Tuesday, March 31, 2009

following the rules........

Okay, Big for Patti, - 7 pounds since last weigh in!!! I am happy. and i must admit that I am happy that Christina is making fun of my pants, they have seemed to get really loose, and hang down so that the crotch is near my knees.!!!! hey what is a girl to do.
So as it is obvious, i am ready for food....... even healthy food, lettuce, chicken that i don't have to drink, anything. So my Bill, gotta love the boy, makes a few phone calls last night. The man that he works with friends neighbor just recently had the surgery. Long story short. I get a call last night from her....... it turns out she had the surgery 6 days before me, same hospital, same group of doctors *we had different doctors though. She was really nice to talk to. So i asked her how did she manage to eat or i should say drink her meals for so long...... Her answer....... "oh i didn't". she proceeds to tell me she's been eating for a good week now, spaghetti and meatballs, steak, chicken patties, everything.... and although once a chicken patty got stuck, but other than that everything was fine. she said she had too start eating she was too tired...... I am not saying this is wrong or right......... and she is not me and may have her reasons. she did say she didn't lose much weight, but maybe when she starts moving again it will come off. oh she didn't tell her doctor this week on her 2 week check up that she has been eating like this. ..... well i guess that is one way to keep the urge of craving real foods away.

Will i listen to her advice........ unfortunately No, i just can't. i see my doctor on Friday, and i know after that i will start adding foods so that within 4 to 6 weeks I'll be on a regular diet... I am managing, but i don't get totally satisfied yet cause even my purees can be put in a glass and drank. therefore the food just trickles from the new stomach into the other part of the stomach below the band. i think Weds i can actually start the mechanical soft foods. i also know it takes a few months for the band to really work with you... (after a couple fills/adjustments are made)
Okay, Christina talked me into reading the Twilight series.... they are actually a very good read, and i am already on the second book. (*Harry Potter may still be my favorite of this kind) but for those that know this book......i am beginning to feel like Edward. but not with blood, with food. and last night Bill wanted me to taste the flavor of the Pizza, so i chewed it.... try it sometime....... try while you are hungry to chew a piece of your favorite food and spit it out.... it was really really hard to do.........but i managed, i just laughed afterward and said i wouldn't do that again.
Today i am going over to my new job just to observe, look at paper work and get a feel for the place.......... I'll be home a little after noon. then i go tomorrow for 2 hours, and then Thursday for 3 hours. i am not lifting or over doing it............ just want to get my hands dirty so to speak.
my dietary plan today
drink 16 oz H2O,
drink 8 oz of Protein shake
eat 1/2 c of very thin cream of wheat c peanut butter
wait 1 hour
begin drinking 24 oz of H2O (*I'll do this while i am at work)
home at noon
3/4 c of pureed chicken and fat free gravy
1/4 to 1/2 c of apple cherry baby food
wait 1 hour
80z of protein shake
12 oz of H2O
12 0z of 1/2 H2O and 1/2 No added sugar fruit juice
1/2c of pureed lasagna *drinkable
1/2 c of pureed green beans w a touch of butter and garlic
wait 1 hour
120z of H2O/fruit juice
8 oz of protein shake
12 0z of H2O

so that is basically what I've been doing for 2 weeks........ aren't you jealous!!! LOL ;0).

well gotta scoot

Monday, March 30, 2009

Torture or Reality.........

Is it Torture, or is it a fact of life that i am going to have to learn to deal with....... Living in the land of food, without making it a focus.
yesterday i seemed to have company all day long.... oh i didn't mind visits from family and friends, it seems like i was given the allotted time off from surgery, and yesterday was visit Sandi day. Bill was a little hesitant ordering pizza for the guest, but i told him to go ahead I'd be fine..... i mean my home can't stop eating because i am here. Don't get me wrong, the pizza smelled awesome, and looked even better.... and i am just dying to chew food again. so I didn't retreat to the safety of my room, and DVD player...... i prepared my meal to sit and eat with them, my delicious pureed chicken and gravy 1/2 cup and my 1/2 cup of baby food fruit apples and cherries...... if you can get passed the look of my food, the taste is actually very good. i enjoyed my company and later my niece and i went to my room to watch twilight together.... so the focus was NOT on food.
For me to succeed, i can't avoid food or situations involved with food, i must learn to deal with them. now if it was two weeks later, i could have had the topping off of a slice of pizza, and a small salad. right now its not that i am even craving "bad" foods, if there IS such a thing as bad foods, I am craving texture...... from a salad, or a piece of fruit, I want to chew again....... ahhh patience, i need patience!!! it is hard to believe that I am half way there... just a couple more weeks, and later on this week i can add grilled fish, and eggs and they WON'T need to be pureed..... Protein is the key right now....... so i still must rely on my protein shake, each shake i take has 30 grams of protein, and i drink 3 a day. so i am doing well in that department.
Tues, weds, and Thurs. i am going to my new job just to observe and get a feel for what i have to do a few hours each day. i am anxious to learn it.
Tomorrow i am planning on making a Quiche (mushroom and Cheddar) cut it in serving sizes and freeze it........
Physically i am almost to 100% myself not much pain this morning at all.
well i am going to drink my glass of water, and then my protein shake and go read the Twilight book, i am almost finished...........and wait for Katie to wake up so we can chat about her vacation, I am sure glad she is home, i missed her

Saturday, March 28, 2009


I am learning a whole different level of eating right now, thank goodness i've been preparing for a year, or i don't think i'd be able to do it if i hadn't. yesterday evening I went to Christina's house to watch a movie with her, her family, and her nieces, it was so nice to just get out of the house, i even stayed in my jammies (Chris' house is my second home). packed my drink *1/2 strength fruit juice, a light yogurt, and 3 oz of cream of mushroom and beef soup....... the menu there were two different types of chicken enchilada, baked Spinach / ricotta and mushroom ravioli's, large salad, cheese crackers, garlic bread, dutch apple pie, strawberry short cake, ice cream, black forest chocolate cake..... we figured for a treat i'd toss my soup, and they boiled me two spinach /ricotta ravioli's we pureed it using Christina's homemade jar sauce, it was the same consistency as the soup, and i ate 1/2 and brought the rest home, and then for dessert i had 3 bites of cherry cobbler light yogurt. suddenly i felt a tightness right in the center of my chest, not pain, just a tightness.... and I stopped eating!! I was fine, i was satisfied, i watched the movie, and after an hour started sipping a bottle of water. I never got overwhelmed with hunger, and i focused on the company and the movie. Afterwards though when i was getting ready to go home, it hit me......so i came home, and went to bed.
I did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This morning i had my cream of wheat w peanut butter, i must admit i am not drinking enough today, i had some company for a couple hours, one of my sons friends mother. for lunch i had the "cream of ravioli" soup. and just now, using the "bullet" food processor bill just picked up for me, i added mashed potatoes, canned chicken, and fat free gravy, .. and bam i had the BEST tasting creamy soup i've had yet.... it hit the spot. and actually it pureed to a thick drinking consistency, but that is where i am at..........so i wait an hour and then i gotta start drinking drinking drinking......
I am feeling awesome, physically, spiritually and emotionally... that doesn't mean that it isn't tough......cause it is, and i am going to say this is the hardest thing i've ever done..... when i was leaving Christina's last night, i was thinking....... i don't want to just taste that food, i want to pig out........and i could have, and would have, BUT i would rather be healthy in the long run........ this is going to take time, especially this first month while i am slowly adding foods,..... and while everything is pureed.
oh my fruit right now is baby food fruits, my veggies are baby food veggies,
i am ready and i am set.....
I don't know if i've lost more weight as i am NOT getting on the scale until Tuesday.... but i sure feel good, the surgery sites are healing really really fast, no signs of redness or drainage. after going through papers, i realized i am supposed to also include 3 8 ounce protein shakes a day.... opps!!! we picked that up today....... this will give me 90 grams of protein a day just in shakes alone....
have a great week end, i am going to enjoy tv with Bill

Friday, March 27, 2009


well i continue to drop the weight and I've decided to stop using the scale daily right now. So i will weigh myself on Tuesdays (*that is Christina's weigh in day ). I don't see any harm in weighing every day, actually it is a tool i plan on using in the future, it is IMPORTANT to keep tabs on weight gain so that i don't let it get ahead of me, in the past when i knew i wasn't eating like i should, I'd avoid the scale at all cost to only find out that a month or so later i gained 20lbs, but for now it isn't necessary cause i am not eating normal foods, and won't be for a while. i don't want to have the psychological effect of seeing the scale go up a pound, and then me stop the protein shakes, or a meal that i need, because of a pound of water weight.
I did really well yesterday, had hunger moments but not to the point I was crazy. My friend sent out a pan of lasagna for the boys, and she made me a pie pan of the ricotta and sauce and mozzarella i put it in the food processor and made it into a cream soup recipe. I must not tell a lie, i had 3 small bites (size of a baby spoon), and then i froze the rest to have next week when it was legal, and then i proceeded to have 3 oz of my cream of mushroom / beef broth soup, oh and yesterday i had a little light yogurt....... I've been tolerating everything so well, and i am very thankful for this. next Friday is my first follow up appointment, and that is also when i will be able to add mechanical soft foods..... I think i am going to start walking on the flat trails by Monday.........not power walking, not hiking.......... just walking like i do in the house which gets pretty boring walking from room to room for twenty minutes. I think for lunch i am going to make a very thin cream of wheat flavored with a tablespoon of peanut butter, and eat 3 oz of that. I also have a high protein shake made in my fridge that i will sip 2 oz every couple of hours.
No pain medication is needed now, and that is fine with me, i am moving well in bed now, there still is tenderness when i cough, and oh my, the first time i sneezed.......... i felt it!!!!
Now i know I've been losing weight all year, and i know some of my jammies would soon be too big i just thought it would take longer than a week. well last night i woke up in the middle of the night with my jammie bottoms down to my thighs all twisted up. now yes these are my biggest pair i have, but still they didn't do that last week. ......... so i guess these go. Christina, Jeanine and Megan had a pair of lounge Jammie bottoms in my basket, the day before surgery i thought, wow, next spring these will fit me........... wrong........ these WILL fit me before summer is over. i KNOW it :0). I guess i am still excited that i feel so well........ i never thought this would happen......... i truly feel it was all the "I hate Johnny sessions" that helped this recovery go so well.
Bill and the Boys have been awesome and i miss my Katie, but she is having fun at the Beach.... well Ive been up and moving since 5am, so i think i am going to my room to read awhile drink fluids and rest...
have a great weekend

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Never thought i'd be thrilled with .....

sugar free Carnation Instant Breakfast, and 2 oz of Cream of mushroom and beef soup.... i tolerated it just fine. I didn't find i was overly hungry until 5 pm. but i was craving a hot dog on a bun with yellow mustard. oh man, even writing that has my mouth watering.... i drink 12 oz of water, then 12 oz of 1/2 strength no added sugar juice,then i drink 12 oz of water, then i drink 12 0z of blueberry white tea.......... and i repeat that through out the day. this morning I'll have the carnation 4 oz lunch I'll have the carnation 4 oz and 2 oz of light cream yogurt and dinner I'll have 4 oz of cream soup.....
I am feeling so good and continue to drop the weight, I've dropped 4 more pounds since Tuesday making 24 pounds in a week (* - the 10 lb surgery gain) oh i know that some of this is water weight, but not all of it that is for sure, and I've been losing so steady for so long, i bet it is more fat that water weight that i am losing, esp with the fluids i am putting into my body.... so 14 lbs in a week........ is a great jump for me......
My incisions are wonderful, the pain is minimal, i just Thank God for not just sending me on this path, but i thank Him for hiking it with me, and carrying my backpack when it seemed too heavy for me.......

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Feeling better and better every day

I am feeling so well this morning, i must admit that yesterday i experienced a lot of hunger and nausea, and i think both symptoms are more psychological than physical! i mean i just get sick thinking about clear liquids. today i will have 4 oz of Carnation Instant Breakfast (sugar free)...... i am so excited..... and i will be able to have 2 oz of sugar free yogurt for another meal........ i can also start thin cream soups...... oh boy oh boy!!!!
Physically i am feeling soooooooo good, and the weight, for now, is just dropping off, even with a still bloated belly, I've dropped 20 lbs in the week (*that includes the 10 i gained day of surgery) I am drinking tons of fluids, and i am not even going to explain what digestive waste is like when you only drink clear liquids........ So since last Feb I've dropped 60lbs...... the process of introducing new foods is so painstakingly slow it will be 3 weeks, before i am able to eat regular food at a regular texture. now is important that i get in a lot of protein and for the next few weeks only, i will rely on protein shakes and smoothies. after that they want nutrition to come from real food. I know this is tough right now, but I am tough. and in the scheme of things, a month really isn't that long. esp since I've been working towards this for a year.
next week at this time i can indulge in some Cream of Wheat....... and Mashed potatoes..........
Yesterday Bill dropped me off at Christina's so she could help me take my blood pressure (* i can take it myself, but i can't put the cuff on correctly, so Chris helps with that) Blood pressure is still doing well without me taking my blood pressure medicine. i am taking my chewable vitamins without problems. ........well anyhow, Chris was telling me about this blueberry white tea powder that Megan got that sounded really good, so that and craving a little taste of Paige, sent us down to Megan and Mikes house. ... nothing like a very beautiful happy baby to make hunger go away. and i tried the blueberry tea........... it was delicious, so Megan sent me back with some or should i say sent me back with a lot. it isn't sugar free.......... but low in sugar and i can make a glass taste delicious for about 50 calories... so it is a winner in the numbers department too. But more importantly the visit killed some time. and helped me get rid of some really bad nausea........ (i actually thought i was going to lose it during the afternoon, and throwing up is a big NO NO esp during the first few weeks, )
I am happy....... and today i have so much energy i am going to have to be careful not to lift, push, pull,bend...... cause right now i could head up to my mountain and take a nice walk..
well i think I'll go make my shake........ and go read a book....... I'll get back on to let you know how my tummy handled it

Tuesday, March 24, 2009


that is pretty much all that i am doing right now, i am allowing my body to heal, i spend a lot of time resting and the rest of the time walking in the house. just a couple more days of clear liquids~ and i must say that is the hard part right now... I am not going to lie, i am hungry..... i am drinking tons of fluids, cause dehydration is one of the top complications from this surgery. I do pretty good, the hunger hits me around 4 pm. and i must say i can get slightly crazy. How i deal with it is, first i get a hot cup of homemade chicken broth... and then i remember a story i saw a while back about this individual that was in a car crash and had her leg pinned. . . she was stuck there for 1 week....... No food, No water, lying there in pain. Hey i have a warm bed, all the fluids a woman could ask for, i have pain medicine.... i think i have it way better. So when this hunger strikes me, i go to my room put in a movie, and nap!!! Hey i tried TV but i never paid attention to all the "food" commercials before, no wonder we have an Obese Nation Epidemic... food commercials should be out lawed like Cigarette commercials...... i am just sayin'
Weds i am going to have a sugar free carnation breakfast, and i will start full liquids, hopefully that will help......
the incisions look great, the port incision is the largest, most painful and most bruised....... but no drainage, no redness, no swelling....
i still sometimes can't believe that i had it done, the first time i thought about it, made an appointment to discuss it was FEB 2004, i was re reading my journals and saw that again ....... 5 years later i finally had it done...... this is a good thing..... and no regrets. and i must remember i am doing this for my health. occ. I've been thinking about over eating, and how cool it would be to eat 5 slices of gooey cheese pizza with the works, or a huge slice of lasagna .....or a dozen cheese sticks c marina sauce..... or all of this in one sitting..... well it ain't gonna happen so i might as well stop dwelling on it
My Katie girl is leaving today for a few days, she is going to the beach.... i'll miss her that is for sure, she can be such a snot monger sometimes, but let me tell you. when she is needed....... she's jumps to attention taking care of things. she did all laundry yesterday.... and doing extra around the house before she goes. ...... So sometimes , sometimes princess puts herself second.
Christina has continued working out with my brother, she goes today, now i won't go until my doctor says i can.....i may be able to go next week and ride the bike while Chris works out..... but i will wait and see what the doctor says.
well it is time for me to get going......don't want to sit at this computer for too long..... it hurts after a while.
love and blessing to all

Sunday, March 22, 2009

hungry today.......

yes i am actually hungry. i guess it is a sign that I am feeling better.... it can be torturous if i let it..... i am staying in my room watching DVDs and reading mostly. I am drinking plenty of clear fluids..... loving the Popsicles, drinking water and tea, chicken broth i save for dinner. oh i am also doing sugar free jello....... and i guess i look at it as 3 more days of this, than i can add some yogurt, and cream soups, and Carnation instant breakfast, and extra protein and skim milk...... 1/2 cup of servings to start....... time will move quickly, and soon i'll be eating normal again.......... just very small portions.
ALL body functions are working now........ I got on the scale on Sat and i gained 10lbs from surgery......which i was supposed to do....... but today i got on and lost 15 lbs.......... so body is starting to level off from the trauma of surgery..........
i am bothered by wanting to eat now....... but i guess tough... i gotta deal with it and keep drinking....... think i'll go take a nap, i am doing well, i am doing so well,

Saturday, March 21, 2009

yup its me

Wow...... i finally did it....... it seems like a long time coming. Again for some reason i felt totally at peace, even when they wheeled me into the Cold Blue operating room.... my hands stayed warm. it must have been the many prayers and good thoughts being sent my way. the Doctor said it was text book surgery, and she was able to go directly to the stomach without digging around. I really can't say i was in too much pain either, the main problem i had was my throat, and lack of voice.... but this Doctor and her procedure were so strict, not like some of the clinics i hear about that is for sure. After the procedure, i was sent to a until to be closely watched, i had heart monitors on, breathing monitors on, ....... the works. i was not allowed to take anything by mouth...... not even a sip of water (* this didn't help my voice/throat). this Doctor doesn't assume anything, and i couldn't do anything until the initial internal swelling settled down, and then i had a barium photo taken........ they could see that the band was in place, no leaks or problems..... only then could i drink 2 tablespoons of fluid every 30 minutes. i am now drinking a cup of fluid an hour, just having my homemade warm chicken broth now. to answer some questions, no i didn't wake up hungry, still not hungry. i am not in much pain, Bill has been putting peppermint oil on my back and shoulders 2 or 3 times a day, it does hurt to cough, but nothing i cannot manage. i did NOT say that i wish i wouldn't have done this, not once... no regrets yet~ , oh and I must give a hug and thumbs up to Johnny, who has been prepping me for this surgery..... after 16 hours lying in bed, i was finally getting up, i had the nurse and aide with me....... got me to stand up, told me not to look down cause i would be dizzy,,,, and asked if i could walk to the nursing sign (20 feet) i said i'll walk as far as you want me too....... i did easily 200 yards... and could have gone further, the aide said if he didn't know, he wouldn't have thought i had my surgery yet..........so thanks Johnny for helping me to get in shape, it will help in a quicker recovery, i think that is why i am not in severe abdominal pain either..... well i better get back to bed and rest again...... and enjoy another Popsicle
love you guys

Friday, March 20, 2009

~There's no place like home

Your roving reporter is back for a quick morning update. Once again I cut out the field reported and went to the patient directly. Didn’t want to wake her so I sent a text message just incase she was still under the influence. This just in. She’s

tired and drugged up. All tests went well. Should be going home this evening.

Hopefully the Boogie Man remembered to take her ruby slippers because I doubt she’ll be in the mood for a hot air balloon ride.



This just in. Doing well but she has no voice! So many jokes in there but I'll play nice. She'll be home tonight. Sleeping in her own bed. Her and her little dog too. (Okay the dog isn't so little!)

Thursday, March 19, 2009

~Sandi's Journey to Oz

We interrupt this program to update you on Sandi’s trip down the yellow brick road.
This is Patti, your roving reporter. This just in, hot off the press.
Sandi is doing well and will be relocated to her room in about an hour.
That’s your up to the minute news. Now back to your regular programming.

This just in. The field reporter was bypassed and contact was made directly to the patient. She sounds great.
The doctor said it was text book perfect. She has a private room and is hooked up to every monitoring device known to mankind.
She’s on a morphine drip and I predict that soon she will be mesmerized by the field of poppies. So far there have been no sightings of flying monkeys.

Good Morning....... out the door

well i am almost ready to head out the door, i slept well, and for some odd reason my Spirit is calm......

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Tick Tock, Tick Tock

the time is going fast, it is funny i didn't know about what time they wanted me at the hospital,but for the ticker site, i just picked a time... well that IS the time. i am to be at Magee Woman's Hospital at 8:30 Sharp... i am excited, a little nervous, but i also know it is something i have worked hard to do......
I did some calculating cause i wasn't sure how much weight I've lost since i decided on this journey..... . since August when i started with the life coach I've lost 23 lbs and since March when i decided i didn't want to spend my winters in the hospital I've lost 49lbs.... realistically i could lose another 70 lbs to 100 lbs, who cares......... i am enjoying the journey .. and i just don't care how long it takes.......
I am getting my sheets washed, i am going to work on my bedroom and house until bill comes home....... i am not really hungry..... but i must say there is a small part of me saying......."can't have that for a few weeks, can't have that for a few weeks......can't have that for a few weeks...." nothing has crossed my mind of a food that i think I'll never have..... don't know why it just isn't.
my family is awesome, i know Katie, at least before she heads to the beach will be the little mother here, and the boys listen to her pretty well too. she's able to get groceries, and do the errands...... love my girl!!!
Tonight Christian, Megan and Paige stopped , they and Jeanine went together and got me the most awesome Lap Band Surgery basket..... i think I've looked at it and cried dozens of times... I love my family and my friends...... just feeling the love, in the basket there is an awesome shake container, sugar free shakes to try, several books, a movie, comfy Adidas shoes, warm slippers, a soft blanket, relaxing vanilla lavender candle, hand sanitizers.....green tea, which i am going to try tonight, SF white raspberry tea packets....... and it goes on....... i think i'll stay awake as long as i can..... i better go get more drinking in.... to get a hands up on dehydration..... and when i say drinking i don't mean Vodka..... water, green tea........that's it LOL. and i think i'll eat a pudding SF , and a Yogurt...... well i gotta go......... Love to all, and Patti will be blogging for me when she hears from the boogie man.. Oh PS keep Christina's family in your thoughts, although not totally a sad issue, her mom's sister (her aunt) died this morning, i think she was 85..... she was plagued with Alheimers, and has been pretty ill for a long time, but it a loss , and a remembrance of who she was.... funerals are long and tiring esp for an Italian family...
WOW i am overwhelmed.... and honored, I've been writing this for a while now....... my brothers are texting, friends are calling, family calling...... i've even heard from my Kellie Golden Girl..... waiting to see if she'll call back... , talked to Patti this afternoon, Kim last night..... Christina all the time........ I called Jeanine to thank her for the wonderful basket........ now i'll go talk to the kids, try and call Kim before she goes to sleep..... eat my pudding , drink my tea.......... ahhhhhhh do you think i'll get Demerol??? cause i really liked that!!
**** Thank you Christina, Jeanine, Megan and Paige...... i love you guys

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

~:> coming back to EARTH!!!!

of course with every high there is a low...... with every up there is down. yesterday i was flying high and i am still happy, Today I went to work just to observe...... that is all i did.......and then there is the doubt that a.l.w.a.y.s. hits me........ will i figure this out, will i do okay... will i screw up, will be able to work with this computer program..... i did this with Kiski, and the Methadone Clinic, and even my home health jobs.... when will i learn.......if God puts me there........ and wants me to stay there, then he will certainly help me to NOT fail....... oh when will i learn!!!
i can't believe that i have 1 day and some odd hours before surgery........ and just for the record folks............. my first words WILL be......... why did i do this? yeah i am pretty sure i am going to be mad at me, but i just call it like i see it.
Tomorrow i go to Pittsburgh for my final weigh in, and vital signs before surgery........... as soon as I find out the time of my scheduled surgery i will let you folks know..... and I'll make sure Bill gets the word out on how i am doing....
I also have to stop in at Kiski to do some paper work...... so i see tomorrow being a very busy day yet again.......
goodnight folks ......
tomorrow at 830 am the 1 disappears!!!

Monday, March 16, 2009

Thrilled, Humbled, Elated, Excited, Amazed, IN love

yep, i am feeling all of this title ALL at the same time. and i am not even sure i can put this into words, God Bless Christina for having to listen to it for the second, third, forth time. Okay everyone knows that i will be losing my job at Kiski, in another 6 weeks, because they are revamping the Nursing Center. I have remained calm because i knew that God would make sure i was put where i am supposed to be, but there is the human side of me that nagged and doubted my core being. So as many know, Thursday i received a call from my old boss at the Methadone Clinic, telling me about a position that may be started where she works. I had the interview at 2 pm today. well this morning my old boss text me telling me the Doctor interviewed a few on Friday, and had a few more to interview this week, but she told me not to worry, just be myself. well i did get nervous, so nervous i had to finish "waiting" at Christina's to make the time before i needed to leave go faster. In the back of my head i remembered that i felt i didn't go to the Methadone Clinic for only six weeks for nothing.......and although i could not see the Divine plan, I knew there was one there. WELL............. I was hired on the Spot!! making 4 dollars more an hour than i do now...... and will be able to double my salary. it wasn't me, it wasn't even the Doctor that hired me, i believe that this IS where God wants me to be at this time. I am so in love with my Friend and Savior. And what is really cool this person believes in thinking outside the box, and he is really into his staff living healthy like we teach others....... he brings fresh fruits, nuts, dried fruits, etc for the patients, he also doesn't want his staff to over indulge on donuts ,and cakes and cookies and takeout foods., he believes in healing the mind, body and spirit at the same time. His philosophy is we all have the same value and worth, it doesn't matter if you are the doctor, or the drug addicted patient, or the patient with depression or bipolar.... I am continually amazed at how God takes care of me as long as i put my faith and trust in Him. I am not religious what so ever, don't even have a church...... but God is showing me that His Church is this world and i am called to let my light shine, not by words, but by actions. I am humbled and honored....... oh i am just rambling....... but i can't help it......and you know what i can't even explain what i am feeling right now...... so i think i'll just stop!!! LOL

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Closer and Closer.......

I posted this picture on facebook, but i know that not everyone can see it so i posted it here.... i think it is so cute, yup...Bill and the other woman!!
Friday we went to work out with John, after the work out he made us go directly to a park to do our Cardio. and of course we did, i must say, i could have easily lied to him and told him that we went........ but NO, Christina keeps me honest. Well John also said he wanted us to come to the gym today (Sunday) and do the workout. and that He would not be there....... how easy it would have been to just stay home and "tell" him we went...... but NO we go. Chris and I have a way of keeping each other accountable. .. so before 8am we head to the gym.... we had the entire gym to ourselves. I was quite surprised that we remembered what Johnny told us to do. i remembered the routine better, and Christina remembered the weight we were supposed to use better.......... (what a team). we kicked ass through the workout and then i must say we kicked ass during the Cardio...... i must admit i was soaking wet when i was done.......but it felt so good to accomplish this. i Think Johnny really wants us to be accountable to ourselves and not rely on him so much. and he is right, so what if he can't be there every time....... there is no reason we can't do it ourselves.........
I had SOOOOO much fun last night with Christina and Larry. talk about two couple's who are 100% comfortable with each other..... and laughing... that is all we did... Food was great, we went to the Olive Garden, i had chicken Parmesan, i cut the meal in half immediately. Bill and Larry finished the one half LOL. and i only ate 1/3 of the pasta. we did indulge in a wonderful dessert...... can't even explain it, but Chocolate is a good word to use...... Bill and I shared one, and Chris and Larry shared one. I only had one bread stick.......... and although i was full i must admit that i didn't feel too yucky. You know we talked about going on an Alaska Cruise on our tenth anniversary.... we asked Chris and Larry to go......... i can see how easy it would be going on vacation together. we'd have fun together, and not feel offended when we would be apart.. (3 more years guys...)
Wow that surgery date is coming faster and faster........ i already figured the books i want to read, and the movies i am saving to watch..... i know the food i'll be eating for the first week.... i think i am ready.
Please say a prayer for tomorrow for my job interview...... if it is meant to be ........it will be so! I just want to be where i am supposed to be.
Well today is my Bill's birthday....... he wants venison roast........ so i better go put that in the crock pot........
Kellie, can you e-mail me your phone number again, i know it changed. i'd love to chat with everyone in the next few days...
Love and Blessings, it is your choice to make this a good day!!!

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Gee........ Almost there!!!

I can't believe that in just a few days i will be in a hospital having surgery that i have been working towards for a year now- how can time go by so fast? Am I ready? yes I am more than ready. Am i prepared? yes i am more than prepared, well almost, making homemade chicken broth this AM. Am i excited? yes i am more than excited. Am i nervous and scared? well, yes a little bit. who wouldn't be? i am choosing to have 5 tiny holes put in my abdomen, cutting through the fat and muscles, they will pump me up like a swimming pool raft, and dig through my abdominal cavity until they can reach my stomach, and which at this time, they will wrap the lap band around the upper portion of my stomach and then suture it to the outer wall........ then they will take the port and attach it with more sutures, to a muscle just below my rib cage......... i have a feeling for the first few hours I WILL REGRET HAVING THIS DONE.......... I am just sayin'
And i must say Bill is so cute, I get home from grocery shopping on Thursday, and he noticed i bought sugar free jello, and sugar free Popsicles, and Sugar free vitamin water,..........etc. and he is so excited for me, he thought that maybe i could practice not eating for the week, just do liquids like i'll have to do the first week out of surgery........ umm Bill, just what i want to do........ how about i slowly get into it, by tasting one of the sugar free Popsicles tonight? He is such a Support in anything and everything I do....
Yesterday morning Christina calls me......... 8:30 am, " ....... hey i'll pick you up at 9:30 am to go to The Strip district with Jeanine..... what a pleasant surprise, and i had a wonderful time, Jeanine also treated Chris and I to lunch at a popular Italian restaurant (on food network before) Lidia's, the food was delicious, but the company was superior! I must say that Christina's daughter has grown up to be a wonderful beautiful woman....... i am so proud of her and i'm not even her mama. Christina, we sure have great kids don't we???
Well a busy day today........ but first i better get the Chicken into the stock pot and start with that........ i want to do a lot of laundry, clean the fridge... and do other odds and ends, i'd like my house in order before Thursday morning. Bill has taken off all week, and said he'd take off more if i am needed........ I hope to have a brief chat with my GG's before surgery.......
OH OH OH....... i almost forgot to blog about:...........
as i mentioned before it looks like the way Kiski will be changing the Nursing office... they will hire one nurse to live on campus and work 144 hours a week....... with 24 hours a week to themselves........ Not for me!!! so it looks like i'll be out of a job in a couple of weeks. Now i've never looked for a job, jobs have always looked for me...... so i haven't worried, and i know that God will put me where i am supposed to be.. well Thursday afternoon i get a call from my old boss who worked the Methadone clinic with me, she is now working in a Doctors office dealing with Psychiatric patients, as well as Addictions etc. ......i guess they have decided to hire another nurse RN or LPN, to work in the office, immediately my old boss thought of me..... and called to tell me ..... i immediately got goose bumps, and was dumb struck....*which friends will verify happens often to me....the dumb struck part. this would be a doctors office job, no weekends or holiday's. supposed to be really great doctors to work with, 13 miles from my home....... i go on Monday for an interview.......... and i am just trusting........ what will be, will be!!!
God knows what he is doing.......therefore i am not worried.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Next week at this time......

......... I will be making another BIG change in my life. and i would be lying to myself if i said i wouldn't be. it is hard to believe that I am almost at the 6 day mark (20 more minutes). Tuesday I jumped through my final hoop, My doctor okayed me for surgery. he said the tail end of a cold wouldn't stop me...... it would be like if i was running a fever, had lung involvement, had green drainage.......etc. I am feeling much much better. and i rarely cough now. Oh and other great news is that surgery is coming at the perfect week of the month. it seems like i spend 2 weeks PMSing it, i spend 1 week MSing....... which seems to give me 1 really perfect week.... which is the week of surgery.
I am feeling really good mentally. i know as i know as i know, that God is with me every step of the way.
Someone told my bestest friend....... not in anger just as in a statement, that....... "i'll have to always work on my battle with weight". No i wasn't offended at all........ and actually how true that statement is. No matter what i do, or what direction i take...... i will always have to work on being healthy. even the lap band or even more drastic surgery is not the answer or the magic pill...... I can and will gain weight with the Lap band if I do not keep focused. Speaking of which, i have a feeling for the next couple of years i won't be able to lose focus....... i got a call yesterday that i NEEDED to see my Diet Coach before surgery, to get weighed and discuss my knowledge of the Lap band procedure. and here i thought i was in a holding pattern until after surgery. Nope not a chance....... I think i know so much about the Lap band procedure, i just might have to do it myself LOL
The thing i've learned most during this year, and which i think is the most important, and which i think was the "light bulb" moment (hi Patti, you know what i am talking about ......the click!!!) was to realize that i was obese. and to realize that this by itself doesn't make me who I am, or define me as a human being. I started this process, not by fixing the outside.......but starting from the core of my being. it's like a carpenter who fixes a home damaged by the storm..... why fix the walls and the roof, if the foundation was damaged... oh he could make the house look pretty.... but the cracked broken foundation will soon bring that house to the ground. Well that is the same with me.... my foundation is my Spirit, my Heart, My soul...... the body is just the vessel that holds it!
My Bill is so excited for me...... talk about my best support! it is him. and God Bless Him..... He'll call me from work, and say "hey i was talking to so and so about your surgery.... blah blah blah..." he is obviously NOT ashamed that his wife is the size that would even need Lap band Surgery.... i am just me. and he loves me no matter what... 300 lbs or 180 lbs.... i love that guy.
Well i don't think i have anywhere to go today......... hmmm, how did that happen. i have been so busy daily with appts and such. Yesterday was such a long day for me.... i could use a rest day.
Love to my GG's, looking forward to seeing you soon....... and Kellie, i am sending a hug via the blog {{{hug}}} you amaze me, and your perseverance encourages me not to sweat the small stuff

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

........I am off to see the wizard

ummm Kellie i am not sure why when you think of me heading to surgery you also think of the wizard of Oz song!!! i am just not sure ;0). so in one hour it will show the 8 day mark.... so time is moving pretty fast.
As far as my "cold" goes. I am feeling much better, i still have an occasional cough....but it is more of a slight annoyance than anything. and if i talk much i still have a raspy voice. today i go to the doctor to get cleared for the surgery, that is if all my testing came back okay. (what will be, will be).
I am surprisingly staying stable in the weight loss department, still slowly losing, even while i am in a month "holding" pattern. It was so cool on Sat, Bill and i went to the store to pick up a few things..... i walked down the "cold and flu" isle, and as i came back to the cart Bill said " wow Sandi, you're already losing a lot of weight". i just smiled, cause I've been losing 4 to 8 lbs every month for a year now.... and then my brother stopped in to pick up a few things.......and his entire family was like WOW Sandi, you're losing weight. (they haven't seen me in months). It makes me feel good, and makes me more determined to follow through with this wonderful journey.
I am loving the "Facebook" thing. I am getting in contact with family that i don't see or hear from often.......it is so cool!!! and you know what, the older i get the more accepting I am of differences in all of Us. my oldest brother and family are adorable and i don't see them much. we were able to get together this weekend....and i must say i really enjoyed myself. I find that life gets too busy sometimes, friends and family are often put on the back burner. I know that my kids are at the age that although they aren't time consuming like when they were toddlers..... I seem to be always taking them here, picking them up there, going to games and events of theirs. eye appointments, ortho appointments, doctor appointments, twisted ankles, broke bones,. .... i am enjoying this continuing hectic house. the noise and the beautiful chaos called my life.
Well i read the Shack over the weekend....... and i think i am at a loss for words, i know this is a piece of fiction... but what a cool book. and a neat way to look at the angles and dimensions of God.
Andrew hurt his ankle pretty bad last night at practice, i am going to call the doctor this morning, get an order for an X Ray and we will go from there, it is actually rare that an ankle bone breaks, most of the time it is a twist/sprain. Andrews foot is at an odd angle, which could be from the excess swelling on one side........but we shall see. so last night after a Whirlpool Epsom Salt bath........it was elevation, ibuprofen, and ice.... i am not letting him put weight on it (which at this point he can't any how.)
Well Bills Birthday is this weekend. he doesn't want a party...... but he wants to take Chris and Larry out for dinner. no kids, just the four of Us. So i am still not totally sure where we are going yet...... but it will be nice, the only kid that may pout is Katie, (love you Katie) but then again that girl is working....she works or is in school...all the time. she showed me her schedule next week...... and all i can say is she better get rest, take vitamins....and take care of herself when she can. I am finding that i have not been eating like a pig just because of my impending surgery. I've just been eating normal. oh in 8 days and some odd hours I will be drinking liquids for a couple weeks...... that is going to be hard.
Well i better get my butt moving.....
Kellie....... i am off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of oz.....because because because.......... or are you thinking of follow the yellow brick road.......... or worse yet are you thinking about..... Lions and Tigers and Bears ....oh my!!!! either one, should i be worried? i am just askin'?

Friday, March 06, 2009

bill and the kids are happy....

at least i think they are....... cause i really don't have a voice right now..... i can say a sentence or two and then it is too much effort.... and gee forget the yelling... "Corey put the dishes in the sink, Andrew take down the garbage, Sam did you feed the dogs?........ Bill can you get me...... " well you know what i mean. thank goodness for texting........ there is always texting.
i am really cutting it close to feeling better for surgery...... I go to the doctors on Tuesday. i am leaving here in a few for a chest X ray and EKG and Blood work. ...... as i say, what will be will be!!! I did book Bill a hotel room cause i am going to be optimistic here and think that by Monday i will be feeling pretty good.
the clock is ticking away, and i am receiving overwhelming support, i guess those who see how I've come about this, see that I've left no stone unturned. I am still very comfortable with my decision although the closer i get, i do notice i am getting a little fearful, and i wouldn't be normal if i didn't
well i best get my butt moving....

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

~~~> MY EMMI

before i discuss the title of my blog. i was reading my GG blogs this morning and was reading some comments on Christina's "EWWWWW" entry. she was talking about her quickly populating Bunnies. well Patti had this idea i copied to put here (look Patti, Bambi isn't eating the bunny in the photo)

Patti's Parlor said...
More thoughts on bunny love.Keep a couple and have them spayed or neutered.Release the rest and let Mother Nature take her course. The strong will survive, the rest become part of the food chain. Bambi and the eagles need to eat too or they will die. That's how Mother Nature intended.

now i know that Patti is umm, what would we say more a "City Girl" , and i love her no matter what, but umm, who wants to tell her that Deer *Bambi, do NOT eat Rabbits!!!! she is correct about the Eagles, and she could have said Hawks, she could of used the name of "Tod" the little character on the Disney Movie Fox and the Hound (Tod is the fox) You know she could have even used the name Beast, from beauty and the beast..... BUT Bambi????? hey i am just saying
Okay enough of that. So I think i am just sitting here and waiting around for my surgery,....... NOPE not this program i get this packet of things to do in the next 2 weeks. ..... lets see, History and Physical, Blood work, Chest Xray, EKG....... and then 3 papers that talk about a website, and 3 separate codes that i must watch before surgery. they even go as far as saying if you don't have a computer, go to local library, or go to area in hospital that have computers for individual use. It is an interactive computer program that explains everything i'll be going through in detail and is very easy to understand. I have pre surgical, which goes over the basics, i have anesthesia, which talks about what happens and how many ways and type of anesthesia there are. and finally there is a computer program that talks about the lap band procedure from start to finish, talks about complications in detail before, during and after surgery. it is interactive, so i can stop at any time jot down a question or an issue i have, this is sent directly to my surgeon and it is flagged so she can go over it with me before surgery. i sent it to my GG friends......... and if you are reading this and what to know exactly what i am going to do let me know and i will give you the site, my code and my birth date. i would have posted it here.......... but since it is an interactive site i didn't want some Psycho person (i mean more psycho than Patti, Kellie, Christina and Kim) send my doctor crazy messages that look like they were from me...
Yeah the closer i get the more excited I am.......and the more scared too. i mean i can assure you that i know that this isn't "almost a surgery" this is surgery.......and i WILL be in a lot of pain, and prob for the first couple days.....i'll be so miserable i'll want to sew EVERYONE'S eyes shut, not just Bill's this time!! and my muscles are sore now from the cough i have... so can you imagine after they cut into the muscle, blow my abd up with air, and reposition my organs a hundred times before they finish up and put them back in place..... yeah i think i'll hurt.......... but this is my journey and i am so excited........maybe someone will learn from me........ if this could change 1 persons life.....then it would be worth it, that is why i decided to be open about this........ already my very obese brother D*** , when i started he laughed at the idea..... watching what i've been doing the past year..... he now paying attention and asking me tons of questions.
Okay and lastly... i did get a pretty nasty cold that hit me hard.... But i must say i am being smart. i had 1 more week at kiski before they are off for a month so i had 2 days left this week......i called and told them i would not be in......... i am seeing so many sick boys with various illnesses. knowing my resistance is down, i knew i'd be susceptible to secondary infections, also i have a second job as a babysitter to a little boy who is always sick......i cancelled that too........ so now i am going to lay low, drink tons of fluids rest and nap when i can, exercise in spurts, take in extra protein, keep on my vitamins........pray and meditate..... there are changes coming soon. oh and i plan on making homemade chicken broth, i refuse to drink canned broth, or put a chicken flavored "salt" cube in hot water......tooooooo much sodium for me. I'll freeze individual portions and pull them out to use for the first week.... i will make sure i have my Popsicles, my sugar free jello, and sugar free juices to dilute with my water....... i've been on my chewable vitamins for the past month, figured why wait to start, now i am used to them.......
well i think i will close this very long post.....
Love and blessings to all
PS Jay i hope you are feeling better... and it would be nice if someone else would take their turn for you.... it has hit you back to back ..

Sunday, March 01, 2009

"ticked off"

thoughts from Izzy ....." why do these dam humans think it is so funny putting this stupid hat on me, sometimes i hate them"
ain't she cute...... her eyes are the color of my eyes....
Okay i cannot tell a lie, last night my head cold seemed to drain right into my lungs.... i know it doesn't work that way but you know what i mean. my cough is very harsh and very productive, and i can feel it coming from the middle of my chest. i got so sick so quick that it scared me...... almost went to the hospital last night. now i did have a Z pack, and i was just waiting to see what would happen to my cold. so i guess a fever of 101 and the sudden onset of feeling really bad....... i started it Last night. this morning i've coughed up more crap than i ever remember doing before. My body feels tired, but i think my breathing is improving today. I promised Jeanine that i would not play around..... and will go to doctor or hospital if it gets worse, i don't have time, cause i want to be healthy for surgery. If something happens that i can't shake this........then "what will be, will be". and i will reschedule my surgery.
well i think i am going to chill with my Bill.
oh and on another note, it looks like things will be changing at Kiski, and in all likelihood my job could be eliminated..... oh well..... God has never let me down, and i don't plan on him doing such now.......he ALWAYS opens another door...... ALWAYS!!!