I'm I'm so so tired tired I'm I'm seeing seeing double double

I must begin with I really really like my patient/client contact with my new job. here at Kiski, i do see people, but i can spend hours if not days at a time not seeing anyone. I've been a nurse for almost 20 years...... and i love it just as much if not more than i did 20 years ago. For those that do not know i started working at a Methadone Clinic. it is not what i thought it would be I am just sayin'. I am dealing with souls that have hit absolute rock bottom. We are a clinic that do not take Court mandated clients...... so everyone there, are there to try....... to at least try!! May God Bless all these people and their families, so sad, so sad!!!

I am working at Kiski, and it is pure torture to keep awake..... , they even asked me to stay until 11pm.... I did say No, I just can't work here until 11 that would have made me work a 19 hour day.......and i have to get up and start again at 4am. I am surprisingly NOT grumpy, what's up with that?

I am going home and crawling into bed............. oh after a nice hot Raspberry bath first......

where did everyone go?......

these poor pups, for months now people have been home, in and out. and since the past few days, school and practice for the boys, I've been gone all day as well as Bill and Katie.

This is where 2 of the 3 dogs usually are when we come home. I am pretty sure Louie will be on the living room couch he "uses" when nobody is home. I am tired, and I think i am going for a little nap. the day when great, and my appointment in Pittsburgh went great down another pound and a half i want to loose 1 to 2 pounds a week..... so i am smack dab in the middle.. well I'm not going to be long on here, but i want to say. I resolved to come home to a house not um "so organized" I walked in............. dishes done, laundry washed, living room picked up and swept, heck the counters in the kitchen were Cloroxed. I came home to boys that did this, and were still happy........... Remind me when i complain about the boys..... about this moment.

talk to you later,

Sandi

Can you spell T.I.R.E.D.

Well I can...... M.E. It has been a long day, and it will be even longer tomorrow. I started my job at the Methadone Clinic, and I do think that I am going to like it, I got out of there at 12:15 and then came directly here to Kiski Now this is where is gets bad, I return to Behavioral health at 5 am tomorrow then go directly to my meeting in Pittsburgh, come home go to Sam's scrimmage, go home to bed..... go back to Behavioral Health at 5am, leave there go to kiski until 8pm. go home go to sleep...... wake up and work at Behavioral health until noon...... the boys have a football game Friday..... and then , well, i plan on dying!!!!! :0), I got to do what I gotta do!!! I am not complaining, and actually I am not even upset. But my mind set is going to be different this week, it has to be, the boys are in school all day, football all evening. Katie is working a lot plus has loads to do for College already. And Bill is working 7 days a week as it is.. So if we can all work together a little and just keep a path going in the house, what more can I ask!!! I might as well not get stressed, or sweat the small stuff.
God and I have been chatting a lot lately, and I truly believe that God wants me there, He has too, cause i didn't go looking for for this job. And I believe when I say......."God, take over the wheel...... I assume he knows which way to go..... " This week is doable!! and i am so blessed to have the husband and kids and Xhusband that I have.... we will all work together, The boys will even do a load of laundry (*after I sort of course).

Well my brain is in Information overload...... so much to learn!!! I think i am going to stare at a wall for a while ........

Hi Golden Girls I miss you all.

Gee this vacation i am going to take is looking better and better everyday
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oh I want to add another.... I am blessed for having the most awesome X In laws around, they are Albert's parents, but they have been so good to me, And i think of them as my parents.... not X or In Laws. I've known them since i was a teenager. They are going to get Andrew to his doctor appointments and help any way they can.

uneventful

yup that is what this morning was, uneventful.... today was the first day of school for the boys.... umm, maybe it is that they ARE boys, or maybe it is they are getting older... but it is different than it was with Katie, They don't require "school shopping" Sammy got shoes this week, (his were in the worse shape) and i picked him up a couple pair of jeans only because. he is growing like a wild weed as his Uncle Bo would say. The boy is wearing size 14 shoe, and he's only 13 years old. Corey will get shoes and jeans next week, and then Andrew the week after that.... they just don't care !!! No tears this morning, no big milestones, BUT i must say last night, they still needed their Mama, but it wasn't to pick out clothes or pack lunches..... my tasks now is to trim eyebrows, and stray hairs on 13 year old boys chins, and trim sideburns,........ you know what??? I love being a mom!!! more than anything in the world, it is my favorite thing to be.

I have been so busy at work this morning......it is after 12 and i am just now getting to my blog! Tomorrow i start my other job in the morning, and then i come back to Kiski for the evening. Weds. is my Pittsburgh day.......... I think i am looking forward to spending some time at the beach in a couple of weeks, I know it will be nice, but who am I fooling..... i am going to miss Bill and the boys after just a couple of days. but knowing the schedule that I am going to be keeping when i get back....... i AM going to force myself to relax and be in the moment.......

Well i have tons more to do so i best get moving.

feeling really good.

Okay, here I am at Kiski, took care of a lot of my "Paperwork" and realized I haven't blogged all weekend. Saturday was my one day off. And I don't think I have another day off for like 9 days?? But I must be honest here, as a rule, I feel great. I really do. My job here truly has a 0 stress level, even if it is busy, there isn't stress. And I will find out on Tuesday about my other job, I know it is easy....... but the unknown of what I am to do has me a little stressed. I am finding that keeping my appointment book with me and updated at ALL times, being organized, really has helped me. Kids start school tomorrow. I don't think any of them really mind. I'll make sure they are ready, and then I come into work at 7am. ....... and so my week begins!!

back to feeling so good. . . . I think I've figured out what combination of blood pressure medicine is working for me.... I went off the norvase, and within 72 hours I can tell the difference. Eating and Calorie wise I am doing awesome.... exercise or I should say an exercise routine doesn't begin for 2 weeks, but I am still putting in some walks/hikes or using the elliptical trainer. I guess I am getting my body to adjust from the withdrawal of sugar and excess calories, so they do not "throw" exercise in at the same time, ....... that will be the focus in 2 more weeks!!!....... ah the week I go to the beach :0).

I am finding that I am not afraid to talk about the lap band anymore, I used to be, and then i figured what the heck...... there is Nothing that Everyone will be happy with..... and it is too emotionally tiring trying to please everyone......

Well I think that is all I'll chat about today.......I have a few more things to do before I leave. but the good thing is .......I am coming back in the AM, so what I don't get done tonight, I have all day tomorrow.

A friendship that IS

It's midnight, and for some reason I am having trouble sleeping, Oh i went to bed early enough, even fell asleep quite easily.... but Now I am awake. Double backing can be such a pain........ i worked evening shift, came home, went to bed, got up, went to work, came home, took the boys into football practice, went up to Indiana to pick Bill up from work, and went grocery shopping...........came home, put groceries away.... sat down and it was already 6 o'clock, or almost. I guess it started weds morning with the foster parent "meeting", and then going to Pittsburgh, and then going directly to work.......... well gee, that makes sense, no wonder i am so over tired I can't sleep :0).

okay back to My friends, I think I am missing them right now .... oh not just my golden girl friends. But I have this friend Judy who I haven't seen in many months, we keep in touch via e-mails sometimes, and I have a friend Joanie, she lost her mother a few months ago, we used to be really close, we've lost touch, I wave to her all the time, and a quick roll down of the window to say hi, as i pass her house every time i take the kids to school. and there is Beth, she sent me a birthday card, and she used to bring hot tea to my work just so we could chat a moment.Molly has been wanting to go on a hike with me forever. Kim and I don't get to talk like we did, Kellie, i don't e-mail as much, Patti, well she lives in different time zones, and i normally talk to her once every couple of months..... unless we are preparing a PA trip, so I guess i am keeping things the same with her. Truly I don't think i would trade my friends for all the money in the world..... Okay i didn't forget Christina, how could I??? I think it has been a couple weeks since I've seen her (don't forget though, she is my neighbor). And IF i did see her it was in passing, and we haven't really talked much either, and if we did talk, it was while she was working the golf course, or scrubbing the floor, as i was sitting at my desk filing another student physical form. And gee, I haven't seen Megan in a couple weeks either.... she just has a few weeks left(ummm before the baby is born), I couldn't even work my Weds. shift this week. Chris and I have been friends for 22 years., and she has always been there for me, through the death of both my parents, through a fallen marriage, She's been there for the good things too, actually she knew about Sammy, before his Daddy knew that Sammy was coming. Like I've tried to tell Christina before, it is a friendship that just Is, My kids are a few years younger, so for the longest time we were in different worlds.......... hers in Hockey and Girl scouts, mine still in diapers and Barney, her kids got older went to college.... got married, mine were in cheering and football and little league. Her summers have been totally tied up in the business for 18 years, my Autumn has been tied up with football for 9 years. BUT i always knew........ she was just there, , When Andrew was injured, who do you think made him his Pecan Tassies? And when baby sam cracked his head open, who took me to the hospital, and when i needed a ride to Pittsburgh, who drove for me?,and when i needed to be scraped up off the floor when Albert left me,,who used some "tough love" to get my ass movin? And when Bill's Dad died, and we were having 130 people come to the house for lunch, who managed to make tons of food, *and if i remember correctly, had a golf outing on the same day? There was a period in my life, where I "wasn't easy to deal with". She handled me quite well. ... I think i am easier to deal with now!!! okay maybe not :).... I value each and every one of my friendships for the unique qualities that they are. I feel that God knows exactly how he intertwines lives so they touch ..... even for a moment! I value my new friends, as well as my friends i've had for a while (well, I couldn't say old friends could I?) But without hurting any ones feelings. I don't know what I'd do without my bestest friend. without getting too sappy. in my opinion,a Friendship like i have with Christina is very rare. if are lives again take different routes for a while, ........I just know 30 years from now...... we will be 2 old ladies, prob arguing, after all I am never wrong, who knows we may be going to Curves, and tripping over our boobs on the stair climber......... and knowing....... that it's just a Friendship that IS!!!!

~>mindfulness<~

That was my topic today with my Life/Diet Coach! And I think this is going to be one of the major keys to my success. I guess it doesn't matter what "diet" that I am on..... weight watchers, jenny craig, curves eating plan......... it doesn't matter if I am watching Carbs, or Fat, or Protein, or Calories...... NONE of these really matter to me. What I am learning is that, my weakness is mindless eating, and it always has been..... I can swallow a big mac, slurp a 20oz. shake, and toss down a large fry before my car hits the 40 mile an hour mark...... or I can run into the house grab a turkey breast on my flax and fiber bread, toss down a cup of sliced cukes, inhale my diet yogurt, and drown on Crystal Light before my shoes are off. in my opinion both are wrong, and even if i continue to eat "diet/healthy" food in the same manner... i am going to fail. I need to build a healthier relationship with food., and focus on what eating is really for. I eat to nourish my body. The food i eat will break down and help heal my body when it is fighting illness. The protein i eat will strengthen and build lean muscles, the water I drink will lubricate my joints, and flush away excess sodium. And lets be honest, food is comfort, I love food! so tell me what I enjoyed more.... the countless times that i made a warm pan of brownies for the kids, i used to inhale a bite every time i walked in the kitchen, ended up eating 1/4 of a pan. Last week i made brownies, I did not put an OFF LIMITS SIGN on them. but instead later in the evening I cut one 2 inch square, went out on my porch, I sat there and truly tasted this wonderful little brownie, I actually could tell you the brownie had a silky texture, the taste was mild, ..... it was so yummy.... and I was happy and satisfied. So being mindful may actually mean for me, a more joyful eating experience.

We went over the weeks Food Diary, and i was surprised to see that i really didn't deny myself anything, i made choices not to eat some foods, but i put nothing off limits. I kept just below 1500 nutritional dense calories, i wrote down everything i ate.(even the evening of Wing Hell) I even had 1oz of reg Chips, and a brownie. one day i had the Teriyiaki noodles, just a 1/2 cup not the normal 2 heaping cups full. I can say I didn't need to get a "second helping" at all.

Oh this journey is fun, why am I having so much fun? Oh yeah, we also spoke about finding a reward for the many short term goals i plan on getting. And I gotta get away from food rewards. lets see, I am not into pedicures or manicures, I would love to get a message, but my body image just isn't comfortable with that yet . I really don't like to shop, first i am not happy to spend money on clothes this size, second there is always something better to do with the extra money.... I schedule time for myself, to read, take a whirlpool bath every evening.... I am planning on going on a relaxing, self loving *not selfish, week at the beach.... so i was racking my brain...... what do i really really want........ oh i have my long range goal, but what can i do for the short term goals???? ........ I decided that for every 5 pounds I lose, I will put 20 dollars into a special savings to go towards my mountain bike........I am thrilled with this Idea. oh and today I put 20 dollars in the savings ..........yup, I lost 5 lbs!!!!!!!

I realize this topic may bore you,....... but this is where i am writing my thoughts, so sometimes it does get long...... but i am learning so much.

This week I am going to continue to be more aware of my food, how i eat it, where i eat it, when i eat it......... you get the picture. well i should get back to work

A day of blur

at least that is what I am thinking, I've been up since 5:30, Carole, my foster son's case worker is coming between 8:30am and 9 am. and then i am heading to Pittsburgh for my appointment, and then i am going directly to work, which i am scheduled to be there until 8pm. I am trying to get all of the necessary food packed, the healthy snacks and such, get my very own "chores" done. My schedule is becoming insanely busy. as I am now scheduling my new job in, as well as my job at Kiski, as well as Sam's football games, as well as, Andrew and Corey's games, and still keeping my appointments in Pittsburgh a main priority. Organization is going to be the key the next few months.

Kim, i am hoping that the start of classes has gone well. And Christina, I know that eventually we will get to talk again :0), i know you live but a few feet away from me....... so one of these days you may see me ... but not this week :(,. Patti you always have something going on don't you? and Kellie thanks for blogging, I was beginning to worry about you.

I may return and blog when I am at work this afternoon, but i think i better get my butt moving.......

Self Sabotoge....them dang wings

Sometimes I do that, I was keenly aware last night of a lapse in control with my eating. Corey brought home these amazing wings after I already had my meals and snacks. Even better than "boogieman" man wings Patti. I don't think the problem lies in eating them, the problems lies in how I ate them (out of control). They still aren't on my eating plan, it is rare that we ever get them... (a couple times a year maybe). But again none of that is an issue either. okay this is what I did.

~ oh wings, yummy, run over grab one and immediately inhale, oh so good, i was starving (no i wasn't) grab another one to eat while I go back to the boys room to tell them we had wings out there...... i think i shoved a few more down my throat........ sadly I am not even sure how many I had. 4 maybe 5 who knows :0(..........

what i could have/should have done

~ oh wings, yummy, go tell the boys that we have wings. get a small plate put one or two wings on the plate, sit down and enjoy the wings.. taste the wings........ chew the wings... eat slowly, setting the wing down after each bite ....... :0).


I guess that if i did this diet thing to perfection, I would not have wanted the wings at all. and i would have gone to bed, thought about nothing BUT the wings all night... and chances are I would have been setting myself up for a fall. So in my opinion having a 'wing' would have been okay. i've been passing up Pizza, and desserts, and feel No need for them. this time though..... it was a different story.

okay I didn't do it like I wanted too......... i can't turn back time, and if i could turn back time, i'd have many more important things to change than change how I ate wings. but you know what I mean. So i see it as two options. 1.) Hell with the diet, i blew it for this week. eat what i want today and tomorrow, I'll start fresh with my diet coach on Weds. or option 2.) I ate wings, deal with it. Continue on my plan just as I have been for two weeks. let my diet coach know, write that i ate the wings in my food diary. and learn to figure out how to deal with these situations.

I think I'll take Option 2 :0).

Oh and Bill, Katie and I took the dogs for another hike on the trial, day 2 only a little over a mile. don't think the dogs are ready to be pushed yet either, it has been so long since we hiked .. today we will prob hike 2 miles, it feels so good to be walking again....... but i got to get ready because on week 5, this is what my diet/life coach is going to incorporate, and I am sure i will have to write it down too.

birds, birds, birds...

Eerily similar to the old Alfred Hitchcock movie, Bill calls me out to the porch. In the corn field below our home, thousands and thousands of birds have congregated....... and they are making a racket!!! It just means that no matter how hot or humid it gets this week, Fall is in the air, and the birds are getting ready to fly south. Yeah Kim keeps telling me to start taking a picture from a different window..... but too me, every time I sit on my porch and look out at the country side it is always different, the clouds are different, the colors of the grass and trees are different. the shadows and sun rays are different. the birds and the wildlife are different. I truly Never see the same thing twice. So I know I've posted pictures of storms and clouds and cornfields and hillsides, and sunrises. so just "bare" with my pictures..... this is the cornfield below the house, hidden in the many stalks, are the birds.

Today was a good day...... Bill, Katie and I took the dogs for a nice hike on the trail, We did 2 miles. I could have gone further, but I must say that I wasn't going to push my knee's. , Bill was walking a head of us , so he actually turned the corner where we couldn't see him, he had Juneau and Sadie. All of the sudden you see him walking rather quickly around the corner back towards us, i wondered what was up with that..... He said that a large black bear crossed his path and he was worried that there were cubs near by. I guess the bear walked right across the path, saw Bill and the dogs and high tailed to the river. So i figured that it was safe to continue the journey. if she had cubs around I assure you she would have under no certain terms let them know. Sadie was off the leash, but she listens quite well, she could be on a dead run chasing a rabbit, and she'd stop on a dime if we said so. Old Man Louie, hung out with me, he doesn't need to be leashed either,........ he walks right at my side, never ahead of me. And Juneau, well lets just say she stays on the lead at ALL times.

This Lap band Journey is so much fun, yup I must tell you, it is so much fun. it feels good to be in no hurry..... I am really enjoying having my diet coach. and i know you are tired of hearing this, but i love this new "chewing" concept. i haven't had the need to eat a second helping at all in two weeks...and i am feeling full. One of my long term goals is to lose enough weight so that i can start to mountain/trial bike again. what is nice about that is...... i can cover more trail, it is easier to bike 10 miles than walk 3. i used to bike all the time........

Well I have had a wonderful time with my family, everyone was here. even the boys. we have just enjoyed each other, with no special plans. I needed a day like this. I was supposed to work today, ended up not. Bill is getting my tub water ready, so i am going to take a nice relaxing Raspberry bath...... and then i think we are all going to watch a movie... I know i will be starting the other job soon (hopefully) and then I don't think I'll have many days off......

Hope you all have a good week, make Monday count!!

~T~G~I~F~

.... what a whirlwind of a week! and looking at next weeks schedule, i don't see an end in sight. I am not sure how I am going to fit in the other job, but I am sure there is a reason that this job has "panned" out! If I work kiski 2 or 3 days a week, and the behavioral health 1 or 2 days a week, that should be doable, and i must take into consideration that Kiski is closed for a month in December, and a Month in March, and 2 months in the Summer.

I am sitting here at work, and it has been so quiet, and I don't even have paper work to file yet today.... but i am sure when i get up to the office and check the mail, that will change. I've got a lot of reading material, and personal paperwork so I can keep busy.

The kids have all been so busy, we all seem to be whirlwinds in passing, maybe that is why I like the late fall and early winter so much, because that seems to be when we spend so much 'cozy' time together, the days get dark so fast, and I love my fireplace, and I love cooking.. the boys are done with football......, but i refuse to wish any of my days away........they seem to go fast enough.
My kids no longer rely on me to entertain them, actually if i try, i seem to be an annoyance now... that's okay, I don't mind just watching them........ sitting back and just watching them, and their innocence, no worries about the economy or the future,.... Life is good for them, as they listen to music, talk about sports, pick and tease each other, and EAT, did I mention Eat!!! cause these guys sure can put the food down :0).

Katie will start school next Thursday. she will be able to do one entire semester Online, because she took some of her classes during her senior year in high school this has given her a head start. I told her she needs to pick her time to be "in school" and schedule it as such for instance she can set aside Tues, Thurs, and Friday 10am to 3 pm to work on her school stuff.. It will all work out. and she will be fine....... she's putting the pieces together....... and doing a pretty good job of it.

Well I should get going, I think I work Sunday, and I am on call tomorrow....... soon I will have a day off. :0)

~Panic set in~

First let me begin with that what you see in this photo is going to
be what stays on my person for the next 6 months!!! This is the number one key and tool that I am to use. Yes I got the new addition to the Calorie King Counter. *that site follows me everywhere :0). I was really excited to be going to my appointment yesterday.. and it went really well. You see up until now, I haven't been on a set eating plan. Actually for the first time in my life, they wanted me to eat without really even thinking, So I started making small changes, Like no carbonated beverages even sugarfree ones... and just this past week I have focused on chewing my food..... *i'll get back to that in a minute. I started using the food diary for the PREP plan last week, and i was to eat just how and when I ate..... no changes. I kept a diary before with Weight Watchers, and the Curves Plan, and even on the CK website. BUT i must say I never had someone go over each page with me line by line...... by line!!! Asking me all kinds of questions, like were you hungry when you ate that?, or how long did it take you to eat dinner? And then comes the big.... okay this is what needs to be worked on...... and lets fit you to a plan... modify my calories to around 1500-1800, they didn't take out any food groups, it is the basic lean protein, complex carbs, lots of fruits and veggies, no sugar, or white flour type of meal. it hit me, ........ I AM GOING TO HAVE TO CHANGE THE WAY I EAT AND THINK ABOUT FOOD..... there is absolutely nothing I cannot have, it's just that 6 seafood stuffed shells Alfredo would be 2 days worth of calories. it's just that eating brownies from the pan while i am doing the dishes, does have calories in it. So while sitting there in front of Aime, *diet coach. it hit me, that I cannot eat the way I have been eating for the past 20 years.......and still loose weight. Permanent changes have to be made....

Now back to the chewing thing..........i am so excited about this "new" concept... you know, chew your food before you swallow it..... it is starting to really work....... i actually am learning to feel full before i feel sick!! Yesterday when i got home from helping Christina, i was so hungry for my homemade meatloaf......... i must shamefully admit, that normally i could eat at least( 2) 5oz pieces before i even sit down to dinner, and then shove another piece in while i am cleaning up the table. Last Night.. i made my plate, weighed a 5 oz piece of meatloaf, i skipped the cheesy potato's completely, and i ate 1/2 cup of corn with NO butter , and 1 small cucumber with 1 tsp of Italian dressing.. before i sat down, i thought wow i'll eat this in a minute , i am soooooooo hungry... I forced myself, to chew each bite......... believe it or not, i was the last one to finish my food, and when I took the final bite, i was full........ didn't need another bite!!! Wow I think God knew what he was doing when he gave us teeth :0) huh!!!

Bottom line, I am not going to be perfect, Bottom line, i have to make changes, Bottom line I want to feel better............

Well, I know that MY food diary WILL be read, and i know to cheat and not write down everything will be cheating me........ and why would i do that? I have an opportunity of a lifetime going through this PREP study program. and I don't want to let "me" down.
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later in the morning: why doesn't an ALL boy's prep school keep Midol on stock in the medication cubboard, I am just askin'

summer winding down

it is hard to believe that summer is winding down, and quickly at that. All the boys started football camp and practice. Although there are still going to be some scorchers in the weather department, I can feel hints of fall in the air at night. I notice that the Sun isn't hanging around in the sky quite as long....

i remain busy. and I truly feel like a Taxi at this point, but I am finding some time for me, even if it is an hour here or there. Today is my second appointment with my "life" coach, we will take "before" photos *fully clothed of course. I wonder if i should go there with my hair unwashed, not a hint of make up on........ oh wait, i should have stayed up all night first......... you know so i could have those dark circles under my eyes.. you know what I am talking about? did you ever see those before and after pictures in those magazine adds, you know the ones..... for those magic pills or something. the before picture looks pretty much like a mug shot, from someone on death row, from someone about ready to walk down death row. the dark eyes, the straggly hair, the very sullen countenance, the slumped shoulders,........ and Magically after 8 weeks of "fatbegone" the weight is gone, the magic pill has not only dissolved all your fat, but it put make up on your face, and gave you lighter brighter hair, shoulders are now back, hands on the hips, BIG smile...... whether weight was lost or not....... it's gotta look better than the death row mug shot............ i am just sayin' Okay back to my life/diet coach. today we will go over all of my eating journals and info, and will work on an eating plan that I can follow, we will see how that goes!!! I think the changes I've been making are really helping me umm, digest my food better, and i am way more conscious on how i eat, and what I eat more than ever..... that is a good step.

i am going to try and get down to the golf course today after the appointment, and after i pick up the boys. if all goes right!!! tomorrow and Friday I work at Kiski, and am on call both nights. Oh yeah, and I was offered the other job at the Methadone Clinic, i will work that one or two mornings a week (5am-12p are the approx. hours). Hmm, wonder where God is taking me??? .......... i guess right now He is going to take me towards the shower...... to get ready for the day..
Love and Blessings to Everyone. Hi Golden Girls.......... oh yeah and Kellie where for art thou...? I am just sayin'

Such a Long....... long post!!!

Okay this may be a long post, but I can't help it :0). But it is such a long story. Several months ago after my second hospital stay in less than 6 weeks. My doctor and I had a long talk, first off he was/is trying really hard to control my blood pressure, adding medicine, adjusting medicine, discontinuing medicine. We talked about the joints in my knees starting to cause me problems. started talking about my Lungs and then finally my stomach issues, Now i realize being Obese didn't necessary cause a Trachea infection, nor did my weight necessarily cause the medicines that healed my Lungs, to eat holes in my stomach. However let's be honest... it does NOT help in my body's ability to fight for itself. My blood pressure to this point is really not in control.......... okay so back to the Doctors visit in March. So there i am, Not there because of my weight, i am there for my lung problems, and my stomach problems, and my knee problems, and my blood pressure problems,........... when the Doc, starts telling me about a program in Pittsburgh that works with Obesity and Bariatric Surgery ...... and i stopped listening. there is NO way i would even be interested in something so drastic.. NOWAY! I had my mind shut off to any thoughts of it. that would be the easy way out, that would make me lazy, after all I can do it on my own........ Dr. Klein was cool with my answer and said no more, he just offered to see me more, and work with me to help keep me out of the hospital..... The end of the story....... at this point my brother Johnny was having a tough time keeping me moving since my knees became almost unbearable to bend. So I decided like everything else I did, to just give it to God. When i worry about a job, I give it to God, When my first husband left me, i turned it over to God....... it seems like He sends me the answers, maybe not in the time frame i want, or the answer i want.....BUT He always answers. So I prayed about, and truly asked God to help me get healthier....... I tried so hard last year...... but could never quite get it going. Dr Klein's words kept coming back to me........ and I asked myself why was I so against it?...... I didn't have enough information to answer that. My husband who supports every decision i make, told me this..... "Sandi it is not a Crime to get the Information" I scheduled myself to go to the first Seminar to just see what it is all about.......... Bill took off work to go with me He said he'd go to every appointment, every class, anything to help me. So at the Seminar, the only decision I made was...... I decided to continue to the next step..... well it just so happened in February 2008 The American Diabetic and American Heart Association decided to fund a study conducted by UPMC's bariatric and behavioral health centers. the purpose of this study is to determine if Extensive Preparation before Bariatric Surgery, and extensive monitoring after Surgery can increase the success rate. and decrease the complications of Diabetes and Heart Disease. I decided to see if I could be a part of this study. I had a 50% chance to get Picked for the study, and of all those picked for the study.....I'd of had another 50% chance to be chosen for what they call the PREP study (1/2 of those picked would do the 6 classes before surgery-what they require now, and 1/2 would do the more extensive prep study). So that gave me a 25% chance of being a part of the PREP study. Although this would require , weekly trips to Pittsburgh, More appointments, more forms to fill out, a lot more time and effort on my part, I still wanted this so bad. So I just said God, I trust you here, I'll let you decide if this would be good for me. I found out a couple weeks ago that i was Chosen for the P.R.E.P. study!!!! I am being considered for the less evasive procedure the Lap band procedure, I will not even consider the Gastric by-pass ( It isn't for Me, at this time). I am learning that weight loss is a journey....... and there are so many paths out there, what works for some, does not work for others. Lap band is not an easy way out, or it does not make you loose weight, I am the only one that can help Me loose this weight ( the lap band will be a tool). Gee i've been working with this for months now, and only on weds will i be working on an eating plan........ a month ago, i've stopped drinking soda, even diet soda..... that was it. I ate just as i always have... of course i'd get these random calls, asking what I ate, where i ate, how much i ate, why i ate..... and then I had that computer contraption on........ just to monitor my activity level... just as i am now!!! This week, I am starting to chew.......... yes chew my food..... over the years, having a busy schedule i've learned to "gulp" food. So i am just trying to concentrate on chewing my food. I still can eat anything. oh and this week I am supposed to write EVERYTHING down, even the bites of cake i eat while standing at the refrigerator. Never in my life did i do a "diet" (weight watchers, Atkins, Curves ) were i went over two months before an eating plan was even introduced. But it has been an eye opener for me, I am eating way more than an average serving.... 6 seafood stuffed shells Alfredo is WAY more than a serving. I also find, when i do really take time and chew a meal, I get full quicker and actually stop as soon as i have that almost full feeling.

So why have I decided to Blog this? : at first i think i had the stereotypical idea, that weight loss surgery was a cop out because i was too weak to do it on my own. After really educating myself, I realize that this can be a tool if used right. Now after the 6 or 8 months with my *diet coach, and i start to loose weight, will i still consider the lap band procedure? I will cross that bridge when i come to it... Like my friend Patti has said in her blog before, it is so easy to loose weight, but keeping it off is a whole other story. Do people that have had the procedure done, regain the weight?.........and the answer is yes. the one thing i can say about being in this program. is that if i do have the surgery..... they will follow me very closely for at least 2 years after. if I come across "hurdles" i will know that God put the hurdles there, and i will stop and listen closely to what He has to say.

I am sure that everyone has their opinions, and that is fine, but understand: I will not have the surgery because of the friends that are all for it. Just as I will NOT not have the surgery because of those against it. This is my personal Journey........ and I gotta find my way.
I am going to end this post with a part of what I wrote in my journal at home, after I Prayed about this : i posted this little story before, but i just put it in perspective about this issue.

~ one day a great flood hit a small town, A man was able to climb onto the roof of his house, the flood water rose higher and higher.... the man prayed "dear Lord, save me from this flood." twenty minutes later a boy in a Row boat came past, and told the man to get into the boat. The man refused saying "no thank you, I asked God, and I trust that He will save me." The young boy sadly shook his head and left. The water rose higher still, until it was level with the roof. A family came by in a motor boat, again the man refused to get in stating again that God would save him. Finally with the man holding tightly to the chimney, with the water up to his neck, A helicopter came by, dropped a ladder, and told the man to climb on.. once again the man refused. Moments later he was swept away to his death. When he got to Heaven and met with God, He asked God with Anger in his voice .. "God, I trusted you, why didn't you save me?" God looked deeply into his eyes, and said "...... i sent you two boats and a helicopter what more did you want?" ~Yeah God could make me thinner and healthier over night, I've prayed to God about my weight. I so wish he would just "take it off" for me. God doesn't always work that way, Sometimes He sends boats and helicopters, or sometimes He sends Surgeons and Lap bands? Right now I am sitting on my roof, what will God send me???

~> S.T.R.E.S.S. <~

Yeah I think that I am feeling some stress here. Not necessarily all bad, but stress none the less. And when I get like this, I need a few days to "get a grip" so to speak. I am here at work today until 6pm, and it will all likely be quiet! and there is a chance that I won't see another soul. My boss who's home is connected to the Infirmary, is on vacation, so I won't even have her passing through. I do have a few hours of paperwork to organize and file, but other than that, I think i'll work on my personal journal ( the ancient kind, that you write in), read a good magazine and start a Harry Potter book. i have a few worksheets to do for my Diet coach, before my next appointment Wednesday. ( I'll talk about that in a minute) I was looking at my appointment book yesterday......and it hit me how busy I have really been the past 3 weeks, I was showing it to Katie, and she just said "looks like next week is getting filled in pretty fast too mom! " She is right. Bill is a wonderful help, and he has been working every day for the past month, what a good guy, he is having problems with a tooth that was "fixed" *has gotten worse, and more painful since the cavity was fixed. so he is dealing with that. He seems to be a little more irritable than usual, and understandably so!, plus he is dealing with me too, and I have been irritable on and off lately! I am starting to tell my kids NO right now... like yesterday after i spent the day, taking drew to docs, grocery shopping, picking Bill up at work, I was home no more than an hour, when Drew asked if I could take him to his friends. i said wait until your Dad comes out to visit, and go back with him, ( Drew's friend lives right there) He was fine with it. Today Corey told me that when i get home from work at 7pm, could I take him to the Derby at 8 and then go back and pick him up at midnight...... ummmmm, NO, I told him i'd prob crash, as it has been a long week.... He too understood!! Katie normally helps run her brothers around, but she has been work many many hours of late. Boys will be starting all day football camp on Monday...... so the appointments are about done during the day. I am looking forward to a quiet weekend, however I am on call, and that may be a good thing...... so i've been on Call all week from 6pm until 10 am the next morning... haven't been called to come in once! (almost but didn't need too). So this weekend i am hoping not to get called in....... Being on call forces me to stay around so to speak, I still get paid a percentage, but must stay within 10 miles of work.

In one month My brother is treating me and Katie to a trip at the Beach. I am looking forward to it so much.... Bill is really encouraging me to go without any worries about home, He said, between he and Albert, they'll be able to handle the boys without any problems. it just may be nice to hang at the beach, when things are quieter, after the tourist season is over, i love the ocean and the sounds it makes...... i plan on resting and reading, and doing not a thing.......... The picture on my blog is a photo from our balcony. I am looking forward to spending some time with Katie, she seems to be figuring out things pretty well, the beginning of summer was very rocky for her........ but she's dealing with it, she is a good girl....... i may joke that she is my Shadow.... but i am glad that she likes to spend time with me... and I'll try and Cherish these 1:1 times together. My brother and His wife Anne are awesome people to be around. ... I love my family, quirks and All.

well this blog has gone on long enough........ maybe i'll talk about my "diet" coach Aimee in another blog.

Have a great weekend everyone.

Little foot~

Okay seriously, how can you not fall in love with this little foot ?? This is Christina's grandchild's foot in the womb, kicking it's mama in the gut! I am quite excited about this little ones birth. You have to understand I have adored Chris' children forever, they are really really good kids. and Christina is so lucky... because Her sweet daughter Jeanine, married a wonderful gentle man, and Mike married that adorable Megan.......yeah Chris is blessed, and she totally knows it :0).

I had a nice lunch yesterday....... the food was so good I ended up getting cheese tortellini, with spinach, pine nuts, feta cheese, all lightly sauteed with fresh garlic and olive oil.......... Delicious is all that I can say. Although I think before it all began I might of started to get my first real migraine....... Sorry Chris, but i think i've lied to you in the past, those times when i told you I had a migraine......... Yesterday morning I woke up fine and happy, all excited about lunch with the girls.... but ever so quickly my eyes started to loose focus.. it was like what happens to your vision for a moment after you have a "flash" *ie photo taken in your eyes. but this didn't go away and within 10 minutes i could not see at all, there was this bright orb of light and this zig zaged bright light going right across my line of vision, I panicked, Katie got so worried, she said later she was almost ready to call 911, instead I managed to call Christina, who in the past was the "queen" of migraines. She told me to immed take Motrin, and go lie down in a cool dark place....... so 800 mg of Ibuprofen, cool wash cloth, dark room, 1 hour nap.... I woke up nauseated, and bright sunlight hurt my head, but I was able to focus again. I came so close to not going......... so close, but i decided to go anyhow...... I think i did fine, I must admit now, that i had a dull headache behind my eyes, and Chris, that "laughing" jag we had on your porch..... gave me a pretty good headache.... i laid down as soon as I got home and kept something over my eyes...... Speaking of which,I got called yesterday by not one but two of the Golden Girls, Hi Patti, Hi Kim....i'll try and call this evening, I am on call at Kiski, from 6pm Wednesday evening until 10 am Thursday morning..... but hopefully i won't be needed.

I am excited today is one of my first visits with my "diet" coach from the Weight loss study program that i am working with from Pittsburgh UPMC. I have to see her weekly....... we are going to discuss all my data to date, talk about how I have been eating while I have NOT been on any dietary restrictions........ discuss my data from the week that I put on the "level of activity monitor" It is time to start working on changing some habits to help me in the future. I will be with this "coach" for 2 to 3 years. but the first few months I have to see her every week.... I'll know more after today's appointment. Oh yeah, and I forgot that i volunteer to help Christina on Weds...... which I love love love to do...... i am getting so good with that Cash register, really I am.... Hey Chris, i may just come directly down there after my appointment.....I'll let you know :0).

Well I should go get a shower, and get ready..... I have been so busy the past two day's i haven't even cared about the house work at this point..... Hey but it can wait until Thursday, wait........ yeah Andrew has a doctor appointment Thursday....oh and Sam has a dental...... okay it can wait until Friday..........opps i work until 7 pm at Kiski on Friday and Saturday. .... gee what happened to Summer rest???

I'll let you know how my appointment in Pittsburgh went.

Hi Gina, it was so good seeing you..... and I must say girl, you are looking really good, keep up the good work :0)

Kellie, how you doing? Haven't heard from you in a while, but i always pray that God is keeping your family safe

Patti, If i don't call you back today, i'll try and give you a call tomorrow

Kimmie, We had a good chat Sunday, and I'll try and give you a buzz later

Christina, it was good to see you yesterday, I mean i haven't seen you since the weekend of the parties, minus the few minutes I saw you when i was fixing my tire, or i should say when your Michael was fixing my tire :0). it seems I just jumped into work again..... Ahh Fall, and new baby just around the corner.... i think you'll be seeing me again soon. I'll prob see you today

Luv ya all

Check~check~check

~have breakfast and talk to Christina-check. Pick up Sam's 3 friends and drive them to Idelwild Park-check. Return home, talk to a Dear friend for 30 minutes-check. take Katie to work, (her car is in the shop) -check. Take Andrew to docs to start his allergy shots-check. Pick up Bill at work-check. Go to walmart help Bill's mom with her groceries-check. Take Bills mom home and put away all her groceries-check. Drive 50+ miles back to Idelwild park to pick up the boys- check. drop off Sam's friends-check.......... and return Home!!!! So take away the 40 minutes that I was home between taking Sam to the park and taking Katie to work.... I was literally gone from 7:45am until 8:00pm. Days like yesterday just make me tired :0).
Today seems quieter, I may or may not go to Lunch with Christina and her mom, (let me know if that is a go). and other than than that, i think I'll work on some chores at home for a while......... I've been slacking in that department over the past 2 weeks being that I have been so busy. Katie wants to take me to dinner tonight, so i am not sure if that is still a go.... she wants to go shopping for something, and wants me to go with Her.... I am on call at Kiski, so i can't go too far away.. for the next 3 days in the evenings (6pm-10am). Well i think I am going to head to the porch and do some reading......... storms are in the air.

Cool Evenings.......

Well the weather has been absolutely beautiful! Sunshine and NO humidity! I spent so much time on my porch throughout the day and the evening....... Patti the air is so different without the high humidity. I think I'll head out there shortly for my morning coffee!!!
I am taking Sammy and a group of his friends to a local historical amusement park this morning (Idelwild) i am surprised he's not awake yet, because he is so excited. He is growing up sooooooooo fast, and he has become a very social butterfly...... he is my baby! but he's not a baby anymore!!!! So lets see, take Sam and his friends to the Park, come home and get ready to take Andrew for his first set of allergy shots, Bill and I may go out to get a bite to eat, then go and retrieve the boys from Idelwild!!! I'd like to go for a walk today too, i walked on Saturday, I am starting out by taking every other day off to give my knee a rest, as i incorporate more exercise. I am going to be on Call most of the week for Kiski, therefore i prob should spend my evenings close by! at this point I live 4 miles away from there, and I can get there in a few minutes.... hope nobody gets sick through the night.
Make it a good week folks....... Monday is here!!!

Matthew Chapter 6

"Take heed that you do not do your charitable deeds before men, to be seen by them. Otherwise you have no reward from your Father in Heaven. Therefore when you do a charitable deed, do not sound a trumpet before you as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory from men. Assuredly, I say to you, they have their reward, But when you do a charitable deed, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, that your charitable deed may be in secret, and your Father who sees in secret will Himself reward you openly. And when you pray, you shall not be like the hypocrites. For they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the corners of the streets that they may be seen by men. Assuredly, I say to you they have their reward. But you when you pray, go into your room and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place: and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly
Matthew 6:1-6

I don't know what God's original intent for the "Church" is and I will need to study and pray about this. Is it a literal building, or is it a Metaphor about being A part of the body of Christ, Is Our Churches of today what they are supposed to be? I do not know these answers. I do know Church is NOT about denominations, or how one is dressed, or how one wears their hair, or how much money one makes.
My Father tithed faithfully 10% of every penny he made. He never once filled out the card with his name.......Never once told anyone how much or what he put in. But God knew, and that is what matters.
My Mother, who was my best teacher by her actions....... was House bound for the last 4 years of her life........ She didn't need a building to say she belonged to a Church....... she belonged to the Body of Christ.

The actual meaning of the word "Church"The word translated "church" in the English Bible is ekklesia. This is the Greek word kaleo (to call), with the prefix ek (out). Thus, meaning"the called out ones." However, the English word "church" does not come from ekklesia but from the word kuriakon, which means "dedicated to the Lord." This word was commonly used to refer to a holy place or temple. I am sure there are 100 interpretations out there.....
I do not think Joyce Meyer EVER said anything against going to Church. she just said Going to Church doesn't make you a Christian.

John 14:6
Jesus said to him, " I am the way, the truth,and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me."
Romans 10:9-10
"that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness and with the mouth confession is made unto Salvation

two posts in one morning....

I am answering one of my comments from Cliff :0),

Oh Cliff I would never think of deleting any comments, and a Pain you are not :0). I love thought provoking questions Hey I am a friend of your sisters I am just sayin'
Now let me see if I can put my thoughts in words (i doubt it). At the present moment speaking for myself only... i am so wrapped up in Jesus, yet i do not have a "church" that I am "wrapped" up in. I wish that I could put into words, How I feel about my relationship with God. I am who i am today because of Him, and I couldn't imagine making one single decision without Him
I agree that we are all hypocritical by our own right, just by being human. What better place for a sinner to be in, than be in a Church.... but that is of course if we remember we are sinners in the first place!!! And hopefully the Minister is preaching what God has put on his heart. Just like there are nurses that should not be in the nursing field. *have you ever met one? there are ministers that should not be in the ministry.
But i just took a quote that i loved from an entire sermon. Joyce is not talking about Churches or saying you shouldn't go to Church. But you gotta live for Christ more than just one hour a week.... Now is it our responsibility to lead souls to Christ? And how do we do it? Is it putting our noses in the air at the "scum" on the earth, and then walking out of Church with a grumpy countenance, complaining and gripping and worrying, and yelling, and hating....... (we all do it)

this is where hypocritical comes in on MY part. Okay i can love and tolerate the Drug addicted, petty theft robber who says the F word every third word out of his mouth, But i cannot tolerate "Holier than Thou" Christians.......... they are looking down on the Drug addict, but then I am looking down on them.......... NO difference in God's eyes.. yoi!!! how does Jesus do it? It is a work in process for me every day, every waking moment, and it will be until the day that I die. But in my opinion, it is my duty and promise to God to try to be like he wants me to be....every day of my life. I will always fail........ because of my humanity..... but i will always come to Him and ask for His help every time I fall....and the really cool thing is ......God will catch me every time I fall!!!

Matthew 5:16
"Let your light so shine before men so they may see your good works and glorify your Father which is in Heaven"

My motto for living :0)!!

Pastor Cliff, Thanks for giving me something to think about and ponder on so early on a Saturday Morning. i wasn't realizing that by Judging and hating and being irritated by one "type" of person i am actually doing what they do to others"types"of people........ makes US all human huh?

busy busy busy.....

i am looking forward to having tomorrow off! I've been working all week, had a busy week last weekend.... and started work on Monday. i have been very tired, and i am not sure if it is a mixture of being busy, adjusting my blood pressure medication, or a mixture of both. Bill has been working insanely Since July 12th, he hasn't had a day off, and this past week he worked both jobs, meaning he'd do his first job beginning at 4am, work all morning and then go to his main job. (he was helping out for the company as one of their employee's were going on vacation) He is taking Sunday off ....... therefore, I don't care if we lie on the couch and watch movies all day....... He and I are going to be together on Sunday :0)
Yesterday and Today I'll be babysitting (my second job)! this little boy is such a joy. Katie went with me to help last night, and to keep me company we took the little tike for a very long walk, and it felt good but it did remind me how out of shape that i am. i must say my muscles hurt this morning, but my knees seem to be okay....... so that is a good thing. Well it's early yet, i may go back to my bedroom and read a little, and just chill....
Love and Blessings to my Friends, have a great weekend