~>mindfulness<~

That was my topic today with my Life/Diet Coach! And I think this is going to be one of the major keys to my success. I guess it doesn't matter what "diet" that I am on..... weight watchers, jenny craig, curves eating plan......... it doesn't matter if I am watching Carbs, or Fat, or Protein, or Calories...... NONE of these really matter to me. What I am learning is that, my weakness is mindless eating, and it always has been..... I can swallow a big mac, slurp a 20oz. shake, and toss down a large fry before my car hits the 40 mile an hour mark...... or I can run into the house grab a turkey breast on my flax and fiber bread, toss down a cup of sliced cukes, inhale my diet yogurt, and drown on Crystal Light before my shoes are off. in my opinion both are wrong, and even if i continue to eat "diet/healthy" food in the same manner... i am going to fail. I need to build a healthier relationship with food., and focus on what eating is really for. I eat to nourish my body. The food i eat will break down and help heal my body when it is fighting illness. The protein i eat will strengthen and build lean muscles, the water I drink will lubricate my joints, and flush away excess sodium. And lets be honest, food is comfort, I love food! so tell me what I enjoyed more.... the countless times that i made a warm pan of brownies for the kids, i used to inhale a bite every time i walked in the kitchen, ended up eating 1/4 of a pan. Last week i made brownies, I did not put an OFF LIMITS SIGN on them. but instead later in the evening I cut one 2 inch square, went out on my porch, I sat there and truly tasted this wonderful little brownie, I actually could tell you the brownie had a silky texture, the taste was mild, ..... it was so yummy.... and I was happy and satisfied. So being mindful may actually mean for me, a more joyful eating experience.

We went over the weeks Food Diary, and i was surprised to see that i really didn't deny myself anything, i made choices not to eat some foods, but i put nothing off limits. I kept just below 1500 nutritional dense calories, i wrote down everything i ate.(even the evening of Wing Hell) I even had 1oz of reg Chips, and a brownie. one day i had the Teriyiaki noodles, just a 1/2 cup not the normal 2 heaping cups full. I can say I didn't need to get a "second helping" at all.

Oh this journey is fun, why am I having so much fun? Oh yeah, we also spoke about finding a reward for the many short term goals i plan on getting. And I gotta get away from food rewards. lets see, I am not into pedicures or manicures, I would love to get a message, but my body image just isn't comfortable with that yet . I really don't like to shop, first i am not happy to spend money on clothes this size, second there is always something better to do with the extra money.... I schedule time for myself, to read, take a whirlpool bath every evening.... I am planning on going on a relaxing, self loving *not selfish, week at the beach.... so i was racking my brain...... what do i really really want........ oh i have my long range goal, but what can i do for the short term goals???? ........ I decided that for every 5 pounds I lose, I will put 20 dollars into a special savings to go towards my mountain bike........I am thrilled with this Idea. oh and today I put 20 dollars in the savings ..........yup, I lost 5 lbs!!!!!!!

I realize this topic may bore you,....... but this is where i am writing my thoughts, so sometimes it does get long...... but i am learning so much.

This week I am going to continue to be more aware of my food, how i eat it, where i eat it, when i eat it......... you get the picture. well i should get back to work