Dear 2009,

Dear 2009,
It has been a pleasure knowing you, although at times you made my life stressful, you have been a dear friend that will not be forgotten. Thank you for giving me the gift of the LapBand... it has been a fun journey, and a journey that has just begun.( thanks for taking those extra pounds so far, you can keep them) You also provided me with this really cool job, with so much potential and promise. yeah i realize you also brought a Strike that lasted 3 months, any you brought a loss of a son whom belonged to me for 5 years. Your friendship caused a financial struggle at times. But there wasn't a day that i didn't want to greet you, and when i went to bed, i never wished you gone. I know that our time is about up, and it is just a fact of life, i cannot be your friend much longer, you see a new friend is coming tomorrow, he is 2010, oh the plan's i have for him :o). But i cannot keep you both. oh i know people who will try to keep you..... but living in the past just is a waste of time for me. This is a sad day for many, it feels like an ending. it is a happy day for many because they may be glad to leave you behind. I am neither happy or sad. what i do feel is content........ i am at peace with you my dear friend, and i thank you for that. oh although I will not see you anymore, please know that a part of you will always be with me because so much good has happened in my life since i met you. Well 2009 It is time that i get going. one more thing, Thank you for the beautiful last morning you gave me, I woke up to a blanket of fluffy snow........ what a nice gift.

With Fond Memories,
Yours truly,

Sandi

Wellness Coach/Vera Bradley/no connection

Katie and my niece Ashley went shopping today and picked me up a Vera Bradley tote...... as you see in photo above. those who know me, know that i like BIG purses and totes. this one is perfect, the pockets on the side are wide enough to easily hold my 32 oz water bottles. i am quite happy and pleased with the design and the style and colors.... they did great.
So I've been doing a lot of checking things out, talking to my brother, and the office manager. i plan on getting Certification in Wellness Coaching/ Life Coaching. i am looking at online courses, as well as looking into some local collages that may have this. I can do this with a Nursing background as well as the courses I've taken for DBT training. i am excited but also realize that i am going to have to step up my own Wellness a notch. The best teacher is by example. And I do believe i have a wonderful start. i'd like to eventually get a personal training certification but that will be after i finish my last 75 lbs. i am in no hurry, but i do see myself going in this direction, i am being pulled in this direction. I did my workout on Monday, and today, and my body hurts.. ALOT. I plan on getting back up to Johnny soon too, and when we can coordinate my men and Christina's men we should get the gym up and running first of the year....
Well speaking of wellness, I am feeling so good, can i say it is the vitamins? maybe, esp if they are being utilized in my body and not sent away with my waste, but i will say this, i just went through having my "bad time of the month", and it wasn't bad. i noticed I've been happier, have more energy, had no need for my Migraine preventative medication this week,....... I just know that God has this brilliant idea for me, I just don't know all of it yet, so i just go with the flow, and accept that God Knows what he is doing, and i only have the as you need to know basis.
Well i am really into Harry Potter again, so i think i am going to head to bed and read book 6. i made homemade bread, and a huge pot of Holiday ( Italian wedding soup) Soup, that everyone devoured. my kids are content to be home, and i am content to have them home...
I think i will just rejoice in this moment......... Good night to all

Christina's View

Okay, I know you gotta be tired of seeing the view from my hill, so the other day i went to Christina's porch, when everything was icy and took a photo from her house..... ain't it pretty?

I had a wonderful Christmas, i would say almost picture perfect. Now the kids don't get up before the Sun to open presents, so when Albert got here at 8 am, we opened gifts, and I made Breakfast, French Toast, Sausage, Bacon in the rotisserie, Hash browns, and cut up Oranges....... yummy...... The kids were thrilled with everything they got. And Katie was not her normal moody self :0). What was really cool this year, The kids were so excited watching each other open the gifts they got for them. Even Sammy has been coming to help me clean so he could pay for really cool Penguin shirts for Katie and Andrew. Andrew pulled out his "dusty" money to purchase everyone a gift ( he got Bill and I a Red Lobster gift card, which we used today) He told me a couple weeks ago that it was so exciting anticipating us opening gifts from him, than anticipating what he got....... welcome to the Christmas Spirit Drew) my children are growing up and i am so so proud of them. beside a great dinner, my favorite gifts were a Columbia jacket and a Pocket knife, yes you heard me, a pocket knife....... I joke with Christina that it will someday come in handy when i am out in the woods during one of our hikes... you never know. i am an odd girl of sorts, give me a pocket knife, kitchen appliances, warm hiking socks (g0t those too) and I am thrilled..... Jewelry, fancy clothes and that kind of stuff just isn't for me. Oh i also got the book Blindsided, based on the new movie, and the Harry Potter Movie........ which i've watched twice already. Well i am going to get going for now, i work tomorrow, and Tuesday. but then i'll be off for the next six days. I certainly have not over done it with the eating, and i even did my squats, lunges, and exercise band...... but in all honesty, i am not exercising how i am normally used to. so I am going to start documenting what i do, and i am not waiting for the first of the year.... I start tomorrow :o)

Have a great day, and Many Blessings

Let Us Not Forget.

For Unto Us a Child is Born, Unto Us a Son is Given: And the Government shall be upon his shoulder: and His name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The Mighty God, The Everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace (Isaiah 6)

During this awesome family time, filled with laughter, good food, presents, old movies, Christmas music playing in the back ground, lights and color and trees. i must remember the reason for my Joy. I would not be this happy without the Birth of this beautiful baby. and i know that life isn't easy, but i do KNOW , that i never have to be alone during the storms in my life. And i thank God for His wonderful gift to Us.

I think i told Patti, or Christina, not sure which one, I am so happy and content right now, i don't even think anti depressant medication works this way...... i almost think that maybe somebody is slipping me something... Maybe it is those high quality vitamins that i seem to tolerate very well. maybe it is me learning so much about living in the moment without dwelling on past or present at my office.... I quit wondering, i think i'll just enjoy :0)

Yesterday after work Bill Sam and I ran to the Mall to see if Sammy's phone could get fixed (easy fix) well at one point, i accidentally bumped into this man, and He gave me such a dirty look, bill joked that i didn't have a licence to walk....... the man had such a mean look on his face, I said to Bill..... "leave the miserable man alone, and then i looked at him and said, Sorry you are so grumpy, but Merry Christmas and God Bless. He turned away!! I wasn't mad, I just was sad for a moment, looking around seeing so many miserable people going through the motions.... How so sad to go through life like this, face it folks, we only live once, and the world is going to continue to spin whether we are content or miserable.... it is your choice.

My wish is that we can all find and experience our own peace in our lives..... ( i do not say perfection, i say peace)

Have a Merry Christmas, And May God Bless Us All, Everyone!!!

No Wagon for Me

my dearest friend Patti, has this thing about the statement " i fell off the wagon..." when talking about a health and weight loss plan. And i was one of those people who "used" to fall off the wagon ALL the time, at holiday's, kids birthdays, my birthday, the weekend, I'd fall off the wagon when i was happy or sad, content or frustrated...........weight watchers,....... fall off the wagon. South beach......fall off the wagon. Slim fast........ fall off the wagon..... Dang I was getting bruised falling off that Wagon so much!!!! So HOW does one fix that? actually it is quite easy. 2 and 1/2 years ago, i decided to NOT get on the wagon anymore! Now that doesn't mean I don't have setbacks, of course i do. but you see I am on this path, this journey.... sometimes i speed along this path to better health and weight loss....... but sometimes I walk really slow, and just enjoy the "walk". 2 years ago, I spent almost 2 weeks in the hospital ( not consecutive weeks). had a tough time walking and breathing at the same time, I was ALWAYS sick. i had stomach problems. I was 40 years old and had the body and health of a 70 year old. On so many medications, steroids every other month, inhalers, antibiotics, antihistamines............ i had NO energy.... Well I haven't been in the hospital since that decision to get off and stay off the damn wagon. I've dropped 100 pounds, might have used the inhaler two or three times during peak allergy season out in the woods ( with Christina's encouragement) haven't needed steroids or antibiotics, or other medications for a couple of years. Now during this journey... there have been month long stints where i stayed the same weight..... might even gain one or two during PMS.... but they come back off. I have 75 more pounds to lose, I am figuring another year or two to lose that....... but i don't have a time frame for it........

it is the holiday season......... and yes I've eaten a cookie or two, or three. but it is a decision that i make. and i am picking and choosing. Like for instance, they had a Pizza party at work yesterday, i chose NOT to participate i packed my Fish and Greek yogurt and Sugar free 60 calorie Jello Mousse and cherry tomato's. I did not have one bit of pizza, and i feel i didn't miss out on anything. it is just a decision to remain in control during the holiday season........ and let me tell you, i am surrounded by yummy baked goods, and such at the office. and if i do indulge in a piece, i make sure it is a favorite, i am not just going to eat cause it is there. will i lose weight this month? maybe/maybe not. will I gain weight this holiday month, prob not :0)

Before and After

BEFORE

look at this kitchen, after making 9 dozen sugar cookies, and a rotisserie turkey breast with ALL the trimmings, and three kids decorating the sugar cookies, all of this at the same time.... not sure what hit my kitchen.
But no fear, it cleans up easy.

AFTER:

i looked at the kitchen and didn't even get upset, all five of Us pitched in, and then i finished it up in the morning. Yes Bill does dishes, actually with my work schedule he has been doing them quite often. He is a good hubby. This week i work today from 4pm to 8pm and tomorrow 10am to 3 pm, and then i am off for 5 days :0), I do not mind going to work, but i am really looking forward to Christmas this Year. and having 5 days off.
Well I don't want to spend too much time on this computer, I don't get the house to myself too often, so i am going to crank the volume up on my Christmas Music, and clean. so when i come home from work tonight, it will all be done.......

First Snow

I went to bed last night to green, and woke up to White, and let me tell you, the snow hasn't stopped yet. Bill, Katie and I went for groceries early this morning, and my Jeep did wonderful, and i didn't even need the four wheel drive. .. the wheels have something called positive traction, where the wheels spin according to the surface, i can't explain it, even though there where a few spots where it felt like we slid, the car maneuvers straight as possible, and doesn't " fishtail". Home now and trying to do Boogie Man Bill wings in the rotisserie instead of Bill being out on the grill, i think it might work!
We had a meeting at work yesterday, and the Doctor has great great plans for me, If God agrees with him, then I see a great future as i am going to get trained in being a Health Coach, And i have several patients that are already interested in speak to me..... I Know i will be okay, cause I know God will bless me, as i give this endeavour totally to Him.... I must have Faith, if God takes me to it, He'll see me through it!!!
Well i am going to go get going and do some laundry, and house work, we are invited to a friends for a Christmas gathering and Christmas Caroling....... tomorrow morning I'll go clean my office, and spend the rest of the day chilling, Not sure if we are going to Johnny's or not, and Monday Bill and I should finish up with our shopping......
Have a beautiful and safe weekend...... blessings to you.

Don't sweat the small stuff ~>

it is either i am getting older (which i am). Or my work environment is rubbing off on me ( which it is). But i am really getting the hang of not sweating the small stuff. three mornings ago, we woke up to our Christmas Tree down, ornaments, lights and tinsel strewed every where, I didn't even blink...... I am like oh....... tree is down, wonder if it was an act of nature, i.e. cat or dog. or if it just happened? of course we couldn't leave a 12 foot tree lying in the middle of our living room, Bill and I managed to get it back up, very crooked i might add. I just put the displaced ornaments on the coffee table, as Bill and I both needed to get ready for work. So after a long day at work, Bill the Kids and I attempted to get the tree straightened up and in its place.. just when we thought it would work..........it fell again. The boys thought it was hilarious. It is a beautiful tree, and is still quite fresh, but why even bother with this hassle. So i made an executive decision (cause lets face it, if the woman in the house, isn't happy, nobody is happy) since the "men" wouldn't dare suggest this........ lets take the tree down. They were thrilled that we weren't going to spend the late night hours trying to get the tree resurrected. Sammy went over to my little Christmas Village, and placed a tree, with our tree topper, and placed it on the presents, i took a picture with my phone, and used the "embossed" button which i playing with since i found this feature last night. so you could see how cute


can you make out the tiny tree, huge star on top of the presents?

I have been so busy at work the past few days, and i have not been able to leave the office until 7 or 8 at night for the last few nights. lots and lots of paper work. But you know what? I am really feeling okay, sleeping well, getting up at 6am and starting again. I have not felt any major fatigue, no head aches.... I am enjoying the moment, appreciating the moment, and enjoying the holiday season, Christmas day will come, and i will wish Jesus Happy Birthday and rejoice in what i have, mainly my family.... everything else is secondary.... what my menu is , what the presents are, what my schedule is. Christmas day Albert's parents usually do the dinner, so i'll provide Brunch...... and Bill and I will spend the day chilling, i'll watch Videos and read.... sip tea....... and be Thankful.......While the kids come and go.... ITS A WONDERFUL LIFE!!!

~THE CHRISTMAS TREE~

For some reason, My daughter and I think that a bigger tree the better, this tree is huge..... when Bill and the Boys set it in the tree stand and stood it up, It did NOT fit by 2 feet.... so we cut to fit, it is prob 11 to 13 feet, as it just makes it to the peak of our Cathedral ceiling. I have no rhyme or reason as to how I decorate it, it is color and history. Ornaments that have been passed down through the years, some from when i was a little girl, ornaments that the kids made from preschool / up. To be honest, i don't think i'll ever have a tree with a theme....... cause it just isn't me, and i couldn't imagine not using these ornaments. I love the holiday season, and as i keep telling my kids, I am my mother's daughter........ i love decorating, i love baking cookies, and listening to Christmas carols all day, i love snow and cold and twinkling lights. This Sunday we will bake Sugar Cookies, and my kids will " make me happy" and go along with it... and help decorate the cookies... ( i've been doing that since I was 4 years old....... why stop now! Now when December 25th is over........ I will be ready to take it all down, and re organize my house again.... i've always been that way.

So briefly let me tell you how yesterday at work went. Yesterday was the first day that i actually saw patients, and i was nervous, and it went great.... as usual my instinct kicked in and i felt comfortable, and it was nice to "visit" with real human beings, and not hide away with paperwork, forms, computers and phones. I also have about 4 or 5 patients that the doctor wants me to "evaluate" for the Wellness program, we will prob get that up and running after the holidays....... keep this in prayer, as I feel that this is the direction that i am meant to go. I can't wait to check in and let you know how these vitamins are working for me, the isotonic form which bypass the sitting in the stomach, and goes directly to the first part of the small intestines where it is absorbed, is really a bonus for me and the Lap Band, I am looking forward to see if it works, and if i notice a difference in my overall wellness.

Now i am going to close this entry, with a picture of OLD Boy Louie, who loves to sleep under the tree, isn't he just so cute.........

i might be Nervous....

I think i just might be a little nervous, and under some stress, I am seeing patients today. The doctor wants me to work Tuesday evenings with him, and while i am with him, he wants me to see pts and do medication checks, which i can do under my scope of practice, i just never have before~ we talked about this before, I think it was in June. but it never transpired, which I think is God's way of saying I am not ready, and i need to get more comfortable with my job. Again like everything in my life, i am putting this in God's hands, and i am trying (notice i said trying) not to be nervous knowing that what will be, will be. I am content sitting in my little office and doing the paper work, and talking to pts and insurances on the phone, But i also love being with people, that i just may like this too. Christina said i always do this, i get nervous, and then i come back and tell her how great it went, and i always ask her ........." why was i nervous in the first place?"
I started on the NutraMetric vitamins last week, so i am anxious to see if I notice a difference in a few weeks. I know that for me now, Vitamins are really important, mainly because I am not eating as much food right now. My lapband is working exactly how it is supposed to, and actually if i did have an appointment, i couldn't have an adjustment anyhow....... I am NOT sure how this worked... Maybe it has just been a "God Blessing" and he thought he'd help it along so i didn't lose control over the holidays........ which by the way.... i am not even close to losing control.
and i am happy with this. I did attempted to get up to see Johnny my trainer brother on Sunday morning, however, Ice covered roads prevented me from making it up there, but Christina and I tried. Johnny wants us to try really hard to get up there next Sunday...... the majority of people, want to "start fresh at the first of the year" he thinks we should not wait.
I had a wonderful but very busy weekend..... and i just want to say I have 5 brothers and 1 sister. we are all different and i just adore everyone of them. My mom and dad had to be in heaven on Saturday watching us, and laughing..... and being so proud of the family they raised.
Well I should get going, i want to pack my dinner, do a load of laundry, vacuum my floor, feed the dogs, and put something in the crock pot before i leave at 3:30 today......
Have a blessed Day..................

.....The meeting

I've been so busy today, went to work, came home and left again to do errands. The meeting went really really well, and i see a great future in this direction. does that mean tomorrow? No, does it mean next month, No, who knows when? When it is right, it will be right to launch a comprehensive wellness program from our office. The Doctor feels that the future of doctors, health care, and insurance companies, is going to be wellness and preventative measures. That is why he not only orders psychiatric medications for his patients, but he has them look at the entire picture of wellness, because if you are stressed, tired, lacking proper nutrition, lacking skills to cope with Everyday living, these increase the likelihood of Mental Illness, Depression, Anxiety etc. Now there is so much to get into, and i will over time explain everything eventually. But i will slow down just a little......... ;0) Right now he is looking into finding and studying the effects of proper vitamins and nutrients for Us, that help the body be at its best. The Company he is looking at: (nutraMetrics) have vitamins that are delivered in an Isotonic form, which is what i need having the Lapband Surgery. i am forever trying to find Chewable and Gummies that work with me, knowing full well, that my body isn't processing and metabolizing much of these. Vitamins, in an isotonic form i put in water ~ drink~pass quickly through the stomach~ and begin to metabolize in the small intestines (i think the first 10 to 12 inches of the small intestines is where most of the nutrients are broken down and metabolized) Well anyhow......... i'll try them and let you know if i feel a difference( for my other lapband followers) okay again more about that later. This is what the Doctor sees in my future..... i would be the wellness coach/ advocate. pt's that show an interest in weight loss, or an interest in proper nutrition, exercise, healthy living...... would come and see me, and I would help tailor a plan just for them., there is so much more to this...... But patients may feel more comfortable talking to a person that has been extremely morbidly obese, who has "tried" everything, who has dealt with the emotional issues of being heavy, and who is still in the process of losing weight. I think this may have more acceptance, than if the wellness weight loss advocate is a size 3, was a size 3 and will always be a size 3. ...... BUT the bottom line, and truly the ONLY line. I do feel that God wants me to go in this direction, I want to help people release the bonds of Obesity, and poor health, and poor self image ......so they too, can someday fly with the Eagles!! God Here I am........... Send Me!!!
There is so much going on right now, and I have put it into God's Hands........
I will love to incorporate losing my last 75 lbs while i am working to get the wellness program launched. How exciting is that....
I am tired, and think I am ready for bed....... Have a great night, and God Bless Your day tomorrow.

OPPORTUNITIES

This morning I have a meeting at work, not quite sure what it is about, but it has to do with some nutritional counseling, i've known since i started at S'eclairer that someday i would be used in some form of counseling, to help people deal with obesity. I am not sure this is the time, therefore i put it in God's hands, and when IT works out........IT WILL BE THE TIME!!! I think i'd do okay at it, yes i have about 75 lbs more to lose, But yes I've lost way over 75lbs. and i have since learned we are all different, and we need different tools to help direct someone to better health, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig,South Beach, Curves, Calorie King, Xenical, Slim Fast, and yes even the Lapband, all can work...... IF you work with it, they all succeed, and they all fail. It has been a long journey but i also realized that as soon as I accepted myself for being Me, obesity and All, and as soon as i realized that there isn't a "time frame" to better health..... the easier it was for me to make small changes. Even with the LapBand, I quickly learned that it will NOT work if you do not work with it, it is nothing more than a tool to help with the weight loss journey. In a way i am sorta glad that I didn't get an "adjustment" before the holidays, i think it was God's way of telling me........ "Sandi girl, get a grip, this is your journey and not the lapband's" i think for a while there, NO, i KNOW that for a while there i was eating over the lapband so to speak, but after i realized i wasn't going to get an adjustment, i knew i better start mindfully listening to my hunger, the lapband, and how i was eating. And i must say right now i am doing dang good. and it seems since i stopped eating or trying to eat the simple carbohydrates, my lapband seemed to kick in. like i said yesterday, i am able to eat less than a cup of food at a meal. and i am eating 4 meals a day....... muscle shake, lunch, supper, Greek yogurt.
Speaking of which, Bill and I went to eat at a Restaurant we never tried Pugleano's, it was the best food i've had anywhere!!!! Bill kept saying so too. We shared a Crab cake, it was all Crab and just a touch of bread crumbs..... and i had a cup of Creamed Crab and Asparagus soup. and my dinner was Jumbo scallops Au gratin ( broiled with olive oil, garlic, bread crumbs and Romano cheese.) and i had a side of garlic mashed potato's I gave Bill half of my scallops and enjoyed the rest, had a few bites of the mashed potato's. i was stuffed. you see, i did not concern myself with a Lowfat/low calorie meal such as grilled chicken salad with light dressing.... eating like that all the time is a precursor to failure. Instead i enjoyed a very small amount of delicious rich creamy foods and left very satisfied. this has been my moto since before i had the lapband.
Well, I am sure lucky to have Christina to talk to sometimes, she's the bestest friend ever :::: ;0)
Thanks for listening to my dilemma,
Have a great day today

EIGHT YEARS A GO~~~

Eight years ago today, Bill and I were married. As no relationship is perfect, it has been a great 8 years. As most of you know, Bill and i did not have a long courtship, actually it was rather short. But i "knew" i was supposed to marry him before i even met him, no really that is true, God wanted me to meet him, and i kept hearing the subtle message in the back of my mind... so to make a very long story short.... Our first date was Sept 17, 2001, He asked me to marry him Nov 1, 2001 and we were married December 8, 2001. As with any marriage, we have our ups and downs, but eight years later, i still get coffee in bed every morning, he still goes grocery shopping with me, and he still puts the kids before all else. i truly think if there was nothing else, i'd love him forever for how he loves my kids. I mean he just didn't get me, he got me and three kids, and lets be honest, an X husband, all in a day..... and i must say he's done it well. I do believe my boys love their step dad more than me sometimes.... or at least that is what they tell me. Bill has made what should have been a difficult life, quite easy. Before we even got married, we had a meeting with Albert, just to let him know, that me getting married changed nothing for Albert, he wanted Albert to know that he was still welcome to come and go as he pleased, walk in the house, hang with his children, spend every Christmas morning with Us, so that my kids would not ever have to worry about who to spend Christmas morning with.... It is a good life!!
So Bill plans on getting off a little early, and we are planning to go out and eat, and do a little Christmas shopping. right now i can eat about, if not a little less than a cup of food at one sitting. not sure what is up with that, i am able to drink fine, i have no problem with my Muscle Milk in the morning, But for instance this is what i had yesterday
- breakfast, muscle milk protein shake
-lunch, went to TGIF's got the Chicken/Cheese dish, grilled chicken, cheese, green peppers, onions, and mashed potato's i ate about 3 oz of the chicken and about 6 bites of the mashed potato's, didn't even eat 1/3 of the meal.
-dinner 2 oz of left over chicken and 2 oz of grilled Cod
-snack 6oz of Greek yogurt with blueberry, and .75 oz lowfat cheese

THAT WAS IT ALL DAY, i don't know what to make of it, i am eating, so i am not blocked, i am drinking, not experiencing in pain or discomfort. and i am not hungry right now. Maybe making a conscious effort to monitor how i am eating, esp after finding out i would not be getting a lapband adjustment for a couple of months, my lapband just doesn't seem to tolerate the carbs as well........i will monitor and keep an eye on my nutritional numbers.....

Today i am sorta being mellow and chilling, doing some stuff around the house, doing a little laundry....... taking it easy,

Make it a great day

Rotisserie

A good weekend! Friday i got a small unexpected and much appreciated bonus from work. I so love my job and who i work for and work with. So on Saturday morning Bill and I went and took care of his mom, got her medications and insulin organized, and then he took me to the Mall... his words were........ " what do YOU want to buy for yourself, not me, not the kids, not anyone else. He wanted me to use my bonus money for something that i really wanted. Well if truth be told, I have wanted a rotisserie for some time, I buy rotisserie chicken a couple times a week. and i am forever cooking fish and chicken at home. so i got a rotisserie, a pretty nice one too. I did a roast in it yesterday. today i am going to do Cod or wild caught Salmon, i can do my turkey burgers in it and veggies and potato's. so being that i eat lean protein and veggies as a mainstay, this will definitely come in handy...
I am getting into a routine with my diet........ i drink a Muscle Milk in the am, I eat a lunch of lean protein, veggies, and complex carbs, i eat a dinner of the same, and before bed i eat a Greek yogurt...... it is all natural, with 5 live cultures, and 14 grams of protein, If and i say if i need another snack it is 0.75 oz individually wrapped lowfat cheese and a small orange or clementine, and that has been the basics the past week, I didn't even really over do it at my work Christmas Party. I will be curious, especially if this keeps up to see what the scale says on Dec 31st. Bottom line is though............ i am feeling good :0)
Katie, Carley and I are heading out to do some shopping today. We got our monster tree yesterday, Bill and the boys put it up....... do you know that a tree looks alot smaller outside, than it does when you bring it into a home........I am just sayin'. the boys said next year They pick out the tree, a tree that Charlie Brown would be proud of. we shall see, these artificial trees are looking nicer and nicer as the years pass.
well i want to get in the shower, finish cleaning and sweeping...... I'll post a picture of the tree after it is finished, i think it is 10 feet, maybe 11
Make it a good day....... I"ll be back

LapTop Lunch

This was my lunch today.... baked stuffed tilapia, salad, fresh steamed green beans, and light yogurt..... it was delicious, could only eat half of it. Now instead of working through a "stuck" feeling. i eat super slow, and as soon as i feel pressure i stop. i just decided that i can not assume and expect the lapband to work by itself, and i cannot just wait until my fill/adjustment takes place in two months. I am 100% responsible for my own health and well being. not some piece of plastic wrapped around my stomach LOL......... i do love this lapband, again i shall say it.. this is the best decision I've made, NO REGRETS at all. i've also decided not to fight eating breakfast right now...... it is hard to eat early in the morning. but i also don't want to go without breakfast, so i decided to try "Muscle Milk" a lactose free high protein shake. The numbers are pretty healthy.... low carb at 11 (* less than 10 net carbs) , 22 grams of protein, healthy fats, 240 calories. I had the shake, at 7:30 am went to give N1H1 shots to the high school, went to work and finally at 1 pm i had my laptop lunch, I never felt hunger pains the entire morning, so i am curious to see how this works for me~

I am going to be pretty busy for these next few weeks..... but i will try really hard to maintain a grip on my life, to focus, and be mindful of the moments.

Well Bill and I are heading out the door........ i'll keep you posted on my life's happenings later

January 29, 2010

This is the date for my next Lapband adjustment, eight weeks away! And I am totally fine with that. So I call the office yesterday and this is how it went:
ME: Hi, i am calling to see if they are starting to schedule Lapband adjustments yet?
HER: yeah, we have been scheduling them, what is your name?
ME: Sandi.....
HER: well when was your last adjustment?
ME: August
HER: oh, hold please (Silence, not even silly music)
HER AGAIN: Well someone will be calling you to schedule an appointment ME: Someone told me that first of November, I do not care when the appointment is, schedule me and I will be there. I will arrange my schedule around you.
HER: Okay January 29, 2010, if you don't like that date, bring it up with Marva
ME: no i am okay with it, but why couldn't you have just scheduled me in the first place?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I guess being so behind, and still doing dozens of surgeries a week, it is very difficult to keep up with demand, many people want the adjustment to deal with holiday eating, And i guess people aren't happy that they can't get in sooner. I don't look at it that way, and i told the receptionist just that. With or without the lapband, i am Ultimately Responsible for my own health and wellness. And i am not going to use the excuse " i need an adjustment" to eat out of control. well as out of control as i could get, the Lapband, although needing adjusted DOES prevent me from eating a lot. Again like i said before a Lapband adjustment "IS NOT A LIFE SAVING PROCEDURE". and i will get one, when i get one.
My weight is at a slow down right now, but not stopped. i lost 3.5 lbs for the month of November. and i KNOW if i'd get back into the daily exercise routine, I could speed that up a little more. ( i am only weighing myself last day of the month, so my next weigh in will be Dec 31) Do you know it has been going on two years now since I started the journey... and i have slowly brought my weight down,... and in the two years......it hasn't gone up. oh i am not talking about the PMS bloat, where it goes up and then back down in a day. but i mean as a rule, my weight has steadily gone down...... I am figuring i have about 70 to 75 more pounds to lose, and i am betting i'll do that in a year or little more......... no hurry, enjoying the journey.
So i take Sam to school this morning, and what happens? i get a flat tire just as i am pulling into the school...., and i am thinking ALL of my men are gone, Bill as work, Albert is hunting, Larry and Mike are hunting (*they are my men too) and I assumed the kids Pap was hunting too. I call Bill, and then i call Katie...... and then i decided, Hey i should just stop being a helpless girl and get out and change that tire...... so i did figure it out..... so picture this i am in my Christmas jammies, and very much bed hair, Katie did get a hold of Pap, and he wasn't hunting, he got there just as i was jacking up the car. He finished the tire for me, the tools he brought with him where much easier to work with. Women....... we all need to know how to do basic things like change a tire, check the oil....... cause you never know when you need to use the skill.
Well I am babysitting for Katie today so i should get myself moving....... i have an hour to get ready....... Have a great day.

bad bad bad children LOL

So my first attempt of getting photos of my kids for a christmas postcard failed. they kept goofing off, or I should say the boys kept goofing off, i quit trying!!! they knew i was angry so i am sure when i attempt this again, they won't make me cry in frustration!
This has been a wonderful long vacation weekend with my family~ if i could sum it up in one word, it would have to be CONTENT!!! I am so blessed that it scares me sometime, and maybe it isn't so much at what happens in my life, but how i look at things in my life. I've had my share of "issues" to say the least, and things aren't always easy, but God sure has a way of letting me know, he is still with me and in Control of every aspect of my life. The older i get, the more I seem to simplify my life. the more i live in the moment. I am learning to not let the World pull me under, and i must admit sometimes it is hard, (*four policemen shot to death while eating, a family member had thanksgiving dinner with his family, got up, went out to his car came back in with a gun,and shot his sister, his aunt, his young neice, to death....)a local girl just a little older than Katie, is fighting for her life, waiting for a new liver, just from too much Tylenol, another casual friends 8 year old nephew is in a coma on life support fighting for his life,i am remembering my nephew Alex who died 2 years ago, i am sure for his family it feels like yesterday.... I have to stay grounded, or it would overwelm me so much, I cannot control this world, but what i can do is not let it control me.
I truly dislike the first day of Deer season, i think it is just too dangerous, heck just where i live, out in the country is too dangerous. I look out my window, i can see spots of orange on the other side of the hill, and then i think...if a deer would run between us, he would be shooting in my direction!! Andrew goes out with his dad and grandpap, he is on family property, and his dad's cousins are pretty strict who is out there, and everyone knows where everyone else is located, so in that sense, it is safer, i just hold my breath alot and pray for a safe return. Sam could care less about hunting, Katie and a gun just scare me, although she does love to be called out to "gut" the deer that have been shot.
It is a cool rainy day, and i am here at work for a few hours just touching base here, as to what needs done, the office is actually closed, and i am actually in PJ's right now! think i'll head home after and watch some old Christmas movies, and wait to here from the great hunters

Wonderful..........

it has been a Wonderful couple of day's, Thanksgiving was one of the best ones ever. The kids went to their grandparents for lunch, and Bill and i went to Christina and Larry's. it was just a warm comfortable time, no stress at all. i was able to eat a small plate of food. didn't taste every thing, but tasted everything i wanted to. ate slowly and enjoyed every bite. After lunch, Bill, me and the kids decided to go to the movies... the boys didn't think they wanted to see a Chick flick, so they went to see some movie with guns. Katie went with Us to see Blind Side..... One of the best movies i've ever seen. it was a feel good movie, lots of laughs as well as "feel good" tears. I definately plan on seeing this movie again. In light of losing my foster son Corey a couple of months ago, i was concerned that this movie would make me sad, or make me feel like i failed my boy. But on the contrary it did not. Instead in made me more aware than ever, that it took The young Man to WANT to succeed, as well as his MOM to push for him. it took both of them to make a success story out of an abused/neglected homeless boy. I came out of the movie, knowing that i did all that I could, and in Part Corey needed to want to succeed, to give a part of himself, that he wasn't able to do. After the movie, the boys had some friends over, and for our Thanksgiving Dinner, we stood around the bar/counter eating Pizza bites, and Chicken bites, laughing and talking and just enjoying family time.
without a doubt, Bill is the best "Dad" there is. Sammy and his friends wanted to go to Black Friday so bad, I wasn't gonna touch that request. But Bill, with a smile, got up at 4am, took (3) 14 year old boys shopping, He stayed in town for 4 hours waiting for them to get done, just so he would be "around" if something happened. brought them back home, all with huge smiles on their faces..... I told Christina, she better NOT hear me complain about Bill for one week LOL.
I must say I did not feel well at all yesterday, at first in the morning i actually thought I was coming down with something, i had a sore throat, body aches, ... and by surprise, I got an incredible Light show, actually could not see for about 20 minutes. the bad thing is, i did not have my Maxalt which prevents the migraine from occuring. and my doctor's office was closed, i do not take Oral pain medication as a rule, esp. Mortrin or any other anti inflamatory because of having the LapBand. So I did what i could do, went to bed to see if I could sleep it off.... i did sleep, but it hurt even in my sleep.... and i woke up to a full fledged Migraine Headache!!! I was still perplexed as to why I got one, being that they only come around "THAT TIME" for me... well low and behold, "THAT" came too. so at bedtime i had a massive headache, and nasty cramps... and sinus congestion. I took a dose of Nyquil. and boom i was sleeping before i knew it......... I woke up this AM feeling weak, tired, but much better that yesterday. I think i will still take it easy today too. Family is supposed to get together for Thanksgiving at 2pm, i still may go. Bill has been wonderful, i am getting coffee in bed, breakfast in bed, he cleaned the house, rubbed my feet with lotion, taking care of the suppers.... ahh I am a blessed blessed woman.
Well time to get off this computer for now. I recommend EVERYONE go and see the Blind Side....... you won't regret going

My own young wolf....

the title will only mean something to those who are familiar with the second book in the twilight series, New Moon. I just know that Sammy must be half man, half wolf, he's got to be, that is the only logical answer. He is getting so big, so muscular, sometimes i wonder if he will have a neck when all is said and done! When He was 11 he wore a size 11 shoe, 12 a size 12 shoe and so on..... He can only get in a size 15 on certain brands of shoes. He will be 15 a few days before Christmas. I am going to assume that now his body will catch up to his shoe size. Andrew is tall, with lean muscles, Sam is getting tall, but he is bulky and defined and he isn't even trying yet. And feeding him is another topic all together, He can't seem to eat enough. those teenage boys!!! I took the above picture this morning.... even at 6:45am these two are best buds and quite pleasant (can you tell?) Things are going really well here and there is a level of peace here for the boys that is difficult to explain. I spent so much time trying to keep peace with Bill and the boys and Corey. I know though they are NOT ready to bring in any more foster children at this time. If i am going to do that again, i will wait until these ones are raised and gone. it wouldn't be fair to anybody. If i lived alone, i know i could take in a few problem teenagers~but i am not alone! and my decisions affect everybody in the household. I think i did the opposite esp. with Andrew. for instance, he could have easily got his driver license before he was 18, BUT Corey wasn't even near ready. so i didn't want to let Andrew do it either. I checked ALL my boys computer history. Corey always got in trouble with Porno and such *since he came at 12. but everyone suffered because the computer was shut down at night. the last time the computer crashed completely.. he told us Andrew was on... well it was determined he was signed into his myspace last, and later we found printed out Pornographic pictures. However everyone got in trouble because at the time we couldn't prove anything. Sam and Drew never complained, and never once mentioned how unhappy they were. they just left alot, spent alot of time at their dads or their bedroom.(*i thought it was a teen boy thing) it was only after Corey chose to leave, did they even mention how difficult it had been especially the last year or two. it was only then that Sam said it was okay to let him come back, but he'd go live with his dad.
They are 100% happier. One week after it was official that Corey left..... the agency called and wanted us to take in 3 more children..... ummm don't think so. Sammy said NO right away as well as Bill.......... Now how did i get back on this subject again??? it took a couple months to deal with it, but i am definitely doing well. Corey was dealt a crappy hand, but there isn't anything i can do to change that. he has now been in 11 homes, i was his 9th. i tried for 5 years the rest of his homes lasted less than a year.. i did the best that i could. He will be 18 this week, and he hasn't been back to school since he left here for good... something about a head issue, where he feels great enough to be on facebook and myspace for 6 hrs a day (per his friends at school) but can't come to school cause the computer makes him dizzy. his new mom is sweet but clueless, she told me the other day, he does so well and just when she thinks he can go back to school, the day of the doctor appointment.....he gets dizzy again, and needs to take another month off. Corey needs a strong hand..... I just wanted to see him graduate! but yet again it isn't my deal anynmore......
Gee i only work today, well today, and i'll take one day to clean.....maybe Friday. it will be nice.
I spoke with Patti briefly yesterday, and i promised her i'd call after we see the Blind side. she was just getting ready for a manicure and a pedicure. she hadn't had one in so long. i beat her though...... I haven't had one in 42 years. yep never had one :0). maybe before i am 50!
Hope that everyone has something to be thankful for ~ take time to enjoy the moment!
:Love and Blessings

Picture this.........

Last week, i am walking up the few steps leading from the office to the waiting area where I work, I have a handful of charts, and well, i know it is easy to fall down steps, but it takes a bit of talent to fall up the steps.... which i, and gracefully so did. I hit just below my rt knee where it crashed into one of the steps, my elbow skidded across the carpet floor, the charts went every where, and my head landed on the shoe of one of the clients. Not an issue, my leg "ached" all day, my elbow had an abrasion. My dignity remained intact, cause stuff like that just doesn't bother me.... fast forward two days, i am cleaning out my little refrigerator in my room, so i am on my knees, and i notice below my right knee, it tingled and then became numb. I notice a bruise located just below my knee, i took my finger and from mid shin to the knee, i move my finger along the bruise, and i experienced the coolest sensation as i roll my finger up to my knee.... it felt like something was crawling down on the side to my ankle, it didn't hurt....but felt so freaky weird, it does it EVERY time i touch there. and if i apply pressure to the spot just below my knee, my lower leg gets tingly and then goes numb. Christina thinks i should get this checked out, i don't know, it isn't painful, i can walk on it without any issue, i told her if this is still going on i may check after the holiday. I have fallen from trees, played softball, basketball, and volleyball, i've hiked, and tripped dozens of times and i have NEVER felt anything like this, never.
Thursday Bill and I are going to eat Thanksgiving lunch at Christina's, the kids will be going to their Dad's parents at lunch. and then i think we are all going to the movies and just enjoying "US" as a family. Bill and Katie want to see the Blindside ( i think that is the name) but it looks like a feel good movie.
What else, oh Christina and I are planning on fixing up the field house with a gym of sorts, treadmill, elliptical, weight machines, free weights, exercise balls, workout video's and tons more. it is a huge room, and family will be able to use it with us, or Chris and I can work out together., so if we see Johnny weekly, and we can't get back to the gym....... we'll have one right here...
well i should go sweep the house before Bill and Tornado Sam get back... i'll chat more later. I would like to talk a little about Holiday eating with the lapband. i sure have to eat slow now...... and my food intake is easily cut in half right now... so if i don't eat through the lapband, i will be okay. How do i eat "through". easy......wait an hour, then eat a little more, wait an hour and eat a little more..... it adds up if i am not careful.

~*~ hiking and the bald Eagle

So i did get to go for a hike yesterday, Christina and I, Juneau and Dixie. at first i was worried about Christina's grandpuppy coming, she can get pretty bitchy at times, esp with other dogs. Christina could easily be a dog whisperer, she doesn't get nervous around dogs at all, so she wanted to try. she also took into consideration that MY one hundred and thirty pound wolf of a dog, has the most gentle spirit i've ever seen in a dog. Chris was right the dogs were fine. We hiked at Conemaugh, doing the 4 mile loop. Dixie, never slowed down, so coming back to the car, juneau and i where walking slightly behind, I look up in the tree's and i was shocked to see the bald eagle, he was low enough, and as a rule unless an Eagle is high enough to be a part of the wind current, they do not soar, not like a buzzard or other type of Birds of Prey. i haven't seen one in a while, and per the forest rangers that are at conemaugh, they do not have nests in the area, and only come to the river during summer months to fish. well maybe they do have a nest around. by the time Christina came back to where i was standing, the bird was too far away to see it. so we continue on our way. . . well a few hundred yards before we got to the car, while crossing a bridge, i look up and there is an eagle, pretty high up, and he was soaring...... i was SO excited, Christina saw this one. and she was thrilled, but not nearly as thrilled as me LOL. ( hey i love Eagles) I have no idea if it was the same one, and he came back just for Christina to see him too. Or, was it another one, and if that is the case, then there just may be a nest around. any rate, i was happy to see him, and now i want to go hike again, and more often.
Well i felt pretty good afterwards, not too sore, Juneau is beat. but i think i'll go this morning.

So easily distracted......

yesterday morning, Bill decided to take me and Christina to the gym, he loves taking me places, he figured he could drop me off at the gym's door, and come back 1/2 hour later. Andrew also decided to go too, just to observe Johnny working with Christina and I. So we get about 5 minutes away from the gym,......... and I get a text from Johnny, a "massive headache". ( i think a massive hangover). Christina jokingly say's, gee i think we should just go for pancakes!!!, Didn't take any more pursuation than that. we decided to skip the gym, and go for breakfast, it was actually a very nice time. one, i can't do pancakes, and two, i don't like "sweet" for breakfast. but i did have 1/2 of an omlette. Andrew came home from a friends early in the morning JUST to go see John, at first he wasn't too happy, BUT, he Loves his Christina so that made up for it. Ever since a couple years ago, when Andrew had that severe concussion, HE and Christina became really good buddies. He really does adore her, all my kids do.
Okay seriously, we could have gone to the gym, but having breakfast isn't a big deal. But I do really need to make exercise a priority! it is so easy to get out of a groove. so therefore i NEED to get back in it. NO EXCUSES! I think I am doing well with my eating, but i have to have both of the equations, I need both exercise and diet to be in "harmony" with plan. yeah i know that I am busy, yeah i know i work alot, but still. Today I am going for a hike with Juneau, I told Bill to take the Jeep so that i can have the old tracker......or what i call the Dog Taxi, cause i won't put a muddy 130 lb dog in my new Jeep. I'll give Christina a call at 8am to see if she wants to go. She has been busy too, or at least we are busy at different times. But i can't use the excuse, Christina can't do it? or Johnny can't do it... I CAN walk wihtout Chris, and I can go to the gym without Johnny. besides, not only do I have access to Johnny, i have unlimited access to the gym, and Yoga class, and Aerobics class, and Zumba class and Pilaties class. I have a high end Eliptical machine as well as an entire "gym" in my own home. I live right in the center of dozens of Trails...... no excuse Sandra Marie ;0)
Well i should get the house in order, think i am going to make a meatloaf for supper tonight, and then i want to get my schedule out and plan my exercise for the week. I will write it in.....and see if i can keep myself accountable.
On a last note........ i had a WONDERFUL day yesterday. there is so much peace and calmness in my home, i can't even explain it, but it is there. I am happy!!!

~> the only one!!!!

Yesterday i call the Pittsburgh Office where i go for my Lapband, so i could reschedule for a much needed adjustment~ so i call and the receptionist hesitantly responses with ....." oh we aren't scheduling anyone for lapband adjustment right now!" i say that I guess it's difficult with Mike gone. she proceeds to tell me that not only did Mike leave, but so did Tara and the one that was doing the adjustments was in a car accident!!! I immediately asked if He was okay ? and then i just said, well it is way more important that he is okay, than me getting an adjustment, there is a brief silence on the other end, and then I am told out of many many many people calling in, I was the ONLY one that didn't get upset or show frustration. How sad is that? It isn't like i am having cancer treatments, or major illness treatments postponed. Its a Lapband People........ just a lap band adjustment...... i told her I wish Bill (who was in the accident) the best, and I'll pray that everything is okay. I guess they had a major meeting yesterday to decide what can be done, and they think I'll get the adjustment hopefully end of this year, or first of next year. WHAT WILL BE, WILL BE!!!
as in previous blogs you can tell, that my band is still giving me restriction, granted, not as much as it was a month or so ago. And ultimately I am responsible for my weight loss, not a piece of plastic. oh and Patti, i appreciate what you said in your blog yesterday... because with the lapband, i must exercise, and monitor what I eat, the lapband does nothing on it's own. And if someone out there is thinking about a lapband as a magic way to lose weight, you are going to be so disappointed, cause let me tell you it is hard work.
So the lapband does prevent me from eating the quantity of food at one time, but it is easy to eat over the lapband restrictions, by waiting a little, even as short as thirty minutes, and then eating again, and snacking alot in between. so i will have to make a conscious effort to eat 3 meals and one small snack, and i am REALLY going to have to get a better exercise routine going..... If I was to have an adjustment now, i would have, so i just figure that i'll trust that it isn't something I am supposed to have right now, and i am more than okay with that.
Well, i better get going, i think i am going to have a long day at work... and i want to get there early, because i have a feeling with me on Vacation, things have piled up.
Have a great day

Vacation and living with the Lapband

First let me tell you...... i had a wonderful, much needed vacation with my husband. He took me down South to visit his sister, (whom i love dearly) and visit some quaint historical southern towns. let me rewind back to Friday...... as i was heading out the door for my appointment in Pittsburgh, i get a phone call and they had to cancel my appointment. for a spit second disappointment, and then i just figured it would be better that i didn't. because, i was going to get a 1cc adjustment, which would mean a good 24 to 72 hrs of liquids, to soft to regular. and IF there was any problem after the adjustment, i would have been over 500 miles away. so it just worked better. time wasn't wasted though,..... and let me rewind further,...... on Wednesday i get a phone call from the high school, Andrew had injured his ankle, and he couldn't walk on it, so i arranged for him to get an Xray in which his grandparents took him......... i found out Thursday that, there was indeed something wrong with his ankle and he needed to see a specialist, so fast forward back to Friday...... i called to schedule him an appointment for the next week, HOWEVER as luck would have it, they had an opening at 10:30 am, on that very day... i took it........... so long story short, Andrew has a broken ankle!!!, all is well, and i don't even sweat a broken ankle, after going through head injuries, and total facial reconstructions....... ankle is doable!!!

AND for the big news, I dropped 3lbs over the mini vacation, and food was not the focus, and i didn't even think about it. Bill and I used to "snack" during the entire road trip, well we stopped to eat a healthy meal every 3 or 4 hours, and since i can't do fast food well, we picked places where i could order a normal meal. we did take some almonds and apples, and water, ... but that was about it. I told Bill, that i didn't realize how much i've changed, until i really thought about it. I could eat normal meals, could not finish any plate, but ate all kinds of food.
Only had one issue coming home, we left about 4am, and stopped at about 7 am for breakfast at IHOP, i love the multi grain pancakes, but just a taste, i am not a pancake person, hate sweet anything for breakfast, so i ordered an omelet, with a side of the harvest grain pancake..... i should know by now that i am too tight in the mornings this early to eat much of anything, so i took a bite, maybe two, maybe three..... and then i got "stuck", i felt worse before, but still i wasn't comfortable, i sat there about ten minutes, no luck, went to the bathroom to spit the much built up saliva, did some stretches, spit some more..... and after about 15 minutes more, i got it moving again, i was able to eat 1/4th of the omelet, and about 1/2 of the pancake... plenty, and it kept me totally full until we ate again at 2pm., Bill and I laughed remembering the last time we were at an IHOP, which was a while ago,.... i ate the entire omelet, 2 of the pancakes, and was ready to eat again two hours later, even while i snacked the entire time between those two hours... wow times have changed, photos of Bill and I are tolerable to see now, they came out blurry, or i blinked, or something like that, but i couldn't help noticing how much i am changing........ slow and steady........ I am so happy :0)
tomorrow I'll call and reschedule for my adjustment, I'd like to have it done before the holidays come in full swing.... i think it will help even more.
no matter where i go....... there is NO PLACE LIKE HOME, good night

Life as it is~~~~

Well, football is over, class for DBT training is over, and it looks like my schedule is working out pretty good. didn't enjoy any of this yet though, Katie had the flu, i took her to the Urgent care unit that just opened for IMRC. The ER doctor said it is more than likely the N1 H1, she ran a fever, and the chills body ached so bad she didn't want to move, sore throat, head ache, nausea and vomiting, out of the criteria they were looking at she had ALL the symptoms.She is miserable sick, and she is a VERY difficult patient, she doesn't like to be "cooped" up, but i must say she was so sick this time, she didn't care, she slept, drank, and took her medications. She likes me around though, she is 20 and still wants her mom there when she is sick, drives me nuts :-). although she gets tired fast, i must say she is feeling much better.
Andrew's last football game was Friday, and at the last minute i decided to let Katie home for a few hours, i mean really what could i do for her? So proud of Andrew, i love watching him play. Sammy's last game was Thursday, and they were undefeated this season, Sam had two touch downs, and tons of one man tackles, to beat the only other undefeated team. He'll be fun to watch next year too.
Sat early in the morning, Bill and I will be heading somewhere...... just to get a away for a few days, we will be back on Tuesday night. I love road trips, and i really could use a break.
I went to the gym on Sunday, and my body still is feeling it. I hate when i go alone for the very reason that he doesn't take his eyes off of me...... can't sneak a second in anywhere. He is really pushing me to get up there more, and he is right. and there are no excuses......... just gotta do it!!!
Friday i go for another Lapband adjustment, and i definitely need one now, no doubt, oh i am not gaining any weight or anything, but i can eat too much carbs without a major issue. so i'll get the adjustment just before i head for a mini vacation, so i guess food will not be an issue.
Not sure if Chris and I are heading to the gym today, it may be later, think she had to take her mom to an appointment this morning. but Thursday is a definite for me. today I am car less, so if Chris doesn't go, guess I'll do the elliptical for 30 minutes.....
Well i should get my butt off this computer chair, and do something with this house.
Have a great day today.

Is this better Patti???

my dear friend Patti called me today, and told me that my blog was coming up all Jumbled with titles crossing over with each other, from my computer, i didn't notice. so does this work better Patti.?
I will blog tomorrow morning, have so much to say, so tune in tomorrow.

I thought i was dying......no really!!!!

as the day moved along yesterday, the more i got dizzy, i felt so weak, and my head was just pounding, and the big thing was from the dizziness, I started throwing up, so i put away my water and my sugarfree brewed green tea...... and exchanged it for Gatorade, a little flat ginger ale, and later on potato chips. spent most of the evening in bed with this really cool eye ice pack on. I actually felt better before drifting off to sleep for the night, and i woke up this morning feeling okay. Maybe i was dehydrated and my Chemicals were out of whack, so i figured a little glucose, potassium and sodium might to the trick. there was a period yesterday evening that my head was hurting so bad, and i was so dizzy, i thought for sure something was majorly wrong.
I am going to work today, think i'll just do 5 hours. so 10 to 3 sound like good hours for me :-). Tomorrow is Sammy's last game, and Friday is Drew's. if Sam wins this game, he wants to have a party for the team at our house. on behalf of them going undefeated. Katie said she will take care of this the weekend Bill and I are gone......... lol, i say NO they can do it next week on friday WHILE I AM STILL HOME!!!
i have been so busy, exercise has taken back seat, and that HAS to change. well, i am finished with classes for DBT training, my work schedule is going to be more consistent. and football will be over this week..... shhhhh, i don't want to say it too loud, but i see light at the end of the tunnel....... the weather changing doesn't affect me too much, i don't mind hiking in cold, snow or even rain. and Christina is such a trooper, she'll follow along, also Johnny said we have complete access to his gym. there is yoga, and tai chi, Pilate's and zumba dance. as well as the weight training programs... and he'll still train us too.
Next friday before Bill and i head for our much needed mini vacation, i am seeing my Lapband doctor, ...... and i am sure i will be needing an adjustment....... that certainly will keep me from over indulging on food.
well i am going to get ready for work........ have a great day folks......... i plan on it, i mean since i don't think i am dying and all

I am experiencing MAJOR......

......... PMS, that with the additional stress, is really making me "not feel well", now i cannot do much about the PMS , but dang it, i need to control the stress level. I have had the beginnings of 3 migraines in the past week. the reason i say beginnings, because i have a medication that works quite well, in stopping the migraine at the "light show" (Maxalt), every muscle in my body is aching, including my finger tips, and ribs. I am retaining fluid like in big way ( and i drink 1/2 gallon to a gallon daily). Any major life changing event good or bad, causes an elevated stress level. and for the past 8 weeks, i did have a major life changing event happen. my problem is letting it go, and now dealing with anger. i am talking about losing my prodigal son. I am going to be honest here, it was a very difficult time for me. BUT i can't help noticing the change in my kids, especially my boys. Andrew asked me yesterday when the prodigal threaten to leave and it got really bad the last time, why did i fight to keep him another 6 months. He said, he is sad that he "lost the last two years of happiness at his home. now this is just an 18 year old boy talking. obviously, now there is nothing i can do to bring that time back, and i told him he needs to chalk it up to life lessons.. and go on. and be thankful that God worked it out that his senior year will be without the issues and hassles that would have occurred if prodigal was here and hating it so much. Here i thought my boys holed up in their room's because it was a stage, not because they were avoiding dealing with the "other brother". I still care what happens to the prodigal, and it is hard not being a mother to him, i spoke with a teacher and his counselor last week, both said he NEEDS structure, he is right now very happy in his new home, the 10th or 11th honeymoon in 10 years. his "new" mom... believes everything he say's, many others including several teachers are catching on. I think he's lived in his new home two weeks and has missed 6 or 7 days of school. His mom said that he is so sick, HOWEVER, he has gone to the movies, gone to the Cav's basketball game, hung out with friends... friday his new caretaker said he was so dizzy he couldn't walk across the room, and then i was shown that he spent several hours on my space downloading 338 cav's game pictures....... I want to say........ get back to school, you've gotta apply yourself, you are in danger of not graduating...... but i cannot... and this is the part that i have to let go..... i know He does this for attention, and i know he is really really dangerously good in manipulating the situation to work for him, he had to as a young boy to survive. he refuses counseling, and i see him falling through the cracks. I want him to graduate, i want him to succeed. He is right though, he has a "switch" and he knows when to use it.. Thank goodness the facility know me, and thank goodness they let me know what he is saying.... i am just lucky that Children and youth aren't knocking on my door, cause he was so abused here.. Andrew and Sam actually have crossed over to Hate, and those who know Sammy, he hates no one............. okay........... now i have decided to let him go, no matter what he does, no matter what he say's. I told Christina to not let me talk about it again........ i have mourned long enough, and now that it is starting to affect my health, it is time to let it go..... I don't need to blog about this anymore, and i plan on NOT blogging about this again. it is time that i give this up to God, and concentrate on the kids at home. but it feels good to write it down.
Today i babysit Carley for a few hours, she isn't hard to watch and honestly she is so darn cute.
...... now back to the PMS, i've been crying over everything, happy things, sad things, stupid things........ i am so pms'y that i am beyond grumpy, i am just laughing at myself, have to, i mean when i have a melt down......... and start yelling because the table cloth is on crooked, and i look at the men in my home........just laughing at me, because i am being ridiculous.... how can i not laugh~!!!! And Jay i put on 4 pounds in 2 days, better than 6 huh !!! ....... hopefully i'll get it all out of my system..... Bill and I are planning on taking a few day's off and getting away. football is over this week, and i need a break!!!
Well i should get going, and finish sweeping. have a great day.......

Going on Strike!!!!

So if you read this blog, and you have little children....... here is proof that some activities you don't have to "grow up" from.... my kids are 20, 18 and almost 15. and they still carve pumpkins. yup i can see them coming home from college to carve pumpkins.... Katie's pumkin landed at her Grandparents home, Drew's went to his dad's home. and i got Sammy's pumpkin for here. For two years it has been on and off again stress for them, because they never complained, it was more than i realized until most recently. I am going to be honest here, not sure i'll take more foster children, if i was single, lived alone, heck yeah....... but that kind of decision affects the whole family... and it has to be a unanimous YES all the way around.
Last week was yet again so busy, I did really well monitoring and keeping track of my food intake, exercise was unheard of, i again only was home to sleep weds, thurs, and fri, and sat. and i mean that. Thursday i worked as the school nurse, went to sams game, went to the store, friday i got up early went to make hoagies for the football booster club.. went directly to work, went directly to Andrew's senior night game and then went over to his dads house (right next to the field) for an after game party. this was the first time that we had the party at Albert's house. Christina made the most awesome best cake... and it is so cool, i am sure people think it is odd to see me and Albert and bill raise these children together. and because it was senior night..... we all met Andrew on the field in a type of ceremony. there was alot of divorced parents present, some with just one parent, some with both parents but no extra spouses. Andrew was the only one that had 3 parents walk him out......... he later told me that kids choose who walked them out, and Bill is EVERY bit as much of a parent as me and Albert, and he wouldn't have done it any other way. Sat. went and cleaned the doctors office and then spent the day/evening with Bill's mom............ got back Sat night.
Now......about the "going on Strike" title. so Sunday comes, i had already spoke with John the night before, that i wasn't planning on coming up, i just NEEDED a day off. well, so i sleep in until 9am..... went for groceries, came home made holiday soup, cleaned the house, started laundry, baked......etc....... i never sat done the entire day. my brother and his wife and kids stopped in, so i fed them...... finally at 8pm i get a hot bath, and crawl into bed......... NO joke i never stopped. so i told bill next Sunday I am on strike.... it will be up to him and the kids to take care of me.... he agreed, and is already trying to figure out what to make for supper........ whatever, i won't be picky LOL..... it is all in fun, and i enjoyed my day yesterday..... the house is so peaceful, and the kids no longer "live" in their bedrooms....... actually they only go in their rooms to sleep.
I am going to make a conscious effort to start my blogging on a more regular basis, it keeps me honest in my journey to better health......... so you'll be hearing more of me!!!

Content & Comfort

What a beautiful Sunday afternoon. it seems like i am only getting time to chart weekly, so hopefully i will have some more free time. . . . . . . not sure though. so my doctor's office cut back my hours two weeks ago, maybe three. I immediately got a call from the school asking to work a couple of day's, and the next day i got a text asking me to work several day's at Kiski Prep. so i have all this time offered to me......... and Friday the doctor asked me to increase my hours again at the office. I am not complaining..... just stating that i am certainly staying busy. also both Sammy and Drew have two more games left and then football season is over!!! I love football, but i think the boys are ready for a break. i mean they started football two days after school ended last spring. Sammy has decided that he will be playing deck hockey. Andrew decided that he plans on hanging at Uncle John's gym and workout on speed endurance and building muscles.
It has been so rainy lately, and it has been difficult enjoying the changing colors, that is why i captured this picture off my deck...... look at the colors. Katie just told me that I am "weird" this morning..... she told me that so many rainy days really can cause blue moods in people, but i seem to like them. well i do, now don't get me wrong, i was getting tired of sitting on bleachers getting soaked Friday after Friday after Friday... but i love dreary days. i love being home on dreary days.
Today i made beef stew in the slow cooker, and fresh bread sticks I also made ho ho cake for Andrew to enjoy. (well everybody likes it, but Andrew really likes it), the house is warm and cozy, the guys are watching football, and i am getting ready to go read a little... that is if I can read. This morning i woke up to a light show that took not one pill, but two to stop the light show and help to make the Migraine not so bad. so as usual like clock work, i get this 5 to 7 days before !!!!
Hope everyone had a decent Sunday........ I'll try to post before next Sunday

Okay, it's even getting to me

I am one that loves the Rain, I even love hiking in the rain.... rain doesn't bother me, BUT i must say i am getting tired of it raining on Football nights, the weather has been pretty decent all week~ and then the morning of a field trip and football game, I wake up to rain, oh they say that there may be some snow mixed in it......... so it is an icy cold rain. I am trying to use one of my DBT training skills, and remember, there is nothing in my humanly power that i can do to stop the rain, therefore, i need to shut up, and deal with it. So i will!!! LOL.
i definitely need a lapband adjustment, I am able to eat pizza crust and even bread, without a major "stuck". Now i can only eat two square's of Pizza, but Dr. Mike did say that two pieces of pizza is one too many as far as the lapband is concerned. so in all honesty, i really do need to get a better grip since i still have a grip........
Christina and I have been pretty faithful in our workouts. Even if we don't have a Johnny day, we still make it to the gym. and last week we went without each other cause my schedule is so busy. This is the last week that my schedule is so annoying. the DBT classes take so much time. and throw in two football games in the mix, and a couple thursday field trips.... and a Saturday morning job........ and a mother in law in need, I will not see any "Me" time until Saturday evening.... it has been like this for almost 2 months. and I am ready for it to be done. This friday is my last 8 hour class, football has a few more weeks left. and the field trips have this week left. so much for my hours at work to be cut back, haven't even noticed it. I have also added a little babysitting, and Kiski has several days that i can take. God ALWAYS PROVIDES for me.
Well, I gotta get my lunch ready for the field trip, I'll use my new Salad container

isn't this cool looking, i have several of these containers check out the website to see other kinds http://www.coolgearinc.com/stayfit/product.html Cause i need to concentrate on lean protein, i will fill the bottom up with Greens, tomato's and peppers, the tray i will place Rotisserie chicken breast, hard boiled egg chopped, and low fat cheese. and my dressing will either be Italian or Ranch, haven't decided yet. i'll also take a 100 calorie yogurt delight, and an individual packet of raw nuts. oh and a 32 oz container of water. That is one thing i am good at, packing and preparing my lunches.

well i guess i should get going......OH i forgot~~~ i fixed my computer, somehow i was finally able to get it to "factory start up", it is working better than it has, so we shall see how long this will take.

Nathan~ Molly ~ Father Mike

okay let me begin by calling Christina and Patti smart a**'s LOL. my home computer is officially dead/gone/kaput. i attempted to blog before it died last night, and i got the title..... so let me explain
for one, Nathan has inspired my workouts more than he knows. at the end of our workouts Johnny has us do a ten minute cool down, with 30 seconds of speedish hell on the even number. so at 2,4,6, and 8 minutes we ride like the wicked witch of the West on Wizard of Oz when she is that mean lady in Kansas going after Toto on her bike. So Sunday Chris told me that she found when she prayed for Nathan on those times, ..... the seconds just flew by.... So that is what two middle age ladies did at the gym........ prayed... so the first few times I prayed for Nathan's peace, prayed for healing, prayed for a miracle. I guess per Christina, she prayed similar. well the last speed round.... I sorta imagined God letting me take a hold of Nathan's pain, and i was pulling it from him.... moving my legs as fast as they could, taking his pain further and further away.. Christina told me she was spending the last 30 seconds .....thanking God...... Just like the two of us to work as a team.....even when we don't know it. So Kellie please tell Nathan that two really "old" ladies *well to him i am sure we are old. have been praying for him often.
Now Molly is another dear friend of mine, She is one of those friends that I can go a year without seeing her, and we can meet up and our friendship never skips a beat. Molly loves God, and Molly loves her Catholic up bring, and she loves Father Mike, the priest who spent several years in her area, and then was moved to another Parish. She kept telling me how cool he was, and how much she enjoyed him preaching. Now my mom was raised Catholic, and i went to a Catholic Church for some childhood years, but i was nervous, Oh not nervous about going to a Catholic Church...... I can hang with God, in a Presbyterian church, i can hang with God out in the woods, while driving my car, and cleaning my house. I can hang with God while my Islamic Boss is leading silent meditation.. Honestly i was worried i wouldn't know when to sit, kneel, stand, and what to say.... Molly assured me that all would be good. Well surprisingly it is like riding a bike, i just remembered..... well most of it. before the service actually started, when we went to the pew, to kneel and pray....... after that, i leaned over to Molly and whispered..... " i checked in with Mother Mary, but just to say hi , told her i wanted to go directly to Jesus. and wanted to make sure that was okay. Molly busted out laughing........... and whispered back...... " i pray directly to Jesus!!!! " So i guess in my childhood i remember my grandma, always praying to the Virgin Mary..... so i just thought........... Father Mike was one of the best preachers i've heard. He speaks from the heart, with a clear message, straight to the point, with incredible meaning and dealing with how to Make everyday life doable. He is a sweet man, very warm and caring....... i immediately liked him, I was honored that Molly asked me to go worship with her, and meet Father Mike
Well i've got alot to do, so i should get going...... Love and Blessings to all of you.
Oh and Patti, i so enjoyed talking with you......... always love talking to my sis. oh and I talked to Christina... she may work it to come out to Arizona with me.... do you think Arizona can handle me and Chris at the same time.???? not so sure

Sunday Afternoon

What a really nice day today has turned out to be. I started out going with Christina to work out with Johnny, and then Bill and I went directly over to the doctor's office to clean, I came home and baked a couple homemade apple pies, using the apples Bill picked up from the local orchard that they sell along the road. earlier i put a barbecued pork roast in the crock pot and i had roasted red potato's. Katie had this wonderful idea that we make tie dye shirts, and the photos show my kids, and the table with the "artwork".

I love this time of year, I love everything about it, the weather, the comfort food cooking, the leaves, the crisp apples, the pumpkins, football games..........

I have a pretty busy week next week.... Monday doctor appointment, Tuesday school field trip, Wednesday is work, Thursday is gym with Johnny,work and football, Friday is school and football, Saturday clean the doctor office......... wow for my hours getting cut back, it sure doesn't show it in my schedule does it???

I am feeling so good again and i am loving my neti pot, I've used it 3 days and it makes a big difference already..... my sinus' aren't draining nearly as much. I am not totally set on it yet, but i will let you know how it goes...

Well I should get going, have a few things to do............ have a great week