Friday, May 22, 2009

Walking in Faith..........


Good morning....... Bill found out last night as of midnight, His company is on strike!!! No unemployment, no nothing. He could be on strike for a few days, a few weeks, a few months........it is all up in the air.
How am i feeling about this? I am okay, It is so easy to talk/preach about walking in Faith until you actually have to do it. Of course my mind has to process this...... i have to deal with the fear of the unknown, and with everything else in my life, when something happens, i take time to just meditate and pray..... like i said over and over again.... you don't "find" peace. You make a conscious effort to bring Peace to your soul. So how has my mind worked since i found out the news............ well last night, I listened to the sounds of the night, and stared into the dark vast sky, looking at the stars.... i fell into a deep sleep, I woke up this morning, watching the sky change from a deep purple, to a dark blue, to a soft gray to a deep red, with strokes of orange and pink and yellow..... to a baby blue, with the heat of the sun already pushing on the Earth... Yes of course there were moments that a dull ache in my stomach reminded me that Today Bill wasn't making any money.. but i made a conscious effort to put that thought away...... and i must be honest my thoughts immediately went to my nephew Alex, his brother and sister and his family... going on strike, losing a job...... not being able to pay bills..... IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in the big bright scheme of things. When Alex died, that family's life was forever altered... when Gail's baby boy died, it wasn't for a short while, or even for an undetermined time..... it is Forever on this Earth!!! No matter how long or how short, what we are going through is temporary.
I am just Amazed how God has prepared me, just think, if i were still at Kiski Prep... i'd be done with work this week too.... i'd be going on Summer break for 3 months.... we would have NO income....... we are so blessed that Bill was able to pull a little out of his retirement to pay the mortgage a month ahead, not everyone has that luxury. I know without a doubt, that God will see my family through....... oh and as of June first my health insurance is stopped..... not sure how that will affect my June 27th apt. but IF and i say IF we are still on strike, i'll just postpone the adjustment/check up...... i have a lifetime here, so what's a couple of months? if i need to Pennsylvania has an awesome health plan for children. no matter what the parents income is...... Andrew is getting his surgery under the wire........... Wow............ writing this, i am finding how blessed i am.........
Now why the geese???? well i think i may have posted something about them before....but i'll explain again..... over 10 years ago when my first husband left me, it was truly the darkest hour in my life..... it was the first time ever that i didn't feel the hand of God on me, Although i wasn't suicidal in the sense that i'd harm myself, i was suicidal in the passive way...... i would never swerve my car in the path of a Mack truck, but if that truck would of crossed over and hit me......... i would not have cared.!! The dark cold season, lasted throughout the winter.. i finally accepted my state of mind, and i stopped running away from the pain, but i just let myself feel the pain....... My life was suddenly and forever altered. Me a single mom of a 8,6,3 year old..... well during this time i started walking .......everyday..... for at least 5 miles...... it was more of a meditating time for me than an exercise routine...... one Early spring afternoon, i head out my door, and start walking on the country road, the air was so crisp and clean, and i remember the sky being so so blue.... not hazy blue of summertime, but the blue you see in early spring and late fall.... as i begin to walk past the pond...... two geese take flight out of the water,........ both calling to each other............. at that moment, my heart suddenly felt so light...... and i again felt God's hand on me, realizing He never left me, He had been there comforting me the entire journey. I KNEW at that moment........... i would be alright..... my spirit would not be altered by the circumstance.........bitterness and hatred would not remain....... The simple sound and vision of those geese gave me an incredible peace......... and i remember this EVERYTIME i hear and see Geese in flight............
This morning as the sun was coming up......... two lone geese fly past my window conversing with each other......... and I remember...... I remember that the Hand of God never Leaves me.........

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