I thought i was dying......no really!!!!

as the day moved along yesterday, the more i got dizzy, i felt so weak, and my head was just pounding, and the big thing was from the dizziness, I started throwing up, so i put away my water and my sugarfree brewed green tea...... and exchanged it for Gatorade, a little flat ginger ale, and later on potato chips. spent most of the evening in bed with this really cool eye ice pack on. I actually felt better before drifting off to sleep for the night, and i woke up this morning feeling okay. Maybe i was dehydrated and my Chemicals were out of whack, so i figured a little glucose, potassium and sodium might to the trick. there was a period yesterday evening that my head was hurting so bad, and i was so dizzy, i thought for sure something was majorly wrong.
I am going to work today, think i'll just do 5 hours. so 10 to 3 sound like good hours for me :-). Tomorrow is Sammy's last game, and Friday is Drew's. if Sam wins this game, he wants to have a party for the team at our house. on behalf of them going undefeated. Katie said she will take care of this the weekend Bill and I are gone......... lol, i say NO they can do it next week on friday WHILE I AM STILL HOME!!!
i have been so busy, exercise has taken back seat, and that HAS to change. well, i am finished with classes for DBT training, my work schedule is going to be more consistent. and football will be over this week..... shhhhh, i don't want to say it too loud, but i see light at the end of the tunnel....... the weather changing doesn't affect me too much, i don't mind hiking in cold, snow or even rain. and Christina is such a trooper, she'll follow along, also Johnny said we have complete access to his gym. there is yoga, and tai chi, Pilate's and zumba dance. as well as the weight training programs... and he'll still train us too.
Next friday before Bill and i head for our much needed mini vacation, i am seeing my Lapband doctor, ...... and i am sure i will be needing an adjustment....... that certainly will keep me from over indulging on food.
well i am going to get ready for work........ have a great day folks......... i plan on it, i mean since i don't think i am dying and all

I am experiencing MAJOR......

......... PMS, that with the additional stress, is really making me "not feel well", now i cannot do much about the PMS , but dang it, i need to control the stress level. I have had the beginnings of 3 migraines in the past week. the reason i say beginnings, because i have a medication that works quite well, in stopping the migraine at the "light show" (Maxalt), every muscle in my body is aching, including my finger tips, and ribs. I am retaining fluid like in big way ( and i drink 1/2 gallon to a gallon daily). Any major life changing event good or bad, causes an elevated stress level. and for the past 8 weeks, i did have a major life changing event happen. my problem is letting it go, and now dealing with anger. i am talking about losing my prodigal son. I am going to be honest here, it was a very difficult time for me. BUT i can't help noticing the change in my kids, especially my boys. Andrew asked me yesterday when the prodigal threaten to leave and it got really bad the last time, why did i fight to keep him another 6 months. He said, he is sad that he "lost the last two years of happiness at his home. now this is just an 18 year old boy talking. obviously, now there is nothing i can do to bring that time back, and i told him he needs to chalk it up to life lessons.. and go on. and be thankful that God worked it out that his senior year will be without the issues and hassles that would have occurred if prodigal was here and hating it so much. Here i thought my boys holed up in their room's because it was a stage, not because they were avoiding dealing with the "other brother". I still care what happens to the prodigal, and it is hard not being a mother to him, i spoke with a teacher and his counselor last week, both said he NEEDS structure, he is right now very happy in his new home, the 10th or 11th honeymoon in 10 years. his "new" mom... believes everything he say's, many others including several teachers are catching on. I think he's lived in his new home two weeks and has missed 6 or 7 days of school. His mom said that he is so sick, HOWEVER, he has gone to the movies, gone to the Cav's basketball game, hung out with friends... friday his new caretaker said he was so dizzy he couldn't walk across the room, and then i was shown that he spent several hours on my space downloading 338 cav's game pictures....... I want to say........ get back to school, you've gotta apply yourself, you are in danger of not graduating...... but i cannot... and this is the part that i have to let go..... i know He does this for attention, and i know he is really really dangerously good in manipulating the situation to work for him, he had to as a young boy to survive. he refuses counseling, and i see him falling through the cracks. I want him to graduate, i want him to succeed. He is right though, he has a "switch" and he knows when to use it.. Thank goodness the facility know me, and thank goodness they let me know what he is saying.... i am just lucky that Children and youth aren't knocking on my door, cause he was so abused here.. Andrew and Sam actually have crossed over to Hate, and those who know Sammy, he hates no one............. okay........... now i have decided to let him go, no matter what he does, no matter what he say's. I told Christina to not let me talk about it again........ i have mourned long enough, and now that it is starting to affect my health, it is time to let it go..... I don't need to blog about this anymore, and i plan on NOT blogging about this again. it is time that i give this up to God, and concentrate on the kids at home. but it feels good to write it down.
Today i babysit Carley for a few hours, she isn't hard to watch and honestly she is so darn cute.
...... now back to the PMS, i've been crying over everything, happy things, sad things, stupid things........ i am so pms'y that i am beyond grumpy, i am just laughing at myself, have to, i mean when i have a melt down......... and start yelling because the table cloth is on crooked, and i look at the men in my home........just laughing at me, because i am being ridiculous.... how can i not laugh~!!!! And Jay i put on 4 pounds in 2 days, better than 6 huh !!! ....... hopefully i'll get it all out of my system..... Bill and I are planning on taking a few day's off and getting away. football is over this week, and i need a break!!!
Well i should get going, and finish sweeping. have a great day.......

Going on Strike!!!!

So if you read this blog, and you have little children....... here is proof that some activities you don't have to "grow up" from.... my kids are 20, 18 and almost 15. and they still carve pumpkins. yup i can see them coming home from college to carve pumpkins.... Katie's pumkin landed at her Grandparents home, Drew's went to his dad's home. and i got Sammy's pumpkin for here. For two years it has been on and off again stress for them, because they never complained, it was more than i realized until most recently. I am going to be honest here, not sure i'll take more foster children, if i was single, lived alone, heck yeah....... but that kind of decision affects the whole family... and it has to be a unanimous YES all the way around.
Last week was yet again so busy, I did really well monitoring and keeping track of my food intake, exercise was unheard of, i again only was home to sleep weds, thurs, and fri, and sat. and i mean that. Thursday i worked as the school nurse, went to sams game, went to the store, friday i got up early went to make hoagies for the football booster club.. went directly to work, went directly to Andrew's senior night game and then went over to his dads house (right next to the field) for an after game party. this was the first time that we had the party at Albert's house. Christina made the most awesome best cake... and it is so cool, i am sure people think it is odd to see me and Albert and bill raise these children together. and because it was senior night..... we all met Andrew on the field in a type of ceremony. there was alot of divorced parents present, some with just one parent, some with both parents but no extra spouses. Andrew was the only one that had 3 parents walk him out......... he later told me that kids choose who walked them out, and Bill is EVERY bit as much of a parent as me and Albert, and he wouldn't have done it any other way. Sat. went and cleaned the doctors office and then spent the day/evening with Bill's mom............ got back Sat night.
Now......about the "going on Strike" title. so Sunday comes, i had already spoke with John the night before, that i wasn't planning on coming up, i just NEEDED a day off. well, so i sleep in until 9am..... went for groceries, came home made holiday soup, cleaned the house, started laundry, baked......etc....... i never sat done the entire day. my brother and his wife and kids stopped in, so i fed them...... finally at 8pm i get a hot bath, and crawl into bed......... NO joke i never stopped. so i told bill next Sunday I am on strike.... it will be up to him and the kids to take care of me.... he agreed, and is already trying to figure out what to make for supper........ whatever, i won't be picky LOL..... it is all in fun, and i enjoyed my day yesterday..... the house is so peaceful, and the kids no longer "live" in their bedrooms....... actually they only go in their rooms to sleep.
I am going to make a conscious effort to start my blogging on a more regular basis, it keeps me honest in my journey to better health......... so you'll be hearing more of me!!!

Content & Comfort

What a beautiful Sunday afternoon. it seems like i am only getting time to chart weekly, so hopefully i will have some more free time. . . . . . . not sure though. so my doctor's office cut back my hours two weeks ago, maybe three. I immediately got a call from the school asking to work a couple of day's, and the next day i got a text asking me to work several day's at Kiski Prep. so i have all this time offered to me......... and Friday the doctor asked me to increase my hours again at the office. I am not complaining..... just stating that i am certainly staying busy. also both Sammy and Drew have two more games left and then football season is over!!! I love football, but i think the boys are ready for a break. i mean they started football two days after school ended last spring. Sammy has decided that he will be playing deck hockey. Andrew decided that he plans on hanging at Uncle John's gym and workout on speed endurance and building muscles.
It has been so rainy lately, and it has been difficult enjoying the changing colors, that is why i captured this picture off my deck...... look at the colors. Katie just told me that I am "weird" this morning..... she told me that so many rainy days really can cause blue moods in people, but i seem to like them. well i do, now don't get me wrong, i was getting tired of sitting on bleachers getting soaked Friday after Friday after Friday... but i love dreary days. i love being home on dreary days.
Today i made beef stew in the slow cooker, and fresh bread sticks I also made ho ho cake for Andrew to enjoy. (well everybody likes it, but Andrew really likes it), the house is warm and cozy, the guys are watching football, and i am getting ready to go read a little... that is if I can read. This morning i woke up to a light show that took not one pill, but two to stop the light show and help to make the Migraine not so bad. so as usual like clock work, i get this 5 to 7 days before !!!!
Hope everyone had a decent Sunday........ I'll try to post before next Sunday

Okay, it's even getting to me

I am one that loves the Rain, I even love hiking in the rain.... rain doesn't bother me, BUT i must say i am getting tired of it raining on Football nights, the weather has been pretty decent all week~ and then the morning of a field trip and football game, I wake up to rain, oh they say that there may be some snow mixed in it......... so it is an icy cold rain. I am trying to use one of my DBT training skills, and remember, there is nothing in my humanly power that i can do to stop the rain, therefore, i need to shut up, and deal with it. So i will!!! LOL.
i definitely need a lapband adjustment, I am able to eat pizza crust and even bread, without a major "stuck". Now i can only eat two square's of Pizza, but Dr. Mike did say that two pieces of pizza is one too many as far as the lapband is concerned. so in all honesty, i really do need to get a better grip since i still have a grip........
Christina and I have been pretty faithful in our workouts. Even if we don't have a Johnny day, we still make it to the gym. and last week we went without each other cause my schedule is so busy. This is the last week that my schedule is so annoying. the DBT classes take so much time. and throw in two football games in the mix, and a couple thursday field trips.... and a Saturday morning job........ and a mother in law in need, I will not see any "Me" time until Saturday evening.... it has been like this for almost 2 months. and I am ready for it to be done. This friday is my last 8 hour class, football has a few more weeks left. and the field trips have this week left. so much for my hours at work to be cut back, haven't even noticed it. I have also added a little babysitting, and Kiski has several days that i can take. God ALWAYS PROVIDES for me.
Well, I gotta get my lunch ready for the field trip, I'll use my new Salad container

isn't this cool looking, i have several of these containers check out the website to see other kinds http://www.coolgearinc.com/stayfit/product.html Cause i need to concentrate on lean protein, i will fill the bottom up with Greens, tomato's and peppers, the tray i will place Rotisserie chicken breast, hard boiled egg chopped, and low fat cheese. and my dressing will either be Italian or Ranch, haven't decided yet. i'll also take a 100 calorie yogurt delight, and an individual packet of raw nuts. oh and a 32 oz container of water. That is one thing i am good at, packing and preparing my lunches.

well i guess i should get going......OH i forgot~~~ i fixed my computer, somehow i was finally able to get it to "factory start up", it is working better than it has, so we shall see how long this will take.

Nathan~ Molly ~ Father Mike

okay let me begin by calling Christina and Patti smart a**'s LOL. my home computer is officially dead/gone/kaput. i attempted to blog before it died last night, and i got the title..... so let me explain
for one, Nathan has inspired my workouts more than he knows. at the end of our workouts Johnny has us do a ten minute cool down, with 30 seconds of speedish hell on the even number. so at 2,4,6, and 8 minutes we ride like the wicked witch of the West on Wizard of Oz when she is that mean lady in Kansas going after Toto on her bike. So Sunday Chris told me that she found when she prayed for Nathan on those times, ..... the seconds just flew by.... So that is what two middle age ladies did at the gym........ prayed... so the first few times I prayed for Nathan's peace, prayed for healing, prayed for a miracle. I guess per Christina, she prayed similar. well the last speed round.... I sorta imagined God letting me take a hold of Nathan's pain, and i was pulling it from him.... moving my legs as fast as they could, taking his pain further and further away.. Christina told me she was spending the last 30 seconds .....thanking God...... Just like the two of us to work as a team.....even when we don't know it. So Kellie please tell Nathan that two really "old" ladies *well to him i am sure we are old. have been praying for him often.
Now Molly is another dear friend of mine, She is one of those friends that I can go a year without seeing her, and we can meet up and our friendship never skips a beat. Molly loves God, and Molly loves her Catholic up bring, and she loves Father Mike, the priest who spent several years in her area, and then was moved to another Parish. She kept telling me how cool he was, and how much she enjoyed him preaching. Now my mom was raised Catholic, and i went to a Catholic Church for some childhood years, but i was nervous, Oh not nervous about going to a Catholic Church...... I can hang with God, in a Presbyterian church, i can hang with God out in the woods, while driving my car, and cleaning my house. I can hang with God while my Islamic Boss is leading silent meditation.. Honestly i was worried i wouldn't know when to sit, kneel, stand, and what to say.... Molly assured me that all would be good. Well surprisingly it is like riding a bike, i just remembered..... well most of it. before the service actually started, when we went to the pew, to kneel and pray....... after that, i leaned over to Molly and whispered..... " i checked in with Mother Mary, but just to say hi , told her i wanted to go directly to Jesus. and wanted to make sure that was okay. Molly busted out laughing........... and whispered back...... " i pray directly to Jesus!!!! " So i guess in my childhood i remember my grandma, always praying to the Virgin Mary..... so i just thought........... Father Mike was one of the best preachers i've heard. He speaks from the heart, with a clear message, straight to the point, with incredible meaning and dealing with how to Make everyday life doable. He is a sweet man, very warm and caring....... i immediately liked him, I was honored that Molly asked me to go worship with her, and meet Father Mike
Well i've got alot to do, so i should get going...... Love and Blessings to all of you.
Oh and Patti, i so enjoyed talking with you......... always love talking to my sis. oh and I talked to Christina... she may work it to come out to Arizona with me.... do you think Arizona can handle me and Chris at the same time.???? not so sure

Sunday Afternoon

What a really nice day today has turned out to be. I started out going with Christina to work out with Johnny, and then Bill and I went directly over to the doctor's office to clean, I came home and baked a couple homemade apple pies, using the apples Bill picked up from the local orchard that they sell along the road. earlier i put a barbecued pork roast in the crock pot and i had roasted red potato's. Katie had this wonderful idea that we make tie dye shirts, and the photos show my kids, and the table with the "artwork".

I love this time of year, I love everything about it, the weather, the comfort food cooking, the leaves, the crisp apples, the pumpkins, football games..........

I have a pretty busy week next week.... Monday doctor appointment, Tuesday school field trip, Wednesday is work, Thursday is gym with Johnny,work and football, Friday is school and football, Saturday clean the doctor office......... wow for my hours getting cut back, it sure doesn't show it in my schedule does it???

I am feeling so good again and i am loving my neti pot, I've used it 3 days and it makes a big difference already..... my sinus' aren't draining nearly as much. I am not totally set on it yet, but i will let you know how it goes...

Well I should get going, have a few things to do............ have a great week