Sunday, December 30, 2007

Jumping for JOY!!!

Michael is off of the ventilator....... Amen, Amen, Amen. and he is talking and alert and oriented, umm, most of the time.... and then all of the pain medications kick in and he sees pink elephants in his room. Doug had called me from his room to tell me that Mike was alert, he had his tube still down his throat, but the ventilator was just assisting him.. and then he said, that they were taking the intubation tube out of his throat and he'd call me right back......... one hour later, Doug calls me, to tell me the tube is out,.......... and then he talks to someone in the room and says " I'm talking to Aunt Sandi" and then all of the suddenly, Michael gets on the phone and whispers..... "aunt Sandi, i love you, come and see me"...... I just started to cry......i mean really cry..... and i didn't stop until i went to bed last night...... I guess when Doug was talking to me, Mike wanted to know who he was talking to, and when Doug said my name , he reached for the phone.......... Me, Bill and Katie went to see Michael last night....... the boy is awake, breathing on his own.... he is so weak, and just in a weeks time, his muscles have already begun to atrophy......... (weaken) and it scared Mike that he couldn't move his hands without great effort...... he already had mild foot drop, and will need Physical therapy for a while....... the nurse said his lungs are soooooooo bad, and at any other hospital, they'd think he was in terrible condition, but knowing where he just was, they think he is in good condition. He has a long road. Doug and Donna left the hospital at the same time we did........ and I guess Donna his mom said, when they said good bye......... he asked if "Aunt Sandi could stay with him tonight" if the hospital would have let me......... i would have, but he needed rest... and they were going to sedate him so he could get some rest...... and I wasn't allowed...

There is nothing more priceless on this Earth, than human life........NOTHING!!!! and I've learned that so greatly this holiday season.....beginning at Thanksgiving time when Alex died... and Christmas time when Michael almost died....... hug your family and friends.......... and if you are holding on to any anger at someone....... let it go now............ life is precious and short....... to keep anger and resentment in your heart.


Saturday, December 29, 2007

Today may be the day

well, today they are supposed to take the ventilator off of Michael. so pray that all goes well. I didn't post yesterday, but I must say.... this young nephew of mine, is tough and a fighter. The doctors, for the very first time since this happened, told the family on Friday that Mike would survive THIS time!!!, he also said that Michael could never compromise going through this again, because the odds would be that he could not survive this another time! He, the doctor, said that he never saw lungs with this much pus and infection in it, for a man so young. And usually the older person with this type of fluid, is in his final hours on Earth! Mike who was a smoker , and i want to capitalize the word WAS, can not smoke again, or be in a room with people smoking!! I never allow smoking in my home, but my family that smokes, goes out to our porch, well......... my family made the decision that there will be no smoking on the property..........porch, yard, driveway............ wherever!

I didn't really come right out and say in my blog..... But Mike had more of a chance of dying than living!!! He really is such a sweet boy, that has made some bad decisions in life (who hasn't), and I just want him to wake up so he Knows how much he is loved. obviously this is one of those life changing experiences for Mike and his family, and i can see God's hand in every second of this journey. Yesterday Mike started breathing on his own, and the ventilator was doing minimal work.... the "Lung Wash" was a success, and his lungs are on their way to healing. They are still keeping Mike so sedated, we haven't seen any movement, or acknowledgement that Mike is aware of his surroundings since last Sunday before he went into Respiratory Arrest, So if the tube comes out of his throat today......... he'll be taken off a lot of his drugs.......and hopefully his mom and dad can see he is okay. He has been alert for the Nurses, but they seem to do it when family isn't around.......because Mike is in a lot of pain, and panics and "gags" with the intubation tube down his throat.

I was going to go to Amish Country with Christina today, But , I think Bill and I are going to go at some point to Pittsburgh to see Mike, and if Doug wants me with him today (he mentioned he might like to take me with him) well that is where i should be, and want to be....... I want to tell Mike that i love him.

Kimmie is coming tomorrow........ can't wait

Well i should get going, I call the hospital in the mornings, and then Doug calls me........and I update him....

Thank you all so much for your prayers.......... so many wonderful people in this world........ there really are!!!!

Friday, December 28, 2007

Remembering Melody

today marks the one year date of when Melody left this earth and became an Angel. Time moves on, life moves on. I have been praying peace for her family. I am sure Christmas was difficult missing such a beautiful family/friend. It's not like, okay "grieving is over, it's been a year" I am sure every Christmas will have a small piece of emptiness forever. but the year of firsts are over...... Melody, does a year seem like a minute to you in Heaven? I know that you are fine, and I know that all though we never met on Earth, i know you've become an important part in my life!!! I can truly say, that even knowing your memory, and what kind of women you were, has changed my life for the good. And I Thank you for it. Chad, Melody's husband asked that we remember Melody with a moment of silence at Noon today....

This past Christmas for me, was filled with very different emotions. I did remember Melody..... but i also have been dealing with the Life and Death situation of my Nephew. Mike, is still holding his own. He is still in a "coma" and it has been 5 days. We haven't seen movement or "signs" of life from him since this happened. The nursing staff has. and in the past 48 hours have been nothing but positive improvement. There is just a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach, and I don't think that will go away until he wakes up, and breaths on his own. I woke up at 2:30 am last night, almost in a panic attack about Michael, and i ended up getting pretty worked up......... and then I remembered that God is in Control, and how i feel and think have absolutely NOTHING to do with Mike getting better. i had to be thankful the phone did not ring in the middle of the night, i have to be thankful that Michael is alive and fighting, I have to be thankful that all news in the past 2 days have been positive...... i have to be still and let God be God!!! I will call the hospital this morning for an update on Mikes progress. Continue your prayers, I want my Nephew to wake up!!!!

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Roller coaster Ride............

Well, last night was up and down as far as Michael's condition was concerned. Everything was going really well..... and just suddenly. he went down hill,his lungs stopped processing the oxygen to the blood... so they did an emergency placement of a chest tube...... they told my brother for the next 24 hours he was Critical and could go either way.... they stayed with him all night! This morning it was good news, that his o2 level in his blood went from 89% to 92% (it is very important that this number stays above 90) last night they found a couple holes blown in his R lung........... very likely from the paramedics forcing high pressure air into his lungs to try and save his life (This gave Mike the chance to live). so again up swing.......... well at 8am, he was loosing O2 yet again... and they found holes in his L lung... so a second chest tube placement to remove the air from around the lung...... "a down swing"!!! Finally many hours later Michael stabilized........ and since this morning has been nothing but positive improvement...... His O2 sats in his blood have been 98-99% normal. Earlier in the AM the Ventilator was producing 100% of his oxygen, at Lunch time only 60% and by this evening 50%. The ventilator is working for him, but now Mike seems to be starting to breath beyond the ventilator......... so all is good!!!! and again, for this moment, I will rejoice.......... I just want him to wake up again, I want him to know how much he is loved...... funny, you don't realize how much you love someone, until something like this reminds you what life would be like with out him around.... My kids are so close to Mike...... they sure are missing him right now..... Keep resting Mike, keep getting stronger...... and keep fighting

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Merry Christmas Michael,~ Happy Birthday Jesus

Christmas eve Michael was life flighted to West Penn Hospital in Pittsburgh.... the smaller hospital could not handle him or his case any longer. They had a tough time trying to keep him sedated, yet try and wake him up..... and Mike was left sorta in the middle.... which didn't work out. As of now he NEED's the ventilator. His lungs are so weak, and he can't transfer and move the oxygen without the vent.. He has severe left lobe pneumonia, and he has oxygen surrounding the outside of his lungs.. (layman's terms) He is exactly where he should be.

My brother wanted me to go to the hospital with him today....... he's been absolutely insane since this happened.....understandably so.

Michael remains in Critical but stable condition. West Penn placed him in a "deeper" coma, and he is on paralytic drugs.... they said his lungs are so weak and damaged......they need rest for the next 24-48 hours. So this is a VERY good thing for young Mike. We understand the longer on the ventilator, the harder to wean, but this is the best option for Michael. The photo is me giving Mike a kiss, since he was little, we always had a joke about "Aunt Sandi" hugs and kisses, and he'd pretend to just hate them... and i used to have to chase him for them. When he wakes up......he is going to really get a kick out of this picture.

As you can tell, i do look pretty happy in this photo, but at this moment he is stable, kidneys, heart, and liver working beautiful. Brain function is 100%. So for this moment i will rejoice and give Thanks to God for the small but mighty miracles.. Please continue to pray for him, as obviously he is not out of the woods yet....

Christmas has been quiet and peaceful. I've been thinking about my other nephew and his family out in Oregon....... and for this, I can't totally celebrate and be joyful. But I can be thankful... and humbled on the day of Jesus' birth..........

love and blessings to all


so much for the roller coast ride...........up............ well it lasted 3 hours. my brother just got the call to get back to the hospital, Mike took a turn for the worse....... they are going to put the chest tube in the air is now expanding to the abdominal cavity... pray pray pray

Monday, December 24, 2007

For those who believe in prayer

I didn't feel like getting on the computer last night, But i need prayers for my 21 year old nephew Michael. He has been dealing with a cold/cough for several weeks. He was just trying to work through it, because he just started a job 3 months ago, and has to wait 3 more months before he has health insurance. Well yesterday he seemed to be getting worse.... I spoke with my brother, and it was decided he needed to go to the ER to be checked..... Michael insisted he was "okay". 10 minutes after our phone conversation, Mike asked his dad to call an Ambulance, a few minutes after my brother called 911, my nephew stopped breathing! just before he went unconscious, he used all of his strength to stand up, hug his dad, and say I love you!!!! My heart is just breaking, My brother is an absolute mess........ It was estimated that Mike went 3-5 minutes without air. He was stabilized at the hospital...... he is on a ventilator, and in Critical but stable condition..... We do not know if there is any brain damage ...... we are optimistic at this point, that he will be okay They never gave him a chance to "wake" up from his unconscious state, they immediately gave him drugs to keep him in a coma to give his body a chance to rest. They said they would keep him that way for 24 hours..... The body is an amazing thing, I don't believe his heart ever stopped...... therefore, what little oxygen that was left in him......went to his brain!!! So please pray pray pray...... that this boy is going to be okay!! Donna his mom was down in Florida when all this happened, she returned via air last night...... ICU was going to let her see him at midnight....

Mike has always had breathing/asthma problems since he was a baby... my brother, his wife, my niece, and my nephew all smoke....... this is the worse thing for acute Asthma, now my brother said, Mike had been so sick for the past few days that he didn't even smoke.... i am hoping that this is a wake up call for Mike, and maybe his family. Understand, i am not judging, because in reality, it is not much different than me overeating, knowing that it can /will hurt my heart. or a diabetic that eats sugars.

My brother was so upset during this, Christina and I were delivering cookies that we made, and my phone was left in the car. Doug was frantically trying to get a hold of me..... i had dozens of missed calls in a 15 minute period, he wanted me with him, i couldn't leave his side....... it's almost like he thought i could just "save" Mike. I stayed with Mike in the ER and when he got settled in ICU.... I stayed tough......didn't break down.... asked all the "right" questions. And then late last night, I finally cracked...... i just lost it!!! and then it dawned on me...... Since my mom died almost 8 years ago..... Early in life i became the Matriarch of the family, my brother was looking at me for comfort, and his mind, it was like he thought of me as a motherly figure......and that I would make it better....... and guess what, I can't make it better!!!! I can just pray, pray that God holds Michael tight........and that Mike will wake up Okay............ all i can do is Pray

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Growing pains, mine or theirs?????

Here is a photo of my two 16 year old boys before the Christmas dance....... they look so handsome and sweet don't they? But let me tell you, this is a tough age for me to parent. I have to protect them, and yet give them enough "rope" to hang themselves with. They seem to hang themselves quite well right now. They are not 18 yet. and they still live in my home, therefore i can still control them!!! But i must say they are getting mouthier and mouthier...... and I love them tons!! Andrew is at a period right now where he thinks he is invincible, and nothing could happen to him..... well something DID happen to him 4 months ago, and just now he seems to be recovering.... he doesn't understand why i won't let him run 4 miles in the dark on back trails right now.... we actually had a pretty good fight about that.... a trip and fall in the dark and cold, a bump on the head, a bear, or a bobcat, and anything else.... he is getting smart trying to play me and his dad, and he knows his dad is a softy sometimes. But Albert and I communicate, everyday, sometimes several times a day about the kids. so we do know what is going on!!! Bill tends to be stricter, and wants me to pull the ropes even tighter. But that won't work either...... like I said, i have to find a balance of keeping my children safe/ and making them grow up. in 2 years they will be 18 and then you just gotta pray! I realize boys grow up a little later than that, so it's just hold your breath, and wait and see.... and remember, God just lent them to you in the first place. Ah, my boys are growing up!!! And i got to get ready to let them go...... i don't know which is harder????

Speaking of Growing up.......... Sammy my "baby" turned 13 yesterday. i officially have 4 teenagers living in my home. We took him and one of his friends and hung out at the zoo yesterday...... i had the greatest time. that was the first time I ever went to the zoo during off season hours, and it was great. We had the place almost to ourselves.... and the animals were so frisky in the cool weather. usually in the summer it is so hot and crowded and smelly with bugs everywhere. then we went shopping for a few things. I babysat my nephew last night. and went to curves and then final Christmas shopping this afternoon....... so I think I am done.

I have some cool photos of the zoo.......I'll try and post later.

love and blessings to all..... p.s. Chris, thanks for letting me go to Curves today...... you didn't give me an option.......and that is a good thing

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Christmas Spirit......

yup, that is what I am feeling right now!!! and for all of the right reasons, for various reasons we aren't doing a "big" Christmas with tons of presents under the tree.... we as a family decided to give up a little this year...... and with the Sadness of my nephew's death... just new...... it is a reminder to me how truly precious life is, and how blessed I am having my family around me. a quiet time, a time of thankfulness, a time to enjoy family and friends..... Christmas day, I don't even plan on getting out of my PJ's. I am making a brunch........ with a recipe from an old bed and breakfast in Vermont...... baked blueberry french toast, and an egg type dish/bake, fresh muffins, sausage, bacon, fiber and flax seed toast, hot tea, coffee, and hot chocolate....... we are going to lounge around all day, reading and watching old Christmas movies. Albert will take the kids to his parents to eat dinner, Bill may go to his sisters house, and I'll get to stay at home allllllllllll day!!!!. .......ahhhhh it sounds like Peace to me!!!

I am thrilled that Kim is doing so well with her eye surgery. Bill offered to take her home for the holidays if she didn't get the okay to drive! we weren't going to let her miss Christmas at home!!! but she IS going to hang her for a few days for News Year Eve with Us. My entire family has gotten attached to her and are looking forward to her coming for a visit.

Patti , Kim and I have decided that your husband is very ruggedly handsome...... and you two look gorgeous together......oh Kim said more, but........shhhh her mom reads this blog (Hi Kim's mom, i am going to meet you soon, and i am looking forward to it......thanks for the comment on my blog, i loved hearing from you).

Kellie, you know I love ya girl......... and Nathan and your family are always on my mind...and my prayers....... soon as winter stops we are coming up there to take you out girl..... (me, Kimmie, and Christina) so get ready......... for lots of laughs......... we seem to do that a lot lately.

Curves tomorrow morning, and Saturday...........i really would like to walk outside soon...... weather doesn't bother why am I not doing it??? gee, no reason!!! Melody, i gotta get myself in gear....... i remember you, I will not forget my promise.... we are getting close to the 1 year anniversary since you became an angel!!! I pray that God holds your family tight during this sad time.... you Melody......have changed my life for the good........ and i am not even talking health wise, but attitude and strength!!!

time for bed for me............ love to all my friends out there...... I love how God knows better than we do when he puts people in our lives!!!

Sunday, December 16, 2007

The walking stick!!!!

well my Christmas party is over...... and it was a success. I didn't stress, I didn't kill myself to have a spotless house. I didn't over cook,... wow it is taking me awhile but i think i am finally getting it.
Christina.... your family is truly my family in every way.... and I love you all so much.

The hit of the evening was giving my father in law his gift. If you remember i had a walking stick made for him in honor of his grandchildren.... it was a very personal gift. of course we couldn't wrap this stick up to disguise it too well...... so I typed him a message and wrapped in up in a box,....... it said, I tried really hard to get your present in this box, i really tried, it just wouldn't fit. so if you would please close your eyes and count to 10 really slow. You are the best. ......
then my daughter went and got the stick, and he opened his eyes... and just looked at it...... didn't say a word.... and then he read: A grandpaps love is forever! and then the names of all of his grandchildren below that. Including the grandson he lost a few weeks ago, and Corey, the foster boy that nobody wanted that he "adopted" when he came to live with us. This precious man is truly my FAVORITE man on this earth! even including my wonderful husband! this man loves his family completely, passionately, and with all of his being...... you'd have to just know him to understand. The pain he is feeling right now, I guess none can truly understand. He started to cry........and i mean he just broke down. the house was so quiet, and as i looked around i noticed several of my brothers crying too....... to see this man cry!! but the words on this stick said it all........ and Grandpaps love IS forever. and even death can't separate the love he has for his grandchildren/ what a beautiful way to remember Alex., and honor the grandchildren living . "pappy Al" when I married Albert almost 20 years ago..... you became my father in law, when my dad died almost 14 years ago you became my father. and when Albert and I divorced almost 9 years ago....... you remained my father! I'll always think of you as such.......and i will always love you!!!!

Friday, December 14, 2007


Yup, that is just what I am feeling right now! Blessed to have the family that I have. Blessed to have the friends that I have. I don't think I'd trade my life for any other life out there in all honesty.

Kim called and let me know that everything went really well.....they took the bandages off and she could see.... Thank you God for this miracle, how amazing that doctors can take a donor cornea and place it on someone else..........and it knows exactly what to do!!!!

The house is modestly decorated this year, nothing outside yet other than the wreath!!! but that is okay. Family is coming to the house tomorrow, for our annual Christmas Party.... and i am not getting too worked up, actually I am not getting worked up at all!!! What will be-will be!!! Bill and I were going to do a road trip on Sunday, but it was toward Erie, and snow and Ice.... so we scrapped that plan. Bill may be off again on Monday. I am doing a ham, and stuffed shells for Saturday, and I should get the shell done and ready tonight...... so i just have to put it in the oven.... so no stress there........ everyone else is bringing a covered dish, so the brunt isn't on me.

last year at this time i was 5 days post op from major foot surgery....... my foot has healed well. and i am so thankful for that.

It was during this time last year that Melody was coming down to her final days on Earth!!! I am praying that the families can find comfort and peace somehow this year. And Alex's family is just trying to get by day to his death is so new..... I guess I can see why this time of the year is such a contrast of joy and despair!!! yes the lights, the presents, the parties, the decorating, the tree's, Santa, little children, baking, smells of sugar cookies, pine, and Cinnamon in the air, Christmas Carole's..... this is all joyful!!! but for the many out there that has suffered such a tragic loss, the death of a loved one, the homeless, the lonely, the sick, the poor....... Christmas time magnifies what they do not have. We must all try and remember the day Christmas began......... was a quiet night, cold and dark. the stable was warm from the radiating heat from the animals, the smell of hay and manure mixed together permeated the air, and the soft cries of a baby lying in the manger, the gift offered to all... the rich and the poor, the strong and the weak, the joyful and the depressed. This gift doesn't recognize social status or wealth.... what a gift!!!

well today is my last day at work for a few weeks, and I hope to take advantage of that. I did go to Curves today and that is a good thing..... I know they will be starting the nutrition classes in January, I'd like to join again. so informative and it really makes you accountable too.

love and blessing to you all, but i should get to work

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Quick update on our buddy Kimmie

Just spoke with Kimmie, and she is groggy, but surgery went really well without complications, she sounded pretty good....... much loopier than normal....but we are talking about Kim. She goes tomorrow morning at 8am to have the bandages removed....... she'll call me when she gets out of that, with more of how the surgery went......... pray for victory when the bandages are removed.

Cliff, you are a great brother...... she adores her family that is for sure.

I'll post more tomorrow, but for now, i am tired.......and I am going to bed.

I love you guys.

p.s. Jessie, i remember you from when you were a little've grown up to be a beautiful young woman (saw your picture on Alex's my space)

post longer tomorrow

Monday, December 10, 2007

This and That........

Well, I did put the Christmas tree up yesterday... guess who picked out the tree? 8 years ago when Albert left me, who would have ever thought he'd be picking out the Christmas tree years later? Not me! Yes Albert my X, and my youngest son Sammy went and got the tree this year. And it is one of the most beautiful trees we've had. It stands past 10 feet tall. i have it decorated with hundreds of colored lights....... and a history of ornaments. Ornaments that the kids made, ornaments that i made as a child. Some ornaments that my grandma had many many years ago. There are angels, and Santa, and snowmen, doves and bird nest, and just a plethora of objects in many colors. If you like "uniform" trees, or trees with a theme........well this isn't one of them.... but this tree is me, me and my family! it represents the mixture in my home....... me, a husband, an X husband , three kids that I gave birth too, the kid i got from the "foster system"....and who ever else that "stays" for a given reason.

Saturday Was Bill and My anniversary, we have been married 6 years. it doesn't seem that long already. It's a good thing that most of the time, i still enjoy being around him. And actually today he took off work, we are going to do some Christmas shopping, go out to eat, and just hang out!!! I was supposed to spend the day with Christina baking cookies, but i think Andrew is going down if he can ,to give her a hand. that boy loves loves loves her.........sometimes i think he loves "Christina" more than me..... but hey what can I say, he made a great choice.

My kids this year, are truly in the Christmas spirit.... and not concerned about "getting" things this year. We are working on a project for this season. and they are all into it.

well i better go and get ready to spend a wonderful day with Bill

Kim just 2 more days.......i am praying for ya. Kellie, I am praying that the MRI gives you the info you need, and i pray for Nathan all the time

I love all of you guys.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Snow Snow Snow

yup, that's what it's doing in my neck of the woods.........even more than snow than what you are getting Kimmie..... and we only live 35 minutes away,(if you don't factor in traffic) Kim, including today you only have 5 days to wait until the day of your surgery...... i am getting so nervous and excited for you... but as we all know, God is in control, and he knows exactly how to handle this!!!

Andrew had an appointment this week... and it went great, He just breezed by the testing. and the part that test how the Frontal lobe is working, jumped by 24% to 70%. he is definitely going the right direction. The doctors don't want to push the back to school just yet. He has like 10 school days before the holiday vacation.... He is now working several hours a day at home to catch up, So hopefully when the new year comes, Andrew will be ready to get back to school.

Sammy was so sick on Mon/Tues he had a fever, along with stomach flu. that is what seems to be going around here. well then I got it weds night and Thursday. and actually today I am just really weak, and still have the runs, but no more fever, or vomiting! Weds night, i took a bonine (for motion sickness/nausea) and i must say first it made me so tired, and then i got so loopy, and then i guess i got what you'd call a hangover (not exactly sure how hangovers are supposed to feel) but i got this headache, and blah feeling.

I did decorate for Christmas a couple days ago........and I am glad that i did. i feel that ultimately I am still in control of my happiness. and yes i am so so sad about Alex, and what his family is going through. BUT if Bob and Gail can pull out their decorations and force themselves to live for the sake of the children that did not die, how dare anyone else even remotely complain about not feeling like it. God Bless and Be with this precious family at Christmas time!!!

Well my stomach is acting up right now......... i feel so much rumbling and grumbling i think I'll cut this short. i work today and tomorrow, so maybe I'll post more later.

love you

Monday, December 03, 2007

Only Patti, only Patti

Only Patti can take a process, and change that "process" three more times before she gets it to just the right plan for her.......but those who know Patti, Love her!!!

I haven't been blogging as much lately. And I haven't even started decorating for Christmas yet!! and if I can be honest, I don't really feel like it right now.
I know that I am no longer a Frassenei, but i can't get Alex and his family out of my mind! he will ALWAYS be my nephew. I can't imagine how his parents and immediate family are dealing with this. I am finding that my quiet moments are when I think about it the most!!! before i fall asleep, when i wake up, and several times in between!!! I hear the pain in his Grandparents voices and I just know how much his parents value their Children.... it's unthinkable the pain and emptiness that they must feel. Alex little boy, you have suddenly made me look at Christmas time in a new light, you truly have....... suddenly making sure my kids get the biggest and best gifts are not a priority, or if I have the house decorated perfect, or going deep into debt to buy buy buy......that is NOT what it is about. I have my children with me, I have a warm beautiful home, I have friends that mean the world to me, and i have a kitchen full of food.... What more on this earth could i possibly want?? Before Alex died, I was so worried about what and how i was going to get this and that for Christmas, worried about minor dilemmas dealing with the annual Christmas Party.... already feeling overwhelmed by everything that "has" to be done. And suddenly i realize how quickly a life can change, how quickly someone can leave this Earth..........and suddenly the problems of yesterday, are really not a problem at all!!! And i know a broken family in Oregon, that would switch me "problems" any day.

Well tomorrow Andrew heads back to Pittsburgh to meet up with one of his doctors. Hoping things go well for him. I think I am going to do Curves tomorrow evening, Thursday Morning and Sat morning, well at least that is the plan.... Sammy is sick today, and he is still at the age that he wants his mama. I had to come to work, so Aunt Lou came up to be with him.

Oh, my father-in-laws, (i hate saying X father-in-law) Christmas gift is finished... I don't know if I mentioned it on past blogs, but Pap Al was helping me with my walking stick that I've been working on.... it is a staff that I use for hiking, maybe you've seen them at Craft shows. Big Al wanted one for when he goes berry picking and such..... So i thought I'd have one made and Personalized. I had Carved into the walking stick the saying " a grandpas love is forever"
and underneath, i had all the grand kids names engraved starting with the oldest /first grandchild, and ending with my foster son, who they have "adopted" and treat as their own.


I just thought it would be cool to do this, to honor Alex, and let the world know, that Death can't break the bond of Love that family has for one another.

oh gee, i am so sappy, i gotta get over this........

Friday, November 30, 2007

It's so quiet here.....

Bill and Albert took all the kids to the hockey game tonight, And i am left all alone. I am not feeling the greatest, and Bill felt bad for leaving me, until i assured him, i was going to shower , and curl up and watch Christmas movies in a very quiet house. I don't get this too often, so i do take advantage. last month was a very light easy period, (sorry if any males read this), and this month, is making up for it.........let me tell you. I am miserable, and lets just say, I need to stay very close to the bathroom.

I've been thinking about Alex, my nephew, a lot lately!!! As i said before, in my mind he is still a little boy.....with blond curly hair, the prettiest eyes and lips.... and a sunshiny disposition. Although through the years, with him moving to Oregon, and Albert and I divorcing.... i want him to know, I've always thought about him, and asked about him, and kept up with him through grandma and grandpa and Katie. And i did see him the last time he visited. As he got older, he didn't come home with his family as often!!! ...... Oh Alex, hope you are having fun in heaven buddy. Katie said you guys will always be cousins with that special childhood connection ( she used different wording of course )

well i am feeling pretty crampy, so i think I'll go and lie down and use the heating pad..... and wait for my family to come home...

Have a safe weekend everyone

Thursday, November 22, 2007

sadness on Thanksgiving.

I was getting ready to do the Thanksgiving Blog at 8 this morning...... i even started it with....... what a beautiful day and so much to be Thankful for........... and then the phone rings, it is my X husband calling to tell me that my nephew, was killed in a Car accident last night. He was the same age as Katie, (just turned 18 in September) and he was our neighbor for the first 6 years of his life. He and Katie were inseparable before he moved to Oregon 13 years ago. what a punch in the stomach. I feel for the grandparents, and his parents, and he has a 14 year old brother and a 8 year old sister. Alex , a blond haired, blue eyed, sweet sweet boy no longer with Us. Katie took it the hardest, these days with computers and my space, and Verizon to Verizon cell phones.... it was easy to keep in touch. I can't imagine the pain that his mom feels....... I try, but i just can't. She is an awesome mom. How do you go on? How do you ever find joy again? How do you try and go on for the kids left behind?........ the sadness....... Alex, I'll always be your Aunt, and I'll always remember the little blond boy........giggling and laughing with Katie!!! I love you.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Happy Halloween................ Merry Christmas!!!!!

A few weeks ago the store shelves were filled with bright orange and black, pumpkins and witches, skeletons and ghosts, blood and "guts.....and then on November First, green and red took over, Santa and Snowmen, evergreen trees and ornaments, fake snow and lights!!!! well, it is bad enough that we took Christ out of Christmas, but to take "Thanks" out of giving now!!! What is happening to Us? Our world is moving faster and faster!!! and where do we hold on? (Hey i wrote a little poem about that years ago, when i felt the world was getting so scary). Yeah maybe we can't change the entire world over night, but we can start with our lives, our home. Instead of give me, give me, and I want, I need!!!! start saying Thank you, I have.... , what can I give to you? what can I do for you?
Thanksgiving was my moms favorite holiday of the year, and when i was younger, I just couldn't understand that. first off, you don't get presents on Thanksgiving, you don't go door to door getting candy either!!!! you don't receive cute little red heart shaped cards. and gee there aren't any fireworks to ohhhhh and awwwwwwwwww over!!! Thanksgiving for my mom, was getting up at 3am to put the 20 lb turkey in the oven, even though you just went to bed at 1am after making 10 pies.... i came from a big family with little money....... but we had food. and my mom was an awesome cook. my mom spent her life being thankful for what she had, she was thankful that we were all there to sit around the table. she was thankful for the food daddy put on the table. She didn't have to stress abut presents, or decorations, or shopping!!! Now that I am older, I understand how truly important Thanksgiving is. God Thank you for all that you have done for me. Bill Thank you for always putting me first. Kids Thank you for loving me for no reason other than I am your mom. And my Friends Thank you for being such an important part of my life
Ahhhhhhhhh, cup is overflowing!!!!

Monday, November 19, 2007

The result of a positive attitude

okay........ so last week, the washing machine stopped working, the dryer stopped working (almost). The van's check engine light was on (actually it came on the day before heading to Joyce Meyer). and the engine was sounding really really bad.. Then Katie lost the brakes while driving the other car. ... So at first i was overwhelmed, and started to worry about what I was going to do being as our finances aren't leaving us tons of extra money. Andrew's improved status, did a nose dive down hill.... After I decided that I wasn't going to let Satan take away my joy, after i realized i was in control with how i dealt with these issues....... after I truly trusted God................ after I gave these problems to Him, .............. well let me tell you how things panned out over the past few days. 1.) the Van check engine life went off, the noise decreased by 80% 4 days ago. 2.) When Chris' husband Larry came to replace the pump on the washing machine it was found that it was just a bobby pin stuck in the pump.... removed bobby pin....... washing machine works fine. 3) Dryer's very loud noise when turned on has disappeared. 4) the second car, a day before we were going to have it towed, X husband checked and found a small leak in the brake lines........ easy, cheap fix. He did himself. 5.)Andrew woke up Friday morning at 9:30am after sleeping basically since Tuesday afternoon. (he'd wake up, but couldn't stay awake for any length of time) His headache and dizziness was gone. he was even able to have his weekly breakfast at Christina's. All I can say is Thank you God!!!

Thursday, November 15, 2007

bad news.......good news, bad news........good news!!!!

well,BAD NEWS is.......... The car that Katie uses, yesterday while she was driving on a major highway, the brakes quit... i mean 100% no brakes, she was driving about 60 miles an hour, and she went to slow down because a car was turning in front of her, and the brakes where gone... GOOD NEWS, she was able to ride on the side of the road, and pump the brakes enough to slow the car down, she was able to eventually stop the car on the side of the road. She wasn't injured, and she prevented an accident. (thank you God)
BAD NEWS, Andrew has greatly regressed since he tried the one day of back to school. he went to school on Tuesday, came home from school and has basically slept until noon today. he has a bad headache, extreme dizziness, foggy mind, he can't even watch TV right now. He is now back to home schooling as tolerated until at least mid December. GOOD NEWS, the prognosis is and remains excellent,. His physicians warned that this could happen if he wasn't careful about listening to the signals of his body. Andrew wanted so bad to be back to normal, that he pushed himself too hard, and as a way for the brain to "protect" it self while healing...... it stopped working for him. We all tried to tell Drew, to go slow, tell someone when your head feels funny......etc... but we must remember, He is still just 16. and kids tend to think they are Invincible... hopefully he has learned his lesson. As mom and dads we are going to have to be more diligent in making sure we monitor how Andrew is doing, and what he is doing...

well i am going to get going right now, I went to Curves today and loved it. I am working hard again, and it feels sooooooooooo good.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

....and this is why I love him ........

right now after a 9 hour work day, my husband comes home and goes directly to the local laundry mat to wash....... almost 10 loads of laundry!!! because he thinks i've been too busy working too. and he doesn't want me down there by myself... now understand i live in a little country town, that the worst crime to date was probably when kids broke into the high school and set off fire extinquishers. This is what Love really is!! in his eyes, it's all about Me!!!!, and who am i to complain??? I am just comfortable with him. and yes I like being around him.. we grocery shop together, and watch football games together, we watch House Hunters together, we bet on which house they will purchase. . . . . . . . . . . it's hard to believe that we will be married 6 years in a couple of weeks. ... he can be such a pain sometimes, once he get's upset about something he can hold on to that for like........ever!!! but if he can as a rule, over look my faults, i guess i can do the same for him. now understand this didn't happen over night, it's a process that couples have to work on.........marriage ain't easy!!!

wow i have two days in a row off, wait, three days!!! yeah i work Saturday and then I am off for 10 days during Thanksgiving break.... I'd like to get organized to do some backing and cooking.

Andrew did pretty good his first day back, he came home with a pretty good headache, and couldn't do his tutoring today......actually he hasn't left the couch all evening! this is what is to be expected, he wants to be Mr. Tough guy, who can't tell the teacher he is getting dizzy!!! which in turn ended up being a pretty nasty head ache. It will come, but i guess we all need to be patient.

I am loving being back at Curves.........this place is just so awesome...... i have been sporatic at best the past 2 months.... and i must say, i do like my Yoga tape, only did like 15 minutes yesterday....... but it too is a slow process building my flexibility and endurance back up.

Well if I get off work early, I will go down and help Bill fold/dry/load clothes. Albert has a washer/dryer at his house that isn't used....... ( his mom does his laundry......., even when he stays at his house sometimes).......and I wonder why our marriage had problems, he's always loved his mom more than me. well anyhow Albert told Bill he could use his washer/dryer.. yes since those two started working together, i feel so left out (I am joking here) But seriously my kids are so dang lucky, that is all that I can say.

Have a good day, a good evening, a good life.

p.s. I think Christina might just like Joyce Meyer, she watched her this morning......... i think she liked what she heard Kim...

Monday, November 12, 2007

~~Andrew goes to school tomorrow!~~

I spent a part of my morning at the high school, one, discussing how to get my son's (Corey) geometry grade up, and two, talking with the Principal and faculty about Andrew. This school has been awesome dealing with Andrew. they are literally putting out the red carpet for this boy... they've moved classes around, changed teachers, deleted some classes....they have worked it out that he will have breaks in between each class. subjects like Chemistry, that require a lot of brain power, he will be able to use open book policy even for test. He will have a tutor in school as well as an evening tutor at home to help with his school work and projects. for a while he will have 1/2 days. I will be picking him up before noon!!! Wow, and Dilemma 2007 at the Blystone household is coming to a close!! I am blessed.

Actually i am doing great........ is my washing machine still broke? yup! Is my clothes dryer ready to crash? yup! Is my car's check engine light on? yup!, does the car make a really really funny noise? yup! Is our Car Insurance, house Insurance, and property taxes due ? yup!! ...... And I just figure that it will work out. it always does, my husband has been offered unlimited overtime right now, a thing that never happens. I keep getting called to "take" days for co workers.... actually picking up one tomorrow too. My husband and daughter and son Corey has offered to take all the clothes to the laundry mat and wash them while i am at work tomorrow. You know all about Christina, but she has this equally wonderful husband, whom i adore!!! Larry is one of those men, who in my eyes .......seems to be able to do anything and everything, and can do nothing wrong!!! Not counting my hubby Bill, my X father in law, and Chris' husband are the top 2 of my favorite guy list. and of course if my daddy were still alive, he'd be up there too. When Albert first left me, i was clueless, scared, and lost about things........ It was Larry who kept an eye on my car for me, or came up and checked why i didn't have water coming out of the faucet, or plowed my driveway when it snowed a foot..... Now that i have my wonderful husband Bill........who knows slightly more than my nothing, we both rely on Larry to Check our washing machine out/ tell us the part we need/ and then fix it! Bill always checks with Larry before he attempts anything on the house. (Larry is the one that did our family room, and added on our master suite) When an appliance needs installed, we get Larry! I truly don't know what I'd do with out that family. That is why I'd do just about anything for them!!!

So i guess it really is all about Attitude! and I guess although i cannot control everything breaking down around me. I can control my reaction to it! And i can Look to the Heavens and be thankful for my life, trials and all.............. gee I bet Satan hates that!!!

Saturday, November 10, 2007

if it seems the fates are against you today.... they probably are!!!!

It wasn't my greatest morning this morning. And i found myself overwhelmed and easy to tears. To begin with my washing machine isn't working right, it turns on and rotates, but it doesn't spin the water out :(, now this really upset me. this week I was behind on laundry working all the evening shifts and all of Drew's appointments. and you have to understand, I can't get behind in laundry at my house....or we may all get lost. So i am thinking, gee how can this break, we don't have the funds right now for a washing machine....... and i began to worry and dread. BUT i did go to Curves today, and hanging with Christina is always a pick me up!!! and she helps me to put life in perspective when i get so down!!! So I work out at Curves, it feels pretty good, and then we figure out that I could go to Chris' house and do some laundry this morning. So I get in my car, wouldn't you know, it doesn't want to run right, the engine light is coming on......but it sounds really really bad!! .... "i just want to cry". had a nice time doing laundry at Christina's. ..... so i see this fortune cookie on the table, and i had an urge to read it, knowing it was my fortune of the her son Mike reads it to me........... and what do you think it said??? ".... if it seems the fates are against you today, they probably are!" I had to laugh... how many fortune cookies give negative messages.......... not many!!! I should have just crawled back into bed right then. So i get home, and there was one load of laundry that i didn't i put them in my dryer.......and would you believe it didn't work either now........ what gives!!! However in the mean time, I put my problems in perspective today... so.......... I raised my fist in the air, and I yelled out loud, " Satan you can't take away my joy, God is in control of my life!!!" I am feeling better, Andrew is doing great, I have this awesome pain in the butt husband who loves me, I have the greatest friends in the world. I have a beautiful warm home, we may be a little tight financially right now, but we pay our bills, we have good food for the table, we have a little extra to order pizza, or go out to eat every now and then. My foot feels great, i am having no problem ( last year at this time, i could barely walk) My blood work came back perfect!!! I am sitting here at my job that i love, it's so quiet, most of the kids are off campus for the weekend, So i am reading a good book, drinking warm chamomile mint tea, eating a snack of an apple and Cheddar cheese.... i realize how blessed I am!!!

tomorrow I actually have a day off, I got to figure out how to wash my clothes...and I'd like to do my Yoga tape. but that is it......... The kids are going to their grandparents for dinner, so it's just Bill and Me for a while,....... i am sure he will have plan's of his own........ football!!!!

Friday, November 09, 2007

Yoga, And Sore Muscles.... is that possible??

You know when you think of Yoga........ you really don't think of "working" your body out. but oh you do, in such a different way. ... and my muscles are hurting, but not the way they were hurting before, and I don't know how to explain it. it's like okay, I've been shallow breathing for like ever..... and all of the sudden I am doing this exercises that require me to take in deep breaths, you know the kind....... "feel your self breathe, feel the breath coming from the tailbone", since when do you breathe from your tailbone??? hey but if you concentrate, really concentrate, you can feel as your lungs expand...., you can almost imagine, as your spine lengthens that just maybe, just maybe the tailbone IS breathing!! So past couple of days I've been forcing my lungs to expand, and i have been holding this position and taking almost 30-40 seconds to release one breath. I really believe that I am feeling better. Am drinking so many fluids...... lots of water, I've stopped the diet soda, (don't think that is good for you any more than regular soda is ) today at work I am drinking mini pots of herbal tea, right now its chamomile and mint, and hey didn't even use splenda, and didn't realize i didn't use it until after the pot of tea was already done. I may work late tonight, and if i do, i brought the yoga for weight loss tape with me, but i am thinking maybe i shouldn't do this everyday yet?? i will have to check this out, i know when i weight lift, i need a day in between to rest the muscles. Also, If i don't work late, I plan on going to Curves a few days early. I am feeling better, and I am not coughing hardly at all. So instead of Monday, I was thinking about going tomorrow morning.

Hey Patti, you know how for years, you worked at getting your body healthy, loosing sizes ..... and you kept plugging along... but it was a time when it just "clicked". well for my buddy Christina....... it just clicked for her, and she looks great. oh she's been working at it, and she's been exercising..... for years. Well lately these pants that she kept in her closet, are fitting her..... and she's really just learning to eat smart..... I am so proud of her~~~ wait until you meet her Patti, you two will get along, i just know it.

the Curves Nutrition plan is really a sound plan, with easy to follow directions it's all about lean protein, complex carbs, eating frequently, lots of fresh fruits and vegetables. It's about learning to read labels and know that all "whole wheat" breads are NOT created equal. It's about drinking water, and exercising..... and loving yourself in the process

Okay on another topic............. GREAT NEWS!!!! Andrew had his last day of Therapy today(vestibular therapy) it was intense therapy, and the last time he went he got sick. the therapist said she'd like to train other area therapist to learn vestibular therapy, but the one machine alone cost well over $120,000 It is a bugger to get to this part of Pittsburgh, and it's at least 45 minutes away and I told his therapist I'd of brought him 7 days a week if I had too!!! It is awesome to know that after the accident, and when they figured out that when one eye focused, the other went in a different direction, that the EYES could be trained to work together again. So Andrew has this triangle of help, His concussion specialist, His headache specialist, and Vestibular therapist........ and they all work together for the best interest of Andrew. Now Andrew may have only went weekly to the therapist, but he had lots of "homework" and exercising that he had to do twice a day when he didn't go... why am i rambling again, I'm just happy right now, and my happiness is well deserved, but there is a slight shadow in my joy..... and i am remembering beautiful Nathan, and his difficulties. I've just drank a teaspoon out of the gallon of hardship that Nathan and his family must feel. And I am humbled with this knowledge!!! I was told from the very beginning that Andrew would get better....... the time frame could of been 2 weeks to a year, BUT the prognosis was almost 100% healing. Nathan's family doesn't have that prognosis, actually these people don't really even know what to expect.. they have to just take one day at a time, the good and the bad. Please Please Please keep Kellie and her family in your prayers.

Well I should go and work...........since i am at work!!!!

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

So sick, and so Healthy!!!!

I received all of my blood work back, and I don't have mono nor elevated EBV, I don't have Pneumonia. And my blood work is absolutely down the middle of the road picture perfect. I do have Asthma right now that seems to be really flaring up. as of Monday i was running a fever of 100.1, not a high fever, just a low grade. I'll check it again at work today... I am tired, but not as tired, and my muscles hurt...... but if i rate my muscle pain between 0-10 right now I'd have to say it is a 5. I coughed and coughed and coughed last night, started wheezing, took my inhaler and a benadryl waited about 1/2 hour and then went to sleep..... a really nasty coughing jag woke me up this morning.... I have a constant stream of mucous draining down my throat.... (Sinus/Allergies). This is the third year in a row that i got this......... at almost exactly the same time!!! man what gives????" today I did 30 minutes of yoga for weight loss, my thought is, because in yoga the main thing is to concentrate on breathing and taking deep breaths, and holding your breath,.......... well maybe this would help my lung volume. maybe i can actually exercise my lungs to work better??? Do you out there have any other ideas? I figure Curves next week.... not sure i want to hack all over the machines and get everyone else sick.... and JUST because i am taking a week off of Curves, that doesn't give me permission to take a week off of how i am eating. Actually i am not interested in food right now..... last night I had a bowl of soup!!!, my main concern is fluids...... i am trying to flush out with water and warm herbal tea....... Chamomile and mint.... mmmmmmmmmm!!! I guess i have to treat my immune system, and not the illness. Our bodies are amazing, and if we let them. ........they can heal themselves.... I am staying away from sugar...... which includes white starches. and processed foods. Now i am doing fruit right now......, a cup of fresh berries, or an orange........ just aren't gonna kill me........ and i need the Vit C and the antioxidants............ now enough of this health talk.

Andrew had another appointment, and the frontal brain lobe is finally healing like it should...... He hasn't been released yet......... after this round of home schooling, he can start back to school for 1/2 days with tons of rules and restrictions........ like open book tests, no timed test, frequent rest periods, written or audio taped study notes..... and a slew of other things..... I feel by Christmas break Andrew will be back to Andrew. oh he can start lifting weights again ........light weights/many reps. and he can really up his cardiovascular another notch

Well I think I'll get going for now....... have a great day.

Nathan, how are you doing little man? I pray for you all the time. and i think you have a great mom........shhhhhh don't tell her.

Monday, November 05, 2007

Maybe the flu?

Not sure, yesterday was my first day off to just relax....... so i did just that. I am drinking ton's of water and pure cranberry juice, (yuk, diluted 1:1 with water) I have a very chronic left flank pain, maybe i have a kidney infection which would also cause such muscle pain. my muscles still hurt so much, mainly in my rib region. I am still congested, ......oh well, what can i do? I went to the doctor on Thursday. haven't heard anything back, maybe today. I do have to work this afternoon, as well as Weds. and Fri. Andrew has appointments on Tues and I think Thursday. Oh and I work on Saturday....... so there is my week in a nut shell
Maybe I'll get on and type more later, i just ache all over, and sitting at this desk is uncomfortable.........what is a woman to do???

Friday, November 02, 2007

Almost a 5th child!!!

yeah, a couple of days ago, the agency we work with called me and told me they had a young man in our school district in need of a home, so that he could graduate from this school He is a 17 year old senior. It took me off guard, but i didn't immediately say no, as I needed to wait, think, and pray about it. Also It would never work unless I had 100% support from everyone in my home. I also needed to gather information, because regardless of this child's need... my children's needs come first, and I couldn't endanger whom i am protecting now. So if he his sexually aggressive, or has explosive behavior, or is a "fire" starter... well then it would be NO. As it turns out this young man is actually pretty "normal". but does seem to hang out with the wrong crowd. this is why he is leaving his previous home, the parents are too strict and won't let him out after dark, and won't let him go to certain friends homes. ( um, duh!!! those are my rules too, and prob worse). Samuel and Andrew immediately said "Yes, mom, how could you say no....... if you have a chance to change someones life, you have to do it". Corey was okay with it, but had to let me know that this kids does like to "hang" on the streets and he sneaks from his other home. And Katie was a NO. this boy is in her class, and although he's not much trouble, he is odd, and she said she'd feel uncomfortable, she did offer to go live with her Dad or grandparents for a few months if we decided. Later Corey told me, that he this boy may have a crush on Katie, which would prob make Katie more uncomfortable.. It in itself isn't a bad thing... actually most of Corey's friend have a"crush" on Katie. but it just wouldn't make things comfortable.

Sometimes i don't want any more, but sometimes I think God would like me to take more.... after these ones are raised of course, And Katie is not like the boys...... she thinks enough is enough..... and for a while I have to respect her thoughts........ but if she's still living here when she's 30..... well tough for her.......... ;0) I guess if I really think about it. 4 teenagers are plenty at one time. But there are sooooooooooo many children in need out there. Corey has been with us for 3+ years now. And the agency told me it is rare that kids in his situation flourish. well we lucked out with a good kid. His grades are improving, he's social, he's happy, he stopped therapy over a year ago. He's affectionate, and loving, he's my boy. oh i forgot to mention annoying and a pain too :0) but what teenage boy isn't.

I am still feeling absolutely terrible, the muscle aches haven't changed much..... and I am so tired. I am coughing more today. I work until about 8pm tonight. Tomorrow the family is coming over for Lasagna dinner. and Sunday I plan on resting resting resting..... the kids and Bill have been great about keeping up with the house and laundry these past few days that i haven't been home...... and if it is NOT perfect, so what. Next week I have several doctor appointments for drew, and I work a few days too. it is hard to believe that Thanksgiving break is right around the corner!!! how time flies the older we get.

Well I am going to get going here, I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.
make it a good one.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Why can't i just admit that i get sick???

Well looking back on the blog I started with severe muscle pain on October 23rd. and I assumed it was PMS related...... or i think that i am just being a baby, or complaining too much, or i realize that I cannot schedule to get sick until after November 17th as that will be my first days off from work or doctor appointments!!! So for 10 days now, i have been dealing with fatigue and muscle pain. Last night in bed, i couldn't even move my position in bed without much effort and tears... i wish i could explain how every single muscle in my body aches.... i even sit here now at work dreading having to get up and move. My thigh muscles feel like they have arrows piercing them. So this morning, my angel on Earth, had enough, and I was told by Ms. Christina, that if I didn't call to make an appointment, She herself would. If you know this woman, you'd understand........ I called and went to the doctor this morning........ the whole time i am saying it's just hormone levels, and now that "IT" is here, all will be fine. Well Doctor doesn't think it it hormone levels,....
My doctor said that my lungs sound terrible, i am wheezing all over the place. I am running a fever, my blood pressure was 170/110 (pain increases blood pressure) She ordered a Chest Xray and all kinds of blood work. it could be a flair up of the Epstein Barr Virus. she also ordered a Mono screening and some other things. i am supposed to take Motrin around the clock, and use my inhaler frequently!!! So I guess I've actually been sick :( , who'd of guessed??? I am very tired i know that much......I'd love a day to not do a thing, to just lie in bed and let my body rest, So maybe Sunday? maybe Sunday

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

The "Weapon of Choice"

Wow, haven't blogged in a few days. and much info to give. First off let me say that Andrew is really doing well, my son is back. he rarely has headaches anymore, he's got so much energy. and he's picking up on his school assignments rather quickly. Now, Friday's therapy left him very "sick" but that was expected. there is more overwhelming proof that we are working with problems associated strictly from having the concussion and not an inner ear problem. So i gave him a "Dramamine" for the motion sickness and nausea..... he slept all afternoon and all evening and woke up feeling great!!!

Christina went with me, and that was a trip in and of itself..... we had so much fun. Andrew loves his "Aunt Christina" Kim and Chris finally got to meet (after Drew's appointment we picked her up) And i must say they both hit it off right away. as they both told me they immediately felt comfortable with each other. Now i must say, they tended to pick on me a little bit, and i did feel out numbered at times, but i managed to survive!

Kim and I are definitely good traveling buddies. It was a very relaxing road trip. The trip going out east was rainy, and terribly foggy... there were times that I couldn't see anything in front of me. I drove slow and steady, I was in no hurry. And I just had "faith" that all would be fine. We ended up staying with one of my friends out near Hershey. Both Kim and I felt at home there too. I wanted to see Joyce Meyer in person for so long, and it seemed to work out that we were able to go. oh Satan tried to screw up the plans in about 10 different ways, but I let God take care of him, and I didn't worry about it. We managed to get with in 12 rows of center stage. . . . . For those who don't know Joyce Meyer, let me tell you.... she has a way of speaking to you.......she speaks about dealing with everyday life. She is real and she relates!!

Our lesson on Saturday was how to put the "armor of protection" on. How to survive in today's world. You know if you think about it too much, this world is very scary. and sometimes just overwhelming because we don't seem to have control. God doesn't want us to live in fear. And although many things in life are beyond our control.......... NOTHING is beyond God's control.

Well, do you know what the "weapon of choice" is to fight Satan and his demons??? It is Love and Forgiveness. If you think about it, it makes sense. The one thing that Satan hates is Peace in Our lives. and the one thing that prevents us from having peace is letting hatred, jealousy, anger, revenge, consume our thoughts and our lives. My friend from out east, is having such a problem in her life right now. She HATES her mother, she hates her childhood, yeah there were degrees of abuse there as well as abandonment. There is so much garbage in her past that she has held on too. . . . . . . . she can't shake it, She takes pills to sleep or she can't sleep, she needs stimulants to wake up, or she can't wake up. She has "headaches ALL the time" She hates her marriage, she hates her life........ she hates her mother, most of all she Hates herself ......... it is a vicious circle. She went with us to see Joyce on Saturday, and I just pray that the seed was planted, that is all. I love her dearly, and I want her to be happy, but again I am reminded that I cannot control any ones happiness but my own!!

to this day, I have some people say to me that they think it is just so "weird" how me and my x husbands relationship is, they say it isn't normal!!!! . I could have become bitter, held on to my anger. make my x husband pay for what he did to me. get even with him, settle the score....... all in the name of what??? How would this have helped me? How would our children have benefited from so much hate? Oh yeah Satan would have loved it, because with this hate, Satan has power, he has power to manipulate our lives so that we can't ever find peace. When i consciously made an effort to forgive Albert (x husband) and ask his forgiveness for my downfall in the marriage. When I gave my entire situation to God. Satan lost his grip on my life, and there was nothing he could do. Everyone that comes to my house, say there is a feeling of "comfort and peace" in my home, that they can't put a finger on it Well I can. Although i fail frequently, I truly try to let God take over.... and I do my best to let love shine through... God does the rest.

I needed a reminder this weekend, i needed rejuvenated. There are so many areas which I fail, and I am reminded to keep trying........ keep loving,.......... keep forgiving!!!

As much as it feels good to get away.......... there is No place like Home, and come Sunday Kim and I were both ready to be Home....... we had a beautiful morning to travel...... we'll have to do it again.....

So if I learned anything this weekend....... Love is the ultimate weapon in fighting Satan....
did you put your "love" on today?

Thursday, October 25, 2007

whats happening????

My muscles in every inch of my body are hurting soooooooo bad!!! i mean even my joints in my fingers and toes, the tissue between my ribs my back, my legs, my arms, my muscles in my neck. If i cough, or bare down (i.e. use the bath room) i get a Pressure pain in the left side of my head. Haven't been too worried, because i do get muscle aches and head aches about a week before my period is actually due.... maybe though this month, the hormone levels are really jumping around causing havoc on me. Other than a little tired, I don't feel sick.... i mean if i could just lie there and not move around..... i think I'd be okay!!

Thanks to my buddy Christina whom i just love, (although if i remember, the exact words i was using for her yesterday when she "talked" me into going to curves was, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you) I went and worked out yesterday..... so far that is 2 days. I know that at one point I am going to get a hike in with Kimmie and Lydia. so I'll do what I can do. But in all seriously Christina, I do appreciate you gently kicking my butt into action.

Andrew is doing really well, and is officially getting on my nerves now :0) and i couldn't be happier. he seems to be able to read a little more, as i notice him doing more and more of his homework. And his energy is coming back in leaps and bounds!!!! He goes for therapy tomorrow in Pittsburgh. Chris is coming with me, and then we are picking up Kimmie, and then we should be heading out East to Hershey to see Joyce Meyer. I am expecting a great week end. so I am pretty sure that is what I am going to get.

Have a great weekend folks, and I will tell you all about it when I can.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007


last night at about 2am i woke up because my body seemed to be in so much pain.......every muscle aching, terrible head ache, and of course a very stuffy nose. I feel like a Mack truck hit me!!! Before i used to worry that i had some terrible illness, until almost a year ago I started to take note of when I was feeling this way. It happens almost like clock work... and I have figured out it is truly PMS So I can pin point that this lasts, to a degree, 5 to 8 days. In a couple days this pain, irritability, headaches and such will slowly start subsiding , and then a day after "it" occurs, I will be feeling pretty good. It is hard to believe what an important role hormones play in our body. I mean hormone fluctuation causes even my finger muscles to ache, I will cry much more easily than i normally do. My patience level is shorter. My fatigue is greatly increased. And I crave more foods. and chocolate, I crave chocolate. I am learning when i eat really healthy, these symptoms seem to be less, when I take my vitamins with extra B's, these symptoms seem to be less, When I am exercising steady, these symptoms seem to be less......... Well i guess knowing how terrible i feel, I don't think I did well in these departments the past few weeks. So my life style has GOT to turn back to the way that I was before. Melody is still strongly in my thoughts, and my promise, i remember. ..... I am planning on a great time this weekend.. a time to rejuvenate my spirit, a time of renewal my goals... I time to start concentrating on me and my goals...... Andrew is improving, Football season is over, my days at work have leveled off to 2 or 3 days. Christina, your life is on a down swing too.......... i mean your business, not your life!!! you know what I mean. there is no reason that we can't do Curves 3 days a week, and get outside 2 days a week.......... how hard would that really be??? Well i go to work today, tomorrow, and Thursday, Andrew has an appointment on Friday morning in Pittsburgh, I pick up Kim, and then plan on a great weekend....... so this week is packed full........

Love and Blessings to everyone.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

A conversation with Kim

Good morning! Just got off the phone with Kim, and we are both so excited about this coming weekend. actually we were so excited, neither of us could talk very well...

Me: kdfid oijkhdf n oiugn;vgmnm ajdfnfvfv jkgask;lftguj ku ki asod
Kim: diofroigf gk ggjgtg aosrhtaqiokfef dke gtor lsjkt owet j lsert

Seriously though, words just weren't coming out, And some of the wording left us laughing so hard..... Kim, nothing will beat the wording you used about your mom and dad..... that was such a "Freudian" slip. and I can't even say what you said as to fear your mama is reading this :o)
but let me tell was funny!!!!

As it works out, I will be in Pittsburgh on Friday morning taking Andrew to therapy.... Christina is going to come with me cause i am scared to drive in Pittsburgh by myself. We will prob be done the same time Kim is ready to leave for our road trip. Although Kim wasn't worried, she was concerned about possibly driving to my house, and even driving back home on Sunday in the dusk/dark. Kim is doing as little driving as possible right now while she is waiting for her next scheduled eye surgery. So not a problem, we will swing by and Pick Kimmie up, and then Bill and I will take her back on Sunday...... so there is no problem!!!
Oh in Kimmie's blog she comments that we are going to be like Thelma and Louise. however it was quickly decided that we are going to be Lucy and Ethel. Yup if you know me or Kimmie at all you will agree, Lucy and Ethel all the way.... I am praying that God keeps his hand in our little trip, I am feeling that this is needed for one reason or another.... So look out Hershey, look out Joyce Meyer, we come.
oh yeah, i was actually thinking about how much fun it would be to "camp " out over night, and wait for the gates to open up the next day......... well let me tell you, I don't think Kim liked that Idea..... she said she will think about going early Saturday, the doors open at 8am, the service starts at 10am maybe I'd like to get there at 6:30am.....that sounds reasonable doesn't it???

It's a beautiful day, I will rejoice.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Doctors, Doctors, Doctors.......

That has been my week so far.... I think I've had 3 days of doctor appointments this week. and usually when i am not in Pittsburgh at an appointment for Drew, I am at work (i am here now) So realistically Curves isn't /hasn't been an option until Friday. Today i could have gone to Curves. but frankly, I am exhausted!!! Yesterday Andrew had another appointment, his concussion Doctor was a little concerned that Andrew is NOT healing fast enough. He was concerned with Inner ear damage during the "HIT" last month/ vs. results from a bad concussion. Well after hours of testing. Andrew doesn't appear to have Inner Ear involvement. So the good news is it is all concussion related, and treatable and healable. Poor Drew, if I even thought he was just saying he couldn't read for any length of time to get out of school work. I should have known better. with some of the testing, you could actually see, when Drew tried to focus on a word or object. the right eye would stay on the object, the left eye went another direction... this poor boy, was fighting just to look at the word let alone comprehend what it meant... no wonder he gets massive migraines because of this. Again as we have been told by several doctors, HE will get better, but we cannot push it, or put a "time frame" on it. he will now go to weekly therapy sessions to work with his visual problem at the eye and ear institute in Pittsburgh, as well as his regular appointments with Dr. Collins at the Sports center, as well as his appointments with the Migraine/headache Specialist.

my job here at Kiski is being wonderful wonderful wonderful. I am able to switch my schedule at a drop of the hat. and they are working with me every step of the way. At this point the other job isn't working out quickly enough.........again I just coast and let God lead in that matter. and right now I couldn't honestly give them days without worrying about needing to switch and change them.

Thanks for breakfast this morning Christina......... So this morning, i am talking with Chris, and she is talking about this whole grain/high fiber/flax seed cereal, so i went to her house to have breakfast with her. well, wouldn't you know, Andrew asked if he could go too.... how cute is that? I know that my kids adore/and love Christina. but for him to want to have breakfast with two "old ladies" talking about fiber and carbs and sugar grams and fat grams.. this poor poor boy must truly be bored!!! oh Chris, keep the peanut butter i left, I'll get another jar.... it's this new peanut butter which is so so healthy, also made with flax seed and flax seed oils, it's high in fiber, low in sugar, low in carbs and the lowest in fat healthy peanut butter i found yet. Please Christina, remind me to make Drew his apple pie,......... cause i just don't want to sit on the "throne of lies". Oh and thanks for planning on accompanying me to Andrews next session next Friday, i sure appreciate it.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

okay, when is this week going to start again??

well Patti and Christina, I am so glad that my blog was of use for your "visit" yesterday... feel free to use it anytime you like ;0).

Kim, just a couple more weeks until the weekend away. I am so excited and so looking forward to it. Just watch....... life is going to try and keep us from going I just know it.

Andrew had another doctor appointment today, And there is good news and bad news. the good news is. the physical part of the brain is pretty much completely recovered. He is feeling better, and physically able to use the elliptical machine, and stay awake longer, and throw a football with his brothers.... and get on my nerves as only a 16 year old boy can. The bad news is............... the front part of his brain is healing much slower than they thought, and they need to look in other directions as to why this is happening. He goes tomorrow to be evaluated for a Vestibular rehabilitation program. there may have been some inner ear involvement with the head impact. Also they said....... " we cannot speed up the healing process from the concussion." UNDERSTAND Andrew IS getting better. 5 weeks ago, he couldn't walk a few steps without getting sick, 3 weeks ago, movement and reading made him sick. 2 weeks ago, he was able to move a little more without getting sick. 1 week ago. he could read 2 paragraphs of something without getting sick. This week. He is able to do the elliptical, and read a page or two before getting sick......... So there is improvement. But the boy needs to be able to do his school work. which i must say the Saltsburg School has been wonderful to work with, they are going to have a meeting with all of Andrews teachers on Thursday..... so they can work together and figure out a plan for Andrew. He has two tutors that come daily to help him... and they are looking into software that scans a text book, and then Andrew would be able to Listen to his assignments instead of reading them. the doctor would like him out of school until at least the end of November. The principal said maybe coming back after Christmas break would work for Andrew. Today driving through rush hour traffic, visiting the doctor, taking the "brain test" as Drew calls it, wore him out, he went to sleep before noon and is still sleeping 4 hours later.... this is NOT Andrew.

well enough of that. i should go eat one of my many many meals in a day. this Curves plan!!! I have chicken salad made with light mayo on a bed of veggies, i also have a meal of an apple and 3/4 oz of Cheddar cheese. and i have a meal of celery and flax seed peanut butter /no sugar to dip it in. which do i eat first??? oh decisions!!!!!!

Monday, October 15, 2007

The Weekend

the weekend was a busy one.........but a very very nice one. Christina's son is now married. The wedding reception turned out great, actually really "great". I spent most of Friday afternoon/evening there, most of Saturday there (minus a few hours for my youngest sons midget football game and senior night) And then i spent Sunday morning there. Chris did a wonderful job organizing this wedding, I think she could become a wedding planner quite easily, although I am pretty sure that she does NOT want to do that.

I would like to get to Curves today, the bottom line is, i will look at my schedule and fit in Curves 3 times this week....... it is not a "try" but a "must. Although I did not eat tons of food this weekend, i did pick at some wrong foods. and I am looking forward to eating my lean protein, complex carbs, tons of veggies Curves eating plan this week.

Andrew has an appointment on Friday. He is improving greatly and is quickly becoming an annoying teenager.

Please keep my friend Kellie's son in prayer...... his pain is increasing, he goes this week for appointments. God Bless this family, they are praying, that when they get there, there will be room at the Ronald McDonald house or something like that, because the expense is taking its toll on this precious family. Nathan you are a beautiful little boy, hang in there buddy.

Well I think I'll get going, rest, do laundry, catch up on house work. although the family tries, it still needs a mom's touch, and i was non existent here this weekend.

Love to you all

Kimmie, won't be long now...........just a couple of weeks

Friday, October 12, 2007


Well, Okay........... yesterday it was almost a perfect "Patti day." Now understand, I went grocery shopping........ i bought the twizzler licorice for the kiddo's, I even bought a small bag of mini choc bars. NOT a problem. didn't touch them, actually had no desire to touch them. All this dang "healthy" food has kept me full. BUT, and I must say, Christina stopped here to pick up Katie to take her to get her hair cut, still no problem.............. And Christina brought a plate of those mini little ladylock cookies ..... yes, I know can you believe she did that..... I know she does it because my kids LOVE LOVE LOVE her baking. but still!!! The good thing is though, I had 2 tiny little cookies........ when I could normally, and have done before, eaten 10 at one sitting. So i didn't let these two little cookies totally kill my evening.......... the old me would have been upset, and once i "cheated" would have figured what the H%#$ and then I would have eaten a dozen of those cookies, and then since i already screwed up I would have eaten the chocolate bars, and prob would have mindlessly eaten the twizzlers. And since i ate all that "junk" why bother eating the lean protein, complex carbs and fresh veggies??? So you see how the cycles would go. So i sat down with a cup of coffee and had two little cookies. So i made it 5.5 Patti days......... not bad.

Chris cannot go to Curves this morning. And I must say in my head, I keep saying.......or it's that dang "fat devil" saying..........." don't go to Curves this morning, you have such a busy day today. you have to leave to take Andrew to the doctors, and then you are going to help you bestest friend get ready for the wedding" and my poor healthy angel is saying ....
"come on Sandi, you leave for your appointment at 11:15am, go to Curves first thing this morning, you'll be back before you know it with plenty of time to get ready for the doctor appointment. If you don't go now.....YOU will NOT get there for 3 sessions this week. and that was your goal"....... Ah, these voices in my head. Does anyone else hear these voices too? So of course i plan on going to Curves....... I will get back on this morning before 11 am to tell you if I went or not. If i do go, this is a big step in recovering from the dip I've experienced as of late. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day for me also, I just want to try and make things as easy as possible so that Christina can enjoy her sons wedding and not have to "work" it..... Ahhhhhhhhh, Chris. Sunday will be here before you know it. I know you went from a crazy busy summer at the golf course, ...... directly into planning/cooking/baking/cleaning/preparing for this wedding. Soon my friend, you will get to enjoy some YOU time. at least that is my hope.
Well got to go, Have a great weekend......... it will be, if you decide to make it such!!!


Well, I am back from Curves. I did go....... and It was one of the hardest workouts I've ever done there.... my muscles actually "burned" during the last 5 seconds of each machine. When I was done.......... I could not go through one more circuit. Came home, made a 2 egg scramble with 1 serving of Turkey sausage, 1 slice of low fat Swiss cheese, and 1 slice of whole grain /flax/ fiber bread toasted.......... yummy!!! oh I also drank 16 oz of H2O. just in case Andrew wants to stop at a drive thru..... i am packing an apple and 1/2 sandwich........ baked ham, lettuce tomato and a "schmear" as Patti says of Light Mayo. So I won't be tempted.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Kim, Kim, Kim.......

Kim after reading your blog today........i must say that i am just too too tired anymore to have many "Kim days" in a row.... but I will see what I can do...... I am sure Bill would be thrilled ;0).

On the other hand, Patti Days have gotten easier No sugar yesterday, and No sugar today either. so what is that? 4 "Patti days" in a row...

For those who don't know, I met Patti and Kim years ago on a nutrition website called Calorie King. We first became cyber friends, oh how long ago......5+ years now?? I met Patti in person 3 years ago, (she lives in Arizona). And Kim, who used to live on the other side of the state, recently moved in the area, So we get together when we can. She is the one I am going on the Joyce Meyer road trip with. I can honestly say these women, are such dear friends, Sisters to me. It is so neat how people can meet from across countries and across states.... It is so Awesome to Watch God in action.......and how he intertwines peoples lives. I've meet a few other friends via this thing called a computer....... I met a dear friend who lives in Canada... She too was a part of Calorie King, She is friends with Patti and Kimmie also. and i must say I think my husband enjoyed her husband as much as i enjoy her.... So where am I going with this? oh yeah i remember..... Patti is a diabetic, and she has for years been trying to "get it all together". She spent a few years......can i say maintaining. and then recently I'd say the past year or so.. She finally GOT IT!!! and i mean this in a good way......... she doesn't obsess about food and weight loss, i mean she enjoyed the "Amish nut bread" every bit as much as the other person. She has learned to Live Healthy........ not BE on a diet. I must say the weight has dropped off bunches for her, she looks wonderful. And she is such a stickler about unnecessary sugars. so that is why i am giving that up , or at least trying to in her honor:0) Now Kimmie is jealous that i don't have a "Kim" day.... And honestly, if you know Kim ( i must remember Kim's mom reads my blogs sometimes) i am not so sure if i could handle "Kim days" too often. ahhhhh Gee i am thinking that i may have to start a Christina day after she reads this..........what to do????

Today i worked out really really hard at Curves....... my muscles feel it right now. And I feel those first few pounds that "quickly" come on the body after you stop eating right and exercising regularly tend to be more of a fluid/water fluctuation. and not actual fat lbs. because after just 4 days of this I already feel thinner.......if that makes any sense at all.

Well I am working right now..... and then i do that double back thing,..... so i come back to work tomorrow morning.. Still have some busy times coming up....... ah, will Sunday get here???

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Some where over the rainbow!!

Isn't this just a beautiful sky? I thought so, took this on Sunday, although you can't see it, there is a rainbow right above the clouds.... ah, what a beautiful world.
This is day 3 on a Patti Day. and i must admit it wasn't as difficult. So this is a good thing. Oh yeah and I DID go to Curves last night. I do love going there, and actually sad that I've missed a week. I am planning on going tomorrow morning before work. and then i plan on going on Friday before we leave for one of Andrew's many appointments. Tomorrow I go to work before noon, so maybe I'll do my yoga for weight loss tape. it's all in the planning and organizing, and putting it in my schedule like any other important appointment.
Today i spent most of the day in Pittsburgh, getting re certified so to speak to work with the home health agency. Funny thing is my patient from before, (the whole reason in doing this), is no longer with this agency. but just today they are looking at another case...
a 7 year old boy with mental retardation, and Leukemia... what an honor that would be to take care of this young man. . . . well , whatever happens, happens. God I put this in your hands, and trust that you will send me to the exact spot that i am needed. Not sure what you are doing at this point..... but guess i don't need to know. Go ahead and I will follow!!! The other nurse that was there for this possible case, is not sure she wants to deal with the prognosis part of the case, Not sure she wants to deal with death. especially the death of a Child. For some reason that part doesn't scare me...
I am tired many test, test on nursing care, and safety, and OSHA, and Blood borne diseases. on the HIPA act... and then they threw in the Pediatric Nursing test........ gee haven't did that in 19 years when i took in in Nursing school......... must say just used common sense to answer............scored a 86% I'll take it :)
Well, i should get going......... have things to do around the house. Andrew had tutoring today.......and he is so miserable he can't even eat. so i should go check on him . talk to you all later

Monday, October 08, 2007

Day two..... Patti day!!!

Yes, that is what i am calling it..... if i go a day without added sugar. I call it a "Patti Day" and this is the second day. Now i am not counting the minimal "natural sugar" in my apple or my 1/2 cup of mixed berries. I am talking the `twizzlers` and brownies and that kind of crap. I know if i can cut out the sugar for a few days that it WILL get easier. And i am realizing.... sometimes if i don't go for a 7 mile hike, i feel that I am not working out. Saturday I didn't go to Curves BUT ms. Patti, I did a walking tape. Sunday I did a mile walk as well as a short exercise tape. and today I AM GOING TO CURVES WITH CHRISTINA ;0)!!! tomorrow Bill and I have scheduled a short 2.5-3.0 mile hike, I think the weather is to cool off drastically in the next few days. I must say this 90 degree weather is really really hard for my asthma. Sometimes i get this all or nothing attitude, and that's just a Crock... I have a wonderful Yoga for Weight loss tape, that makes me feel so good..... i can do that for 30 minutes and my body/muscles feel it. I work weds. and Thurs. Andrew has a doctor appointment on Friday, plan of hanging with Christina on Friday to help cook and get ready for the wedding. as well as i plan on being down there most of Saturday. then the wedding,.....straight to Sammy's "senior" night for midget football. Maybe Sunday I will give to a day of rest. Tomorrow i go to Pittsburgh to do some paperwork and such for my home health job. ( Bill is taking off to go with me, and we plan on stopping somewhere do get the "hike " in) Gina, i miss you...... hope to see you down there at Chris' on Friday evening..... we can cook together and figure out a strategy to go for little hikes at times.
Well i got to go get my whole grain flax seed bread with lean turkey breast, light mayo, lettuce, tomato's and onions ready to eat for Lunch.
I'll let you know how Curves was.

PS Kimmie, it won't be long now. looking forward to the road trip :0)

Friday, October 05, 2007

What an excuse!!!

yeah that is what I've been doing. Excuses for not going to Curves. Excuses for not eating how i am supposed too. Not getting nearly enough of the calories requested. Not getting nearly enough of the protein requested. Prob taking in too much sugar, not probably.... how about definitely taking in too much sugar. Yeah I am working a lot! Yes i have many appointments to take my son to. Yes my other kids have been sick on and off. Yes I have a football game of some sort to attend on every day I have off. Yes I've been dealing with allergy related symptoms.... so where in that equation does it say.... thou need NOT go to Curves today. Thou need not go for a hike today. Thou Need to eat as many strawberry twizzlers through out the day, for no apparent reason. Come on Sandi, get real!!! Every morning I wake up and remember my promise to Melody, ~~that angel is relentless, she just doesn't give up!~~ I am sitting her looking at my schedule, maybe i can't go every time with Christina, and since i switch shifts, I can't go at the same time every day....... but gee, I CAN GO 3 TIMES A WEEK!!! I need to get real, it takes less than 1hour out of my day, driving to-exercising/stretching-driving back. less than 1 hour! I am looking to put another job into my schedule, I may only do this job 4/5 days out of the month. But if i am not dealing with my scheduling now, how in the heck am i going to do this? I realize that Motivation has ups and downs for Everyone.... and I need to continually dig for the motivation from within myself. I need to remember my dreams, goals and promises. Not to the world, Not to my friends, Not to my family, Not to Melody. I need to remember for ME!!!

Just a few weeks before Kim and I take a road trip. I am looking forward to that. I need that now. To get away, to rejuvenate my body and spirit. to step away for a moment from what consumes me...... being a mother, a wife, a nurse, a taxi, a restaurant, a peace keeper, a housekeeper. A couple days to focus on me. That is not a bad thing is it ???

:Update on Drew, I do see improvement, he began home schooling on Tues, and I must say, he now realizes how much he "injured" his brain. last night he had such a major headache after tutoring. and he said he had a difficult time focusing on the task at hand. BUT he is improving, and he is doing exactly what the doctors say he should be doing. So I need to sit back, and have Faith, have faith that God put these doctors in Andrews life for a reason. have faith that they know what they are talking about. have Faith that God has his hand in this. what more do i need?

well i really should get moving here at work. the Kiski boys are starting to come in :0)
it is Friday, have a great weekend