Early Suprise....sorta....part of it

Well as i was making plans with a dear friend and the kids for New Years, Bill over heard me talking.......and had to tell me a little early. That, well for one, I thought he was working on New Years Day.... here he got the other security guard at the Methadone clinic to work for him...... all that I know is he said that i "might" need an over night bag, we will be in the car for a couple of hours.......and NO kids allowed....... i know nothing else....... Bill has been working 7 days a week since June, minus the time he was so ill with the MRSA. and I am looking forward to spending the time with him.. Now the boys are prob thrilled that I am not going to be here .... Katie is another story......... she doesn't understand why she can't go too........

well Chris and I have walked approx 12 miles since Friday, and planning on walking 4 more tomorrow, ..... Today she got to see "my" little side of the mountain at Conemaugh......and i think she really enjoyed it. I've always thought of Christina, as an "indoor" girl, not sure why......but she loves the outdoors......... and she is the one that is pushing me to walk, gee between her and Johnny, i am not going to have a chance.

well i better get going.....my computer was out yesterday for a while and off most of the day today...... my house phone isn't working right...... and i don't have most of my cable channels........... called Comcast from my bro's today....... and someone will be out in the next 72 hours to check the line for the 10th time in less than a month......Yoi, !!!!!

Appalachian Trail~Melody~October

Well first off, I had a very nice relaxing day yesterday. Katie got me bunches of winter "hiking" stuff that will keep me warm and well hydrated...... love them. Kids went into the their Dad's parents house. and Bill and I enjoyed some Seafood Linguine.
Okay I've been thinking a lot about Melody lately, it will be 2 years on Sunday since she last was a physical being on Earth. I haven't forgotten her in the least, and I have been thinking a lot about my promise to her, and have been heading in that direction for some time. You know I think i will be able to finally do the hike in October...... 10 miles, with every mile being in her honor. I have also decided to kill 2 birds with 1 stone so to speak, as i've always wanted to hike on the Appalachian Trail out East. so there you have it....... I am going to Pray, Trust God, and start (continue) to work towards that goal......... IT CAN BE DONE. who wants to join me ??? :0). Now i must figure out what part of the trail in Pennsylvania i'd like to do, decisions decisions.......
I am hoping to get a little hike in this morning..... and Katie and I plan on going for lunch this afternoon....... I am planning on having a wonderful day.
maybe i'll get on later .....but for now maybe i'll go take an early morning nap, since i've been up since 4am...

Twas the night before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the House,
The bedrooms were too cold even for a mouse.
the cable went out as well as the phone
and who even tried the Internet in this home?

The fire place was warm, and the wood burner too
The kids all questioned what could we do?
Well no TV, no phone, no Internet, No Power.
and it was still too early to go to bed at this hour

So what did little Sammy think of to do on this night?
"we'll play payday using just the Candle light"
So the wind howled and whistled and blew so hard.
we could hear things go bump, as they passed through our yard

there was joking and laughter and quite a commotion
Katie tripping in the darkness put more laughter in motion.
She tripped over her feet, she tripped over our pets
she fell into the tree, landing on the presents

As i sat there all tired, and ready for bed, I had to say
Dear Lord, Thank you for the simplicity of this day
Crying and Complaining and maybe even a pout.
We couldn't change the fact the power went out



_______________________________________





Yes this was our day....... we lost cable, Internet, the phone, our heating system........and then for Christmas eve we lost our power...... it was fun, and it was an adventure..... we played and laughed n the candle light, and even as the boys got a little too goofy and carried away too much, and even when i had to yell to settle them down, i got hugs and kisses on the cheek and told what a fun evening it was. Christina. your plate of cookies did not make it to Christmas day...... the kids had too much fun eating them in the dark..... since opening the fridge was off limits for the other snacks.

Happy Birthday Jesus, Thanks for a reminder what's really important in my life. ...... its not electricity, nor phone service , nor cable television or this computer..... it's not having a lot of money or tons of presents under the tree, ....... its having my family and my health, and the ability to not sweat the small stuff, and enjoy the moment and whatever is given to me....

............ Merry Christmas to All, and to All a Good Night

Laura Ingalls Wilder~~~

that's what i feel like this week, and i must say it is not a bad thing either, first we lost our TV cable, then the phone and the Internet again.... (3 consecutive days) and then wouldn't you know do you remember a couple days ago...... when we hit the coldest day of the year, when the temp was 0 and -20 wind chill? yeah that day! Well our furnace decided to break for good. , i must admit at first i thought gee what an inconvenience...... and then i just relaxed and accepted!!!! what else can i do. how blessed we are to have a fire place up stairs and a wood burner stove down stairs! tons of wood and 3 very strong healthy boys.... the living areas stay warm but the bedrooms are cold....... it brings back childhood memories, i grew up in a bedroom without heat, were we could see our thin cloudy breath... where there was at least an inch of ice on the inside of the window from December until February. I'd climb into an ice cold bed piled high with big old blankets and quilts, i'd shiver underneath the cool sheets and slowly let my body heat the covers.... and drift off to sleep.............ahhh, i didn't even know I was lacking something called Heat!!! So today we got the Cable back, the kids have more layers on, everyone is hanging out in the living room in front of the fire place...... watching tv, eating and drinking hot chocolate......... I am humbled in my thoughts, Thinking about the homeless, and families that can't afford to heat their homes....... and i am blessed.

Christmas is simple this year, and i am thrilled, we didn't go crazy on the kids, and actually they asked for just a couple of things. the kids will go to Albert's parents, Bill and I plan on chilling in front of the fire, watch old Christmas movies, and i am making a light version of Seafood Alfredo over linguine and a nice salad. I'll do Christmas Breakfast for the kids, sausage, french toast, scalloped apples, and blueberry coffee cake... I am so happy and so content,........

I had my meeting with my life coach today, it went great. I lost 6 pounds (2pounds a week x 3 weeks) . so here it is during the holidays....... still losing weight, and actually losing more than my 1 lb. a week. I will have 3 more phone call meetings and then 1 more face to face visit before the first 6 months are up........ Amie said that i have "embraced" the PREP program more than anyone else that she knows........ and i must say that I have, God has really helped me in this journey. and i have an incredible support system in friends and family.....and I owe so much to my bestest friend and work out buddy Christina....... i just know how you are ... and if you see me lose focus, i can just HEAR you tell me now........ How about a walk tomorrow if the weather allows and if you have any time, let me know......
Well i am not sure how long i will be in the communicating world..... so if I can't get back on line......... Have a Merry Christmas, ........ and enjoy who you are and the moment you are in...... God Bless You,

Didn't God Promise............!!!!

Just making sure, that God did promise that he would never destroy the Earth with a flood.... I mean i live on top of a hill....... and even i may start to worry soon. it has rained and rained and rained, Didn't even know there was a creek in front of our house until now as i watch it flood. What a miserable yuk day.

waiting for Christina to come and pick me up to continue cleaning and moving Megan and Mike in.

I am sore, and Johnny is letting us "off" this week cause he said what we are doing is a work out..... i wore my pedometer yesterday and i clocked on 15000 steps. lots of errands in the morning and lots of walking down at Mike and Megan's house....... my muscles are sore, but when i hit the pillow last night.......... i slept so well.

well i'll try to blog more, Chris is here

Cliff, she does have green eyes.......

Well Cliff the puppy does have green eyes like your sister, ......and just maybe she'd be umm, be happy to have a puppy named after her........but Cliff what would I do if the puppy started acting like Kim,........... i think i'd be in trouble :0).......... i am just sayin'.
Katie liked the names, my favorites were Cupid, Angel, Lucky......... the one name i thought of was Gracie, we also heard of Sidney, Roushlon, Lucy, Buck, Kim, ........... But Katie has decided................ don't ask me why............. but the dog does respond to this name.......... the name for the new puppy is................ is............................. IZZY, yes i said Izzy. Was she a character on the movie Fried Green Tomato's??? I must say that this dog is 100% attached to Katie, follows on her heels no matter where she goes...... cry's when she leaves the house...... I've never seen anything like it.........

I am doing a little better stomach wise, hopefully the protonix is starting to heal whatever is wrong in my tummy.... still not eating much......

Chris' son and daughter in law are getting ready to move into their new home, so we were there cleaning and scrubbing all day yesterday. let me say that we Kicked butt......... and i must say Christina does share her grand daughter with me too, Johnny said doing that was a workout, so he let us off the hook yesterday, thank goodness cause my muscles were crying :0). well i am going to go do something constructive this morning. have a great day

update from the visitor.....see previous post to understand

shhhhhh, update from me the "visitor", Huh i heard them......first they said "do not feed the stray dog"....... well that lasted two hours. and then i kept hearing........no do NOT let her in the house, absolutely not...... well let me tell you, they didn't bring their comfy chair outside...... that man than lives with them, you know the "tough" man....said i was too young and it was too cold to be outside.... He let me in....... what a family, if my old owner doesn't want me, i think i got lucky...... :0).

I don't have a name yet, at least not from these humans....... can you give them any idea's............ :0)

Visitor at my home.......

let me say that my Internet and phone are still going On and off.......so i am at work blogging this morning. So let me explain, Saturday both Bill and Albert saw this really skinny skinny dog along the road about 1/2 a mile from my house. Bill told me it was so thin and looked like it was just abandoned along the road....... fast forward to Saturday night...... my family was over for the evening, after everyone was gone, Katie noticed a very thin dog outside....... I told the kids, "do not feed the stray..... " and i went to bed. so early in the morning i take Juneau out, and as i walked past her dog box i notice these eyes looking at me, ........i just walked back into the house, and hoping the little dog would just leave and go to another home........ do not feed the stray dog!!!. so about 10 minutes later, i go into the kitchen and slide the curtains back from the glass doors..... and this is what I see......... i took a picture! pulled back the curtains so i didn't have to see her.......... she never moved, didn't bark, didn't jump.......just sat there looking in. I called the humane society left a message, called the dog warden, left a message......... called Bill........... do not feed the stray dog!!!! finally went out on my porch to check the dog out a little more closely....... she IS very thin, but it looks like she was well cared for before, you could tell her nails have been clipped, her ears were cleaner than my kids' ears, and although at first she was afraid of me..... she didn't show abnormal fear ( how some dogs are after past abuse)..... i went into the house got a bowl gave her 1/2 cup of dog food with a scrambled egg in it..... i went and fed her, and i cried........... she was so hungry....... so hungry, not knowing how long she's been without food, i fed her a little bit every two hours x 4 times .... she did NOT bloat up ....... her eyes are clear, her teeth are spotless white, she is young, i am guessing 9mth, to 1 year. Surely she belongs to somebody....... Katie has fallen absolutely in love with her, she is very sweet, very gentle, and just loves everyone.. There is something about her though i must say.......... Come on Jeanine, Murray would love a buddy..... she is so sweet, . She doesn't appear dominant either as she becomes passive around my dogs.

She wants in the house so bad.........which is a NO, now if we can stick to that...... just so you know, my Bill is such a softy, every time i looked out on the porch yesterday He was out there..... so much for do not feed the dog!!! I am thinking other than malnutrition, her condition indicates she was well taken care of before. so maybe someone is missing her, I will again call the Shelter to see if anyone is inquiring on a missing dog. I spoke with the dog catcher, she said that we can't just keep her, it is against the law, that we must see if someone lost her, by law any stray dog must get spayed or neutered so she will give us a few days to try and find her home. if she does go to the animal shelter, we can let them know we would consider taking her if she ends up on the "put to sleep" list...... oh we will see........

my belly is back to bloating any time i eat even a little, and I am hardly eating much right now. But i am on Protonix and Carafate...... so hopefully it will start to work soon. I am so excited that Deer hunting season is over, cause i miss my walking, I am not going to wait until "after" the holidays or the first of the year to .....start up again, i just want to continue with what I am doing. .... well i am going to try and eat something, we will see what happens......

No internet, No phone.... on leave......

Just a brief posting...... first and foremost, absolutely beautiful here.... i have a picture, when i download it I will post it. the snow is thick, heavy and sticky.......clinging to everything.
I have not had land line (home) phone or the Internet on and off for 3 days. just came back on about 2 hours ago.
The kids and i just decorated the tree, doing a good house cleaning.... and making stuffed shells and ham.
Not able to eat much right now, even if I eat a little my tummy bloats up so bad...... the doctor isn't positive if the Duodenal Ulcer (from April) has "erupted" again or not, but she could tell my stomach is inflamed. i am to take protonix twice a day for a month..... and try to eliminate stressful situations..... she knows about the stress i am having on the job. therefore she put me on medical leave. so I get re-evaluated in a month. I am assuming she can do that!!! I mean what can the company do... i have an incredible history of stomach trouble and i have been under a doctors care for over a year.....
My doctor offered to give me something for my nerves......... just temporary and I told her No, that i will deal with this situation as best as i can, and if a medical leave does keep me from work, i should be fine.
well i gotta go, tons to do.
love to all,

Stressed to say the least..........

i haven't blogged about this as of yet, and i've been dealing with something for sometime, and i am at the point where I can't stand it .....grrrrrr.....
Its about my second job at the Methadone clinic, which i truly loved doing soooooo much. tell me how strange this is........ the Clinical Supervisor, The Nurse Manager, and the Physician all are leaving with in the same time frame. sadly i haven't been trained in all areas, and actually i got a good 25% of it worked out , I and the only other nurse are still pretty much in training, of course i am the newest dosing nurse, and still rely on calling my nurse manager for things...........(I've been told when this happens call the nurse manager, if this goes wrong call the nurse manager.....there are signs all over the dosing room for all the nurses to Call the nurse manager) well her last day was December 9th, the Clinical supervisor's last day was December 6th. When i found out that ALL of my superiors were leaving in December, i too put in a letter of resignation not out malice, but I just said until a new manager is hired and trained, I'd need to step back, at this point i did not feel save swimming without the "life jacket" so to speak. I obviously cannot and will not get into everything on a blog...... but trust me when i say there IS a lot going on right now that is shooting radar warning signs directly through my heart... Methadone is nothing to work casually with, it can and does kill people, we have young pregnant girls who's lives and babies lives are in our hands, a too small dose or too large dose could have dire consequences. let me just say the Nursing license that I've had for 20 years is in jeopardy. .......... Well let me tell you this, the first words out of corporate too me is........if you leave before the end of the year we CAN sue you......... what the heck!!!! i don't think they can........ and don't think they will. and i am angry that they don't care that i am back there on my own........ this has been going on two weeks, and i am a mess.... i am so stressed right now, that my stomach is in knots, i vomited once yesterday........ not able to eat........ i know i had the ulcer in April, and I know that i can't get another one or let this one get irritated again, cause that could keep me from any type of abdominal surgery for a while, not just that, Stress wrecks havoc with your immune system, and i am going to end up getting sick if i don't get a grip on this, i am going to the doctors tomorrow to see if he can put me back on protonix at least for a few months. I wish i could explain more, but i just can't. but know this, these Clients have touched my heart, and i am going to miss them. they are what made this job so awesome. Why would God put me in a place but to stay just a couple of months....... i don't know, but God has a time and season for everything He does.......and I continue to trust in His direction for me. who knows, there will be a new place opening up in Indiana next year (at least that was the plan) just maybe...... i just know in my heart that i am supposed to get out of there, and fast. I have 6 more working days between now and December 27th, my last day..... If there is something i am not comfortable with, i will not do it..

7 years ago today

7 years ago today I was sitting in Lydia's sisters home getting my hair done. Bill had the boys with him, going to breakfast with his best man Gary. Bill and I were getting married. I wish I could tell you what Katie was doing, but i haven't a clue...... she was 12 and this was hardest for her. Andrew was 10 and Sammy was 6 (soon to be 7) The kids were 9,7, and 4 when Albert (daddy) left. there were many ups and downs..... and i can't even imagine what the kids felt. All that they knew, all of their safety, seemed to be pulled out from under them. As many of you know Bill and I did Not date long.. and many know the story about "God" telling me that i was going to meet and marry this man., i was actually dating someone else, and it wasn't Bill. But i kept having this nagging thought that i was to meet someone else,...... of course like usual, i argued with God, even ignored God. But I knew he was at my brothers church, and one day in April I walked into the church, turned to my sister in Law, and said..........there that man in the second row, I am supposed to marry him!!! She just looked at me and said well he is single, and she just laughed about the "i am going to marry him part". Well my friends got tired of hearing this for months on end, so finally...... in September one of my friends called me to give me Bill's number that she looked up....... although i do remember her telling me over and over again.... "don't tell him you are going to marry him,... don't tell him". well to make a long story short. I did call on Sept 14, Our first date was September 17, we were engaged November 1, and Married on December 8. ................. so back to the kids............... they didn't know Bill long, so i am sure that was a scary time for them......... fast forward seven years............... who would have even Imagined how well this would turn out. I adore Bill (most of the time) but sometimes the kids tell me they like him more than they like me :0)! Bill has dedicated his life to me and the kids, the kids come first and always have. My kids have never once said "you aren't my dad". they see how Bill and their father get along.......... it as a rule has all been good.

I have fun will Bill, and i enjoy being with him. Yes there are days that i would like to, how did i say it Kim?, ........sew his eyes shut. the second year was a tough year.... but it seems the older we get.. the more comfortable we are with each other. I think i'll keep him for another year.

Oh my, Oh my, Oh my!!!!......

There is NEVER a dull moment when Chris and I are in the same room. and that is just a fact. We had our work out at Johnny's today, and i think both of us were tired, and just slightly melancholy, which is okay too.. until, until we get to the gym.... John doesn't mess around, so we get right into it... so you gotta picture this........ Johnny tells me to get on the this one bench to start abd. crunches, and then He tells Christina ..... it goes like this

Johnny: Chris, I want you to do lunging squats just using your body weight.

( Chris starts walking to another room)

Johnny: Chris, where are you going?

Christina: I am going to get my body weight..........

(*what the heck......)

once that came out of Christina's mouth she immediately realized what she said, she only half heard John, and she thought she was going to get a couple hand weights........... John lost it....... he started to tell the other trainer what she said..... John said that will be a story to tell for months....... I laughed so hard that I peed myself ever so slightly........ Most people carry their body weight with them, no not Chris........ she must put hers on the shelf.........
I am really starting to see changes again in my body...... my clothes are fitting better, i wake up and notice my muscles.... i feel stronger, feel healthier, oh and the scale at Pittsburgh says i gained 2 lbs or almost 2, first weight increase since February. I hit my first plateau, but I am not too worried, Johnny mentioned today he could really see a difference. he also feels i need to increase my calories on weight training days.. just a little, and make it lean protein, my life coach also agreed to have me try this.

My Dream Bike..... a Cannondale

I remember years ago, almost 10 years ago not long after i started to heal after My X husband left, I decided to get a mountain bike for the trails, .....I fell in love with the Cannondale bikes... so I went to the local bike shop, and picked out my bike...... they kept the bike for me and I payed a little each pay...... and i did this for a while....... oh how i loved that bike...... and oh how i loved to ride that bike.......... slowly but surely I started to put the weight back on, stopped riding, kept the bike in my house.......... my brother borrowed it almost 2 years ago...... and in all honesty he won't exactly tell me what happened to it...... I think it got stolen, ........well regardless, i don't think he has it, I've asked... never got a straight answer... Oh well, it is but a bike, nothing material in my life matters as much as my loved ones.

Early this summer, while working with my Life coach, i decided to work towards a goal, I didn't want to work to be a certain size, or a certain weight, ....... so I needed to figure out a reward in smaller obtainable measurements, it couldn't be food, not into spa's, not into manicures or pedicures (hi Patti), didn't want to waste much money on clothes that i will prob only wear for a while before i go down a size.......... SO, i came up with the Idea that for every 10lbs, for every week that i do my journal without skipping parts....... etc........ I'd put a certain amount of money into my bike account........ The GREEN bike is my dream bike it also cost about 500.00$ more than the other bike. BUT it cost about 1000.00 dollars less than someone that smokes a pack and 1/2 of cigarettes a day in a years time........ This Bike is an obtainable goal for me......

the reason i like to bike is because i can experience more of the trails on bike than i can realistically on foot........ and heaven knows i love my outdoors. and i must admit, didn't think Christina would, but she sure loves those trails too....... and here i thought she was the "indoor type of girl".

Speaking of indoors, today we did a walking tape at Chris' house, and I think we switched roles today...... she kept trying to get out of it.......and i kept pushing her to get going, she'd say "I'm not going to do those moves, I'll just march in place"....... or "well i think i can be done now"........ well NOT!!! lol.

We go to Johnny's to work out tomorrow....... Hey Chris i just thought of something,........ we could do a hike on Sunday since hunting isn't allowed on Sundays............right???

Ouch........

that is the one word to describe how i felt after Sat. hike with Kimmie and Christina. but let me back up here.......... Friday was our second annual day after Thanksgiving breakfast with Christina and her family....... Katie and I went and Bill, the boys got a new video game which is way more important than hanging out with a bunch of "women" minus Bill, Chris(Jeanine's husband) and Michael. But i must say the "boys" didn't hang the whole time.........they ate! and visited here and there. What a great time........ so much laughter, that's what its like 90% of the time when i am with Christina. and her daughter Jeanine and Megan and my Katie, are so AWESOME........ i love those girls!!!! The Sad news on Friday was that Johnny wanted to see Us, saying something like the day after Thanksgiving is NOT a holiday. we had missed a week prior, although he did tell us we needed to do it at home on those days...... opps, didn't' listen. Jeanine went with Us too, I am so proud of my brother, and i love him to pieces, (all of my brothers) that i love sharing him. and he is so sweet and SO good at what he does........... any how i will honestly say that for some reason it was the hardest work out to date. I had a tough time catching my breath, and he did really well fitting Jeanine in and making her work a little harder than than Christina and I. *Jeanine is in great shape, young and beautiful.
I also must say we got Yelled at kinda sorta by Johnny. he said we "BETTER" get a workout in at home (resistance training) .... before returning to the gym, which will be Weds. cause i work Tues evening

It was Great seeing Kimmie again, we had a nice relaxing time, ( thank you Kim's mom and dad for sharing her) So shortly after she arrived we went and picked up Christina for a little hike...... so i go park at one of the trail heads where you can go left or right... I told them that if we went on Trail A, that it is a gradual down hill to begin with, with a steep hill involved. and Trail B, has one hill going, but coming back it was a down hill slope, ........ what was I smoking?, I was on the trail before, but i totally forgot........ it seemed there were no level parts of the trail, it was a constant up hill, down hill ....... a good mile of the trail was no more than a deer path through the woods, the trail did come close to a cliff area, and there wasn't a fence to stop us from rolling into the river either. Kim's mom, will you still let her come out and play with me ? if i promise not to take her near the cliff again??? Okay now seriously and I am not exaggerating much..... when we got back, my leg, thigh and butt muscles hurt so bad, not like an injury, but like muscles that have been over used. it hurt to sit my hinnie on the commode even, it hurt to stand from a sitting position, it hurt to sit from a standing position.. needless to say Sunday was going to be a day off. I didn't want to actually injure a muscle after I've gotten this far......
today I plan to go to Christina's to do a resistance training work out, and we will have to do two days of Leslie Sansone for walking cause we can't go out in the woods in Western Pa........... two weeks of this...... Make it a good one folks......... love and blessings to all

Thanks.........

Today has been a really wonderful relaxing day. I don't cook on this day. I go to my brothers so all i needed to make was apple strudel and pumpkin mousse pastry. Bill worked, Albert took the 4 kids to their annual turkey trot walk.
I really try to be thankful daily, it sometimes is difficult, but i work at it. I don't really need a special day....... to remind me. I love my family and i love the simplicity of my home and my life.
I spent a few hours at Christina's yesterday...... it is a home filled with lots of laughter and love too..... it was us "girls" Christina, Megan, Jeanine, Me and the newest little female life into the circle of women, Paige. I had the terrible job of holding the baby while Megan finished up her pies and Christina started hers......... i am not being prejudice at all, but this baby is SO beautiful...... and such a little personality already. Tomorrow is our second annual breakfast at Chris' house........ my family and her family...... lots of laughing and maybe guitar hero or a game or two.
I do love this life of mine, and am so blessed, with my husband, my kids, my friendships...... my jobs!
Well i ate breakfast, and lunch like normal, I do NOT want to over eat at Aggies, so i will have my small plate and fill it normally once...... and i will eat it very slowly, I am really trying to work on all the "rules" of the trade, to eat with the Lap band. I would like to continue to lose a pound a week from now until the first of the year like I have been doing....... there is no reason why i can't
Have a great weekend........ Kimmie looking forward to seeing you Sat. I did get called to work for Sat morning....... so i may be a little groggy most of the day...... nothing unusual.........

i met the surgeon

well it started in April, after my second hospital stay in a month, when my doctor first mentioned "tools" to help me with my weight loss ..... he was like "....Sandi, you are only 40 years old, you've been in the hospital seriously ill twice....... maybe you should just look into the gastric band to help you eat smaller portions........" well Hell, i didn't want to hear that...but it was planted in a far corner of my brain... May came and went........still planted, ........ i finally decided to at least "water" the little bugger...... so i prayed, and investigated, prayed some more and investigated..... June i decided to at least go to the seminar. and I also felt in my heart that i wanted Dr. Courcoulas to do it, not an associate, but Dr. Courcoulas (she actually has gone across the country teaching other doctors how to do this surgery). Bill and i went to the Informative seminar, and it just so happened the date i picked was the date that DR. Courcoulas would be teaching it..... And things started to fall in place.. and then God saw fit that i would be accepted into the study group with the more intense interactions.. (many say that is the luck of the draw... nah.... Luck had nothing to do with it). I began my meetings on July 7th, ... and now i see or talk to my diet coach every week..... and Finally 8 months later i meet my surgeon. Aimee my coach said that they try to work it out that who ever teaches the informative meeting is usually the one that does the surgery on you.-~~~ again NO Luck involved here.
After spending two hours in Pittsburgh, seeing two doctors, they thought I'd be a great candidate for the lap band procedure. and i know my dearest friends are going to laugh.....but she really thought i had a strong grasp on the subject, and had a very realistic view on the surgery....she said i seemed to be well grounded......... I immediately liked her.... she walked in , shook my hand....... sat down and the first words out of her mouth were......" this isn't magic, you can gain weight with the lap band, you could eat all day if you wanted to........ It ,(meaning the lap band) cannot work unless you work with it) She was also thrilled that i was chosen for the PREP study, and i was one of the subjects that was doing the long term treatment..... she said i was so "lucky" to get that, and that learning how to eat now........is a BIG BIG positive in the future success of my surgery. So I finish two more months of diet prep, I have to make a consult with Psychiatric and Dietitian......... she was pleased that my PCP has already done several of the testing I needed. And then we will schedule surgery....... i think it will be sometime in February.......maybe March......... this Journey has no time frame........

Today is a Johnny day at the gym, Sunday Chris and I did a 4 mile hike... and without getting into detail.......... umm, there are more than just "bears" that poop in the woods........ and that is ALL i am going to say

Hi to my GG's, looking forward to seeing Kim on Saturday.. so Chris be ready after lunch to do a little hike........oh wait we cant go on Sat....... we'll have to go on Sunday before she leaves if you have time in the morning....... opps, NOT a good idea to hike in the woods in Western Pennsylvania during Deer Hunting Season.......... i am just sayin'

___________________________________

okay Christina has brought 2 things to my attention, one.... i should just say it was I that got really bad stomach cramps two mile into the hike..... almost made it home....... almost.... and i needed to stay near my bathroom the entire evening.

and i got a little confused, big surprise there. Deer Season does NOT start until Monday, so this weekend will be safe.......so we can go on a nice hike on Saturday.... sometimes even i wonder about Me :o).

Remebering Alex

I am thinking a lot about how Alex's family must be feeling, his mom and dad and brother and sister, grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends. Early tomorrow morning it will be one year since his accident..... I will pray that you find peace somehow......

Mercy Me ...... Homesick
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvhrPMJe8LE
you're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
and at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why i am broken, the reason why i cry
Is how long I must wait for you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If homes where my heart is , then I am out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why, i wonder if I'll ever know
But even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause i am still here, far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is , then I am out of place
Lord won't you give me the strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ there are no goodbyes
And in Christ there is no end
So I'll hold on to Jesus with all that I have
to see you again
to see you again

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is, then I am out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to to make it through somehow
won't you give me strength to make it through some how
won't you give me strength to make it through some how

I've never been more homesick than now


I can't even imagine what it is like to want to hug and talk to your child so bad, that it makes you almost crazy with the pain of not being able too.

Thanksgiving is next week, lets not worry what the economy is doing, or what the government is doing....... lets thank our good Lord for Our Loved ones, and for the simple joys in life. Like I've said before Bob and Gail would give up their home, job, car, everything they have to have their family whole again...... God Bless You guys.......

This and That

So a 4 mile hike and a Johnny workout DO NOT GO TOGETHER on the same day.. I am just sayin' We've been going to the gym with Johnny for about a month now.........and he never gives us the same workout twice... i thought maybe he'd go easy on me yesterday, as i proceeded to explain to him that Chris and I had a tougher than normal "hike", just maybe we wouldn't have to do any side step lunges, or squats or walking lunges.......... just maybe, well i was W.R.O.N.G. We work so hard, and he is such a stickler about our form and how we do each exercise, he watches how we stand, checks to make sure we are holding the abdominal muscles in....... we don't talk to each other, we don't joke around........we work. he is so serious about what he does. There is another trainer there who lets say if you would see him, he doesn't look like a personal trainer, I watch him with his client, and he sits there and talks about the weather, and what he watched on TV last night........ Heck i couldn't talk to john or Christina even if i wanted too.

I am here at Kiski today, we are supposed to get alot of snow tonight, which will make an interesting journey to the Methadone Clinic tomorrow at 4am, don't think the snow plows will be out yet either........ well i can do what I can do.......and I'll just pray that I'll get there safe and sound. I do love that job but so much responsibility.........so much!!! I used to get nervous and worried, but not anymore.........the worst that could happen is they tell me I am not right for the job......and I work Kiski more :0). Not a problem.

I have my past medical records that are needed, I have my weight history with photos ready, so i have to get my medicine that i take written down........ which i am only on one little blood pressure pill and vitamins so that will be easy, and a Medical Family History needs to be done.......so i'll do that today and then I am set. I will not get my surgery date this visit, only after i complete the 6 month study will they schedule me, So that will be in January. and i am really Not in a hurry either, so when it will be, it will be........ I've long since placed this in God's hands..... so i don't need to think about the details to much.

Well think i am going to get some more of my work done.......... my shift will be over before i know it....... have a great weekend

Christina the trooper ~^~

well, i get a text message from one of the lady hikers, she wants to let me know that it IS snowing, and she might just go crawl into bed (she works night shift) and then i get a phone call from lady hiker #2, she has a sore throat and thinks she should stay in this morning...... But Christina the trooper, was going to brave it out. She really needed the second cup of coffee, and the "bathroom" break, so that the previous walking day would not be duplicated, although i must say, and this picture doesn't do it justice as we walked in falling snow for the first mile and 1/2. put some of her Medusa type hairdo in place....... her hair Was NOT touched and i can verify that.... We Hiked about 4 miles, and we went on a different trail, i forgot how hard this was.... its up and down, wide paths, , thin paths through the woods. when we first started, the snow was falling in soft thick flakes, ...BEAUTIFUL!!! the path leads down a steep hill......(opps we then must walk back up the steep hill to get back to the car) at the bottom of the hill there is a wooden bridge that is build over a trickling stream, that goes directly into a tunnel,........ immediately through the tunnel is a small pond, this path has so much neat stuff, there are these old brick buildings that are in ruins that have prob. been there for 75 to 100 years . the one other picture is of an old coal topple, i can look at it and imagine it working 100 years ago, dumping coal into boats to transport it down river.............

Needless to say......... we kept walking, and finally realized after 2 miles that we should turn around.......... so it was a 4 mile hike. Louie went with Us, and he was as happy as can be. Thanks Christina for being a trooper, I know that I can count on you rain or snow..... to get me out there on the trail......

Meeting with life coach Aimee in a half hour, appointment with my doc at 1pm, and then appointment with trainer Johnny at 4:30.

Oh KATIE my wonderful daughter is going to go with me to the docs today.... I love that girl SOOOOO much, and I am SO lucky to have a daughter like her.

***Well Darth Vader I will NOT be***

No raspy breathing for me through a mask at night. I had the results of my second sleep study today...... and there is not one episode of sleep apnea, or serious drop in O2 levels. they said that I do have periods of snoring.....loud snoring, and that my family doctor needs to follow thru, because i do wake up throughout my sleep , and they can not detect as to what wakes me up..... i am still betting sinus drainage pooling in the back of my throat, they told me to check to see if i may have Nocturnal GERD..... i spent 70 % of my night sleeping on my back, and the doctor was happy that i did that, cause that really brings out the sleep apnea... the tech that spoke to me said the Doctor can't believe i am 100 lbs over weight, have 4 /4 siblings that have been diagnosed with Sleep apnea........ and i don't show one single episode.......... Such a healthy "fat" girl here :0).
I picked up more of my health records today..... and I was on the low abnormal anemic, at one point my D levels were low. i have a fatty liver, normal gallbladder, heart, pancreas......etc
I am NOT showing signs of Peri menopause yet.... I am not pre diabetic if there is such a thing.....( i heard a doctor today say that pre diabetic just means high normal glucose levels, )

lets see what else did i find out by reading my records...... oh yeah i can't forget, I am a very pleasant cooperative morbidly obese white female, with many children......... oh but the best thing that i found out was that my father died young at age 52 from heart disease, but i am glad to know that My mother is alive and well........ where did they get that???? i wasn't even on Demerol while I was in the hospital.

I have been feeling so good, finding more and more energy... today after work at the methadone clinic, and traveling to gather my medical records, i came home and thought i'd nap, i did for 35 minutes, woke up feeling wide awake and refreshed....... go figure...

Dr. Courcoulas on Monday.......... almost here

Medusa

Did you ever run into someone and immediately know that they did NOT get out of bed on the "happy" side..... well this morning i met Christina to go for our hike. and well actually the second I looked at her, I truly felt that i was going to turn into Stone......... I am just sayin'..... I think the first words out of her mouth, with teeth clenched, picture this....... " IF I WASN'T GOING TO BE MEETING ANYONE TO WALK TODAY, I WOULD NOT HAVE COME!!!" again i am just sayin'. Chris obviously did not have a good nights sleep, but a nice brisk walk with me and Judy on a trail in the snow.......perfect mood stabilizer, ..... i just got off the phone with her...... and she sounds so happy, maybe it's seeing that grand baby of hers :0) oh Chris you know i love ya more than my lungage

So any how made more phone calls to prepare for my first appointment with Dr. Coucoulas next Monday..... tomorrow i will pick up all of my records that would pertain to my digestive system and all over health. time seems to be flying by....... and i am still chugging along. I know that i 've been working on this for over 5 months.......... But I don't think i can say it "clicked" yet....... i think you can only say that after a good year of good habits......... I am so happy and content though

i go to work tomorrow at the Methadone Clinic, my boss called she is so sick, and the other main nurse other than me is so sick....... hard to believe that i am still holding on from getting this....... better keep up on my probiotics, Vit C, and B vitamins....... drinking green tea, extra fluids, and getting rest.......... I really am feeling good..........

Well i better go finish supper, Bill will be home soon...... barbeque bacon meatloaf, scalloped potato's, and veggies. I'll have my small designated plate and fill it half with veggies, one fourth with meatloaf, and one fourth with fruit..... i'll skip the potato's....... and i will eat really really slow, with my teeth and all

Winter ???

Just before the sun set at like 4:30, i looked outside and there was so much snow, big huge flakes.....ground covered absolutely beautiful! So i made myself a cup of Holiday Chi spice tea w a little vanilla chi spice creamer.. delicious...... and i enjoyed the view for ten minutes before it turned totally dark out.

Still not sure what to make of the head ache it is there but dull, so hopefully a good nights sleep will do it. I actually have a day off tomorrow too.. and then its back to work tues, thurs, friday, saturday....... and then i see a break coming.......... cause Kiski will be on Thanksgiving Break for 10 days. so i'll just have the Methadone clinic to do.

Well i think i am going to try to call Kim and Patti this evening...... don't wait by the phone ........but i really am going to try.

Christina, no matter what the weather is like i am walking tomorrow, are you ????

choose one out of three.....

okay i woke up at 3:24 am with a pounding headache .... is it from the pressure changes outside since the temp dropped from 57 to 33 over night? .......... is it a sinus headache since i have so much sinus drainage? or did I "miss the light show" in my sleep? and is this Migraine fest November??? gosh i hope and pray that it is one of the first two. BUT this is the exact time frame from last months migraine in correlation to my cycle. I think i will go lie in bed for a while, after I take some aspirin... and see.
So quickly, Kimmie i saw i missed your call late last night..... i put my phone on silent went i am at work......forgot to one, take the phone out of my purse and two ,forgot to turn it back on ring..... lets just say that i missed several calls, and one offer to dinner yesterday......sorry bro :0) it WOULD have been nice not to cook .
and umm Kim i was just thinking from yesterdays post,........ Cheaters laundry....... doing laundry enough to get by for 3 or 4 days....... umm, Kimmie well there are six of us...... therefore, that IS my normal laundry load.
wow........ gotta go get that Aspirin now

so this is a computer

i just noticed that i didn't even get on the computer today..... and if i did yesterday, it was just for a moment! I worked today at 4:15am got home at 11 am, and the kids were ready to go to the mall. so........ off to the mall i went, came home......... and Katie wanted to go visit Paige, she got her the cutes little Penguin outfit....... came home again..... and started housework, and getting dinner ready........now i am going to my bedroom to dust sweep and change the sheets..........I want to have everything done this evening......so tomorrow i can just chill, it is supposed to be cold and rainy tomorrow........a good day to read a book in front of the fireplace, maybe watch an old movie.... oh and do laundry...... i gotta do laundry... Kim, what type of laundry do you do if you don't have the time...... the quick kind??? maybe I'll do that :0).
went walking yesterday, but did not get to the gym........ Friday was the one day of the month that just wouldn't work.......ummm without getting into detail.
well sitting here isn't going to get my bedroom cleaned........... so i should really really get going

Just Curious

as to what last nights sleep study will show? The last time i woke up so refreshed, i could tell i slept well. This morning i woke up groggy!!! so i am really curious to see what happens. I don't want to use a bipap machine BUT i want to feel good , esp in this journey to better health, so if lack of Oxygen is causing my metabolism to be sluggish, and affecting how i feel through out the day...... why wouldn't I, Now if the reports say that i still am not showing any signs of losing O2 at night, then i can rest easy. i am just glad that i had two different experiences at the Sleep Center.
I need to call my doctors office today to let them know that I will be needing copies of some of my test over the past year to take to Dr. Courcoulas. I already worked on my time line, and now i will do a brief summary of my family health history. I feel surgery will take place in January or February.....
Oh while going through some paperwork from past hospital visits...... I have lost 34 lbs since February when i decided to take the bull by the horns. i am sure going to Pittsburgh weekly has helped me to stay on track for almost 5 months :0).
Well Johnny decided, so he says, to up the "notch" so to speak on our work out.........umm Chris and I just looked at each other, because we thought we have been working umm "UP THAT NOTCH" since we started . He is so good, and I must say from the moment we walk in the door to the moment we step out.........it is less than 40 minutes ....
today is the ladies hike.......... think there will be 3 of Us.... and i am going to wear my pedometer to measure approx how far we go
Oh speaking of which i better get dressed, I am not going to shower first, so i go with goo all through my hair.......
wow and then i am home for the day........what is up with that :-)

**Chilly**

it sure was chilly this morning for our walk. But a nice walk it was. we went about 4 miles. There were four of Us, we met at one part of the trail, all got into a van, and drove to the end of the trail......... walked back to where the other car was parked, and then we drove Judy back to her van. it was nice to explore the walking trail this way without having to double back. Today we had a "guest" visitor, Christina's sister in law who had the day off, but one of the other ladies didn't make it. We were talking that if this keeps up its going to be a regular "walking" club starting.... it is nice and safer to walk with a group.

Today I am here at Kiski, and tomorrow morning I go to the Methadone Clinic, going to try and stay awake all day tomorrow...... go work out at the gym with Johnny...... and then go back for my sleep study. Weds we are scheduled to walk again, and then i have a phone meeting with my diet coach..... at least i don't work on wednessday.....



I am getting ready to have my first Consult meeting with Dr. Courcoulas, it is just two weeks away. I need to get a hold of a few records from my family doctor. and i am in the process of figuring a time line for the many stages of weight that i have been all of my life, I pulled out the photo album to help me figure this out. I didn't have a weight issue until after i started having children, oh i was never skinny skinny... i always had the hour glass curves....... And then the weight started to slowly appear, mainly in the hips and thighs, they say that is a "safer" way to carry fat! not sure there is a "safe" way to carry all of this excess weight. Come to think of it i guess by scale standards i was always heavy, here is a pic of me weighing about 180 in a size 10 dress.... ----------------------------------->

So realistically i am not going to get to 140 or 150, if i didn't do it when i was 19 and working at a gym 5 days a week. I am NOT going to do it as a 41 year old that goes to the gym twice a week. But I am confident that I will get healthy again, and i am confident that i will look fine.... but more and most importantly....i am confident that i will feel G.R.E.A.T.!!!

so i picked pictures to go with my weight at various stages of my life. And now i have to figure out when i went on Weight Watchers, 4 different starts. When i did Curves, When i did Calorie King, when i did Atkins when i did slim fast, when i did the grape fruit diet, ......... wow a lot of info to figure into a timeline.

Haven't heard from my lung study test yet, not sure when i will, my goal is to really work hard as to NOT get sick this winter.......... this is my goal! so we shall see, well i think i am going to get going for now, have some work that I should do.

Hi Patti, those nephews of yours are so Cute, I never did get to congratulate you for getting the position.......guess God wants you to do it huh???
Hi Kim, ........keep up the good work, and enjoy the journey. you are doing so well.
Hi Kellie, hope things are going well with you, think about you and your family often
Hi Christina......... heck i am back to seeing you it seems like all the time now........ ;0) oh i am so in love with my little niece.
Hi Gina, we will have to do a weekend walk with Aunt Chris
Hi Jeanine, I just miss you........
Hi Kims Mom, keep the prayers coming, the power of prayer is amazing...... but you already know that.
Hi Cliff, so i am glad you are sorta, kinda, behaving yourself, at least that's what your sis says

and Dear Katie, do not even comment that i didn't say hi to you......... i see you all the time, you live with me remember???

I see fire and I see rain.....

first fire place weekend of the year, and I love it? this is so much my time of the year. cold rain outside, and a warm fire inside. It feels so good to do absolutely nothing. It has been almost 2 and 1/2 months since I've had a weekend off....and today i am just relaxing, I plan on napping, reading, watching movies, peaking at the football game every now and then. I spent yesterday cleaning cleaning cleaning.......so today can be my day of rest.
Bill and I may go on a short little hike this afternoon. and then again I may not want to get out of my jammies, today is a jammie day for me. Besides Chris and I are doing a nice hike tomorrow morning with a few wonderful women.

Oh and Kim, to answer your Clairitin question. they are the ones that told me to take the Clairitin. and what they are looking for can't be masked by the medication, and taking it will help them make the diagnosis., a malformation of my throat will occur with or with out the claritin, But if i don't snore as loud, and i still show that there are no signs of lost oxygen, or apnea, then they can guess the snoring is from sinus drainage and not obstruction. Hopefully this will be my last sleep study for a while, Now if this test comes back with totally different results, i may have to do another one. this doctor is extremely cautious says the sleep techs.
Well the chair is calling me........ but first i promised the "boys", that i'll make breakfast for a late lunch,,,,,,, vanilla Cinnamon french toast, scalloped apples, sausage, bacon ........ they love it.
I am feeling so good........ such a peace to my Spirit......

~>RESULTS<~

before i tell you about the Results to my nutritional meeting in Pittsburgh, and my Sleep Study results....... i just gotta tell you a little gym with the brother John story.......let me begin with, the second we step in the Gym, John takes it 100% serious. and man i know i keep saying this, but he knows his sh*t. He has the ability to work my body out to the point of almost pain.... BUT he stops there, and i am experiencing no injuries. Chris and i are drenched in sweat within 15 minutes. well so we had this one exercise where you take a heavy medicine ball, sorta squat, and lift the ball over your head and throw it at the wall as hard as you can........ so Chris goes first, while i am doing some row machine. she lifts the ball over her head,...... and then she hits the wall with a.......with a ..... poof!! and i am NOT joking here, it barely touched the wall, i started giggling, Johnny didn't know what to say..... and the other 3 or 4 in the gym tried really hard not to laugh. You had to see it to appreciate it, but Chris keeps saying she is really weak in the upper body..... um she threw the ball like a toddler........ watch out 1 month old Paige is going to catch up soon.
okay.......... enough of that......... Tuesday is our next gym day.

okay I've lost another 3 and 1/2 pounds this visit. ( this was in 2 weeks) So i have lost something with every visit since i started in early August. with an average of 1 to 2 lbs a week :0).

Now i have to go and have another sleep study on Tuesday...... and here is the news...... first the tech that called me thought it was very odd that the doctor wants me to have another one, as she said he's never asked for that so quickly before. I guess my O2 level stays great with no drops, I had no periods of obstructive sleep apnea, I slept 87% of the time , and when i did wake up briefly i was back into a deep sleep within minutes. I did NOT experience any Restless legs or stuff like that.......... BUT the only thing i did do...... was snore very loudly....... like 5 on a scale of 1 to 5. and the doctor was actually surprised with snores like that, it didn't hinder my breathing.. Because of the history of 4 for 4 of my siblings having moderate to severe sleep apnea, and because i did wake up choking and coughing once, and because i snored......... he would like another night or two to monitor again. I will say this, i haven't been taking my Clairitin and my sinus drainage may be pooling in the back of my throat causing the loud noise, so i am going back on Claritin today......and will use it for the next sleep study.
Yes i am busy, but i feel so good right now and sure am enjoying this journey.
Well i think i am going to bed now.......tomorrow comes pretty quick

~>Position<~

okay it is finally over. and now it is time that since my family's candidate didn't get chosen, that it is time to Respect the Man and the Position... Bill is such a hard core Conservative, and my kids are exactly like him. I don't think i am hard core anything actually. I am NOT going to worry about this as i know that God is in control of my life. And i am going to be optimistic and wait and see what happens, i am going to give President Elect Obama a chance to see what He is going to do. I remember when President GW Bush was elected i was so saddened to see that many Democrats didn't even want to give him a chance, didn't want to show him respect, and i remember saying....... okay the people spoke, and GWB was chosen, now stop whining and lets move on...... I wouldn't want the Presidents position for ANYTHING, look how quickly the Presidents age. and gee their income is less than a 2nd and 3rd string professional athlete. Good Luck Mr. President Obama, I'll be praying for you. Besides Changes don't start at the Federal Government level,it starts in your home, it starts in your local communities. I am teaching my children right from wrong, i am teaching my children to respect each other, I am teaching my children...... and as i see them change from Child to adulthood......... I like what I see........well most of the time.

well out for my hike, then a doctor appointment and then work
Love and Blessings to my GG's

~>Voting<~

I don't want to get into politics as it can be such a sore subject with many. But sometimes I wonder if we as a Nation take some responsibility as to who is in the Office.... after all we put them there! I know that sometimes it is difficult to find out what is going on as political parties tend to give half truths and partial lies about the opposing running mates. it is our responsibility to educate ourselves, know what are politicians vote for, know what they stand for. I was talking to someone the other day, and we were talking about one of the Senate seats..........she said that she'd be voting for _______ , and I said Why? and she said, oh i don't know he's been there for over 20 years.............she was a sweet older lady, she just said she votes for the most familiar names on the ballot.
I know who i plan on voting for, and I hope and Pray that He wins. But if He doesn't than I will respect who does win. and I Will honor the position that he has, and I will with an open mind, give him a chance and see what he does........... because you know what? I'd want the same chance if i were in his shoes.

I know ultimately that God IS in control, and as long as i keep my eyes on Him and trust in Him. I will be okay!

Now about last night, it was actually quite interesting. I took a nice soaking bath at home, put on my jammies, took my bed pillows with me, and headed to the Sleep center.... got there for 9pm.... I was taken to a room that resembled a hotel room, answered a hundred questions, and then ............. the process began......... first long wiring with a censor on the bottom threaded through my shirt and Jammie bottoms to each of my ankles, wrapped with Velcro straps. then a double lead EKG sticky one to my rt chest one under my left arm.......... and the sticky sensors placed around my eyes, my chin, my mouth, and then another sound sensor placed on my throat. two sensor bands placed on and around my upper chest and my mid abdomen region. 4 yes i said 4 small prongs placed up my nostrils, wiring tucked behind my ears. also a small sensor hanging from the nasal contraptions placed so that it is directly over my mouth . okay now came the tedious part the Sleep tech, started scrubbing several (and i mean several) area on my scalp, it actually hurt, and one by one he put on a EEG sensor i am not sure how many 15, 20 who knows?........... and then after watching an informative video (instead of the Monday night football game). i got tucked in, told to relax...............and go to sleep........ um yeah right........i feel like Dr. Jekyll's science experiment, hooked up to everything....... BUT the bed was really comfy, and from all the physical activity the day before, i fell asleep pretty quickly, didn't even seem to mind cameras on me all night. I did wake up a few times...... not sure how many. One time i remember waking up to a coughing jag. but i seemed to roll over and go back to sleep. There were no clocks in the room so i wasn't sure what time it was, but the last time i woke up i just knew it was between 5am-6am.... i woke up wide awake, and felt pretty good. spoke out to the tech.......and told him, hey it's gotta be after 5am, i am ready to wake up. The time was 5:21am.......... it took him about 15 minutes to unhook me, and i was on my way, made it home in time to bath, pack my breakfast AND lunch... and make it to work before 7am. I guess they could tell when i was awake, sleep, dreaming, moving, snoring, yawning, gritting my teeth, .... and just about everything else............ looking forward to getting the results. I must be honest with you i ALWAYS wake up feeling refreshed, with energy...... and I usually wake up the same time......and it is ALWAYs before 6am, even if i go back to sleep.......... the first wide awake moment for me is before 6am. But i do find i get tired mid morning....... and need to work through the slump, i also, when able, enjoy a nap, but it never last more than 45 minutes, maybe an hour..... i can't sleep for 2 or 3 hours ........... wonder if they'll find anything????

Today is a Johnny workout day........ Not sure i want to go.......... but i will, for Christina's sake :0).

Have a good day today

~>ENERGY<~

I am just automatically feeling more energy as of late. This morning Christina, Me and Judy went for a walk, and i just felt good, had a "spring" in my step... could have easily walked another mile or two, but Judy had a lot to do today. So I came home, and decided to go with Katie and the little girl she babysits for (she's 2 years old). we went to yellow creek state park, and had a "picnic" and we played......and played. came home, and although i wanted to take a nap, i didn't got supper ready, and now i am going to do some housework.
Tonight I go up to Indiana to do my sleep study......i am scheduled to go up at 9pm. i know that i am going to be connected with a hundred wires to my head and body, I am going to have a camera on me, and heart monitors and breathing monitors.......and i am going to be told, .......Have a nice sleep, um, yeah, I'll get right on that! I must admit that i am tired right now...... so hopefully I'll sleep. I need to get home by 6am so that i can get ready for work. tomorrow i work at Kiski. and I have an appointment with my *personal trainer. that is if Christina will SHARE him, i am just sayin' we also made arrangements already to walk on Weds morning. I work all week. and have 2 appointments for myself, the sleep study and the lung study..... gosh I am doing all that i can in my power to get this body healthy..... not leaving a stone unturned.
well, i think I'll get going, take i nice bath, shave my legs so when they put the EKG leads on my legs, i won't cut or jab anyone :0)!!!
If i get time I'll blog and let you all know how it went tomorrow while I am at work.
goodnight

~> Connected<~

That is how i am feeling right now, connected!!!!! How do i explain this, NOT SURE. but i just feel like i am where i am supposed to be, and doing what I am supposed to be doing. I know that i have been super busy and today is day 11 of my stretch. I AM taking tomorrow off, i need to. Bill misses me, I miss him, the kids miss me so i am sure they'll hang around for an hour. who'd of ever thought that my 14,16,17, 19 year old children would pick friends and girlfriends over sitting with mama all day?, just don't understand it :^). Well anyhow, even being as busy as I have been, even working the first part of this stretch with the worse Migraine of my life to date. I managed to stay in control. House stayed cleaned, laundry was kept up.
I must admit, I LOVE my new job at the methadone clinic, I don't like getting up at 4am, and there is SO much work and responsibility to this job, But sometimes when i think about this job, this opportunity that God has given me. I am humbled and honored to be put in this position. These precious human beings (most of them) are in their lowest point of life, they have no self respect. some have been abused as children, some still being abused. some come to me trying to hide the tears of absolute pain and destitution in their lives. I have the opportunity to spend 1 minute with them, to smile at them and not judge, to listen to them and not judge. to make them laugh....*believe it or not i am good at that sometimes :0). They may spend 23 hours and 59 minutes a day feeling worthless, But for that 1 minute. I want them to know, I remember their name, i remember what they told me the day before, and they are Worthy of all the love and respect in the world!!! and as they leave my window for the day.... i pray that God gets them through another day, and that someday, with His help, they will get out of the mess they are in. I know that i am sounding emotional here, but i can't help it, the eyes just kill me, we have a client that has regressed pretty bad, and her eyes...... the emptiness, the sadness, the hopelessness. .. only God can help her...... yup i am where i am supposed to be!
Don't get me wrong i love Kiski, these boys are so darn cute, but i must say since i started working at the Methadone clinic, i don't think i am as tolerant of the "rich" boys that have had the silver spoons in their mouths since birth.... just different spectrum's of Nursing I guess. I guess they were born into it just as much as my clients at the methadone clinic where born into it........ i am just sayin'

I want to bring up briefly Melody........ this girl just doesn't let it go :0) and I am glad. she will be gone almost 2 years in December. and i think about her almost every day. I am confident that I will be able to give her my promise, by next year at this time, I will do the 10 mile hike, haven't forgotten. I'd like to do it in the fall....... a beautiful fall afternoon is what i am planning. My life has certainly changed since i met her, and it hasn't been the same.

Oh and I think Christina will agree with this, My brother Johnny is a "master" at what he does. he can work us out in 20 minutes and it feels like 2 hours, he said he could also work us out for 2 hours and it feels like 20 minutes, but why waste time ? I am not saying this because he is my brother........ but he is so knowledgeable, and backs up what he does with facts. oh Patti, he ended up not leaving, this happened before, he would think about leaving, and his clients beg him to stay, the wealthy ones offer more money...... so for now he stays!!! And he is busy....... jumping from one appointment to another, and he is ALL business, no chatting, ....move move move, and he doesn't have a routine for Us, so when we go Tuesday.......... he said expect the unexpected!! we will see, i just know my muscles hurt in such a good way right now .

OH OH OH, and i MUST tell you, Christina hogged him yesterday..... she did! He's going to start working on her eating patterns soon , at least i think, i just heard bits and peaces as i was a m.i.l.e. away on another machine while she was hogging him!

well this is long.... and i am tired.......... Bill is so sweet...... and i love my life.......... 3 more hours of work to go........... 3 more hours

It is finished........

Bill's IV antibiotic that is! Look at this face the scar is a thin line, after only a few weeks after surgery! I just unhooked Bill hopefully for the last time. we are going to keep the PICC line in (IV access site) until Tuesday or Wednesday because the doctor said if "rebound" infection is going to happen, then it will by then. So for those praying folks (hi Kim's mom) please keep Bill in prayer this weekend. The doctor is 99.9% sure that it will NOT return, but if it does, he'll go back on antibiotics for up to 6 months. he is feeling really good.

and come to think of it I am feeling really good too! lots of energy, and thank goodness about that, cause i am working ALOT!!! i just got called to see if i'd work a few hours on Sunday, it was/is going to be my one day off....... i didn't give an answer yet.........cause working ALL day 4:30 am until 8pm on Sat. I may not have the energy. we will see.

Chris and I go for our appointment with Our *personal trainer tomorrow. i have a feeling it isn't going to be easy..... but fun!! and hopefully Chris won't whine so much this time........ but don't worry I'll let you know if she does.......i love telling on her

well i think i am going to go to bed, 4 am comes really fast........

goodnight!!

Well well well

by the scale at work, it looks like i lost another 3 pounds since last weds. So i better start eating a little more. Not sure how, other than maybe my metabolism is starting to rev up, or maybe it is a fluid fluke! Not sure. I feel relatively good today, no major aches or pains. I got up early this morning to move my living room furniture around, now why did i do that? Katie came out and said......"mom you are crazy, you are working tons of hours, why didn't you just chill this morning before work....... now you'll prob be crabby." I just felt like doing a good cleaning today. I am here at Kiski, and I must say i've been so busy, and tomorrow morning i go to the Methadone Clinic, Friday methadone clinic, Sat Methodone Clinic and Kiski........ Sunday i want to lie around and watch old movies and be waited on hand and foot!!!, hmmm maybe!!!
I have my appointment with Dr. Courcoulas in 4 weeks. I AM excited and not really getting cold feet yet. I have a sleep study scheduled for Nov 3rd, and I have a lung study scheduled for Nov 5th. My brother Johnny called me twice today.........mainly to check on how Christina was doing, maybe he was worried......... with all the whining and all ;0)!
I feel so good...... its like poof** DEMERAL, and No headache anymore. guess we will have to wait and see next month what is going to go on.
well i have tons of paperwork to do so that i can leave in the next 90 minutes so i shall get going.
Hi to my GG's hope all is going well for you

Help! I DIDN'T fall, But i still can't get UP!!!

Let me just say that Christina and I had our first appointment with my brother John, He wants to see us every Tuesday and Friday! We didn't work out long, but we were able to use every muscle in the body! When we got there John told Us that today he just had to observe, do a "few" exercises just so he could evaluate our fitness level, our technique and body mechanics, and to see if we have any "danger" muscles that need watched.( like sore knees or shoulders) He had us do Core exercises so the abdomen is always being used. Christina was a hoot, need i say more, and when Johnny got out the exercise ball, Chris and I looked at each other and remembered the ball in Kim's apartment, lets just say that Christina isn't the most um, graceful on a ball.... i am just sayin'!!!
you know, my brother is so sweet, and I am proud to call him my brother. and he knows his stuff.......BIG time!!! There two days a week and two really good Cardio walks is all that is needed during the week. and then any leisure walks are hikes are a bonus!!
I am feeling good, i am on day I am on day 5 of 9 in working days........ by Sunday I will be exhausted. I think i am going to try and move, get a nice hot bath, and crawl into a cozy bed and read with a hot cup of tea

All i got to say is~~~~~~>

I love Demerol/Visteral shots!! I am just sayin'. Today is the first day that I did not have a headache. I have never in my life had a headache like i had for as long as i had it. because i had two"light" shows, they feel i had a migraine on top of a migraine, and I had made this vicious circle just wasn't breaking. I continued to work but it was almost impossible, On weds when my boss came out to my office and found me in the bathroom hugging the toilet....... i new that it was time to head to the doctors. besides Christina made me call first thing in the morning to make an appointment. we are pretty positive that it is hormonal, I've been keeping track of the these new headaches for the past few months, and it is right on the money every month when it comes. My doctor promised me that she would STOP the pain cycle immediately........... whoa who.....she was so right, and she in my new best friend. I will be giving blood periodically throughout the month so we can pin point what my hormone levels are doing. and i have medicine that i take immediately as soon as the "light" show occurs, she said i am lucky i have such a distinct warning as only 30% of migraine sufferers experience this. because this should stop the Migraine from occurring. it was 5 long days ....... and i seriously do not remember much after the shot........i just remember it felt so darn good, and i kept thinking...... wow, what have i missed out on in high school ??? *joking.
I am working everyday until next Sunday....... Christina and I start with my brother Johnny at his gym on Tuesday. Football is over for the boys! so that is a few evenings off for me. Oh i did have my meeting with Aimie my diet coach on weds. I lost 3 pounds this past week. but with the Migraine i didn't eat as much, and i threw up several times... i still drank though so i wasn't dehydrated. so pound for pound it is coming off....... every week..... a pound or two, and I am happy my brother Johnny said tonight," Sandi don't get hooked on numbers, i like when my clients loose like that........... enjoy the Journey!!" and i told him I am......

Oh the photo is of my newest tea pot, right now it has Chi Spice with a little Chi Spice creamer in it. and I am having a mini choc/lava cake that is only 150 calories. and i am heading to my bedroom to watch a movie and drink my tea........
Love and Blessings to all

oh yeah, i got to hold baby Paige, she is absolutely beautiful..... I love her as much as i love her mama and dad already.

oh and PSS I really miss Chris' daughter Jeanine........don't ask me why but i do.

okay that's it

~>HEADACHE<~

Saturday morning i am sitting at my desk at work, talking to one of the professors, and visiting her son i babysit for sometimes, And as i am talking, feeling fine, all of the sudden the "light" show hits, and i see this beautiful white light with a zigzag pattern dance around everything i try to focus on. as soon as they leave, and i take care of a few students, i take Ibuprofen (800 mg) and muddle through the rest of the day as the headache begins... at home in the evening i do my best to take a nap, get dinner, and just do some catch up, Head ache doesn't leave, but it didn't get debilitating yet either. Sunday morning back to work, the fluorescent lights just kill me right behind the eyes.... the charting, the reading really starts to give me a headache, by the time i come home my head is hurting sooooooooo bad that i can't stand it, ibuprofen doesn't touch it, i cry as i take not one but 2 ultracets....... i don't care, i know i don't tolerate medicine well, but i take it ...... and lie down, no reading, no watching TV, no lights....... just darkness, I manage to get up and muddle through the evening, making dinner, smiling for the visiting nurse that was here at 5 pm and left at 8:30 pm. ....... now i couldn't say if it was a headache or just feeling blah from the Ultracet..... i went to bed, and stayed there until noon the next day.... i was so nauseous, bummed that i couldn't even read, or really watch TV. When i was up and moving, i got sicker and threw up twice...... so i just went back to bed, I remember doing Bill's IV, i remember making french toast and bacon and sausage for the family, i remember going back to bed........ Bill brought in Nyquil, he insisted i may be sick because of a cold/sinus problem.... what the heck, i took it!!!........ I am not a head ache kind of girl, and i just started with these light moving, head pounding, nausea making headaches just a few months ago...... and I've been keeping track........ 8 to 10 days before my cycle i get one, and then i get one 2-3 days into my cycle...... THIS is exactly what has happened, so i am going to go with hormonal!!! although i did tell Bill that if i feel that bad today i should go to the doctor. if i do, it will have to be before noon today or between 2 and 4 tomorrow, or after 12 on Friday...... i work every day between now and next Tuesday. Patti i got your message this morning, and you know what is scary........that i am 'normal'!!! Your life is a Lifetime Movie right now..... unbelievable.
well i am going to go see what my head is going to do today, even the computer screen seems to bother me.

love and blessings to all

***********update***************
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well I am here at work, and I must say getting ready, my head hurt so bad and I got so nauseous that i threw up once. the sunlight killed me, and i was just squinting, ..... I ended up taking about an hour ago, Excedrin Migraine, and let me tell you....... magic, oh there is still a dull ache in my head, but the lights aren't bothering me, and i am even able to get on the computer. I think i am coming to the end of the 4 day MIGRAINE Fest 2008, Thank God...... i was about ready to go to the ER after work. P.S. when i was in the hospital in Feb they did a cat scan with contrast to my head, looking at my sinus cavities actually. and i Never have headaches except during the time of the month........ but Remembering Karin (sp) from CK, I never want to "laugh" off a headache, right Patti???? Gee NOW i am hungry, i am sipping tea right now, love tea weather!!! Oh and Doctors Chris and Kellie............. a scary thing, i am just sayin'

-----------update II--------------------------

WOW!!!! spoke too soon, my head is killing me, right behind the eyes. I want to puke!

----------update III---------------------------

excuse me for the swear word Kims mom...... but who in the hell asked for an encore to MIGRAINE Fest 2008?? i thought i was done

I am sooooooooo in love with~~~~>

my new Crocs!!!, I've heard about them! I've seen many of Doctors and Nurses wear them........ i think they are u.g.l.y. But but but....... i must admit, Bill talked me into getting them a few weeks ago, and I do NOT want to take them off of my feet!!! they are nothing but light weight plastic........ and i am not sure how they even work, i just know, yesterday at the Methadone clinic was the big test, because there i stand on my feet for 5 or 6 straight hours on concrete.. . by the end of my shift my feet and knees always ache, and it doesn't matter if I am wearing my 100 dollar Nikes, or my top of the line hiking shoes. All that i know is , that these 30 dollar pieces of plastic did wonders for my feet and my knees. No pain, and honestly it feels like my feet are being massaged while i am standing........ what can i say, i am in love with my shoes!!!

Bill goes to work on Monday. He is doing so well, There is nothing to his wound anymore, and if you see it, it looks like maybe a very bad nick of the razor while shaving, that's it!!! We have adjusted well to the routine of giving him his antibiotic IV. I even took the stuff and was able to do it at the boys football game yesterday.

I am looking at my October Calender, and honestly, it just shouldn't look like that! my days are completely filled. it seems working 1 or 2 days a week at Kiski, and 1 or 2 days a week at the Methadone clinic was the original intent........... has not happened in October, as it seems i am working 3 or 4 days a week at Kiski, and 2or 3 days a week at Methadone. the one good thing is that i only do both on 1 day. I do love both of these jobs, so at least that is a good thing.

I am so happy with this cold weather, I think after work Bill and I will take the dogs out for a nice long walk, the pups love being out on the trails almost as much as we do.

well i think i am going to get going for a while, have a great weekend! and GG's your all in my thoughts this weekend!!!

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Okay, I had to update, for those that read my friend Chris' blog. Her daughter left her pup at Camp Bow Wow.... don't ask. but you can keep an eye on the doggie, and even take a picture, i am addicted. I won't say which one is Chris' grandpup to protect the name of the innocent...... but let's just say, He is in this shot, so cute.......... okay I truly think i need to get a grip and step away from the bow wow camera's , oh and I did catch the pup whom shall remain anonymous, pooping in Collieaut lake area, which IS an outdoor area.......such a good doggie