That's what I call my little cyber group of women! Patti, Kellie, Kim, Chris and Myself, oh and Stan Sbornak has to be Cliff! We are all women, that are in different stages of our lives..... that support each other emensely!!! yeah we aren't as Old as the girls on the famous TV show... but the same never the less, I guess my friends would say i am most like Rose, I picture Patti more like "Dorothy", Kim has got to be "Blanche" and i can see Christina and Kellie being like Sophia! quick witted, a comment waiting to happen!!
I love this show, Before Albert left me, i had an abnormal fear of being alone at night. Even if Albert went out of town, my sister or dad or mom stayed with me, even after I had kids, i was afraid at night without another adult around. When Albert left, i became Passively suicidal, meaning, i wouldn't do anything to harm myself, but if a Mack truck was in my lane, I wouldn't swerve to miss it. therefore at this time, my fear of being alone at night dissolved! Because there was nothing "out" there that could make me hurt worse than i did anyhow............. Every night at 11pm the Golden Girls came on for 1 hour........ it was a bright, light hearted show, and i could relax, and fall asleep smiling...... No matter what darkness followed me through out the day, I knew when I crawled into bed at night......... i'd laugh for a while!!! I love my Golden Girls!!!
You know, i was telling Christina the other day....... no matter how well i do, or how well Albert and I get along........which is super!!! No matter how much i've forgiven, and no matter how much 95% of the time I don't even think about those dark months following when Albert left....... there will ALWAYS be that 5% time when i remember.... the most painful scary beautiful time in my life!!! Sunday i drove along with Bill to pick Corey up at a friends house, his friend lives in the same area that the woman Albert originally left me for lived, and just driving past those back roads, my mind went back to wondering if he and this women met there..... still painful after all these years. I want to make it clear, that the "Death" of our marriage, took both of Us! And i don't want to blame or hate Albert. because i certainly had my part in letting the marriage get like it did!, HOWEVER, i will never take blame for the Infidelity....that was all him. Would i change the darkest part of my life? absolutely NOT. i grew so much that year. i learned to stand on my own feet, i learned to sleep alone at night without having an anxiety attack, i learned to truly lean on and trust my God, I learned who my friends were, I learned that Jesus was my best friend, I learned how to not gossip, and worry about what everyone else had........ i learned to love me for me. I learned to forgive, I learned how to say "i am sorry" and mean it. I learned how to find the rainbow in the rain.. I found a man who loves me so much, and adores me no matter what size i am. i have these awesome kids,...
I have a photo of me, taken at my first wedding, it is me and albert, with my mom and dad........ i am so happy in this photo, with the three people i adored the most, who would have ever thought before i was 32 i'd loose them all.........and more importantly, who would have ever thought i'd survive loosing them all, ...... i've lost, and didn't become bitter....... i owe that one to God!