you all so much for your prayers.......... so many wonderful people in this world........ there really are!!!!
Friday, December 28, 2007
This past Christmas for me, was filled with very different emotions. I did remember Melody..... but i also have been dealing with the Life and Death situation of my Nephew. Mike, is still holding his own. He is still in a "coma" and it has been 5 days. We haven't seen movement or "signs" of life from him since this happened. The nursing staff has. and in the past 48 hours have been nothing but positive improvement. There is just a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach, and I don't think that will go away until he wakes up, and breaths on his own. I woke up at 2:30 am last night, almost in a panic attack about Michael, and i ended up getting pretty worked up......... and then I remembered that God is in Control, and how i feel and think have absolutely NOTHING to do with Mike getting better. i had to be thankful the phone did not ring in the middle of the night, i have to be thankful that Michael is alive and fighting, I have to be thankful that all news in the past 2 days have been positive...... i have to be still and let God be God!!! I will call the hospital this morning for an update on Mikes progress. Continue your prayers, I want my Nephew to wake up!!!!
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
My brother wanted me to go to the hospital with him today....... he's been absolutely insane since this happened.....understandably so.
Michael remains in Critical but stable condition. West Penn placed him in a "deeper" coma, and he is on paralytic drugs.... they said his lungs are so weak and damaged......they need rest for the next 24-48 hours. So this is a VERY good thing for young Mike. We understand the longer on the ventilator, the harder to wean, but this is the best option for Michael. The photo is me giving Mike a kiss, since he was little, we always had a joke about "Aunt Sandi" hugs and kisses, and he'd pretend to just hate them... and i used to have to chase him for them. When he wakes up......he is going to really get a kick out of this picture.
As you can tell, i do look pretty happy in this photo, but at this moment he is stable, kidneys, heart, and liver working beautiful. Brain function is 100%. So for this moment i will rejoice and give Thanks to God for the small but mighty miracles.. Please continue to pray for him, as obviously he is not out of the woods yet....
Christmas has been quiet and peaceful. I've been thinking about my other nephew and his family out in Oregon....... and for this, I can't totally celebrate and be joyful. But I can be thankful... and humbled on the day of Jesus' birth..........
love and blessings to all
so much for the roller coast ride...........up............ well it lasted 3 hours. my brother just got the call to get back to the hospital, Mike took a turn for the worse....... they are going to put the chest tube in now......as the air is now expanding to the abdominal cavity... pray pray pray
Monday, December 24, 2007
Mike has always had breathing/asthma problems since he was a baby... my brother, his wife, my niece, and my nephew all smoke....... this is the worse thing for acute Asthma, now my brother said, Mike had been so sick for the past few days that he didn't even smoke.... i am hoping that this is a wake up call for Mike, and maybe his family. Understand, i am not judging, because in reality, it is not much different than me overeating, knowing that it can /will hurt my heart. or a diabetic that eats sugars.
My brother was so upset during this, Christina and I were delivering cookies that we made, and my phone was left in the car. Doug was frantically trying to get a hold of me..... i had dozens of missed calls in a 15 minute period, he wanted me with him, i couldn't leave his side....... it's almost like he thought i could just "save" Mike. I stayed with Mike in the ER and when he got settled in ICU.... I stayed tough......didn't break down.... asked all the "right" questions. And then late last night, I finally cracked...... i just lost it!!! and then it dawned on me...... Since my mom died almost 8 years ago..... Early in life i became the Matriarch of the family, my brother was looking at me for comfort, and support....in his mind, it was like he thought of me as a motherly figure......and that I would make it better....... and guess what, I can't make it better!!!! I can just pray, pray that God holds Michael tight........and that Mike will wake up Okay............ all i can do is Pray
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Here is a photo of my two 16 year old boys before the Christmas dance....... they look so handsome and sweet don't they? But let me tell you, this is a tough age for me to parent. I have to protect them, and yet give them enough "rope" to hang themselves with. They seem to hang themselves quite well right now. They are not 18 yet. and they still live in my home, therefore i can still control them!!! But i must say they are getting mouthier and mouthier...... and I love them tons!! Andrew is at a period right now where he thinks he is invincible, and nothing could happen to him..... well something DID happen to him 4 months ago, and just now he seems to be recovering.... he doesn't understand why i won't let him run 4 miles in the dark on back trails right now.... we actually had a pretty good fight about that.... a trip and fall in the dark and cold, a bump on the head, a bear, or a bobcat, and anything else.... he is getting smart trying to play me and his dad, and he knows his dad is a softy sometimes. But Albert and I communicate, everyday, sometimes several times a day about the kids. so we do know what is going on!!! Bill tends to be stricter, and wants me to pull the ropes even tighter. But that won't work either...... like I said, i have to find a balance of keeping my children safe/ and making them grow up. in 2 years they will be 18 and then you just gotta pray! I realize boys grow up a little later than that, so it's just hold your breath, and wait and see.... and remember, God just lent them to you in the first place. Ah, my boys are growing up!!! And i got to get ready to let them go...... i don't know which is harder????
Speaking of Growing up.......... Sammy my "baby" turned 13 yesterday. i officially have 4 teenagers living in my home. We took him and one of his friends and hung out at the zoo yesterday...... i had the greatest time. that was the first time I ever went to the zoo during off season hours, and it was great. We had the place almost to ourselves.... and the animals were so frisky in the cool weather. usually in the summer it is so hot and crowded and smelly with bugs everywhere. then we went shopping for a few things. I babysat my nephew last night. and went to curves and then final Christmas shopping this afternoon....... so I think I am done.
I have some cool photos of the zoo.......I'll try and post later.
love and blessings to all..... p.s. Chris, thanks for letting me go to Curves today...... you didn't give me an option.......and that is a good thing
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
I am thrilled that Kim is doing so well with her eye surgery. Bill offered to take her home for the holidays if she didn't get the okay to drive! we weren't going to let her miss Christmas at home!!! but she IS going to hang her for a few days for News Year Eve with Us. My entire family has gotten attached to her and are looking forward to her coming for a visit.
Patti , Kim and I have decided that your husband is very ruggedly handsome...... and you two look gorgeous together......oh Kim said more, but........shhhh her mom reads this blog (Hi Kim's mom, i am going to meet you soon, and i am looking forward to it......thanks for the comment on my blog, i loved hearing from you).
Kellie, you know I love ya girl......... and Nathan and your family are always on my mind...and my prayers....... soon as winter stops we are coming up there to take you out girl..... (me, Kimmie, and Christina) so get ready......... for lots of laughs......... we seem to do that a lot lately.
Curves tomorrow morning, and Saturday...........i really would like to walk outside soon...... weather doesn't bother me.........so why am I not doing it??? gee, no reason!!! Melody, i gotta get myself in gear....... i remember you, I will not forget my promise.... we are getting close to the 1 year anniversary since you became an angel!!! I pray that God holds your family tight during this sad time.... you Melody......have changed my life for the good........ and i am not even talking health wise, but attitude and strength!!!
time for bed for me............ love to all my friends out there...... I love how God knows better than we do when he puts people in our lives!!!
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Christina.... your family is truly my family in every way.... and I love you all so much.
The hit of the evening was giving my father in law his gift. If you remember i had a walking stick made for him in honor of his grandchildren.... it was a very personal gift. of course we couldn't wrap this stick up to disguise it too well...... so I typed him a message and wrapped in up in a box,....... it said, I tried really hard to get your present in this box, i really tried, it just wouldn't fit. so if you would please close your eyes and count to 10 really slow. You are the best. ......
then my daughter went and got the stick, and he opened his eyes... and just looked at it...... didn't say a word.... and then he read: A grandpaps love is forever! and then the names of all of his grandchildren below that. Including the grandson he lost a few weeks ago, and Corey, the foster boy that nobody wanted that he "adopted" when he came to live with us. This precious man is truly my FAVORITE man on this earth! even including my wonderful husband! this man loves his family completely, passionately, and with all of his being...... you'd have to just know him to understand. The pain he is feeling right now, I guess none can truly understand. He started to cry........and i mean he just broke down. the house was so quiet, and as i looked around i noticed several of my brothers crying too....... to see this man cry!! but the words on this stick said it all........ and Grandpaps love IS forever. and even death can't separate the love he has for his grandchildren/ what a beautiful way to remember Alex., and honor the grandchildren living . "pappy Al" when I married Albert almost 20 years ago..... you became my father in law, when my dad died almost 14 years ago you became my father. and when Albert and I divorced almost 9 years ago....... you remained my father! I'll always think of you as such.......and i will always love you!!!!
Friday, December 14, 2007
Kim called and let me know that everything went really well.....they took the bandages off and she could see.... Thank you God for this miracle, how amazing that doctors can take a donor cornea and place it on someone else..........and it knows exactly what to do!!!!
The house is modestly decorated this year, nothing outside yet other than the wreath!!! but that is okay. Family is coming to the house tomorrow, for our annual Christmas Party.... and i am not getting too worked up, actually I am not getting worked up at all!!! What will be-will be!!! Bill and I were going to do a road trip on Sunday, but it was toward Erie, and snow and Ice.... so we scrapped that plan. Bill may be off again on Monday. I am doing a ham, and stuffed shells for Saturday, and I should get the shell done and ready tonight...... so i just have to put it in the oven.... so no stress there........ everyone else is bringing a covered dish, so the brunt isn't on me.
last year at this time i was 5 days post op from major foot surgery....... my foot has healed well. and i am so thankful for that.
It was during this time last year that Melody was coming down to her final days on Earth!!! I am praying that the families can find comfort and peace somehow this year. And Alex's family is just trying to get by day to day.......as his death is so new..... I guess I can see why this time of the year is such a contrast of joy and despair!!! yes the lights, the presents, the parties, the decorating, the tree's, Santa, little children, baking, smells of sugar cookies, pine, and Cinnamon in the air, Christmas Carole's..... this is all joyful!!! but for the many out there that has suffered such a tragic loss, the death of a loved one, the homeless, the lonely, the sick, the poor....... Christmas time magnifies what they do not have. We must all try and remember the day Christmas began......... was a quiet night, cold and dark. the stable was warm from the radiating heat from the animals, the smell of hay and manure mixed together permeated the air, and the soft cries of a baby lying in the manger, the gift offered to all... the rich and the poor, the strong and the weak, the joyful and the depressed. This gift doesn't recognize social status or wealth.... what a gift!!!
well today is my last day at work for a few weeks, and I hope to take advantage of that. I did go to Curves today and that is a good thing..... I know they will be starting the nutrition classes in January, I'd like to join again. so informative and it really makes you accountable too.
love and blessing to you all, but i should get to work
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Cliff, you are a great brother...... she adores her family that is for sure.
I'll post more tomorrow, but for now, i am tired.......and I am going to bed.
I love you guys.
p.s. Jessie, i remember you from when you were a little girl......you've grown up to be a beautiful young woman (saw your picture on Alex's my space)
post longer tomorrow
Monday, December 10, 2007
Well, I did put the Christmas tree up yesterday... guess who picked out the tree? 8 years ago when Albert left me, who would have ever thought he'd be picking out the Christmas tree years later? Not me! Yes Albert my X, and my youngest son Sammy went and got the tree this year. And it is one of the most beautiful trees we've had. It stands past 10 feet tall. i have it decorated with hundreds of colored lights....... and a history of ornaments. Ornaments that the kids made, ornaments that i made as a child. Some ornaments that my grandma had many many years ago. There are angels, and Santa, and snowmen, doves and bird nest, and just a plethora of objects in many colors. If you like "uniform" trees, or trees with a theme........well this isn't one of them.... but this tree is me, me and my family! it represents the mixture in my home....... me, a husband, an X husband , three kids that I gave birth too, the kid i got from the "foster system"....and who ever else that "stays" for a given reason.
Saturday Was Bill and My anniversary, we have been married 6 years. it doesn't seem that long already. It's a good thing that most of the time, i still enjoy being around him. And actually today he took off work, we are going to do some Christmas shopping, go out to eat, and just hang out!!! I was supposed to spend the day with Christina baking cookies, but i think Andrew is going down if he can ,to give her a hand. that boy loves loves loves her.........sometimes i think he loves "Christina" more than me..... but hey what can I say, he made a great choice.
My kids this year, are truly in the Christmas spirit.... and not concerned about "getting" things this year. We are working on a project for this season. and they are all into it.
well i better go and get ready to spend a wonderful day with Bill
Kim just 2 more days.......i am praying for ya. Kellie, I am praying that the MRI gives you the info you need, and i pray for Nathan all the time
I love all of you guys.
Friday, December 07, 2007
Andrew had an appointment this week... and it went great, He just breezed by the testing. and the part that test how the Frontal lobe is working, jumped by 24% to 70%. he is definitely going the right direction. The doctors don't want to push the back to school just yet. He has like 10 school days before the holiday vacation.... He is now working several hours a day at home to catch up, So hopefully when the new year comes, Andrew will be ready to get back to school.
Sammy was so sick on Mon/Tues he had a fever, along with stomach flu. that is what seems to be going around here. well then I got it weds night and Thursday. and actually today I am just really weak, and still have the runs, but no more fever, or vomiting! Weds night, i took a bonine (for motion sickness/nausea) and i must say first it made me so tired, and then i got so loopy, and then i guess i got what you'd call a hangover (not exactly sure how hangovers are supposed to feel) but i got this headache, and blah feeling.
I did decorate for Christmas a couple days ago........and I am glad that i did. i feel that ultimately I am still in control of my happiness. and yes i am so so sad about Alex, and what his family is going through. BUT if Bob and Gail can pull out their decorations and force themselves to live for the sake of the children that did not die, how dare anyone else even remotely complain about not feeling like it. God Bless and Be with this precious family at Christmas time!!!
Well my stomach is acting up right now......... i feel so much rumbling and grumbling i think I'll cut this short. i work today and tomorrow, so maybe I'll post more later.
Monday, December 03, 2007
I haven't been blogging as much lately. And I haven't even started decorating for Christmas yet!! and if I can be honest, I don't really feel like it right now.
I know that I am no longer a Frassenei, but i can't get Alex and his family out of my mind! he will ALWAYS be my nephew. I can't imagine how his parents and immediate family are dealing with this. I am finding that my quiet moments are when I think about it the most!!! before i fall asleep, when i wake up, and several times in between!!! I hear the pain in his Grandparents voices and I just know how much his parents value their Children.... it's unthinkable the pain and emptiness that they must feel. Alex little boy, you have suddenly made me look at Christmas time in a new light, you truly have....... suddenly making sure my kids get the biggest and best gifts are not a priority, or if I have the house decorated perfect, or going deep into debt to buy buy buy......that is NOT what it is about. I have my children with me, I have a warm beautiful home, I have friends that mean the world to me, and i have a kitchen full of food.... What more on this earth could i possibly want?? Before Alex died, I was so worried about what and how i was going to get this and that for Christmas, worried about minor dilemmas dealing with the annual Christmas Party.... already feeling overwhelmed by everything that "has" to be done. And suddenly i realize how quickly a life can change, how quickly someone can leave this Earth..........and suddenly the problems of yesterday, are really not a problem at all!!! And i know a broken family in Oregon, that would switch me "problems" any day.
Well tomorrow Andrew heads back to Pittsburgh to meet up with one of his doctors. Hoping things go well for him. I think I am going to do Curves tomorrow evening, Thursday Morning and Sat morning, well at least that is the plan.... Sammy is sick today, and he is still at the age that he wants his mama. I had to come to work, so Aunt Lou came up to be with him.
Oh, my father-in-laws, (i hate saying X father-in-law) Christmas gift is finished... I don't know if I mentioned it on past blogs, but Pap Al was helping me with my walking stick that I've been working on.... it is a staff that I use for hiking, maybe you've seen them at Craft shows. Big Al wanted one for when he goes berry picking and such..... So i thought I'd have one made and Personalized. I had Carved into the walking stick the saying " a grandpas love is forever"
and underneath, i had all the grand kids names engraved starting with the oldest /first grandchild, and ending with my foster son, who they have "adopted" and treat as their own.
I just thought it would be cool to do this, to honor Alex, and let the world know, that Death can't break the bond of Love that family has for one another.
oh gee, i am so sappy, i gotta get over this........