Happy Mothers Day, Mom!!!!

Dear Mom,Just want you to know that i am thinking about you today!!! well not just today, I think about you often. I wonder if God lets you peak in on me and see what's going on... I hope He does. You've been gone for 7 years now. Sometimes it seems like you've been gone forever,and then there are times that it feels like you just died. Sometimes I almost pick up the phone to tell you something really neat. and it hits me like a ton of bricks that you are gone.Sometimes i wonder if i told you enough how much i appreciated you as a mother. I am sure that i did not!!! I sometimes wonder if you knew how as an adult, i appreciated you as a friend. I think i called you 10 times a day, some days more.I am going to take the time to tell you now. I know before dad turned his life over to Jesus. when he let alcohol consume him. I know your life wasn't easy. I know that having a family of (9), we didn't have much. well we didn't have much in "money". And i know Dad was as unpredictable as a summer storm. I know you took a lot of abuse, both physically and emotionally. But, funny looking back on my childhood, that's not what i dwell on or think about. You want to know what i remember..... I remember you were the ROCK!!! you kept our lives steady, when the world was swaying. I remember you baking bread almost daily to go with our simple meals. I remember we couldn't afford to buy the store bought valentines.. But i remember you getting out the construction paper, and those old "wallpaper" books, and anything else you could find so that we could make homemade valentines... I remember you getting up to put a turkey in the oven at 3am and baking 10 pies the night before for Thanksgiving. I remember the decorating of the sugar cookies at Christmas time. the older you got, the more i saw it.... the smile, the joy, the optimism of just living, The steady Love and Faith you had for Jesus. You never once tried to tell any of us kids, who to be or what to be. You were proud of all of Us!!! and i know speaking for me..... I knew that, and i felt that growing up. I never felt pressure or felt like i would disappoint you. Oh don't get me wrong!!! I remember my other friends could go all over the place.... i had to stay in the yard!, i remember i couldn't "enjoy" my Saturdays until all the weekly housework was done.... hey we were poor, but mom we were sure clean.... :0) you had rules and boundaries........ many of them. Not until i grew up did I understand the significance of these "rules"...... Just in case i never said this, Thank YOU mom for the rules. The love you had for Dad, through it all was amazing. I am so glad that God Blessed you Both with 12 beautiful years ( time Dad Got Saved) I remember you never missed a school event, or a softball game or a volleyball game, or a football game.. gee with 7 kids in all directions, how did you and dad ever do it.I grew up......... i got married......... and i saw you through different eyes... i saw you not only as a mother, but as a woman. mom you have an amazing spirit. easy to forgive, you never judged or condemned.... and your laughter and smile i can't even describe... you had so much Joy in your heart. ... let's see you were abused as a child, married an alcoholic who continued to abuse you.... had 8 children, buried one child, lost dad when he was only 52.... and i remember when Dad suddenly died......and i got angry and questioned why God took him from us....... oh boy did you let me have it..... I'll never forget your words......" Don't ever question God, or his love for Us. and don't ever blame him because "life" happens" you reminded me how good God had been, and how he took Dad from the depth of Hell, and transformed him giving him 12 wonderful years before He took him home. you were so strong mom...... who knew that already you were dying a slow death from receiving a blood transfusion tainted with hepatitis C and in 6 years you would be visiting dad again. Mom you were the best grandma........ i know you love my kids with all of your heart. and although you spent most of your time by now on a reclining chair. my kids remember the cool movies they watched with you.... they remember you taking them to the drive in movies..... they remember baking cookies, coloring Easter Eggs, decorating Christmas cookies , and coming to your house every Halloween to pass out the candy. Most of all they remember you hugs and kisses.... and your smile. Even Sammy who was just 5 when you died......remembers that.Mom, when you were dying in the hospital, i came and spent every night with you. we just talked and talked. you know what i remember the most.... i remember your loving and forgiving spirit.... you weren't angry, you didn't place blame on anyone. but the biggest thing... i remember you calling "J" to the room. the man that harmed your family in the worse way... who almost destroyed your youngest daughter... who was supposed to be dad's best friend... You asked him to the hospital, so that you could tell him you forgave him!!! you're final thorn in your heart......you let go!!You were there for my first breath..............and Mom, i was with you for your last breath!!!!It was you mom, that truly helped make me the person that I am today. I realized the strength i had when you died. i learned forgiveness, not by your words but by your actions. I've learned to love completely and without conditions. I am a great mom now....... because i had such a good teacher. You died only a year after Albert left me, Mom i am sure you see how things worked out.......and mama, i KNOW you are proud of me! Albert and i get along so well, and have worked together to raise Our children. couldn't ask for a better step daddy then Bill ( i am convinced that you and God schemed up that plan huh???) And the kids are doing great and growing up well.When the brothers see me now.......they say that i am turning into you..... in looks and actions.... wow.........that is the greatest compliment I could ever get...Mom if i could choose a long lifetime with another mother......... or the short one with you..... I'd pick you over and over again. My friend Lydia says i am so lucky to have a mom like you.I love you, and I wish you a happy Mothers day in Heaven