~~>Fog<~~

this morning I woke up, and couldn't see a thing outside, fog was pretty thick, a couple hours later, i could at least see this much.....
Fog is pretty much what i've been in lately, or it seems like it. Just so busy and a lot on my mind, Getting the boys ready for school in a few weeks, scheduled football physicals, senior pictures, working extra at work. Things are going really well though, Pennsylvania is just starting to get the "summer" weather, with the humidity and lots of rain right now, this has taken a toll on my allergies.....and it has worn me out a little. Lapband wise i am doing really really well, still NO issues, still if i eat too fast, too much or too wrong.... my lapband reminds me~ yet i have not thrown up like i thought i would, ~ but the lapband is doing what it is supposed to do~be a tool and a reminder.
Exercise took a back seat last week, and that cannot be!!! I went over the weekend at got a DVD and bands (johnny told me to get this a long time ago, and when i can't get up to the gym, i was to use these, he uses these alot when he trains) I did upper body Sat, today i will do Core, Hoping for a nice hike tomorrow. Christina has been out of commission for a while, her back has given out on her, but i think she should be up and running soon.
I would love to tell you how much more weight i've lost~ i think i am leveling off, staying the same or -1 weekly. I haven't gained weight since last February, i was looking at my weight chart/graph. and i drop, level sometimes for a month, drop a bunch, level, drop, level ..........I like the word level instead of Plateau, Plateau sounds like a bad thing! But i have NOT gained in almost a year and a half. However, i think my scale is broke, the one week I gained 58 lbs in a day, two hours later i lost 102 lbs. the scale keeps shorting out, and it bounces back and forth and never settles on a number, then i lose the screen, and it blinks quickly. i tried new batteries..... not helping.........So I think until i can buy a new scale i'll just weigh in at the doctors.
Christina lives "next door" to me, and i think i've seen her once in two weeks..... and gee I miss Patti, actually Patti was in my dream on friday, i told Chris all about it. But Patti was at my house, and a doctor was coming to preform surgery on my ears , all Patti could think about was decorating for Christmas, she had sweat pants on and these 10 inch high heels, She wanted everything done before the doctor came........ long dream short. Patti was decorating and cooking, doctor came cleaned my ears with qtips (that was the surgery) and then ordered a nurse that was there to give me a shot of Demoral so i could sleep, The doctor had driven one of Jay Leno's cars to my house, .................... it is a much longer dream, and oh so weird...... how in the heck does the mind think up dreams like this.
Bill said he'd like to send me to Patti for a few days, i can't wait to actually plan it, I'll see what happens in a few months with finances, and then plans will be made. how fun would that be to hang with Patti in her neck of the woods.......???
well i better get my butt moving, or I should say my Core......... get showered and get ready to go to work, oh I gotta drop the boys off at football practice first.........
talk to you later,

Long Irritable Wednesday

Yesterday was an "out of sort" day for me, I was just irritable and grumpy~ and i knew it! Even when i walked into work, it seemed that it was a "grumpy" day for most of Us. and we fed off of each others grumpiness!! When days like this happens, I just can't seem to find balance. There was nothing that really triggered it, Oh i am thinking it could be hormonal, actually it probably is, like i've always said, my system works like clock work, and this is the time frame, if a Migraine is going to happen, it's going to be now! this weekend will be the fatigue, and next week the cramps!!!
I already am starting today on a much better day, So i've just decided I am going to keep it that way. I do notice how much "moods" feed off of each other. it is just human nature. if you hang around with a moody, glum, negative person ALL the time, some of that seems to rub off. And in an office where we all work so closely, it is bound to happen sometimes. So hopefully when the others get here, all of our days will have had a better start than yesterday.
Thursdays are also Bill's mom do it all day~ so we will do her groceries, I do her laundry clean her house, cut up container of fruit and veggies to put in her refrigerator, I also de bone a rotisserie chicken and put it in a container for her so she can just reach in and get it. I pre fill her insulin needles ~not sure if this is the greatest idea, but she wasn't taking her insulin before, and sometimes she was tripling her dose. and then i pre fill her medication trays for the week. sometimes i help her bath and wash her hair depending if the aide came that week or not. Last week I colored her hair for her. She has two daughter that live near her, and several granddaughters ......they DO NOT DO A THING, absolutely nothing., oh well. i guess i was raised differently..... there is right and there is wrong!!!
I may sneak to the gym and do my workout...... it only takes a 1/2 hour. So Bill could drop me off, i could do my work out while he is helping his mom, or picking her up her choice of dinner for the day...... I think I will do that......
Well i best get my butt moving........ I worked so late yesterday, only gonna be here for a few hours today.

Sunday's

i am really beginning to love my Sundays. i am usually so busy during the week, by the time Sunday comes, i am ready for either a drop dead from a long week day, or a rejuvenate before a long busy week day.... take your pick. Bill took on a little job delivering Sunday papers, sometimes the boys help him to earn extra money...... the last few times he's been doing it on his own, he gets up at 3am, and gets home any where from 8:30am to 10:30 am. So i've got in the habit of making a nice Sunday Brunch for everyone, Yesterday it was bacon, french toast, hot from the oven cinnamon rolls, and watermelon. it is a day of absolute relaxation, we read the Sunday paper, Bill naps and watches TV, i read alot, take a few naps, sit on my porch and swing,.. I move in slow motion. the kids are in and out sometimes, but there are times they take our approach too........ just hanging, relaxing, chilling!
I pre made my Turkey chili burgers ( ground turkey, red onion, cheddar cheese, chili powder, Cayenne pepper, pepper, egg) i pre form them into Patti's and freeze them, during the next week or so, i pull one out, pop it in a fry pan with just a touch of EVOO, and take it in my lunch. i too, like Patti, cut up a watermelon, or cantaloupe, or fresh pineapple (watermelon and pineapple do not last in my house) to pack in my lunch. I am done making Curry chicken salad right now, but i do still get the rotisserie chicken , shred it , and keep it in a container, to eat just like that, or add to my cheese Quesadilla, or add to a salad. Speaking of which, i need to get my butt moving....... would like to make an omelet for breakfast, cook my turkey burger for lunch, and chop a salad. Boys have football at 10:30, so i will take them drop them off, and then head to work. I told Bill i'd help him with some issues with his mom, so i'll head up there after work. Tomorrow, i would like to go to the DBT class at my work, and i am scheduled to go up to the gym ......... so that is as far as i can plan right now........cause in my life, who knows.
Ms. Patti, i got the message that you called me on Friday..... i didn't get home until almost 9 my time, and then i saw you ran away..... so we will touch base this week......
i haven't seen Christina in a couple of weeks, I'd love to sneak down and see her too.......
and Kellie, i love your new blog look, and i am keeping an eye on you girlfriend..... take care of yourself too.

........ new life for me

I get home yesterday evening from my picnic, and as i sat there in my comfy chair, with every muscle in my body just aching, and drinking loads of cold water, I realize I was different, more so than i have remembered in 20 years. Even when i was thinner and younger. I remember going to picnics and family events, and trying to melt into the scenery.. because even then when i was 75 lbs lighter than now, i was still so self conscious of my body and who i was. and then as the years climbed as well as the weight, i'd go to a picnic and just sorta sit and watch... my huge body did not match my thin spirit. Well i don't think i even sat down yesterday, and i certainly didn't focus on the food, I blew bubbles, chased after a 2 year old, played badminton with a 6 year old, threw the football, chased the volleyball down the hill before it went into the lake, dribbled a basketball.........quite well i might add. I did have a couple of Bill's very very perfected wings..... and a few bites of buffalo chicken dip. i enjoyed some fresh peaches and blueberries..... and maybe a bite of this or that salad just to taste.... I left the picnic, tired , happy and sweaty....... my body and spirit are starting to catch up in 'size'... and i am loving it.
I was proud of my boys.......... they were so polite and well behaved... almost grown men.... i heard so many compliments about them, many people observed how well they had fun and got along with each other, which they do most of the time. And Bill he just jumped right in, and became the king of the charcoal grill, he made friends quite easily.....
it was a great day, and today i am going to get a bite to eat and play a little house work catch up........

Unique Place to Work

and that is all that I am going to say~ okay maybe i will say more. yesterday was my first, :lets get out of the office early Friday: The Doctor feels if you have an atmosphere of peace/harmony/ relaxation, it makes it a more productive place for all involved. So the morning we all have a "light" load, Lunch catered in that day..... nothing but the healthiest of menus....... *i am getting used to that. yesterday's lunch was roasted chicken breast, baked potato's, large salad.....whole wheat biscuits. and then this is where it might get a little odd, He put on some oldie music, and asked us to get up and "dance". it was hilarious and before we knew it we were giggling, and attempting to do some form of dance....... watching the doctor and the Physicians assistant , the counselors, nurses, secretary's..... get all silly and goofy, doing the famous wedding chicken dance... the morning cares and responsibilities just melted away. We decided then not to go to Pittsburgh for any movie, or Imax theatre, or Science center....... the feeling that dealing with all the traffic at that time, and schedules etc..... would just add stress....... so the Doctor took us out for Ice Cream, and we went to the local park sat around, ate our ice cream, laughed talked and laughed more. i threw catch with Ty one of my work buddies......... and that was the day!!! i of course went back to the office directly after leaving the park, and did my cleaning job...... until 8 in the evening......... it was a long day for me. But i didn't want to clean over the weekend, today is my work places picnic.... and ALL of my boys are going. i didn't make them, but i did tell them this week.......".... boys i know it is going to be boring for you, and I know you'd rather be somewhere else and have your finger nails ripped off.... but i am so proud of you guys and it would mean a lot to me for you to go, but i won't make you.............. They are ALL going!!! Love my boys. Bill is making Grilled Sesame Terriyaki Wings, and Dry rub Hickory smoked wings....... This will be the only picnic where the beverage is "water" (again the doctor doesn't agree with pop, sugary drinks, not even diet form) He said it is his practice and he can make the rules LOL....
So I should get going here soon, would like to have the housework done, so when i get back I can just chill.
I am happy

which ones me?

Katie, Katie, Katie

the one response from the last blog entry, was from none other than my daughter Katie, it shows a side by side of me and Susan Boyle*the Great Britain sensation from Britain's got talent, Katie thinks we look so much alike........ I don't see it, now the picture she used of me was me as a teenager just waking up....... I don't see it...... not sure how Katie does.
Katie came to my rescue once more, sometimes she is such a good girl. Well it is no secret that Bill has been on strike All and i mean ALL summer. finances are tight, we have managed, and God has provided just fine. Bill went back to work on Monday, But pays won't start until next Friday. I wasn't sure about groceries, But it just so happened, we have one credit card that we refuse to let them "up" the balance available, we will use this card, and pay it off in full that month. well luckily it was set back to balance 0. so we decided to take it yesterday to by groceries, and we were in desperate need of tires too...... got the tires no problem, get our groceries a couple hundred bucks worth,........ and .......and I hate when this happens, the card would NOT work... we KNEW that it was good.... we just checked the balance available... the girl at the check out counter was quite ditsy...... nice but very ditsy.... and we just figured out she screwed up somewhere.... well it isn't like we had any other way to pay, we don't own anymore credit cards, cash was a laugh......... it so happens that Bill for some odd reason, had the check book with him..... so we paid by check..... now mind you, our checking account is pretty much empty...... well God Bless my little Girl....... again she saves the day. had a check for Bill on the table this morning for 250 dollars to put into our checking account to cover the walmart grocery bill. She has really helped us out this summer, never complaining, sometimes teasing, but she has even taken the boys out to Lunches and treats, has taken me and Bill out to eat on occasions just for a treat for Us. there have even been times she has given......not loaned us money....... just for groceries!!! When Bill got home he immediately contacted the Credit card company, and they verified the ditsy girl did do something wrong, and somehow, don't ask me how, she triple did the total amt button......... and screwed things up. So if Katie does need to purchase something between now and our payday we at least have the card she could use.....
I am proud of my family.... all the boys worked extra, and have done odd jobs knowing our financial situation has been tight, Katie has gone the extra mile, Bill helps me clean the office, Kids trying to do more at home (most of the time) and not asking for anything.......... They are my "wealth", and there is nothing the economy can do to take that wealth away from me..... i am blessed with my family.
Today is Friday, I'll go into work for a few hours, Bill and I will clean the office this evening so the weekend is free. my work picnic tomorrow, i think I've almost talked all of my boys into coming for a while, Katie is working!........ and just maybe Sunday can be a day of rest. well that and a Johnny workout.
Have a great weekend

Just Enough

you know what is really cool about God, He knows what we need, what we desire, and he gives us just enough. Bill started work on Monday, however he doesn't get paid until next Friday. I get paid the first week of every month...so i gotta a week or two left before i get paid too. This week we stretched what we have absolutely to our limit. Groceries will be few, but "just enough" to get us through the next week., If Bill would have been on strike one week longer, not sure what we would have done for groceries then.... but then again, i wouldn't have had to worry, cause God would have given us "just enough". I am still amazed how this God and Faith thing works.!!!

this week i have remained slightly under the weather~ last week I had the runs and nausea, I was so tired and worn out. Still feeling a little tired. Several co workers have ended up with the same type of Illness, so i am assuming it is a virus, and I am assuming I will be fine.

i wish i could put into words how much i enjoy this Job, and where I am going. its cool knowing that i am where i am supposed to be right now... and the timing couldn't have been more perfect. Tomorrow the Doctor has made it half day staff day... this is my first time. but he closes the office at noon, has lunch catered in, and then the staff will either go to the movie, or iMax theatre, the zoo, bowling, miniature golfing....... and then tomorrow is the staff/family picnic at a local park. Dr Chaudhary enjoys doing this kind of stuff, he takes his staff out monthly to a nice restaurant. And he throws in days off, just cause he thinks we need it!!!! Now don't get me wrong, he is still a business man, still makes an incredible profit. but he really does try and practice what he teaches. He is the most approachable doctor i've ever worked with/for. He has a deep respect for the Human Being, not what or who the human is. He is just a good guy.

Not real hungry today, Bill made me a scrambled egg and two slices of bacon. Lunch i have a few strawberries, light yogurt, Rye Crisp and Laughing Cow Cheese. Maybe by dinner i will feel like eating. I doubt that a hike will take place again, the weather is so unpredictable, and it's a good storm waiting to happen...

Have a great day today....... make it a good one, it is your choice!!!

~~DBT GROUP~~

This week hasn't been as good for me in getting the 4 in as the last few weeks, I know Friday i'll make it to the gym as well as Sunday. So i must fit in two more days of cardio, or yoga or something. Tuesdays where i work they have DBT group (Dialectical Behavior Therapy). This therapy teaches people to deal with everyday problems and road blocks that WE all incur. yesterday's class was based on enjoying the moment. So many of Us get wrapped up in what happened in the past, or what might happen in the future...... we miss what is happening now. We have no guarantee's in life...... our lives can change in a blink of an eye, an accident, a lost job, a death, our own death. we are so busy so wrapped up in work and problems.... we don't notice the sunrise or the sunset, or the rain storm, or the little puppy playing in the yard with a young child... My daughter has most of her two years of college in now, and she wanted to take off a semester, i being the wise one that has lived longer, became a little upset at this, knowing that she NEEDS her degree NOW!! she told me finally that, she is unsure if she wants to go into nursing, or now elementary education. She is 19, she works very hard. she is very responsible, and has helped us out greatly during the "great strike of 2009". Katie must make her own way in life, i can't dictate what I want her to do. I then remembered my X brother and sister in law.... Today they would love to have the same situation as me, they would LOVE to have Alex unsure of college, take a 1/2 year or a year off, to figure out what he wants in life..... they would give both arms, legs, their home and finances to have that opportunity........ Alex died almost 2 years ago when he was just 18...... oh for Bob and Gail to have that opportunity again!!! Alex's death has taught me more than any group or class could ever do. I have held my kids a little tighter, laughed with them a little more, and decreased my "sweating the small stuff" more often. Katie will be fine, and she is happy, healthy, and thriving!!!
It has been storming on and off all week, supposed to again today... i don't mind hiking in the rain, but i can't hike during thunder and lightning...... i'll have to make do.
Eating wise, I am doing well, i figured out a neat way not to eat around the Lapband. I will eat breakfast, and then i set my timer on my watch for 3 1/2 hrs. I cannot eat anything until the timer goes off. eat Lunch, set timer, eat a protein snack, set timer eat dinner set timer...... and if i am hungry after dinner i wait the allotted time, and have another small snack of a light yogurt, or a sugar free pudding ( breakfast around 8am, lunch around 11:30am, snack around 3pm, dinner 6:30pm,..... and if i need the final snack i eat it at 9 pm). One of my counselors from the Prep study called me last night, and they thought that was a great idea, and they haven't heard anyone do that..... hey it works.
well i better get going it is 7am and i want to get in my yoga before i change my mind....
Have a great day

Antiques

I found this in the "to go to the dumpster" pile while I was helping my brother Chris move. This piece of furniture is so heavy, made of sold wood. Chris' wife doesn't know how old this is, it was always in her grandfathers garage as a work station, she knows that it was there in the late 50's early 60's...... I fell in love with it..... and i fell in love with it just as it is. I'd like to preserve it from this point on, somebody said i could sand it down, get new hardware, etc........ I don't think i want too. I'd like to put something on to protect it from deteriorating from this point on. I want the gouges, and scratches, and old rusty hardware, my mind wonders as i imagine a man, 50 + years ago working at this table in the late evenings, maybe fixing or making a toy for his sons, or making something beautiful for his wife. I'd like to keep it near my front door, place candles and potted flowers, and pots of fresh herbs on it to greet friends and family , maybe i'll place gourds and pumpkins and jack o lanterns on it, with a basket of apples in the fall. I can store the bird seed, and my gardening tools inside it. In the winter, it will make a nice place to put fresh garland and pine on it, and a few Christmas decorations.... the possibilities.........
As i think about this beautiful old piece of furniture, i think of it in terms of myself....... i am by no means old, at 42 i am still pretty young. but i look at my hands, they aren't the hands i knew 35 years ago, ......making mud pies in the dirt, grabbing a tree limb as i climb the neighborhood trees, holding my mom and dads hand, they aren't the same hands i remember 20 years ago, when the ring was placed on my left hand, the same hand that stroked the soft skin of my babies cheek, and made the first meals for my new husband. I look at my hands now, i am starting to get age spots, and minor wrinkles, and scars that although faded, will always be there.... thinking about it, they look like my mother's hands did years ago...... when i first noticed that my mom wasn't going to stay young forever. Hey and i've just been talking about my hands. I could mention the gray in my hair, and umm body parts that aren't in the same place that they were in 20 years ago. and new wrinkles and blemishes and stretch marks. BUT with age brings wisdom, understanding, and acceptance. I spent those younger years, always trying to be different...... maybe a better cook, maybe a little thinner,......maybe a better housekeeper....... I am learning, That I am who I am, and i am loving me more now than i ever have. with my flaws and all. I am even looking at my weight loss journey in a new light..... i am in no hurry, and i am having so much fun..... my goal is not to get to a certain weight or size, right now my goal is to hike 10 miles, and ride my bike to work. I know i will never be a size 6, and i will never have a 20 year old body........ But i will take what God has given me, and be proud of it....
Well i should get going, have to get ready for work, make myself breakfast....pack my lunch, and drink 3 glasses of water before i do anything......... Have a wonderful week.....

Somewhere over the rainbow.....

Friday evening a storm blew through, and the sunlight followed, .... and the product was this beautiful rainbow. I have been so busy, i thought once i got a monitor back that i'd be back to blogging daily, doesn't look like it happens that way. things are going well, i have been very busy, and i'd just love to have a day that i have nothing to do.
The big news is that on Thursday night Bill got the phone call that the Strike is over, and he is to return to work on Monday!! WE made it, sometimes it wasn't easy, and sometimes i wondered why? But surprisingly we did okay, bills got paid, food put on the table, a little bit of fun mixed in.
I did accomplish my 4 days of scheduled exercise in, and it might be 5 if I get today in too. i opted to not go to the gym today........ yesterday i got up at 6:30 am went to the office to clean, came home and left for the day to help my brother Chris move, heavy lifting, tons of up and down steps, lifting heavy furniture and walking up hill........ pushing, pulling, lifting, throwing... up down up down...... get the picture!! came home did some house work.. took a bath, and crawled into bed~~~ this morning, my muscles have been so pissed at me, even the muscles in my fingers. my brothers and sister in laws couldn't get over how i look, they said the difference is amazing, makes me feel good, but more importantly than how I look, it is my strength and energy...... i was kicking butt yesterday. i am loving this journey.
well today Katie wants to go to see the Harry Potter movie, i am ready to see it too....... love that series. i'll get Bill fed, and put to bed in the cool dark room with Relaxation music playing........ He gets up so early to deliver the Sunday paper, he must have only got a few hours of sleep last night........ So i best get my butt off this computer seat, and start my day...... umm that is if i CAN get my butt off this computer seat..

so maybe i'll do Eagles

okay disregard the last post that I was going to do Lighthouses. I must confess that I've been "playing with my blog" and now i got all lost. wasn't even sure if i could find this page to so that I could post again. But Eagles are fine too..... and I guess it is a cool theme since i just talked about Soaring with the Eagles...... i am pretty sure i won't change this again......well at least tonight.

LightHouses

I love lighthouses always did. so i just decided, what the heck, I'll make my blog a lighthouse theme. today is my day off. Christina and I did manage to get up to Johnny's and we got a great workout in. Bill wanted to go for a walk this evening, but i am playing it smart and said no. we plan on hiking early tomorrow morning before i go to work. so i don't want to over do it. Tomorrow a 4 mile hike, Thursday prob a day off, Friday another gym day, Saturday a 6 mile hike, and Sunday a gym day. so i got my workout's scheduled in for the week. You probably get tired of hearing me say how well I feel, but ........deal with it :0). cause i just can't help feeling so good. Starting to look for my bike now, there will be some really good deals in late summer early fall. I have my heart set on a Canondale, Because i really do plan on biking to and from work twice a week next year, i really want a good one!!!
Supper today i am going to have a Turkey Chili Burger on a bed of lettuce with chopped tomato's, onions and guacamole and 1/2 cup of cantaloupe. and i will be full. I was able to eat 1.5 piece's of pizza for lunch. and that kept me full for 4 hours. breakfast Bill made me 2 pieces of crisp bacon and 2 egg scramble. i may or may not get another small snack in, if i do, it will prob be sugar free pudding or almonds. Plenty of food :0)!!!
Bill, Katie and I picked blueberries this morning, so i decided to make a fresh blueberry coffee cake~ it is yummy, i took one bite, and that is about all i can eat of it, it tends to want to get stuck, so why bother???
Well, i have a little more house work to get finished, and then i think i will get a nice hot bath, go sit on my porch, and watch the day turn into night. while listening to all the brilliant night time sound effects involved.

I am here..........

my brother brought me a monitor today ......so my computer is up and running from home......... yeah!!! i did blog some, but i must say while at work, i'd start the entry.......stop........start.........stop....... and it just made it difficult.
I am doing so well, so well. I wish i could explain how good I am feeling. The energy is what i seem to notice the most. for instance, Early this morning, i went for a hike, got 4 miles in before my work day even began. Last week, i actually made it up to my brothers gym twice, all of this before my work day started. Sat we went on a longer hike, doing 5 + miles, this sat we already have 6+ miles planned. Johnny's gym either Tues or weds. and then again Friday and Sunday........ Realistically I have decided to commit to 4 days a week! anything and everything over that is considered a bonus BUT i have to get the 4 days in. My Lapband is doing EXACTLY what it is supposed to do. I am able to eat, but only one serving..... can't even consider over eating or i will pay for it. I MUST eat slowly, or i will pay for it....... i am quite happy.
Work is going well, and it already looks like i will be able to increase my income, had a meeting with the doctor today,... i've only been there 3 months, He feels i have more to offer this world, than just talking on the phone, and working on paper work, and calling in prescriptions........ See, i don't care what i do, i take pride in my nursing job, my cleaning job, and even if I do what the doc thinks i can do ( keeping it quiet right now). i will take pride in that........ God has great plans for me, and it is exciting to watch Him work......
Bill may go back to work next week, please send prayers and good thoughts our way........they vote on this contract this weds. and i would love for Bill to go back to work, I would love for our marriage to survive. It has been a long few months, but as always, God provided
It looks like i will be getting my promise into Melody this fall. I really believe i will be able to do 10 miles. Still planning on going to do this on a part of the Appalachian Trail, Christina thinks she could do it, Jeanine thinks she could do it......... Bill is working on it too......... I could do that many miles right here, but i think i just want to do it on a trail that i never hiked on before.
Also.......... and you read it here, I let my co workers know, by next spring/summer, i will be biking to work twice a week, that would make about 60 miles weekly in biking alone all but 6 of those miles are on a trail.
When Bill does go back to work, i plan on putting aside my cleaning money so that i can get a really Good bike...... still have my heart set on a Canondale.....
This is all giving me incentive to keep going, keep moving, keep praying....... since i started this journey, haven't looked back.
Well i should get going, love and blessings to everyone.....

Baby Jacob

I have a friend who is a couple years older than me, she has one son who is 11, and she always wanted more kids...... well she got her wish just a month a go. In this picture I am holding her son who she tried so hard to get, (she gave me permission to post this on my blog,) He is absolutely adorable, and he snuggled with me for two days. I love him to pieces, but i do not want another one, it never crossed my mind. I have 4 kids, and my youngest is 14 going to be 15 this December. I don't think i would want to start all over again. besides i have all these new babies to love, Paige, Jacob, and my brother and his wife just had their 3rd child Jude, Bill and I are getting used to just getting up and going....
I am finding that i am really not missing having a computer all that much, guess i am too busy anyhow. Thursday is my one day off from exercise. Chris and I plan on going to the gym tomorrow morning before i come to work. Sat a nice hike 5+ miles, and Sunday a workout with Johnny.
I do wish Bill will get back to work, I think it is starting to get to him. I know it is starting to get to me a little We are doing okay and I am forever thankful of all the blessings I have. but still we are going on 2 months without Bills income, we can't get unemployment, food stamps, health insurance........ Gee how cool God's plan for me to leave Kiski at just the right time. If I were still at Kiski, i'd be off for the summer........and we would be in big trouble!! I guess He still knows what he is doing!!!
I am so happy at this Job, and there has already been talk about giving me more pt involvement. Kathie, my boss from the methadone clinic, who got me in here, told me all about, and let me just say without going into detail yet........ this Doctor must really have faith in me! although i would need to pray and meditate for the answer, as i just know as i know as i know........ That God wants more from me....... so we shall see.
Well I should get going, it is usually quiet here at the office on Thursdays....... staff speaking, usually i have more calls to field than what i am getting today....... but that could change in a second...... you never know
I may not be able to get on until next week, know that i am well, and feeling great........ Oh Oh, Oh, i was able to wear size 16's this weekend....... (not all 16 fit though) Lydia was quite surprised, she said the few pictures at my sisters wedding didn't do me justice, i told her pictures are all in the angle.....lol
oh i should also let you know that Christina's computer hasn't been working either..... just so you know....

No computer~Ringing Rocks~Crocs Bite

So i am at work, no computer at home, the monitor crashed, and as long as Bill is on strike, buying another one is not a priority, so i will try and post from here, when i get a break here and there. Spent a nice long weekend out towards Philly with Bill's brother, and my friend Lydia and her new baby! Bill's brother had us take out his truck that was left in our area, and return with his daughters car that was out with him, we ate at the house most of the time, and enjoyed a lot of free hiking and sight seeing. I ate very ......... i guess normal, one "normal serving" ave of about a cup and 1/2 of food for 3 meals, and 2 small snacks. it was a road trip without food being a focus or a priority.

One day we decided to go to Ringing Rock's State Park, it was Bill ,his brother, his brother's fiancee and Me! it was on the national geographic for unusual places in America, out in the middle of the forest is a huge field of Rocks sometimes 19 feet deep, nobody is really sure how they got there...... some of the rocks randomly ring when tapped. well i must say, i know that i am in decent shape right now...... i floated across those rocks, Bills brother couldn't even come, Bill came part way, and Debbie was slow, but eventually got out near me. I felt so good. I forgot i still have 75 lbs to lose....... i move really well, we then took a trail to the waterfalls, again steep and sometimes difficult, i wasn't even out of breath, and i was in the front...... it felt so good. it gives me the drive to keep going on this awesome journey. (10 miles for Melody in the fall).

It was nice, Bill and I do road trips well together.

Home and back in the swing of things, Chris and I went to Johnny's yesterday to workout, and we went for a 4 mile hike early this morning, My first actual "stuck" food yesterday, some mashed potato's with the skin and pork and gravy.... it was stuck for an hour, and i was miserable, ....so the rest of the even i just had liquids, feeling good today, drinking without any problems....i would love to keep blogging, but i do have work to do,

oh one other thing, we stopped at Cabala's Outdoor store on the way home...... i got a pair of Croc hiking sandals , original price $99.00, sale $59.00, sale sale........ $15.00 they are so comfortable, and i love them.

well i gotta scoot..........

It's been a while...

it's been a while since i've posted. well not counting the very short post yesterday. I am at work right now, and for a change i am waiting for a few calls to come in. so i'll try and blog during my brief breaks.... it may take all day LOL.
~wow this is a first, i just received a phone call on my cell, .. and the lady on the other end say's..." is this Mrs. Blystone?" i say yes and then she say's " do you mind if i come and help give you a bath?" Well i am at work, but if she wanted to meet me at home after work, i guess i am game.... too funny she was actually looking for my Mother in Law.
I have been feeling really good. My lap band seems to be working just like it is supposed too. I realistically can eat about a cup of food maybe a little more. Dr. Mike said that is what i want., He said people that feel the restriction after just a few bites is not what it is intended for. Esp because i am really focused on the exercise part of the equation, my body needs the food. I must admit since Friday ( my second adjustment, of just 1cc more) i can only get in about 1/2 cup. it is really tight. I can eat a scrambled egg with a little low fat cheese, BUT i can not eat any bread product or even a slice of bacon or sausage. By evening my limit is a little over a cup. but it is lean protein and veggies, and very little simple carbs, be it potato, rice, pasta, bread. I am drinking without any problem, i drink plain brewed green tea, ( no sugar, no sugar substitute) and water....... that's it!!!
Yesterday during my hike at my old hiking grounds, one of the rangers who used to see me all the time stopped to talk to me, he said he noticed i've been back at it~ and wondered if i would be a regular there again? I said yup, you will be seeing me like you used too. I think Christina has fallen in love with walking there too.... there are so many options and combinations of trails and hills, and level of difficulty.
It's getting so busy at work, so i think i'll just end, and maybe blog tomorrow. we are going away this weekend...... i'll explain later. Bill is still on strike, but God is still providing.....

my computer on the blink.

so i am attempting to use katie's which is goingt to get fixed tomorrow. she has a few missing keys, and some that don't want to work, and actually this is too hard. i'll blog tomorrw mrning when i get to work. I am doing great. had my doctor visit, and adjustment so until tmorrow.

love ya all

60 vs 90

I so enjoy reading my friend Patti's blog~ always a plethora of information. Recipe's, Cooking, Healthy Eating, and Exercise tips..... yesterday she mentioned that they say that after 5 years, even after gastric bypass surgery, the success rate is 60 %. thinking about it, that is just a little over half in my favor after such drastic measures. I knew this going into it..... the year of preparation, i was told this over and over again. They certainly didn't sweet coat the surgery in any way. And i was told if i didn't change my life style, I prob would not get as heavy as I was, but i had a good chance of regaining 75% of my "lost" weight back. So in that year of preparation~ they worked with me~ they taught me skills ~ do you remember how excited i was when i first learned to Chew? just the simple process of slowing down and chewing my food slowly/ the simple process of mindfulness, of just knowing what I am eating. the importance of water, and exercise, and self honesty...... those are the tools i've incorporated over a year ago. Now sadly the statistics for the weight regain after 5 years without the drastic surgery is approx 90% some like to say 95% but they say that number is debatable, and some places use that as a scare tactic to beef up their magic weightloss infomercials. I believe that number, and sadly I have been a part of that number many times. I even look back from an old weight loss sight i used to belong too........ and most of the people i knew, did gain their weight back. How many times did i try weight watchers? seriously i think 10 or 15, Atkins, South Beach. Look at Oprah, Kirsty Ally,...... Look at me. I am 100% with Patti on this, I will not say " i will NEVER gain the weight back". Somebody once told my friend that even with the surgery, ~i will always have to watch my weight~ you're darn right I will. and i better not forget that. I believe that with my mental mindset now, and the tools i learned...... WW's could help, Jenny Craig could help, South Beach, A Gym membership. With the program i am in, I need to be seen extensively for two more years, their hope is as i continue to work with the Lapband, what i've learned will become second nature, and my skills will become habits.....
I go for my second visit, since my surgery. there is a good chance that the second adjustment is the one that will officially make my little stomach pouch.... so they say......... we shall see. I am going to work for a couple of hours, and then my appointment in Pittsburgh, then back to work for a couple hours, and i will stay there and clean so my weekend is free..... I'll let you know how things are going. Have a beautiful weekend, after all, it's your choice.
PS the damn Pennsylvania Humidity..... can't find anything positive about it...... well except maybe the awesome evening storms we get, what an incredible light show it was last night........

Soaring with the Eagles today, not tomorrow

For years now I’ve been saying, tomorrow I will do this, tomorrow I will do that. Tomorrow when I am thinner I will try this. I’ve been morbidly obese for almost 20 years. I was angry because I figured the fat on my body was weighing down my Spirit, my Spirit that was aching to soar with the Eagles, was attached to this very heavy form of a human body.
I tried every diet out there, tried every exercise machine that enticed me at 2 in the morning while watching endless magical Infomercials. I wanted to lose weight before a vacation, before my class reunion, before a million other events in my life. I wanted to lose weight to make my X husband jealous, I wanted to lose weight to keep my X husband from leaving, and I wanted to lose weight so I didn’t embarrass my children.
So after 20 years of this, and although I’d lose a few pounds, I just found myself getting heavier and heavier. I knew that I needed to make a drastic change in my life. I’m not talking about changing my eating habits, I am not talking about increasing my exercise. I am talking about something deeper than what the human eye can see, Deeper than just skimming the surface of a deep blue ocean. I needed to dig down deep into the core of my being. My first and biggest mile in this awesome journey was to accept Me for the wonderful person that I am, all 300+ pounds of me. It was during time of great meditation and Prayer that the profound truth came to me, the truth that has forever altered my direction in life. My Spirit is weightless, Nothing physical can weigh it down. Therefore, I Can soar with the Eagles today, I don’t have to wait until tomorrow.
Where am I now since that wonderful discovery was made over a year ago? Lets see, I probably weigh 100 lbs less. I enjoy hiking and weight training. I have a job where I know that I am supposed to be at. The world can be crumbling around me, and no matter what boggles my body and my mind down……. My Spirit is soaring high above the wind, and it can’t be touched.
Where am I going to be tomorrow? Don’t really care. I am enjoying the today. Sure I need to lose more weight, and I probably will, But I have my lifetime to do it. I think I will just enjoy this wonderfully unique journey I call my life.

Is it my lapband???

Not sure what is going on, I think it is muscular surrounded near the lapband....... this is what happened......... I am at Christina's, holding Paige, talking to Megan and Chris.. when we are together, we spend most of the time in Laughter, I am not sure what we started laughing about, but i was holding Paige, twisted in an odd way and i started to feel pain right between my breast....... no it was near the bellybutton~ but right between where the breast SHOULD be ;0). lol. I came home was able to eat 3/4 cup of Chicken and 1/2 cup of cherries. no problem, I was able to drink just fine, no problem. but the pain in my lower chest still remains.. I iced it all evening...... I am going to call my Doctor this morning ...... I had plans on going to the gym......but frankly, if i irritated the muscles in the location of the lapband...... i do not want to risk causing more injury...
.... I'll just see what my Lapband Doctor has to say........ I am assuming though, if it has to do with my Lapband, i wouldn't have been able to eat so easy, and drink so much......... we shall see.
My Migraine seems to have gone away finally, I have a little headache this morning but this one is different... it feels like allergies
Well i am going to get ready for work today...... and then i am supposed to go out with the ladies I worked with at Kiski Prep........ I think i will go....
it is going to be hot and humid here in Pennsylvania....... weather i hate!!! so i think i'll go and find the "silver lining" in this hot humid weather

Chimes~~~~^..^

I absolutely enjoy Wind Chimes, my family not so much! Christina's family picked these Chimes up for me while they were at the beach, I love the sound they make, the soft music from the chimes is the last think my mind hears just before i drift off to sleep.
So about a year ago i started getting Migraines occasionally, sometimes i'd go 3 months without any. but usually i'd get a Migraine in direct correlation with my monthly cycle. And I ALWAYS get what i call the "light show". this light show affects my vision in a big way. So last Thursday, i am at work..... and i lose my sight because of the light show. i immediately take a Maxalt, (medication that prevents the headache from occurring that I take as soon as i spot the lights) now usually i am to take this medicine, and then just sit quietly for about 1/2 hour. because I was at work, i tried to work through the lights, which caused the headache to come in full force, came home rested But had the dull headache the rest of the day. Next morning all was fine......, Saturday felt great, Sunday felt great, worked out with Johnny...... by midafternoon another light show, took another Maxalt, took a 30 minute nap, two hours later...... another light show....... what the heck....... this has never happened before.......... took my last Maxalt.... which made me very tired.... Monday morning woke up fine...... read a little, cleaned a little.. got ready for work... 9am the worse "light show" yet....... i actually lost my vision in the right eye completely......... no more medicine....... no insurance while Bill is on strike..... so i put my ice pack over my eyes.. and went to lie down, got very nauseated and then a very bad headache....... called off work. and i remained in bed all morning and afternoon.. no tv, no lights.... nothing... i slept on and off....... ... the headache by afternoon was dull, i did go visit baby Paige and Chris and Megan for less than an hour, came home and went back to bed....... today i am fine, no signs of a headache. I am heading to work shortly....... Not sure what this was all about. not sure if my hormones are flying in every direction.... I am 42, and in that 5 to 10 year transition into Menopause..... I may be under more stress than i realize, with Bill not working and all..... who knows.......
Well I must get to the gym this afternoon........ I must!!! John said that we need to show him that we utilize the gym on days he doesn't work with Us, he said, ........ Sandi there are no excuses....... if you want this bad enough.....you will get up here........ he is right...
Well i have 1/2 hour to pack my lunch and get ready for work...... so i best get my butt moving....
Love and Blessings to All

Music Composer Bach

I laid in bed early this morning, thinking of something to text my brother~ no gas in the car, not feeling well, my ONLY day off, lets start fresh this week.............. I get up, put on my sweats and t-shirt, put a hat on my head,fill up my water bottle...... head out the door. it wasn't like i was even fighting good angel, bad angel! I just went to work out, not going wasn't an option!! Christina got back from the beach yesterday, Johnny said she "should" have been able to come this morning. he is going to pick on her about that this week. I personally wouldn't have gone either, if i just got back from a 10 hour drive from a week at the beach~ so i get in the car, and for some odd reason i put on a classical radio station and listened to Bach.......... It was oddly relaxing, rejuvenating........refreshing!!!! By the time i got to the gym i was more than ready to workout.... it was a very difficult workout, it is harder without Christina there cause Johnny pays attention to me 100% of the time....it takes 20 minutes, he combines all that i need to do in 20 minutes. and when i am done i am soaking wet with sweat. so i get on the bike for 10 minutes, do the 20 minutes with John. and then he has me do the 10 minutes super cardio on the bike...... were i ride the bike like a bat out of Hell for 30 seconds, ride normal for 90 seconds, rinse and repeat for 10 minutes. it is very effective, and he said i'll be burning fat for hours afterwards. it's great not having to spend two hours in a gym to get the same results if not better. :0)
I am really getting in shape, I realized being at my new job..... has actually helped me, first and formost he encourages healthy eating.... only food lying around is dried fruits , nuts, and fresh fruit. the refrigerator is filled with veggie salads and fruit salads, with healthy dressings and lowfat dips. POP is not allowed in the building...... everyone walks around with their water in hand. secondly Dr Chaudhary made an old farm house into his office practice. it has 4 levels. lots of steps actually i climb up and down steps ALL day long......... from my office to the main office i must go up 4 steps, down 4 steps, and down 6 steps........ i may do this 20 times a day. and if i need to go to a counselors office that means climbing 12 steps, and if i need to go to records that is the attic, that is 24 steps up... i do this several times a day..... it is starting to really pay off :0).
Friday at the bi weekly staff meeting, the doctor gave all of his staff an assignment, and we are to discuss it at the next meeting...... the assignment was mindful eating. He says we all eat food too fast, eat too much, and sometimes don't even pay attention to what we are eating. He wants us to at least slow down, look at the food, the color of the food, the smell of the food, the texture of the food, think about how the food got on our plate....... think about what the food will do for the body..........chew our food slowly......... eat less, listen to our bodies telling us we've had enough........ I learned this before i had my lapband surgery!! ........ I've been a nurse for 20 years...... i have never worked for a boss like this.... i love how God puts me in a place where he knows I need..... I start this job 2 weeks after my lap band surgery, a job that is keeping me on track, whether i want to or not !!!!
I am so glad Christina is back home, didn't realize how much her friendship means to me, even the short morning phone calls just to say Hi and whatcha ya doin today???
I am really hoping Bill goes back to work soon, i've already imagined sewing his eyes shut 4 times in the past month, ......
I wonder what is going on, I have my second migraine in 4 days, I actually lost my vision in the middle of blogging.......started this blog 4 hours ago, had to stop take my Pill i take at the first sign of the light show, and went and took a 40 minute nap......... so i think i am going to end this now........cause the computer screen is stating to bother me
I love my life.......... i really do....... wouldn't change anything......
make it a great day

Summer Storm

well the first "big" storm of the summer, I love storms, i love the strength of a storm, the wind, the lightning the rain.... I laid on my bed, read a book (Harry Potter, half blood Prince) and enjoyed an evening of storms. i guess there were possible tornado's that hit near the Pittsburgh area... but nothing like that here.
I go for an adjustment/fill next week. Not sure where i am right now. Mornings i am very tight, actually i am finding it easier to take in a protein shake or a protein and fruit smoothie. Yesterday i tried a piece of left over meatloaf....... and that did NOT work. ate 3 bites, and started to slime big time. I must concentrate more on eating slowly and chewing my food very very well. Yesterday at lunch, i could eat my low fat curry chicken and cranberry salad, strawberries and tomato's, i could only eat one of my Rye Crisp WASA crackers, i started to get full, by suppertime, i was able to eat two soft taco's, and a sugar free pudding, plenty of food for me..
I am hoping for a walk this evening, I am sure I can talk Bill into going with me, Monday as i was driving by one of the trail heads i sometimes hike on, i spotted the cutest baby bear cub. i was so excited, hurrying to pull out my phone, i wanted to take a picture, but a growl in the woods and the baby cub was gone in an instant. Black bears as a rule are not dangerous, actually they are more skittish than deer. However, a mama bear that feels her cub cornered or in danger~ are not animals that you want to be around!!!
Well another busy day, I have NO stress at this job of mine. and even Katie even noticed, the other day she was driving me to work, and she said out of the blue,........" mom, you don't feel stressed going to this job" she can tell . This is EXACTLY where God wants me to be. and it is exciting to see what He has in store for me.
Christina and her family have a few more days at the beach.... they sound like they are having a great time, but i am sure no matter how much fun........ there is no place like home..... We are having a great time keeping an eye on things, Chris' home is like my second home, and i am totally comfortable there, actually we fight to see who gets to hang there, Corey loves the dogs, and he's spent a couple evenings there..... Katie plans on going down and cuddling the dogs and watch a movie in the piece and quiet. I have the Last Harry Potter book to read, i finished the half blood prince in two days. So Bill and i will go there this evening...... he'll drink some beer, eat popcorn and enjoy total control of the TV remote, ( although we have TVs in every room, the family likes to be together, and one control amongst 6 people, Bill doesn't touch it often)
Well i better get my butt moving....... talk later

Patience~~~~>>>

In today's world, we want quick fixes, quick meals, quick answers, instant gratification........ Patience is becoming a lost art. . . . . oatmeal can now be cooked in 45 seconds instead of the 20 minutes on the stove. Computers can be "surfed" at record speed. You can now buy bacon precooked.......... 30 seconds to crispy bacon on your plate. You now have overnight package delivery. why save for that "special' thing you want. Just pull out a credit card, buy it NOW!!! ....... I am loving the infomercials lately....... drop the weight instantly....... by taking a pill, taking a shake.... using a "buttblaster"...... even have bariatric surgery, and the weight will drop like magic....
I am losing weight, and i have been losing weight since last February.... slow and steady! I had the Lap band surgery..... still didn't have the quick fix..... i did lose a large amount of weight quickly, but then i leveled off to a slow steady loss.......i don't eat as much anymore, but i could if wanted too... if i didn't learn along the way...... that i am not in a race, and i have a lifetime here. I truly figure by next year at this time, i will be at the weight I want to be.... i am losing it by exercise, and proper portion sizes. i am losing it because of my food choices, and because of PATIENCE!!! Every other time i tried to lose weight......... i wanted it done quickly, I didn't want to take the time to do it right.....
Yesterday i went to Johnny's without Christina, i must say it is harder by myself....... John never turned away from me. and i jumped into one exercise after another, without a little break. He watched and counted every move. He makes 20 minutes feel like i've been working out for an hour. i spent 30 minutes doing Cardio. since i am on the bike such a short time, in order to maximize the effort........ he has me doing cardio spurts..... at 2,4,6,8,10,12,14,16,18,20,22,24,26,28 minute mark for 30 seconds........going as fast as i can go. and the 90 seconds in between i go as slow as i need too. He said doing this will burn fat for 8 to 12 hours after i've left the gym...... all i know is my body felt it..........every muscle cried out when i attempted to move. I HAVE to get to the gym tues or weds this week...... and then he will train me on Friday and Sunday....
The kids and Albert are heading down to Pittsburgh this morning for the Penguin parade. Bill is doing his one day of picket duty. Still on strike, no talks scheduled, another lesson in life for me to learn patience. i asked God to take this burden, but i sorta wanted him to "fix" it rather quickly! I guess there is a lesson here...... and i need to TRust that it will be okay.
I work today 10 until 3 pm....... so i should get moving here, get some house work done, some laundry washed, dinner started.......
Have a great day folks........

~busy,busy,busy~

I have been very busy but not in an absolutely crazy way! My work at the doctors office is going really good, and i added a second little side job there cleaning the office. i figure it helps out now while Bill is on strike. And afterwards I may keep it up and save for a bike, and new furniture for the living room.
Christina left for vacation and we are watching her house/dog/grand dog. the grand puppy is umm, how do i say this, very needy and can be very annoying (words directly from Megan's, the puppy owners mouth). This puppy is so high strung, she probably not be able to survive a day in the kennel. So we spend the evenings with her and sleep down there so she has some human time. So Kellie my dear, sorry I missed your call, but i was down Christina's when you called......... of course I came up here back and forth watching Harry Potter........long story, but it became a joke that when ever i went to my room to watch Harry Potter, Pens would score. i couldn't just have Harry on, i had to watch IT!!! The game that they lost by 5, i was actually at the Hospital with Bill's mom. no where near a TV. . . . . . . so my kids begged me to watch Harry Potter too. Christina didn't have a DVD in her bedroom, she doesn't even have a TV compatible with my DVD player..........so i came to my house watched Harry, ran to Chris's on 20 minute breaks....... back to my house. Finally towards the end i did go back to Chris' went back to the room and READ my harry potter book ....... must have been good enough...... they won!
Yesterday was another family get together, My sister in law is due with my nephew any day now...... so we had a little cookout/ baby shower for her. I so love my family. Bill is amazed that there are 7 of Us, we are all different, but no problems or issues like his family has.
Well i should get going, heading to Johnny's by myself today, dreading a workout with out Christina, but i gotta go........
i miss little Paige, maybe more than Chris........ but i am so busy, i bet the time will fly......

~`~> 4lbs <~`~

Well i got on the scale this morning, and was down 4 more pounds..... i noticed since i've been feeling restricted, and getting a little discomfort when i eat too fast, or when i eat high carb food such as white bread..... i am being extra cautious and mindful on what, how much and how fast I eat. My packed lunch today is a turkey burger (of course no bun), a lettuce and tomato salad, one tbs of blue cheese dressing, 1/4 cup of salsa *to go with the turkey burger. 1/4 cup of low fat vanilla yogurt, and 1/4 cup of sliced fresh strawberries. yesterday for supper I had 3 oz of white meat turkey, 1/2 cup of mashed potato's and 1/4 c of turkey gravy... and a salad with Italian dressing.... when the family was eating fresh hot cinnamon rolls from the oven, i choose to indulge in a sugar free vanilla pudding with a dollop of whipped topping......... and i was more than satisfied!!!. ......... what i am getting at is, i am starting to let the Lap band work with me, and i think i seem to do better when we are on the same page, my lap band and I.

I haven't been feeling well these past couple days, happens to be a bad time of the month for me, i have such bad cramps this time around, I am experiencing some nausea and diarrhea. Actually i was supposed to be at work at 9am, i finally pulled myself away from my bathroom at 10am, got to work at 10:15 am..... thankfully my work is flexible, i can come in a little late, or come in early and just adjust my hours accordingly.

There is alot on my and Bill's plate right now, this STRIKE is looming over our heads.... and i continue to maintain a balance in my Spirit, so that i can cope with this. God seems to take care of our every need. I think he wish i'd stopping taking back what i give Him, but it is so hard for me LOL ;0). So i give him the burden........ enjoy my comfort, and then i take it right back and try to carry it myself........ i get tired, give it back to Him............. see the pattern? When will I learn? It sounds silly, but my biggest fear isn't losing my house, or car...... I know it isn't possible but my biggest fear is not providing my children with their basic needs.... you know like food!!!! I know the strike has only been two weeks.......but it seems so much longer than that. I start my second job, cleaning the office i work at, this week....... we will do what we have to do. and it is nice seeing my family pitch in....... the kids are taking more responsibility with the household.... yes even my youngest Sammy. (who by the way figures, if a glass fits on the shelf with the plates, or if the plates can squeeze in next to a glass........ then it works for him). The boys are trying to earn their own money, and Katie helps out any way she can. I know that Bill and prob one or two of the boys will come and help me clean so that i get it done quicker.... gee i guess i still have such a blessing and a lot to be thankful for in my life.
Andrew has his two week check up today, Albert will be taking him. hopefully we will be able to add another level of food!!!
Well i should get my butt back to work......
Christina leaves tomorrow...........

Restricted

Drew is doing awesome, here is a photo of him 2 weeks post op!!! He looks great, and is feeling great, He has only lost a pound this week. so we are all doing our job on keeping him well fed. He was able to eat soft meatloaf yesterday. no bruising and not much more swelling. He is happy with the results.....
Yesterday was a blah day for me, had lots of cramps, no energy and needed to stay close to a bathroom. i did do a short yoga on demand with Bob Harper from the biggest loser....... and I don't know if it counts that i went to Christina's, i rested on one couch, she on an other, and we "watched" one of Jillian's tapes......... but hey we did watch the entire tape, so surely that counts for something. Today i am going to do a weight training session.
Now back to the title of this entry~ I don't know how or why, but i am restricted, and my adjustment isn't due until June 27th. it isn't like i can't drink, i can chug my water and green tea. it isn't like i can't eat, I can eat a cup of food maybe a little more. it's just if i eat too fast, i feel the pressure in the center of my chest, If i eat white bread, rice or pasta, i can feel it in my chest, yesterday i ate an egg/egg white omelet, lunch i ate grilled wings (4) and 1/4 cup of rice, and for supper i ate, 4 oz of grilled fish and a small salad w a tbs of blue cheese dressing. i also enjoyed a sugar free pudding with some whipped topping........ that is it!!!!
I wonder what happened that the restriction came one month after my first fill/adjustment???? it is making me be more mindful of what, how, when and where i eat.
Christina and her family go on vacation in a couple of days, i think i may just miss, or who knows maybe i'll enjoy the break :0) lol.
Well i have work today, so i should go grill my Turkey burger to take, make my guacamole , cut up my strawberries, and make my salad..... yummy lunch!!!!

Pomegranate Green Tea

Guess I haven't blogged in a few days! Not for any bad reasons, just "busy" reasons. Andrew is doing so well, and he is going out in the public and showing his "new face". Not much more swelling left, and it barely bruised to begin with. He is so happy. He's getting to be skinnier than what he already was, now that he isn't under my wing every second of the day ( he's been hanging at his friends houses and such) I can't control that he is eating 4000 calories a day! He has a good 6 more months before he can really eat normally again. and 3 more weeks of liquids and pudding consistency foods.
So I had two weddings this weekend. My Sister Andrea got married. I am happy for her. I must say though, for the past 3 years she told me her church said she would be getting married, that year... and actually 7 years ago.... a minister said her husband would be coming within the year. I am not going to lie, i am not happy with her church, and i can't put in my blog the reasons i feel this way, because it isn't my place to do it here,BUT everyone has a right to worship how they choose, and My way isn't better or worse......it is just different!!! and i could get into a book on how i feel..... but really, it doesn't matter how i feel. So any how.. there were one or two people before her husband now, that she thought and was waiting and seeing if he was the one the church told her about!!! i never felt she would marry these men........ well then her husband Duane comes along, The second she told me ........" i have a date tonight, i think it was February, i immediately felt this one was different, and when after her first date, she said she was getting married...... I knew that she would be getting married!!!.... Duane is a wonderful soul, you can't but help immediately liking him. He is very gentle and kind, so non judgemental and accepting..... He will be very good for my sister. the one word i can say is....... they are a Unique couple!
the second wedding was a cousin from my X husbands side of the family. But i am going to say it right here and now....... This Family is MY family divorce didn't take that away from me. They put me at one of the family tables, and i must admit, I sat at the coolest table.... with the warmest sweetest people, Debbie, Livvy, and Joe are Christina's first cousins.... hell, they are my cousins too. Libby and Joe i don't see as often, But Debbie is one of the funniest sweetest people i know. she lives beside Albert's parents. She is the new grandma that Christina was talking about in her blog entry.... the proud grandma to baby Ava the little beauty with the precious smile and tons of hair :0). These beautiful people made Bill feel so at home....... and by the time we left, Livvy grabbed Bill and Hugged him......... telling him...... you get a hug, you are family now!!! The food was awesome, a traditional Italian buffet. Shrimp, Polenta, Stuffed Shells, Beef, Chicken........... some of the best food i've ever had at a wedding!!!
Speaking of food, let me talk about 2 weddings on a Lap band stomach. I knew that i couldn't eat at both, so at my Sisters wedding..... i took a dessert plate, put a Tablespoon of pasta, ham and scalloped potato's on it. and picked at it so it didn't appear i was being rude. i didn't have any cookies, or cake...... i took one bite of Bill's cake. During the Big Italian wedding, since i had the duty of holding baby Paige while she was sleeping, Bill got me a plate......it was pretty full i ate the shrimp, a little of the inside of the shell, a piece of beef and chicken, both about the size of a two inch square.... i ate about 1/3 of a pretty full plate. i only drank water the entire day......... and instead of eating plates of cookies, before hand i had veggies and a few chunks of cheese, and a bite of one of Bills cookies. I did have a piece of cake for dessert....... honestly i didn't think much of it until afterwards as i am sitting and chatting with Christina, If i were at the wedding two years ago........ i'd have drank 4 or 5 cherry cokes....... I don't drink alcohol as a rule. i'd of had countless plates of cookies, and countless plates of cheeses...... i'd of eaten the entire plate of dinner, and then i'd of continued to eat cookies and drink pop the rest of the evening!!! WoW i guess i Am restricted. and i guess my eating habits have changed
Well I better get going, have to be at work at 9am....... would like to get out of there at 2pm today...... we shall see
Have a great day.
OH PS, and why did i name my title what i did? Patti brought me some delicious Pomegranate TEA, So i used 4 of those tea bags and 6 of my green tea, tea bags.. and made Iced Tea!!! it is wonderful. I don't use sugar or sweetener now, it took a while to get used to unsweetened tea, but now i can't have it any other way...... how funny is that.... i try to drink 4 to 6 glasses of green tea daily...... along with my 8 glass of H2O.
okay now i gotta get going...... for real

~/\~ Plethora ~/\~

Well first let me start with Drew's apt. He is doing W~O~N~D~E~R~F~U~L, the Doctor is thrilled with his progress, his jaw placement is perfect! he said Andrew is doing an excellent job keeping everything so clean (*yeah for baby Elmo toothbrush). Andrew has dropped 12 lbs this week, not great, and the Doctor wants him to eat every "bad" food he can think of that is soft..... full fat ice cream and puddings and cream pies, and milk shakes, and egg custards......... Andrew is my little health nut and he is having a tough time with this in his mind. I made him a milkshake yesterday.... 4 scoops of full fat ice cream, whole milk, and 3 TBS of Peanut butter........ His face looks so good, and it is sad to say, even as his mother, i would have a tough time recognizing him on the street....... his profile has changes so drastically.
~I told you I gained a couple pounds when I got on the scale, well i decided to get on the scale again the next day...... i lost the two pounds + 3 more, yup the scale showed 5 lbs down. So i am assuming my intake of salt was a little more than my body is used to..... All is good!!!
~Bill remains on strike, and he admitted that he is so stressed right now, having the strike, and major family issues with his mother hit at the same time. He does NOT do well under stress, and I do worry about him. I can't control his stress level, so i am not going to preach to him about "look at all the good". I will pray that God opens his heart. That is the one thing that i've learned over the years, I cannot control others actions, feelings, or issues. I can only control my reaction to others actions, feelings and issues. So instead of "working" on Bill!!! I need to work on how i react to his stress level, i've gotta try and not cause more stress, as some nagging wives like to do. ahhh, I am forever a work in progress.
~i am surprisingly calm at this time. I have peace in my heart. I know that it will all be okay. I know, as i know, as i know.
~i am going to do a weight training exercise today, not sure that I am up to Jillian from the sounds of what Christina said....... "NO i am not". I will look and see what programs for weight training I have on my demand stations.
~work today from 9 until 2. and I don't think i have anything else planned, I may do my upper body with weights, and then walk the "ALL UP HILL TRAIL" for my lower body workout.
I am going to be more diligent in keeping track of my foods , and my protein numbers...... the plans of morning have such good intentions, talk to me at night, and we will see how well i do.

Fireflys/Lightning Bugs

Patti loves coming to PA to watch the lightning bugs at night......... not one showed up for her. The day she left, that night. one lightning bug landed on my window screen, it was the only one i saw. Well last night i am lying in bed, staring out the window..... and there they were, dozens and dozens of specks of green/yellow sparks dotting the yard! ahhh Patti you missed them by 2 days...... I fell asleep mesmerized by the little lightning bugs.

Andrew is doing so awesome, He was finally more tolerable last night, He's been experiencing severe headaches and pain around his eyes...... this is a very bad "allergy" time in PA. so i got him liquid Clairitin, liquid Motrin...... (Percocet doesn't have anti inflammatory agent), some really really good lip balm / medication, his lips look like a mine field exploded on them. He had such a tough time getting his tooth brush into his mouth........so i went and got him a toddler tooth brush, he doesn't even mind ALMO. .... . . . He was actually quite comfortable. It is hard to believe it has been one week since his surgery....... that first week is always the hardest....... His apt is today....... hopefully it will be all good for them too.

Very busy day for me, i will go to work at 9am, take Andrew at 3 pm, go for a dinner meeting at 5pm....... I will find out today if i will be getting the second job i am looking in to........ you gotta do what you gotta do.

Bill remains on strike.... I think they are going to start talks again on the 10th of June......... God has managed to provide for Us as He always does. I have finally came to terms with putting my complete trust in God. and honestly haven't thought much of it........ I am enjoying the Miracle I see in Andrew, I am loving how i manage to continue to buy groceries and pay bills.........

My body has been extremely sore the past 2 days. i think it is a combination of the "all up hill hike", next day with Johnny,.... coming down from a very stressful time... and me at the peak of PMS, when my body is more tired and aches anyhow. I've been sleeping super well, have energy all day.......but when evening hits, i am ready for bed.

I gained two pounds this week, I think i ate a few more carbs than i usually do...... also I know the day after my period i can lose up to 7 lbs. surprisingly with Patti here, we continued a very active exercise routine, and we ate very healthy/well, and i don't think the second helping indulgence of the best chicken dish i every had (thanks Patti) did much damage.......and even if it did......... it was so Worth it :0)!!!! Bill said regardless of insurance or not, i will continue with my apt on June 27th. for the next adjustment/fill. which will cut my food intake even more.

well i think that is all for now, Have a great day!

what a great weekend

first of all we couldn't have asked for nicer weather, let's see, Patti has been here 4 times, the first time it was too hot, and rainy, the time after that it was too cold with lots of snow, the time after that it was too humid and uncomfortable, and this last time, 70 degree weather, gentle breeze, blue sky's, chilly nights.

AFTER all these years, Patti finally went on a hike with me...... it was so much fun. we hiked 5 miles, and like Patti said, it pretty much is A~L~L up hill. Katie, Christina, and Bill as well as Juneau, Izzy and Louie all came along. We went to Amish country and had lunch...... very good. i had some pasta that did not agree with my lap band, but the discomfort only lasted 15 minutes. The "Amish" folks were out in full force... Patti saw them every where she turned.

I wish i can explain in words the comfort of having Patti around. the kids and Bill just love her too. Saturday she watched the Penguin hockey game, ...

Christina came up every morning for coffee on the porch, it was great that she could hang with us all weekend.... and i must say Her and Patti ganged up on me....ALOT!!!!

Sunday we hit the Johnny Gym. so Patti got to meet my brother, he did not take pity on her, he worked her pretty hard...... she did "mosey" from one exercise to another, and once stopped for a drink, Johnny prodded her on...... LOL and we came home and went to help Christina bake cookies for her niece's wedding....... ummm I had the terrible job of cuddling and playing with baby Paige, and eventually we drifted off to sleep....hey someone had to do the tough job. And then i had the honor of experiencing Patti Cuisine........... and it was WORTH THE WAIT..... and that is all that i am going to say.

There was so much relaxation, and laughter........and peace.......... I could go on and on..... but i really got to get going.

Andrew is doing well, he is starting to feel more pain now the anesthesia is wearing off.......the little guy has been through so much...... can't wait until he starts to feel better...... hopefully soon.......speaking of which, I got to go and 'tend' to him.

maybe i'll chat more later.

Kellie thanks for calling last night it was great talking to you

4 hours

Christina, Me and Katie will be picking up Patti in just 4 hours. . .. . . . . looking forward to it. the last post showed you how overwhelming things have been, and it is up to me to make a conscious effort to not let it rule my emotions and mood!!! being upset will not change Bill's family, so the only think i can change or control is my reaction to them. being upset is not going to make the strike go any faster, so i have to make sure i do not dwell on that. I just experienced a Miracle seeing the hands of a doctor change the future of my son. I have this awesome daughter who walked into the house today and handed me an envelop ( mom, you and bill take this weeks pay check, i don't need it, i'll just buy "silly" things anyway. yeah i'll be the first one to say she can be an opinionated spoiled little snot at times~ but when it counts, she is always there to help out in a tough situation. my youngest Sammy, hasn't left Drew's side, he stayed awake with him all night, so he wouldn't have to be alone, doing errand for him and such. and Corey and Sam both had the house ready for Drew...... reclining chair in place, side tables, etc.... I came home grumpy yesterday..... and instead of being happy with what was done, i pouted cause it wasn't done perfect. I cried last night....... cause i needed too..... today i feel so much better...... God WILL take care of my needs, and He will make sure i remember what i have......... not worry about what i don't have...... cause when it is said and done........ I have these AWESOME CHILDREN!!!, and this wonderful husband..... and the absolute greatest friends...... I have a view of the sunrise in the morning. I have this amazing body that can hike 5 miles, this strong body, that continues to heal as i am on this journey to better health..... I have a friend that is traveling from Arizona to sit on my porch with me, I have a Sister that lives 1/2 a mile from me...that is there for EVERYTHING, gee i could go on and on........ and i gotta get going.
I still got a long way to go to find the balance of peace in my soul... but for now i am happy.......now i may begin the worry thoughts again tonight before i drift off to sleep, but maybe not........ i think I'll just love the NOW and let God worry about the TOMORROW.

getting there the hard part...... overwelmed!!!

my spirit is so out of sorts this morning...... my stomach is in knots...... just so much hitting my mind all at once, the come down from the high during Drew's surgery, Bill being on strike, Bill's family causing so much problems, because he is trying to help his mother......in the back of my head, Andrea and her wedding.......... i hate when i am like this, sometimes i am hard on myself because i am like this....... Andrew is having a tough time with this surgery...... oh i think physically he is on course, but this is really playing havoc with his emotions...... you wake up with a new face, gotta be difficult for anyone to adjust too..... esp a 17 year old. I am not talking waking up to a little plastic surgery here and there... i am talking the total reconstruction, oh his facial profile..... Bill is on edge, NO Bill is more than on edge..... i think he fell off the ledge and is holding on with one hand. he is going to apply for food stamps while on strike,.......that could help if we get it. bills and utilities keep going through my head....... I am angry, angry that i am trying to deal with selfish companies that made a record profit......but want to take things away from the "working" man, Angry at families that would steal from their own mother (so she says, and is being investigated), angry that they are adding more stress on my husband. Trying to be patient with my son, as he deals with the physical and emotional aspect of his surgery....... will i get to that sweet spot of peace and acceptance??? of course I will............ however it is a journey that i must cross before i get there. I know God is with me, and for that, it is enough. I will continue to pray..... I will continue to TRY and remember how blessed I am. and even if i don't feel it yet...... I will keep "saying it, believing it, hoping for it"....... for that peace and inner calmness that only God can give me......
Up note Patti is coming today.......and i am glad.... nothing better than being surrounded by friends during difficult times......

My Andrew...........

first of all let me confess, I am absolutely and totally in love with another man beside my husband, but i just can't help it! His name is Doctor Buckley, and i don't even know what his first name is, actually i don't know anything about him..... But if you ask me today, or tomorrow, or maybe even next month..... i will tell you that I love him :0).

Dr. Buckley is the man i trusted my son's face with.......... so let me start from the beginning..... and make it brief, or as brief as possible. 8 or 9 years ago, it was noted that Andrew's lower jaw was growing much faster than the upper jaw, there was really nothing anybody could do but wait until he slowed growing, which is usually between 18 and 21. cause he would just out grow his surgery........... years go by, or looking back they seem to fly by.......... his under bite is getting worse, I didn't know the extent until yesterday........but his self esteem was getting worse, soon his upper teeth and lower teeth do NOT touch........ i guess some kids tease him........ he thinks he is a monster. *which he was not, everyone including the doctors thought he covered his under bite quite well, until they looked in his mouth. So Last Summer, we decided no matter what it took........ we would see to it that he was fixed........ a consult with an Orthodontist, a consult with an Oral Surgeon.......... wisdom teeth removed, braces put on.......... thousands of dollars paid.......... Andrew was well on his way!!! and a surgery day was set. I remember really meeting Doctor Buckley in his office for Andrew's preop appointment. (*Christina went with me for that too) It was amazing what this doctor was going to try and do... he would break Andrew's upper jaw, into the sinus cavity and pull it out........ he used this really cool machine and took dozens of measurements so he knew where to put Andrews face in regards to his head, ears, eyes......... he measured to the exact millimeter, explaining that proportionately this is where Andrew's upper jaw should be... he took molds of his upper and lower jaw........ he later told me and Christina, that he will practice "surgery" on the molds. before he does the actual thing......... that was May 7th,.............we wait, we wait 2o days, Andrew is excited, very excited..... i get nervous, i pray a lot....... this is 1000 times worse than me waiting for my surgery. i am scared, i won't lie, they are going to rearrange my baby boy's face.......
Surgery Day is here, and as usual, i can rely on my bestest friend ever, Christina....... always there when i need her!!! Albert's parent were there, and Albert and Bill would be coming later on.... (STRIKE keeping them busy). we are told surgery takes at LEAST 4 hours, more likely 5 hours. we say good bye to Drew..... I trust him in the hands of the Surgeon, I trust him in the hands of God. ...... they wheel him one way, we go the other way........... it is around 10:30 am...... we wait, and calculate when we will see the doctor again..... we assume the earliest time will be 4pm but we won't panic if it is closer to 5 or 6... So we settle in. i really do okay, every now and then, i'd feel a knot grow in the core of my stomach, as i think about Andrew's face being taken off...... and i take a deep breath, and I ask God to give me Peace........ Christina tells me that it is all okay.... she thinks i am doing good........ God is with me, God is with Drew, God is with the nurses and Doctors......... 11'oclock, 11:30, 12'oclock, 1'oclock, 1:30........... tick tock, tick tock.......... 1:55........ the surgeon walks in the waiting room looking for me, i am looking at his face.... trying to read it........ did it go okay?, he is done so early.... did something go wrong? is Andrew okay?.......... we follow him to a little room...... and then he speaks.......... " Andrew did GREAT, surgery went better than perfect, he only lost 200cc's of blood (less than a cup), the bones moved in place with ease, no problems........ your son looks completely different, you will not recognize him......... " God gave this man such incredible talent...... to change a face like a potter molds clay... and I now Love Doctor Buckley.
well seeing Andrew for the first time was "emotional" to say the least, he looks so good, well he looks exactly like Sam, i now have identical twin sons 3 years apart in age. Andrew started crying...... but he wasn't in pain, he was crying cause he was happy, he wanted this so bad, he said with swollen lips, and a closed mouth that........ now kids won't tease him, his dad was on one side of him, and he asked for Bill to be on the other side of him...... his two Dad's whom he adores...... have i ever mentioned how much God has blessed my life....... we surrounded his bed the grandparents, my X husband and my husband, his favorite "aunt" Christina and Me, we were all crying...... this sweet little boy, so appreciative of his family, so appreciative of the sacrifice... so loving, so innocent........ 17 years old, and my little boy.

going out on a limb here...........

Well, i had to take a huge leap of faith, and really went out on a limb yesterday. while working on my closet, putting away the winter clothes and bringing out the summer ones....... instead of putting away the majority of my winter things for next year, I put them in a bag to go to the salvation army.......dang, and some of them were pretty nice too!!! But why keep them??? for 15 months now i've had a continue down swing in weight, slow and steady minus the first month after the lap band surgery when the weight melted off. These clothes will NOT fit me next winter. I am not going to say it wasn't hard, cause it was just a little, this little voice in my head, well at least one of the voices kept saying, "well what if you don't keep losing? what if you gain it all back?, ....... however the "other" voice won out..... and the clothes are packed and ready to go to the Salvation Army.
Christina and I went for a pretty good hike yesterday....... it was about 4 miles, with quite a few steep hills Incorporated... I was drenched when the walk was over....... just trying to keep up with Christina's pace LOL.
I am heading to work in a few, i don't usually work on Tuesday BUT, since we were off yesterday and since i won't be there tomorrow, i figure I should go. Andrew has major surgery tomorrow, and i am nervous. they are going to totally rearrange the bones in his face and jaw..... they said it would be a 4 to 5 hour surgery........ Please please please keep him in your prayers...........gosh i wish it was me instead.
I will keep everyone posted on how things are going.
Hey Patti i'll be seeing you in a couple days, can't wait!!!