>|< alone

Today, Bill is at work, boys at school, Katie at work......... and i am finding myself all alone. now don't get me wrong, i love my family, i love people........ but i love 'alone' time too. not sure when i had a day like this last, i think i'd even tell Christina to stay away, and Chris is one person i NEVER mind dropping in., I've been up since before the kids left for school, and i am doing some extra cleaning....... so that later this morning, I can take naps , watch old movies, read a book.......
Bill had his stress test yesterday, and not sure yet, but it may have come from a medication he was taken for his shoulders.
I've still had some total sleepless nights, and I wish i could say that my thoughts about Corey are "all gone". but to be honest, they are not. The house is so much more peaceful, and i know that i can't bring him back. but i just don't stop loving him..... i go through periods of ...... just wanting to shake him until he gets some sense in his head, and there are times i just want to hug him as tight as I can...... and i can have both of those emotions in the span of one minute. He is still manipulating, still not dealing, still a troubled boy........ the only thing that will change him is the Grace of God.
Yesterday my nephew turned 20 in Heaven, he crossed my mind all day. and i've prayed for his family.... I know Katie was a little melancholy yesterday, and i knew why........she loves her cousins. it is hard to believe it will be two years this November, since Alex left this Earth. sometimes time stand still, and sometimes it travels so fast that if you blink you miss it. Albert left almost 11 years ago. I now have been away from him longer than i was married to him. Bill and I have been married 8 years. Sammy lived with his dad for 4 years, and Bill for double that. wow, but nothing but numbers here......... Today i am at a good place in my life, and although there are these road blocks, and issues.......... i am loving the path i've traveled...... i am loving my kids at this exact age......
Well i don't plan on hanging out here on the computer all day, so i need to get my butt moving, plan on making some Iced green tea, with a hint of red raspberry white tea...... it is funny, i now drink my tea unsweetened, can't stand sweetened tea now...... sugar or sugar substitute. it is so refreshing., i want to scrub the kitchen floor....... and finish cleaning the refrigerator.......
have a great day and may God Bless You all.