Ahhhh Patti's back

finally got to check in with her today~ it was good talking to you Patti. Looking forward to seeing you soon........ sitting on the porch, heading to Amish country for lunch with the guy that plays the guitar, just maybe you could talk Bill and Katie to go back to the "haunted" house... Bill has been practicing with his wing recipe. maybe a walk on a trail or two......... and just maybe, just maybe a Johnny workout at the gym on Sunday morning ......bring work out gear just in case :0). He has been there every Sunday but one, but who knows his schedule...
I am thoroughly enjoying my job....... and as i get more comfortable, it seems to get better!!! the Doctor is giving me more responsibility, and i like that.
I am working on keeping stressors out of my life........ and at times i find it difficult, cause life happens!!! I've said this before, Peace isn't going to come knocking down my door......... it isn't just going to happen... it is something that i've made a conscious effort to find. that is why i get along so well with my X husband. that is why i enjoy my jobs so much... cause i have chosen this path. and i am constantly asking God to help me keep my soul calm and peaceful! it is a task that i have to work on every day of my life!!!
Christina and I went Hiking today, i cannot tell a lie........it was so dang hot, and for the last mile and 1/2 it was an up hill walk....... it was actually painful for me, the heat really bothered me, not my feet, my knees nor my legs.... i was never so happy to see the car as i was today.., i was dizzy and nauseous....... and i whined and whined...... and Christina was ever so patient....... Let me tell you...... she is really getting into shape... i don't even know if she is aware of it...... i know by seeing her on Sunday. Johnny has really upped her workout........ me... not yet, and prob won't for a few more weeks. John is determined that i will not injure myself or my surgery.......... good smart boy!!!
Well i think i will go get a cool bath, and get ready to watch a little TV
love and blessings

I'll get rid of the evidence before they wake up

Poor Izzy it didn't work that way! In the Picture you notice a box beside her, well it was a cookie box, and i think it had a cookie left in it, and it WAS sitting on my table! Katie woke up and this is the what she saw, Izzy sound a sleep with an EMPTY cookie box beside her. How in the heck do you get mad at her after you see this picture...... you can't

I just had to share

Silence.........

well anybody that knows my life, i don't have too much silence, i have 4 teenage children, and half the time they have their friends with them. So it was quite interesting to go to a Silent Retreat. quite interesting...... but i must say, i went with an open mind and totally enjoyed my day. they used several techniques to help us get into a peaceful, mindful calmness.. silent meditation, yoga, relaxing music, poetry. The first 3 minutes we were just to sit and decide what where and how we wanted this day to go, Obviously if i have quiet time, i usually spend it talking to God...... after 3 minutes i jotted this down, cause it quite surprised me

"~God came with me today, He was silent too! I tried to talk to Him, but He said to just BE in his presence today~"

it was a wonderful afternoon in silent prayer and meditation. I didn't tackle my problems, or ask Him for anything, or complain, or apologize,.......... none of that. I just enjoyed hanging with God!!! I think Steven Curtis Chapman sings a song the title is " Be still and Know i am God" that is what I did!!! So i sat in a room with Born again Christians, Muslims, Nuns, etc.......... it was quite a beautiful day.....

getting ready to head to Johnny's , and then i think I'll go to Church... Chris is having a cookout that we'll be going to......... and then i think i am going to Chill for the rest of the afternoon.

I notice that my stomach has healed completely and i am READY for my first adjustment/fill. although i am doing well, i do not have the restriction i had when my tummy was swollen........ that will be this Friday. wow time flies. but i don't think it could come any sooner.

have a beautiful day today folks

murder in a small town

our little town is in shock, last night, 3 women where murdered at their place of business........ no facts yet, and as of today it appears that maybe another family member was to blame.(the 3 women were related) this is not the way of life we are used too......... i guess if we lived in certain parts of Philly, or parts of New York City........ this happens!!! its like a slap in the face to wake up to reality..... I wonder if when it is said and done..... was it senseless death because of the economy??? it was a family run/owned business.... for a while paranoia sets in, the schools functioned under lock down today. Neighbors are keeping an eye on each other, families are hugging each other a little tighter...... Yeah living in a small town, everyone knows your business..... not always a good thing. But watching a small town come together during a tragedy, nothing like it!!!
I went to bed and fell asleep at 8pm tonight....... i feel good all day, and get so tired at night........ not a bad thing. i just woke up a little after 10 pm, decided to blog, and go back to bed. tomorrow i plan on going to the Retreat given by S'eclairer tomorrow..... its 9 to 3. I must say i really really am beginning to love this job. i am just so happy and content at this time :0). oh and speaking of which, i tried to eat bread for the first time today........ not a good idea, not a good idea at all..... so first food that i cannot eat.....Bread~~~ i am just sayin'!!!
Today was my one day off........ plan on hiking tomorrow, and then we work out with Johnny Sunday......... still feeling good and strong..... planning on going to Church on Sunday..... it will be nice to listen to pastor Tom again, it's been a while. Hey Debbie and Christina, is it okay to sit near you guys if i promise to shower first???
well good night....... anxious to write about the "silent retreat " that i am going to ....

Seasons..........

Well i have one more day left with Kiski, and that will be May 12th. its funny knowing that my "season" with Kiski is coming to an end... i suddenly feel like, i can't wait for it to end.... funny i didn't feel that way until the other job found me..... and now this job is my new beginning!!! Nurses are leaving Kiski that have been there since 1968..... but nothing stays the same forever!!! I am thrilled that God seems to know what is good for me even when i don't. i thought I'd be at Kiski forever. after 20 years of Nursing this is my first job that i will not work evening shift, i will not work weekends or holidays, its kinda of weird when someone asks me about doing something on a weekend in June...... heck i don't even have to wonder what my schedule is...... although there will be 3 or 4 Saturdays that i am "required' to help with or attend. these are retreats and such that S'eclairer offers their patients.
A dear friend of mine (Molly) several years ago gave me a couple of writings that talked about friendship~ one of these papers talk about the seasons and types of friends..... and i am realizing how true this is. There are people that have come in and out of my life briefly but ferociously... friends that still made a profound difference in my life..... even those that crossed my path for a weekend or a day. And then I have a friend like Christina........ that i know will always be in my life in some way, even 20 years from now.. there are friends that i haven't talked to in years, but the friendship bond is still there, and we can pick up right where we've left off! There are friends with whom i've lost contact over the years and will prob not see again....... i guess this is life, and it works this way for everyone. I do not regret any of these friendships however brief or long... each person came to my life for a reason, for a purpose for a season. Not all friendships are meant to last forever, Not all friendships are meant to be brief........ I guess my job is to accept change..... accept the seasons as they come and Trust God to help me with the changing of the seasons.
On the Lapband front. i am still feeling wonderful, have had no complications......... Christina and I went to the gym yesterday. we walked 4 miles on Tuesday, and we plan on walking 4 miles today. Friday if we can't figure out a time to get to the gym, we "should" maybe walk again. i am eating fine, and have no problems with any food, which i expect being that i have yet to be adjusted.
Well today i go to work at 9am so i really should get my butt moving.
Beautiful weather is being planned for PA. so i plan on enjoying the beautiful sun and the fresh air. with all the rain we've had, and now the sun and warmth....... i think Spring will hit in full force this weekend.... i see Green!!!

ouch

Blurry picture but how pretty~ here at work early this morning. this is out my office window. the sun rising, peaking through the trees, fog lying low just in the woods....

I am working so much right now since i am doing both jobs. i am not getting a day off! don't really mind either, but i must say Kiski is very busy... okay 3 hours later, and i can blog again..... that is how busy Kiski is today!!!

Christina and I were talking....and maybe it is time that i stop questioning Johnny and realize he knows what he is doing. last night it hit me..... my muscles started "screaming in pain". funny thing is , every muscle except my abdominal muscles were hurt. .... when he said all the exercises he was going to have me do would not affect my abdominal wall, he wasn't lying. Christina is going to wait for me to get off work and then we will both go for a nice walk.... I'd like to get in 3 miles maybe 4 today. we shall see.

I lost 2 pounds this past week. so i was correct in thinking my weight loss would stabilize and level off. i know when i have an adjustment (band fill) i will again take another jump down. but no hurry....

gee i should just end this entry now, cause I keep getting interrupted....... i work one more day at Kiski.... and then i can focus on my new job. I may stay on just to help out now and then. the new boss is one of my dear friends....

talk later

break over~~~~~>

So this morning Christina and I head to Johnny's. and i must admit, i felt better than I thought i would. of course i did nothing that would involve me bending or twisting my waist. What a smart smart trainer, he really is. he was so cautious, he must have asked me a dozen times, are you feeling okay, do you hurt any where...... at one point he said this isn't a time for heroics, so if i felt even a twinge i was to discontinue with the exercise immediately. He also sent me to the bike after every set of exercises, making it more of a cardio day for me. He adjusted every exercise to fit post surgery. he said he was beginning the abdominal strengthening process just by standing in proper alignment!!! I have NO idea what he had Christina do, i just know by the time we got to the car she was pouring with sweat.... and I heard him, lets say, "talk" to her several times. He'd like us to train with him tuesday and sunday....... and come and do one of the programs he sets up for us on friday. I guess he wants to take this head start i've had and run with it. so 3 days of weight training, and at least 4/5 days of power walking/hiking. So i BETTER make sure i am taking my protein....and all of it!
they say technically Lap band recipients don't feel the restriction/ or as many say, the sweet spot until there are a couple of adjustments. I'll prob be getting my first one on May 1st.
I think my weight will begin to drop more realistically now. but still a little more than avg. (3lbs instead of 1 or 2 lbs a week) I am not going to lie, this is a hard adjustment to make. I have lost about 10lbs a week for 4 weeks...... (averaged out). and of course that can't keep going...... so i do have to work again on my mindset that 1-3 lbs is dang awesome. ;^).
I've been thinking alot about Melody and my promise I've made to her, and i still wonder why is it after all these years, i am still so attached?? i mean the day i went into surgery i wore my Melody Mile tee shirt with an Eagle soaring above the mountains!!! I WILL be giving her the 10 mile hike this fall. i just know it.
I am content and at Peace with my life ... that doesn't mean it is easy, It's nice to know that I am where i am supposed to be.... with my job, my family...... and i don't have to worry about anything else.... cause i just know that God's got my back!
Well i am here at Kiski, I have 2 more days scheduled before the end of the school year... and then i may stay on to fill in once in a while when the nurse needs me which would be prob a couple evenings a year.

I am going to like it.........

i am getting used to working again. yesterday was the monthly meeting for the staff at S'eclairer. and I really got to see the Doctor who i work for , with his hair down so to speak. i observed how the staff interacts with him. and now i see why his staff has followed him from place to place, and how there are nurses in line wanting to work for him. He is funny, non judgemental, down to earth, and approachable. if he doesn't like something you do....... he tells you, and then it is over! I am learning my job~ i am where I am supposed to be and i am at peace, don't know yet, but i feel down the road, my weight loss journey is going to be a part of something..... and i shouldn't say weight loss journey But i should say my journey to better health Physically, Emotionally, Spiritually.... it all goes together.
I've been so busy, and so tired at the end of the day........i've been crawling into bed by 8:30 pm, oh i don't fall asleep, just love my cozy bed, and a book. can't say when i took an afternoon nap, i think it was a few weeks ago....... my energy is expanding. and actually i ended up doing a 2.5 mile hike on the golf course with Christina before work. Bill and I will go today. tomorrow i work at Kiski, but i plan on going to Johnny's just to do Cardio and start lightly with some weights!!!
I just love when God knows something is going to be taken away (*my Kiski job~ it is official now) He put in place my new Job. even before i had a chance to worry. I believe everything in my life happens with a purpose, the good things and the bad things!!! and as long as I continue to Trust in Him, nothing happens by accident.
Lap band update~ been too busy even cheating by checking the scale. but my clothes are getting looser, i found 2 size 18 pants in my drawer without the tags even off....... tried them on.......... and they fit!!! i'd like to lose another 10 pounds for them to be loose comfortable like i like them. so i am thinking that may happen just when Patti comes......... and i say may cause i am NOT putting any pressure on myself....... no time frame, no weight loss goals....... just continue to be mindful, and healthy.... and let the band work with me
Well to day is Date day for Bill and Me, and i must say i am so excited, we are going shopping and hiking....... and just hanging together i do love this boy so much...... no "sewing his eye's shut" lately!!
Have a great weekend
love and blessings

First really yucky feeling........

Yesterday was a very busy day........ left for work at 8:30 am, came home at 2:00pm, went directly to Christina's for our 3 mile walk, came home, went directly with Bill grocery shopping....... came home, by the time i put groceries away.. it was 8:30 pm time for a bath and bed........ Now what did i do to get myself sick..... i let myself get hungry since lunch was at noon.......... i should have eaten before i went for groceries, but i just wanted to hurry up and get it over with. I didn't want to go anywhere to eat, Bill went to Rita's for some Italian ice, i had the sample taste of sugar free pineapple, *free, and that is all i needed. But while putting groceries and cooking for the family, i made my protein shake to sip, and realizing that the time was getting late.... i started to eat my chicken while i was multitasking (putting groceries away, cooking for the men, making my curry chicken salad, drinking my shake, cleaning the kitchen) i ate too fast, ............. and i wasn't mindful of how i was eating. so suddenly i didn't feel well, and i suddenly felt really full, i had chest pressure/pain........nothing came up, i didn't have a productive burp or anything. so i decided to just sit down, relax, and do some deep breathing..... after about 15 minutes, the pressure and pain left, now i just felt full....... after another 45 minutes i started to sip water, and then as suddenly as i felt sick, i felt better!!! As my life becomes more "Normal" after surgery i am going to need to focus on "the rules" How could I have done things different? i should have eaten before i went for groceries.. and then that way i would have came home and just had my shake to get in. I have 2 more weeks before i get my fill/adjustment. and then i do a mini-start all over. with fluids for 24 hours, pureed for 24 hours.... and then slowly adding my foods again..... its also 2 more weeks before Johnny owns me again. Warm weather, a set work schedule.. this all could work for me. every other job i had since i've became a nurse, never had a set schedule......... so i must admit, it is sorta nice to know when i am working........ so far I like the hours. i am still juggling with kiski and my new job for another month.......and i am finding this difficult as i have very few actual days off. (this week i only have Sat off).
Well i should getting going........ laundry to wash, beds to make, floors to sweep....... i like to have it all done so when i come home after 5... i don't have chores staring at me...........

plugging away

plugging away at my health, plugging away at work, plugging away at home........ that seems to be what i've been doing. Now my life seems to be getting into the routine of being Post lapband client~ i am doing so well, I can't quite figure out if i am working with the band, or the band is working with me, if that makes any sense. i am quickly adding foods without any complications, i can eat thin crust like tortilla, flat bread, etc. well chewed. i can eat lean ground beef, i am even able to tolerate pasta. i don't eat much, occasionally i feel a slight pressure in the center of my chest~ but i have yet to push the envelope, to see what i can tolerate before it makes a backwards exit. I haven't tried fresh veggies or fruits yet. They say that I won't "feel" the band work for me until after a "fill, or adjustment". right now i need to focus only on 3 meals a day. along with my protein shakes and the extra fluid i am drinking....... but i am finding it is just becoming a way of life......
I've been really busy learning my new job, i come home tired but content. i think i am going to like it~ alot of thinking and problem solving, a lot of pt interaction....... hmm wonder why God is taking me this direction..... guess i need to TRUST Him. He knows me better than i know me!!! i work tomorrow until 5 pm and then the weekend off..... weekend's have more meaning now that i am back to work.
At home, i am catching up on house work, dealing with a 17 year old that is really testing me. i don't feel the need to Nap anymore, but by the end of the day....... my head hits the pillow...... and i sleep!!! i wake up at 5:30 am refreshed....... i wish i could sleep until 7am...... but the dang internal clock of mine is stuck at 5:30a
well i know Bill and i are going grocery shopping tonight, so i need to see if Christina is up for a walk now........ maybe i'll get on later,

I've been doing it all wrong.....

gee, why have i bothered to put so much time and effort into losing this weight and getting healthy?? I was up early this morning, which mean i was able to watch those Infomercials ~ one, i join this club for 25 month, and i will lose all the weight, i will eat all the foods i am eating now... and get this........... NO EXERCISE, so i eat all i want, don't exercise.. and bam i am thin. and the other thing even makes fun of the surgery, didn't need to do that either, instead i could spend mega bucks for a special shake that fills up 1/4 of your stomach, so you just have a little space left for your meals you eat....... and why did i go through the surgery??? it wasn't just the infomercials that were a hoot, i witnessed a commercial that put regular soda pop and vitamins and antioxidants together..... "drink all the soda you want, and get your vitamins too"!!! and here i am trying to eat veggies, and lean proteins and fruits to get my vitamins... gee i've got it all wrong........ :0).
Today was weigh in day and i've dropped 4 pounds.......... yeah i am thrilled, and i will try not to get on the scale until next Tuesday...... besides, i am sure the great surge of weight loss is coming to an end. it was great while it lasted, ..... now they say i should lose about 3 pounds a week for the next few months... i know i am starting to up my Cardio, and in two more weeks, i'll be adding johnny again.... the big jump has helped my body so much, i can tell when i am walking now..... I love my journey. well i am going to head to work for a meeting for about an hour, and then Katie and I may take the little girl she babysits for somewhere.... and then home for the afternoon.. hopefully

The other side of my view

Today Bill and i went for walk number 2, in a row. we left the old dogs home to rest a day, and took Izzy! I am still feeling really good. don't seem to have any problems. walked a lot of hills today. when i take pictures from my porch, it is over looking the front half of the used to be golf course...... this photo is taken from the back end of the "used" to be golf course...... i am looking forward to seeing hay fields now....... what a beautiful piece of property, so glad i have friends that will share it with me!

Today i made Curry Chicken Salad, Bill picked me up a Rotisserie Chicken from Walmart..... i took the white meat and shredded it , added celery, toasted pecans...... pepper and curry powder......... and i tried 2 Tbs. on one of those WASA rye crisp lights......... and i must say delicious!!! Thanks Jeanine, Curry was just the seasoning i was "looking" for.

I am really liking my job....... and i've only been there 3 days, but i am at peace, and feel i can go my pace...... my boss is very approachable. and The Doctor practices what he preaches..... so there is an Aura of calmness in the air,...... i like it.

well i think i am going to soak in an Epsom salt bath..... seems to really be speeding up the healing process of my incisions that are pretty much healed ....

think I'll go to bed early and read.........

A Nice Walk......

Yesterday was such a nice day. because the kids go to grandma's for the "Easter" dinner, i decided to do homemade Stromboli's for lunch... they turned out really good. i was able to eat just a few bites, and i was fine with that. I made myself some baked ricotta with a little sauce and seasonings........ I am concentrating on 3 meals a day and 3 protein shakes a day. and my water in between. i am not craving foods right now, it hasn't bothered me that i can't eat what i used to....
Bill and i headed out the door with two of the dogs, (we left Izzy home). and went across the road to walk on Chris' farm (can't call it the golf course anymore). this was my first REAL walk since surgery. i mean i've been walking, slow and on level ground for a couple weeks now. but yesterdays walk WAS NOT level in the least. I felt really good, we ended up doing almost 3 miles..... i didn't even wake up sore this morning. i wonder if the weight I've dropped already had made it easier on my body to walk/hike like this already??? could be. I plan on going this afternoon after work again~ time to get back into a routine. still have a couple more weeks before i can begin my weight training with brother Johnny. but there is no excuse not to up my Cardio.
Well i should get going, cause i leave in an hour, and i got to fit in a glass of water, a protein shake, and my quiche before i leave, cause once i eat the quiche, i can't drink again for an hour....
Make it a good one folks........

HE IS RISEN!!!!

Thank you Jesus!
Happy Easter.

real food

i don't know, maybe you guys are getting tired hearing about what i am eating.... But understand to me this is all so exciting, it seems like it has been months since I've been on clear liquids , but in reality it was just 3 weeks ago, (2o days since my surgery). i began real foods on Friday at lunch during work. Fridays is treat day for the staff, The Doctor or a Drug rep provides us with lunch..... lets see the menu was skewers of barbecue shrimp, saffron rice, pasta in a very creamy yummy sauce, fruit, salad, pastries and petite fores, and soft bread sticks. I took one skewer of shrimp and 2 tablespoons of the pasta. I chewed slowly, and had absolutely no problems. Today i was at a baby shower, and there was so much yummy food there........ not even going to list what was available........ i took a little dessert plate, and i put on 1/4 c of Polenta (cornmeal mush), w a tomato and shredded chicken sauce, i had a pickled egg, 1 olive, and a meatball. i couldn't eat the meatball, but i did enjoy and tolerate everything else. Even the green olive, (which by the way, have you ever chewed an olive until it was almost liquid in your mouth??) try it sometime??? i didn't have the cake, but i did have a little square of this delicious sugar free, fat free..... lemon dessert, it was so good, i questioned the lady who made it twice, if she was sure it was sugar free... she insists so and will be giving me the recipe. i never experienced pain or nausea, just a little pressure when it was time for me to be done eating. i was full, and comfortable....... and truly didn't think i missed out on anything... Megan, Christina's daughter in law, whom she shares with me, kept saying in shock.......... "you are melting away, " she even noticed a big difference since last weekend ... i don't know how i am doing it........ i really don't, i am just doing what i am supposed to.... but i am more convinced than ever that THIS was God's plan for me, i am on the right path...
Supper tonight was my basic re fried bean/light cheddar/ light sour cream. i want to slowly add my foods, and right now I'll stick to the soft/pureed foods for 2 meals, and eat normal for one meal....
well i think i will go dust and sweep my bedroom...... so tomorrow, other than a nice walk, i can just chill.......
Happy Easter To all

oh Patti, i found the wasa crackers, and I'll try them tomorrow for one of my meals.

oh and i checked my blood pressure today......... without medicine for the past 4 days........ 112/80.......... that is what is truly AWESOME about this whole journey.... i tried to go back on my blood pressure medicine for a few days.....but i found i was too tired..... I have an appointment in a couple weeks, so i'll keep monitoring it.....

Okay i peeked........

i cannot tell a lie, i just had to get on the scale today. I can't help it :0) This weight loss is blowing my mind.... I've dropped 5 more pounds. I haven't been in the (50's) and its not the 150's lol. for a long long time, prob 5 or 6 years. I keep going through things to make sure I am doing this right... i am drinking 9 ~8oz glasses of water. 3 protein shakes =90+ grams of protein and i am eating 3 meals a day mainly fish or beans, oh and the "pureed pizza". I don't even nap right now. I've been busy with work and like today...... worked my new job, then came to Kiski to work the second job....... I'll get home after 11 pm. I am not finding myself hungry right now~ not like i was those first 2 weeks.... very soon like Monday i will start eating normal foods, i gotta try those WASA rye crisps that Patti was talking about. i have whole wheat low carb tortilla just waiting for some turkey and arugula c spice brown mustard.....

I work tomorrow at S'eclairer, and i just hope i can catch on, i think i am going to like it. time will tell. I do this every time, i get nervous about my job...... instead of trusting that if God put me there, then He will make sure i will figure it out. and again i keep repeating, if something happens then it wasn't meant to be........ This is the most unique psychiatrist office i ever worked at...... and to some, they may think it is very odd~ they believe in meditation, prayer, yoga, healthy food, exercise... in observance, i see the Doctor treats the Lawyer exactly like he treats the "man living on the streets". and actually we as the staff, are not allowed to disrespect ANYONE, even behind closed doors. I think he is Muslim, and i know he embraces my Christian Faith, and i respect him for that. if you would like to just get a glimpse into this very unique doctors office...... check out the site http://www.seclairer.com/

90 more minutes and i can crawl into bed........ ummm a warm comfy bed....... sounds good to me.
oh and does anyone have a good chicken salad recipe ??? made with light mayo??? just askin'

oh , oh, and Jay thanks for such a sweet compliment, you can be a Golden Girl anytime !

Working world......

yup that would be me, I've got a lot to learn. but this week I've been getting home at 5:30. today i am going in earlier so i will get home at about 2:30........ tomorrow is another 5:30 day but i don't leave until noon. i am feeling really well, and next week i will be starting regular texture food.......... slowly adding......... and observing what i can and cannot handle. last night i had 1/2 slice of pizza......... don't get all excited, no crust, and ummm pureed with extra sauce.. no pepperoni either......... pureed pizza doesn't sound very appetizing does it?? well i really had to stretch my imagination........... really stretch my imagination! i am still getting at least 90 grams of protein in from my shakes that i take 3 times a day... Haven't even tried to TEST my band to its limits. and really hoping that i don't, at least for a long while!
The past few days, Joyce Meyer's TV program, has been the episode where i was at in Hershey a couple years ago..... i don't know but i could swear i saw the back of my head not once, but twice!!! does that make me a TV star? Speaking of Church, last week going back to my old country Church for Paige's baptism, i forgot how wonderful Pastor Tom was/is. this man hasn't "lost" it yet. I think I'll start going again. that is if Christina doesn't mind if i sit near her!
Well i better get going, i am a little nervous I cannot lie, new jobs always do this to me....... the fear of not knowing what to do....... i try to calm my spirit and understand....... I can do what I can do..... and the absolute worse scenario is , i don't like it and i go somewhere else.....

continue downward

today was my official weigh in... and again i am down 6 pounds , and again not even counting the first ten pounds that I gained and lost due to surgery...... that makes a 30 lb weight loss! i am assuming this large weekly loss will be coming to an end, and i should start seeing a 1 to 3 pound weekly loss now! and i am more than fine with that too. but i must say this added (mid weight loss) jump start was nice. And gee i haven't even started back up with my brother Johnny yet.....and can't for 3 more weeks. time is flying though, so i know it will be here soon enough.
Well i am leaving in an hour to go spend a day at my new job..... i won't be home until after 5 pm. but i gotta get back into the grove thing... and i need to drink my protein shake, eat my quiche, and pack my lunch so can't stay long on here....... maybe I'll stop in later

Katie made me feel so good

okay let me explain, cause Katie would never make me feel good on purpose~i am just sayin'. She came home late last night after a long day of working both of her jobs.. she looked at my jammie bottoms and accused me of taking HER jammie bottoms. now understand Kate is a size 8. she didn't beleive me, she finally found her jam's in her hamper. she forgot that 2 years ago we bought matching jammies. sadly they didn't have my size , so in my dream i thought i'd get the size 18, and maybe someday.......someday i'd wear them, it never happened, until YESTERDAY!!! and they fit very comfortably too, with some room. now i know not all 18's will fit me yet....... but still i will celebrate that these 18 pants fit!! yeah.........
And the weekend is winding down. today was a busy day too.... went to church at my old church for Paige's baptism. what a beautiful little girl, and she was so good and then went to her little party afterwards~ the afternoon was dedicated to Bill as I haven't spent much time with him lately, and he worked so much this weekend......so we just chilled.
I did well at the party, i had 2 tablespoons of Christina's cheesy potato's mashed and i had 3 small bites of cheesecake.... i was fine. the food didn't bother me at all. actually it was nice not to focus on the wonderful food there..... later on i came home and had 1/4 c of refried beans seasoned with taco seasons, 2 tbs of cheese, heated until melted with Tbs. of light sour cream..... yummy........ and Supper was 3 oz of fish and 1/4 c of mashed potato's and ff gravy. oh and breakfast i pulled out of the freezer one little serving of my Quiche i made yesterday . That is it, i wasn't hungry at all today, ..... it feels good to eat food that, how do i say it......... stays in my tummy for a while. now i have 24 ounces of water to drink before bed.....so i better get to it......
have i mentioned yet that i am feeling so good.... OH OH OH...... i almost forgot.... i couldn't figure out why last night i woke up in the middle of the night with such bad stomach pain..... i couldn't figure out what i have done wrong. or what could be wrong........ well go figure..... my 28 day "schedule" did not get altered by surgery..... and so the cramping begins. gee usually i retain water/weight at this time of the month ..... if that is the case am i going to have another big dip on the scale...... time will tell

overdosed on activity....sorta

okay yesterday was a big day for me, and a very loooooong day! i spent exactly 1 hour and 6 minutes at home. after my appointment and "lunch out" i came home, blogged, sat down for 30 minutes and then out the door..... i didn't get home until 11 pm. Katie and I picked up a little girl she babysits for, we took her out to eat she wanted Dairy Queen, (why i don't know) they had burgers and fries, i had a little baby ice cream while i watched them eat.. then we went for groceries....... ran home literally threw the stuff in it's place, and back out the door in just a few minutes. we went to the High School Play, Saltsburg was performing Beauty and the Beast.... one word......AWESOME!!!!. it was actually a first rate production, i loved it...... i came home to Sammy and 2 of his friends.. and a messy house. oh well, he didn't watch the puppy too well......as she proceeded to eat two of Katie's summer flip flops......her favorites. and no Izzy didn't eat just one pair......... she was nice enough to eat two different shoes.......... what a long day 9am-11pm
Bad idea....... i didn't drink much yesterday, and didn't eat much...... i tried to eat a little before bed...... but i just couldn't, so i ended up eating a diet fortified pudding. i woke up in the middle of the night with bad belly pain..... not from surgery....... it feels more like muscle/rib pain and lower abdominal pain, again not my tummy..... more intestinal. actually i had no problem with the one meal, and it kept me full for quite a while.
Tomorrow i may go to Johnny's to ride the bike while Chris is getting beat up. My doctor said i could.... I can do the bike, treadmill, elliptical. i cannot use my abdominal muscles until May 1st. The doctor said if my trainer can work with me without using my stomach than i can do that. Well Johnny is all about Core weight training..... every exercise he has me do, is stabilized by using my abdominal muscles.... so i will have to wait...
well i better go get my fluids started, i do not want a repeat of yesterday. also it is Caleb's birthday party today.........so i will prepare what i am going to take for myself to eat. also want to make the quiche i am allowed to have now..... this evening Bill works his second job... so then i can chill.
i also gotta call Kimmie, we haven't chatted in a while... but i saw she did stick up for me on facebook when my brother Doug said he took my mom and dad on vacation with him (mom and dad have been dead for years)
well i really do have to go........... drink and eat.......
love and blessings

~~> and it wasn't pureed!!!!

i had my first post op check up, it has been two week since surgery. Everything looks great..... he said i was doing "awesome" not counting the 10 gained post surgery, i've lost almost 20lbs in 2 weeks....... (*a little more if i weighed naked, my weight that i do at home doesn't involve clothing... just seems more accurate that way. and i cheated and weighed myself yesterday and lost 4 more since the last 7 lbs loss). The Doctor said it was a fabulous beginning.... i just assumed that most people lose that much weight the first two weeks..... He said no, it is rare!
So i've been a good girl....... food wise, so he said i no longer have to puree' everything.... i can eat mechanical soft foods now...... and i will continue to add soft foods in the next two weeks....... and then start regular foods. i am to keep track of how much i eat, how full i feel, what foods i can and cannot tolerate.... all this info is needed so they know how to adjust my band. His last order was to go some place and have mashed potato's........
Bill and I stopped to eat, i ordered the senior citizen/child's portion of baked cod, and a scoop of potato's and gravy... i was a little scared to take my first bit...... so i take a small piece of fish, chew it well........ and swallow........ nothing happened..... so i continued to eat slowly...... thinking wow this isn't bothering me at all..... and then the next bite, i felt a little pressure in the middle of my chest, it wasn't painful at all...... but i was suddenly done eating...... i ate 1/2 of my children's portion of lunch
i am not allowed to drink for an hour after a meal....... so i can resume drinking my water now.
i have a very busy weekend planned, and it begins tonight, so i am going to go take a nap now...... have a great weekend

my enemies aren't His enemies.....

you know it would be really wonderful to think, who ever hurt me, or who ever i "can't stand".....well of course God would just feel the same, i mean since i love Him so much..... and I am so "good"........ uhm yeah right!!!. I guess it would be appropriate for Christians like me to get off of our high horse and realize that yes we are so incredibly special to God, BUT no more than anyone else on this beautiful earth. ... (even those that inflicted pain on us). It has been a while since i read a nice piece of Fiction, The Shack. I KNOW it was fiction, but obviously there was a message that has really hit home with me, and something i can't seem to forget ~Christina will verify, how many times I've said..... that darn Shack book.... i didn't want my eyes opened. let me explain an example.... and i am going on a limb here,cause i am not sure if my sister in law reads this..... My brother married my sister in law who had a little girl.... well she is ten now. and she has been one of the most difficult children that i have ever had to be around (* her mother would agree, and has said so many times). my family esp the boys and Bill have a real problem being around her.. i am not going to get into her behavior or her history, cause i will not cross the line with someone Else's privacy. well shortly after reading that book... this little nagging feeling kept digging at me.... and it was God telling me, not only did he not want me to avoid her anymore... he wanted me to start doing things with her just the two of us.... i thought to myself i can't tolerate her at all.... there is NO way i can do this...... the nagging never stopped........ well over the past couple of months my heart has softened... the day before my surgery i took her out and bought her a few things and took her out to eat........ it was so nice, and we truly had a nice time.... her comment was "Aunt Sandi, can we do this once a month?" she was so excited...... i truly don't feel the same about her now. has she changed much? i really don't know? Cause it was me that needed to change. the boys STILL feel the same, Bill still feels the same. and they are quite confused as to how i changed my feelings so fast!!! I don't know....... all that i know is ........SHAME on me, she is a child that has had so many 'issues' i can't begin to explain.... God wants me in her life i know this.......
who would have ever thought that a silly little fictional book could have such an impact on me....... i mean I've read books by the greatest ministers, and teachers....... and they didn't have an impact on me.
Also i am back to listening to Joyce Meyer again in the mornings....... and she has such a cool way about preaching about Living...... its a nice fix to start my day.
well enough of that........
I continue to feel so well....... although had a little scare yesterday..... in the morning i noticed "drainage" from my largest incision, it was thick whitish yellowish..... panic set in for but a second....... i felt good, was NOT running a fever, other than the incision site, there was no increased redness...... but being the good girl i called my surgeon anyway. well it seems to be some fatty tissue dissolving..... almost liquefying, they didn't seem to think there was anything major going on. BUT if my temp even went up a degree, that could indicate complications......... i took the last steri-strips off, cause moisture was being trapped, and it needed air, and antibacterial soap, and nothing else......... it looks fine today, no pain, no drainage....... so all is well.
ALSO, i haven't gone back on my blood pressure medicine yet..... i mean i was going to......... but i've been monitoring my blood pressure closely, and it isn't even remotely high......... the last time i checked it was 120/80, heck my medicine would keep it at 138/84. so i see the surgeon on Friday, and my Family doctor next Friday..... so we will see what they are going to do about that.
I was very tired today.......... very tired, and i am sure it was from a busy day yesterday being the first day i went to observe my new job.......... so i spent a good part of today resting, went or an appointment, and will rest all evening and drink my fluids, my snack, my supper............... Friday i will be adding more foods......... i am just afraid to do such until i see my doctor, i have a wonderful Mushroom/Cheddar Quiche to make, and a huge box of Talapia to cook...... wow something not pureed.... soon so very soon..............

following the rules........

Okay, Big for Patti, - 7 pounds since last weigh in!!! I am happy. and i must admit that I am happy that Christina is making fun of my pants, they have seemed to get really loose, and hang down so that the crotch is near my knees.!!!! hey what is a girl to do.
So as it is obvious, i am ready for food....... even healthy food, lettuce, chicken that i don't have to drink, anything. So my Bill, gotta love the boy, makes a few phone calls last night. The man that he works with friends neighbor just recently had the surgery. Long story short. I get a call last night from her....... it turns out she had the surgery 6 days before me, same hospital, same group of doctors *we had different doctors though. She was really nice to talk to. So i asked her how did she manage to eat or i should say drink her meals for so long...... Her answer....... "oh i didn't". she proceeds to tell me she's been eating for a good week now, spaghetti and meatballs, steak, chicken patties, everything.... and although once a chicken patty got stuck, but other than that everything was fine. she said she had too start eating she was too tired...... I am not saying this is wrong or right......... and she is not me and may have her reasons. she did say she didn't lose much weight, but maybe when she starts moving again it will come off. oh she didn't tell her doctor this week on her 2 week check up that she has been eating like this. ..... well i guess that is one way to keep the urge of craving real foods away.
Will i listen to her advice........ unfortunately No, i just can't. i see my doctor on Friday, and i know after that i will start adding foods so that within 4 to 6 weeks I'll be on a regular diet... I am managing, but i don't get totally satisfied yet cause even my purees can be put in a glass and drank. therefore the food just trickles from the new stomach into the other part of the stomach below the band. i think Weds i can actually start the mechanical soft foods. i also know it takes a few months for the band to really work with you... (after a couple fills/adjustments are made)
Okay, Christina talked me into reading the Twilight series.... they are actually a very good read, and i am already on the second book. (*Harry Potter may still be my favorite of this kind) but for those that know this book......i am beginning to feel like Edward. but not with blood, with food. and last night Bill wanted me to taste the flavor of the Pizza, so i chewed it.... try it sometime....... try while you are hungry to chew a piece of your favorite food and spit it out.... it was really really hard to do.........but i managed, i just laughed afterward and said i wouldn't do that again.
Today i am going over to my new job just to observe, look at paper work and get a feel for the place.......... I'll be home a little after noon. then i go tomorrow for 2 hours, and then Thursday for 3 hours. i am not lifting or over doing it............ just want to get my hands dirty so to speak.
my dietary plan today
drink 16 oz H2O,
drink 8 oz of Protein shake
eat 1/2 c of very thin cream of wheat c peanut butter
wait 1 hour
begin drinking 24 oz of H2O (*I'll do this while i am at work)
home at noon
3/4 c of pureed chicken and fat free gravy
1/4 to 1/2 c of apple cherry baby food
wait 1 hour
80z of protein shake
12 oz of H2O
12 0z of 1/2 H2O and 1/2 No added sugar fruit juice
1/2c of pureed lasagna *drinkable
1/2 c of pureed green beans w a touch of butter and garlic
wait 1 hour
120z of H2O/fruit juice
8 oz of protein shake
12 0z of H2O
bedtime

so that is basically what I've been doing for 2 weeks........ aren't you jealous!!! LOL ;0).

well gotta scoot

Torture or Reality.........

Is it Torture, or is it a fact of life that i am going to have to learn to deal with....... Living in the land of food, without making it a focus.
yesterday i seemed to have company all day long.... oh i didn't mind visits from family and friends, it seems like i was given the allotted time off from surgery, and yesterday was visit Sandi day. Bill was a little hesitant ordering pizza for the guest, but i told him to go ahead I'd be fine..... i mean my home can't stop eating because i am here. Don't get me wrong, the pizza smelled awesome, and looked even better.... and i am just dying to chew food again. so I didn't retreat to the safety of my room, and DVD player...... i prepared my meal to sit and eat with them, my delicious pureed chicken and gravy 1/2 cup and my 1/2 cup of baby food fruit apples and cherries...... if you can get passed the look of my food, the taste is actually very good. i enjoyed my company and later my niece and i went to my room to watch twilight together.... so the focus was NOT on food.
For me to succeed, i can't avoid food or situations involved with food, i must learn to deal with them. now if it was two weeks later, i could have had the topping off of a slice of pizza, and a small salad. right now its not that i am even craving "bad" foods, if there IS such a thing as bad foods, I am craving texture...... from a salad, or a piece of fruit, I want to chew again....... ahhh patience, i need patience!!! it is hard to believe that I am half way there... just a couple more weeks, and later on this week i can add grilled fish, and eggs and they WON'T need to be pureed..... Protein is the key right now....... so i still must rely on my protein shake, each shake i take has 30 grams of protein, and i drink 3 a day. so i am doing well in that department.
Tues, weds, and Thurs. i am going to my new job just to observe and get a feel for what i have to do a few hours each day. i am anxious to learn it.
Tomorrow i am planning on making a Quiche (mushroom and Cheddar) cut it in serving sizes and freeze it........
Physically i am almost to 100% myself not much pain this morning at all.
well i am going to drink my glass of water, and then my protein shake and go read the Twilight book, i am almost finished...........and wait for Katie to wake up so we can chat about her vacation, I am sure glad she is home, i missed her

~~>learning

I am learning a whole different level of eating right now, thank goodness i've been preparing for a year, or i don't think i'd be able to do it if i hadn't. yesterday evening I went to Christina's house to watch a movie with her, her family, and her nieces, it was so nice to just get out of the house, i even stayed in my jammies (Chris' house is my second home). packed my drink *1/2 strength fruit juice, a light yogurt, and 3 oz of cream of mushroom and beef soup....... the menu there were two different types of chicken enchilada, baked Spinach / ricotta and mushroom ravioli's, large salad, cheese crackers, garlic bread, dutch apple pie, strawberry short cake, ice cream, black forest chocolate cake..... we figured for a treat i'd toss my soup, and they boiled me two spinach /ricotta ravioli's we pureed it using Christina's homemade jar sauce, it was the same consistency as the soup, and i ate 1/2 and brought the rest home, and then for dessert i had 3 bites of cherry cobbler light yogurt. suddenly i felt a tightness right in the center of my chest, not pain, just a tightness.... and I stopped eating!! I was fine, i was satisfied, i watched the movie, and after an hour started sipping a bottle of water. I never got overwhelmed with hunger, and i focused on the company and the movie. Afterwards though when i was getting ready to go home, it hit me......so i came home, and went to bed.
I did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This morning i had my cream of wheat w peanut butter, i must admit i am not drinking enough today, i had some company for a couple hours, one of my sons friends mother. for lunch i had the "cream of ravioli" soup. and just now, using the "bullet" food processor bill just picked up for me, i added mashed potatoes, canned chicken, and fat free gravy, .. and bam i had the BEST tasting creamy soup i've had yet.... it hit the spot. and actually it pureed to a thick drinking consistency, but that is where i am at..........so i wait an hour and then i gotta start drinking drinking drinking......
I am feeling awesome, physically, spiritually and emotionally... that doesn't mean that it isn't tough......cause it is, and i am going to say this is the hardest thing i've ever done..... when i was leaving Christina's last night, i was thinking....... i don't want to just taste that food, i want to pig out........and i could have, and would have, BUT i would rather be healthy in the long run........ this is going to take time, especially this first month while i am slowly adding foods,..... and while everything is pureed.
oh my fruit right now is baby food fruits, my veggies are baby food veggies,
i am ready and i am set.....
I don't know if i've lost more weight as i am NOT getting on the scale until Tuesday.... but i sure feel good, the surgery sites are healing really really fast, no signs of redness or drainage. after going through papers, i realized i am supposed to also include 3 8 ounce protein shakes a day.... opps!!! we picked that up today....... this will give me 90 grams of protein a day just in shakes alone....
have a great week end, i am going to enjoy tv with Bill

~continue-------->

well i continue to drop the weight and I've decided to stop using the scale daily right now. So i will weigh myself on Tuesdays (*that is Christina's weigh in day ). I don't see any harm in weighing every day, actually it is a tool i plan on using in the future, it is IMPORTANT to keep tabs on weight gain so that i don't let it get ahead of me, in the past when i knew i wasn't eating like i should, I'd avoid the scale at all cost to only find out that a month or so later i gained 20lbs, but for now it isn't necessary cause i am not eating normal foods, and won't be for a while. i don't want to have the psychological effect of seeing the scale go up a pound, and then me stop the protein shakes, or a meal that i need, because of a pound of water weight.
I did really well yesterday, had hunger moments but not to the point I was crazy. My friend sent out a pan of lasagna for the boys, and she made me a pie pan of the ricotta and sauce and mozzarella i put it in the food processor and made it into a cream soup recipe. I must not tell a lie, i had 3 small bites (size of a baby spoon), and then i froze the rest to have next week when it was legal, and then i proceeded to have 3 oz of my cream of mushroom / beef broth soup, oh and yesterday i had a little light yogurt....... I've been tolerating everything so well, and i am very thankful for this. next Friday is my first follow up appointment, and that is also when i will be able to add mechanical soft foods..... I think i am going to start walking on the flat trails by Monday.........not power walking, not hiking.......... just walking like i do in the house which gets pretty boring walking from room to room for twenty minutes. I think for lunch i am going to make a very thin cream of wheat flavored with a tablespoon of peanut butter, and eat 3 oz of that. I also have a high protein shake made in my fridge that i will sip 2 oz every couple of hours.
No pain medication is needed now, and that is fine with me, i am moving well in bed now, there still is tenderness when i cough, and oh my, the first time i sneezed.......... i felt it!!!!
Now i know I've been losing weight all year, and i know some of my jammies would soon be too big i just thought it would take longer than a week. well last night i woke up in the middle of the night with my jammie bottoms down to my thighs all twisted up. now yes these are my biggest pair i have, but still they didn't do that last week. ......... so i guess these go. Christina, Jeanine and Megan had a pair of lounge Jammie bottoms in my basket, the day before surgery i thought, wow, next spring these will fit me........... wrong........ these WILL fit me before summer is over. i KNOW it :0). I guess i am still excited that i feel so well........ i never thought this would happen......... i truly feel it was all the "I hate Johnny sessions" that helped this recovery go so well.
Bill and the Boys have been awesome and i miss my Katie, but she is having fun at the Beach.... well Ive been up and moving since 5am, so i think i am going to my room to read awhile drink fluids and rest...
have a great weekend

Never thought i'd be thrilled with .....

sugar free Carnation Instant Breakfast, and 2 oz of Cream of mushroom and beef soup.... i tolerated it just fine. I didn't find i was overly hungry until 5 pm. but i was craving a hot dog on a bun with yellow mustard. oh man, even writing that has my mouth watering.... i drink 12 oz of water, then 12 oz of 1/2 strength no added sugar juice,then i drink 12 oz of water, then i drink 12 0z of blueberry white tea.......... and i repeat that through out the day. this morning I'll have the carnation 4 oz lunch I'll have the carnation 4 oz and 2 oz of light cream yogurt and dinner I'll have 4 oz of cream soup.....
I am feeling so good and continue to drop the weight, I've dropped 4 more pounds since Tuesday making 24 pounds in a week (* - the 10 lb surgery gain) oh i know that some of this is water weight, but not all of it that is for sure, and I've been losing so steady for so long, i bet it is more fat that water weight that i am losing, esp with the fluids i am putting into my body.... so 14 lbs in a week........ is a great jump for me......
My incisions are wonderful, the pain is minimal, i just Thank God for not just sending me on this path, but i thank Him for hiking it with me, and carrying my backpack when it seemed too heavy for me.......

Feeling better and better every day

I am feeling so well this morning, i must admit that yesterday i experienced a lot of hunger and nausea, and i think both symptoms are more psychological than physical! i mean i just get sick thinking about clear liquids. today i will have 4 oz of Carnation Instant Breakfast (sugar free)...... i am so excited..... and i will be able to have 2 oz of sugar free yogurt for another meal........ i can also start thin cream soups...... oh boy oh boy!!!!
Physically i am feeling soooooooo good, and the weight, for now, is just dropping off, even with a still bloated belly, I've dropped 20 lbs in the week (*that includes the 10 i gained day of surgery) I am drinking tons of fluids, and i am not even going to explain what digestive waste is like when you only drink clear liquids........ So since last Feb I've dropped 60lbs...... the process of introducing new foods is so painstakingly slow it will be 3 weeks, before i am able to eat regular food at a regular texture. now is important that i get in a lot of protein and for the next few weeks only, i will rely on protein shakes and smoothies. after that they want nutrition to come from real food. I know this is tough right now, but I am tough. and in the scheme of things, a month really isn't that long. esp since I've been working towards this for a year.
next week at this time i can indulge in some Cream of Wheat....... and Mashed potatoes..........
Yesterday Bill dropped me off at Christina's so she could help me take my blood pressure (* i can take it myself, but i can't put the cuff on correctly, so Chris helps with that) Blood pressure is still doing well without me taking my blood pressure medicine. i am taking my chewable vitamins without problems. ........well anyhow, Chris was telling me about this blueberry white tea powder that Megan got that sounded really good, so that and craving a little taste of Paige, sent us down to Megan and Mikes house. ... nothing like a very beautiful happy baby to make hunger go away. and i tried the blueberry tea........... it was delicious, so Megan sent me back with some or should i say sent me back with a lot. it isn't sugar free.......... but low in sugar and i can make a glass taste delicious for about 50 calories... so it is a winner in the numbers department too. But more importantly the visit killed some time. and helped me get rid of some really bad nausea........ (i actually thought i was going to lose it during the afternoon, and throwing up is a big NO NO esp during the first few weeks, )
I am happy....... and today i have so much energy i am going to have to be careful not to lift, push, pull,bend...... cause right now i could head up to my mountain and take a nice walk..
well i think I'll go make my shake........ and go read a book....... I'll get back on to let you know how my tummy handled it

Healing.......

that is pretty much all that i am doing right now, i am allowing my body to heal, i spend a lot of time resting and the rest of the time walking in the house. just a couple more days of clear liquids~ and i must say that is the hard part right now... I am not going to lie, i am hungry..... i am drinking tons of fluids, cause dehydration is one of the top complications from this surgery. I do pretty good, the hunger hits me around 4 pm. and i must say i can get slightly crazy. How i deal with it is, first i get a hot cup of homemade chicken broth... and then i remember a story i saw a while back about this individual that was in a car crash and had her leg pinned. . . she was stuck there for 1 week....... No food, No water, lying there in pain. Hey i have a warm bed, all the fluids a woman could ask for, i have pain medicine.... i think i have it way better. So when this hunger strikes me, i go to my room put in a movie, and nap!!! Hey i tried TV but i never paid attention to all the "food" commercials before, no wonder we have an Obese Nation Epidemic... food commercials should be out lawed like Cigarette commercials...... i am just sayin'
Weds i am going to have a sugar free carnation breakfast, and i will start full liquids, hopefully that will help......
the incisions look great, the port incision is the largest, most painful and most bruised....... but no drainage, no redness, no swelling....
i still sometimes can't believe that i had it done, the first time i thought about it, made an appointment to discuss it was FEB 2004, i was re reading my journals and saw that again ....... 5 years later i finally had it done...... this is a good thing..... and no regrets. and i must remember i am doing this for my health. occ. I've been thinking about over eating, and how cool it would be to eat 5 slices of gooey cheese pizza with the works, or a huge slice of lasagna .....or a dozen cheese sticks c marina sauce..... or all of this in one sitting..... well it ain't gonna happen so i might as well stop dwelling on it
My Katie girl is leaving today for a few days, she is going to the beach.... i'll miss her that is for sure, she can be such a snot monger sometimes, but let me tell you. when she is needed....... she's jumps to attention taking care of things. she did all laundry yesterday.... and doing extra around the house before she goes. ...... So sometimes , sometimes princess puts herself second.
Christina has continued working out with my brother, she goes today, now i won't go until my doctor says i can.....i may be able to go next week and ride the bike while Chris works out..... but i will wait and see what the doctor says.
well it is time for me to get going......don't want to sit at this computer for too long..... it hurts after a while.
love and blessing to all

hungry today.......

yes i am actually hungry. i guess it is a sign that I am feeling better.... it can be torturous if i let it..... i am staying in my room watching DVDs and reading mostly. I am drinking plenty of clear fluids..... loving the Popsicles, drinking water and tea, chicken broth i save for dinner. oh i am also doing sugar free jello....... and i guess i look at it as 3 more days of this, than i can add some yogurt, and cream soups, and Carnation instant breakfast, and extra protein and skim milk...... 1/2 cup of servings to start....... time will move quickly, and soon i'll be eating normal again.......... just very small portions.
ALL body functions are working now........ I got on the scale on Sat and i gained 10lbs from surgery......which i was supposed to do....... but today i got on and lost 15 lbs.......... so body is starting to level off from the trauma of surgery..........
i am bothered by wanting to eat now....... but i guess tough... i gotta deal with it and keep drinking....... think i'll go take a nap, i am doing well, i am doing so well,

yup its me

Wow...... i finally did it....... it seems like a long time coming. Again for some reason i felt totally at peace, even when they wheeled me into the Cold Blue operating room.... my hands stayed warm. it must have been the many prayers and good thoughts being sent my way. the Doctor said it was text book surgery, and she was able to go directly to the stomach without digging around. I really can't say i was in too much pain either, the main problem i had was my throat, and lack of voice.... but this Doctor and her procedure were so strict, not like some of the clinics i hear about that is for sure. After the procedure, i was sent to a until to be closely watched, i had heart monitors on, breathing monitors on, ....... the works. i was not allowed to take anything by mouth...... not even a sip of water (* this didn't help my voice/throat). this Doctor doesn't assume anything, and i couldn't do anything until the initial internal swelling settled down, and then i had a barium photo taken........ they could see that the band was in place, no leaks or problems..... only then could i drink 2 tablespoons of fluid every 30 minutes. i am now drinking a cup of fluid an hour, just having my homemade warm chicken broth now. to answer some questions, no i didn't wake up hungry, still not hungry. i am not in much pain, Bill has been putting peppermint oil on my back and shoulders 2 or 3 times a day, it does hurt to cough, but nothing i cannot manage. i did NOT say that i wish i wouldn't have done this, not once... no regrets yet~ , oh and I must give a hug and thumbs up to Johnny, who has been prepping me for this surgery..... after 16 hours lying in bed, i was finally getting up, i had the nurse and aide with me....... got me to stand up, told me not to look down cause i would be dizzy,,,, and asked if i could walk to the nursing sign (20 feet) i said i'll walk as far as you want me too....... i did easily 200 yards... and could have gone further, the aide said if he didn't know, he wouldn't have thought i had my surgery yet..........so thanks Johnny for helping me to get in shape, it will help in a quicker recovery, i think that is why i am not in severe abdominal pain either..... well i better get back to bed and rest again...... and enjoy another Popsicle
love you guys

~There's no place like home

Your roving reporter is back for a quick morning update. Once again I cut out the field reported and went to the patient directly. Didn’t want to wake her so I sent a text message just incase she was still under the influence. This just in. She’s

tired and drugged up. All tests went well. Should be going home this evening.

Hopefully the Boogie Man remembered to take her ruby slippers because I doubt she’ll be in the mood for a hot air balloon ride.

.

.

This just in. Doing well but she has no voice! So many jokes in there but I'll play nice. She'll be home tonight. Sleeping in her own bed. Her and her little dog too. (Okay the dog isn't so little!)

~Sandi's Journey to Oz

We interrupt this program to update you on Sandi’s trip down the yellow brick road.
This is Patti, your roving reporter. This just in, hot off the press.
Sandi is doing well and will be relocated to her room in about an hour.
That’s your up to the minute news. Now back to your regular programming.

****NEWSFLASH****
This just in. The field reporter was bypassed and contact was made directly to the patient. She sounds great.
The doctor said it was text book perfect. She has a private room and is hooked up to every monitoring device known to mankind.
She’s on a morphine drip and I predict that soon she will be mesmerized by the field of poppies. So far there have been no sightings of flying monkeys.

Good Morning....... out the door

well i am almost ready to head out the door, i slept well, and for some odd reason my Spirit is calm......

Tick Tock, Tick Tock

the time is going fast, it is funny i didn't know about what time they wanted me at the hospital,but for the ticker site, i just picked a time... well that IS the time. i am to be at Magee Woman's Hospital at 8:30 Sharp... i am excited, a little nervous, but i also know it is something i have worked hard to do......

I did some calculating cause i wasn't sure how much weight I've lost since i decided on this journey..... . since August when i started with the life coach I've lost 23 lbs and since March when i decided i didn't want to spend my winters in the hospital I've lost 49lbs.... realistically i could lose another 70 lbs to 100 lbs, who cares......... i am enjoying the journey .. and i just don't care how long it takes.......

I am getting my sheets washed, i am going to work on my bedroom and house until bill comes home....... i am not really hungry..... but i must say there is a small part of me saying......."can't have that for a few weeks, can't have that for a few weeks......can't have that for a few weeks...." nothing has crossed my mind of a food that i think I'll never have..... don't know why it just isn't.

my family is awesome, i know Katie, at least before she heads to the beach will be the little mother here, and the boys listen to her pretty well too. she's able to get groceries, and do the errands...... love my girl!!!

Tonight Christian, Megan and Paige stopped , they and Jeanine went together and got me the most awesome Lap Band Surgery basket..... i think I've looked at it and cried dozens of times... I love my family and my friends...... just feeling the love, in the basket there is an awesome shake container, sugar free shakes to try, several books, a movie, comfy Adidas shoes, warm slippers, a soft blanket, relaxing vanilla lavender candle, hand sanitizers.....green tea, which i am going to try tonight, SF white raspberry tea packets....... and it goes on....... i think i'll stay awake as long as i can..... i better go get more drinking in.... to get a hands up on dehydration..... and when i say drinking i don't mean Vodka..... water, green tea........that's it LOL. and i think i'll eat a pudding SF , and a Yogurt...... well i gotta go......... Love to all, and Patti will be blogging for me when she hears from the boogie man.. Oh PS keep Christina's family in your thoughts, although not totally a sad issue, her mom's sister (her aunt) died this morning, i think she was 85..... she was plagued with Alheimers, and has been pretty ill for a long time, but it a loss , and a remembrance of who she was.... funerals are long and tiring esp for an Italian family...

WOW i am overwhelmed.... and honored, I've been writing this for a while now....... my brothers are texting, friends are calling, family calling...... i've even heard from my Kellie Golden Girl..... waiting to see if she'll call back... , talked to Patti this afternoon, Kim last night..... Christina all the time........ I called Jeanine to thank her for the wonderful basket........ now i'll go talk to the kids, try and call Kim before she goes to sleep..... eat my pudding , drink my tea.......... ahhhhhhh do you think i'll get Demerol??? cause i really liked that!!

**** Thank you Christina, Jeanine, Megan and Paige...... i love you guys

~:> coming back to EARTH!!!!

of course with every high there is a low...... with every up there is down. yesterday i was flying high and i am still happy, Today I went to work just to observe...... that is all i did.......and then there is the doubt that a.l.w.a.y.s. hits me........ will i figure this out, will i do okay... will i screw up, will be able to work with this computer program..... i did this with Kiski, and the Methadone Clinic, and even my home health jobs.... when will i learn.......if God puts me there........ and wants me to stay there, then he will certainly help me to NOT fail....... oh when will i learn!!!
i can't believe that i have 1 day and some odd hours before surgery........ and just for the record folks............. my first words WILL be......... why did i do this? yeah i am pretty sure i am going to be mad at me, but i just call it like i see it.
Tomorrow i go to Pittsburgh for my final weigh in, and vital signs before surgery........... as soon as I find out the time of my scheduled surgery i will let you folks know..... and I'll make sure Bill gets the word out on how i am doing....
I also have to stop in at Kiski to do some paper work...... so i see tomorrow being a very busy day yet again.......
goodnight folks ......
tomorrow at 830 am the 1 disappears!!!

Thrilled, Humbled, Elated, Excited, Amazed, IN love

yep, i am feeling all of this title ALL at the same time. and i am not even sure i can put this into words, God Bless Christina for having to listen to it for the second, third, forth time. Okay everyone knows that i will be losing my job at Kiski, in another 6 weeks, because they are revamping the Nursing Center. I have remained calm because i knew that God would make sure i was put where i am supposed to be, but there is the human side of me that nagged and doubted my core being. So as many know, Thursday i received a call from my old boss at the Methadone Clinic, telling me about a position that may be started where she works. I had the interview at 2 pm today. well this morning my old boss text me telling me the Doctor interviewed a few on Friday, and had a few more to interview this week, but she told me not to worry, just be myself. well i did get nervous, so nervous i had to finish "waiting" at Christina's to make the time before i needed to leave go faster. In the back of my head i remembered that i felt i didn't go to the Methadone Clinic for only six weeks for nothing.......and although i could not see the Divine plan, I knew there was one there. WELL............. I was hired on the Spot!! making 4 dollars more an hour than i do now...... and will be able to double my salary. it wasn't me, it wasn't even the Doctor that hired me, i believe that this IS where God wants me to be at this time. I am so in love with my Friend and Savior. And what is really cool this person believes in thinking outside the box, and he is really into his staff living healthy like we teach others....... he brings fresh fruits, nuts, dried fruits, etc for the patients, he also doesn't want his staff to over indulge on donuts ,and cakes and cookies and takeout foods., he believes in healing the mind, body and spirit at the same time. His philosophy is we all have the same value and worth, it doesn't matter if you are the doctor, or the drug addicted patient, or the patient with depression or bipolar.... I am continually amazed at how God takes care of me as long as i put my faith and trust in Him. I am not religious what so ever, don't even have a church...... but God is showing me that His Church is this world and i am called to let my light shine, not by words, but by actions. I am humbled and honored....... oh i am just rambling....... but i can't help it......and you know what i can't even explain what i am feeling right now...... so i think i'll just stop!!! LOL

Closer and Closer.......

I posted this picture on facebook, but i know that not everyone can see it so i posted it here.... i think it is so cute, yup...Bill and the other woman!!

Friday we went to work out with John, after the work out he made us go directly to a park to do our Cardio. and of course we did, i must say, i could have easily lied to him and told him that we went........ but NO, Christina keeps me honest. Well John also said he wanted us to come to the gym today (Sunday) and do the workout. and that He would not be there....... how easy it would have been to just stay home and "tell" him we went...... but NO we go. Chris and I have a way of keeping each other accountable. .. so before 8am we head to the gym.... we had the entire gym to ourselves. I was quite surprised that we remembered what Johnny told us to do. i remembered the routine better, and Christina remembered the weight we were supposed to use better.......... (what a team). we kicked ass through the workout and then i must say we kicked ass during the Cardio...... i must admit i was soaking wet when i was done.......but it felt so good to accomplish this. i Think Johnny really wants us to be accountable to ourselves and not rely on him so much. and he is right, so what if he can't be there every time....... there is no reason we can't do it ourselves.........

I had SOOOOO much fun last night with Christina and Larry. talk about two couple's who are 100% comfortable with each other..... and laughing... that is all we did... Food was great, we went to the Olive Garden, i had chicken Parmesan, i cut the meal in half immediately. Bill and Larry finished the one half LOL. and i only ate 1/3 of the pasta. we did indulge in a wonderful dessert...... can't even explain it, but Chocolate is a good word to use...... Bill and I shared one, and Chris and Larry shared one. I only had one bread stick.......... and although i was full i must admit that i didn't feel too yucky. You know we talked about going on an Alaska Cruise on our tenth anniversary.... we asked Chris and Larry to go......... i can see how easy it would be going on vacation together. we'd have fun together, and not feel offended when we would be apart.. (3 more years guys...)

Wow that surgery date is coming faster and faster........ i already figured the books i want to read, and the movies i am saving to watch..... i know the food i'll be eating for the first week.... i think i am ready.

Please say a prayer for tomorrow for my job interview...... if it is meant to be ........it will be so! I just want to be where i am supposed to be.

Well today is my Bill's birthday....... he wants venison roast........ so i better go put that in the crock pot........

Kellie, can you e-mail me your phone number again, i know it changed. i'd love to chat with everyone in the next few days...

Love and Blessings, it is your choice to make this a good day!!!

Gee........ Almost there!!!

I can't believe that in just a few days i will be in a hospital having surgery that i have been working towards for a year now- how can time go by so fast? Am I ready? yes I am more than ready. Am i prepared? yes i am more than prepared, well almost, making homemade chicken broth this AM. Am i excited? yes i am more than excited. Am i nervous and scared? well, yes a little bit. who wouldn't be? i am choosing to have 5 tiny holes put in my abdomen, cutting through the fat and muscles, they will pump me up like a swimming pool raft, and dig through my abdominal cavity until they can reach my stomach, and which at this time, they will wrap the lap band around the upper portion of my stomach and then suture it to the outer wall........ then they will take the port and attach it with more sutures, to a muscle just below my rib cage......... i have a feeling for the first few hours I WILL REGRET HAVING THIS DONE.......... I am just sayin'
And i must say Bill is so cute, I get home from grocery shopping on Thursday, and he noticed i bought sugar free jello, and sugar free Popsicles, and Sugar free vitamin water,..........etc. and he is so excited for me, he thought that maybe i could practice not eating for the week, just do liquids like i'll have to do the first week out of surgery........ umm Bill, just what i want to do........ how about i slowly get into it, by tasting one of the sugar free Popsicles tonight? He is such a Support in anything and everything I do....
Yesterday morning Christina calls me......... 8:30 am, " ....... hey i'll pick you up at 9:30 am to go to The Strip district with Jeanine..... what a pleasant surprise, and i had a wonderful time, Jeanine also treated Chris and I to lunch at a popular Italian restaurant (on food network before) Lidia's, the food was delicious, but the company was superior! I must say that Christina's daughter has grown up to be a wonderful beautiful woman....... i am so proud of her and i'm not even her mama. Christina, we sure have great kids don't we???
Well a busy day today........ but first i better get the Chicken into the stock pot and start with that........ i want to do a lot of laundry, clean the fridge... and do other odds and ends, i'd like my house in order before Thursday morning. Bill has taken off all week, and said he'd take off more if i am needed........ I hope to have a brief chat with my GG's before surgery.......
OH OH OH....... i almost forgot to blog about:...........
as i mentioned before it looks like the way Kiski will be changing the Nursing office... they will hire one nurse to live on campus and work 144 hours a week....... with 24 hours a week to themselves........ Not for me!!! so it looks like i'll be out of a job in a couple of weeks. Now i've never looked for a job, jobs have always looked for me...... so i haven't worried, and i know that God will put me where i am supposed to be.. well Thursday afternoon i get a call from my old boss who worked the Methadone clinic with me, she is now working in a Doctors office dealing with Psychiatric patients, as well as Addictions etc. ......i guess they have decided to hire another nurse RN or LPN, to work in the office, immediately my old boss thought of me..... and called to tell me ..... i immediately got goose bumps, and was dumb struck....*which friends will verify happens often to me....the dumb struck part. this would be a doctors office job, no weekends or holiday's. supposed to be really great doctors to work with, 13 miles from my home....... i go on Monday for an interview.......... and i am just trusting........ what will be, will be!!!
God knows what he is doing.......therefore i am not worried.

Next week at this time......

......... I will be making another BIG change in my life. and i would be lying to myself if i said i wouldn't be. it is hard to believe that I am almost at the 6 day mark (20 more minutes). Tuesday I jumped through my final hoop, My doctor okayed me for surgery. he said the tail end of a cold wouldn't stop me...... it would be like if i was running a fever, had lung involvement, had green drainage.......etc. I am feeling much much better. and i rarely cough now. Oh and other great news is that surgery is coming at the perfect week of the month. it seems like i spend 2 weeks PMSing it, i spend 1 week MSing....... which seems to give me 1 really perfect week.... which is the week of surgery.
I am feeling really good mentally. i know as i know as i know, that God is with me every step of the way.
Someone told my bestest friend....... not in anger just as in a statement, that....... "i'll have to always work on my battle with weight". No i wasn't offended at all........ and actually how true that statement is. No matter what i do, or what direction i take...... i will always have to work on being healthy. even the lap band or even more drastic surgery is not the answer or the magic pill...... I can and will gain weight with the Lap band if I do not keep focused. Speaking of which, i have a feeling for the next couple of years i won't be able to lose focus....... i got a call yesterday that i NEEDED to see my Diet Coach before surgery, to get weighed and discuss my knowledge of the Lap band procedure. and here i thought i was in a holding pattern until after surgery. Nope not a chance....... I think i know so much about the Lap band procedure, i just might have to do it myself LOL
The thing i've learned most during this year, and which i think is the most important, and which i think was the "light bulb" moment (hi Patti, you know what i am talking about ......the click!!!) was to realize that i was obese. and to realize that this by itself doesn't make me who I am, or define me as a human being. I started this process, not by fixing the outside.......but starting from the core of my being. it's like a carpenter who fixes a home damaged by the storm..... why fix the walls and the roof, if the foundation was damaged... oh he could make the house look pretty.... but the cracked broken foundation will soon bring that house to the ground. Well that is the same with me.... my foundation is my Spirit, my Heart, My soul...... the body is just the vessel that holds it!
My Bill is so excited for me...... talk about my best support! it is him. and God Bless Him..... He'll call me from work, and say "hey i was talking to so and so about your surgery.... blah blah blah..." he is obviously NOT ashamed that his wife is the size that would even need Lap band Surgery.... i am just me. and he loves me no matter what... 300 lbs or 180 lbs.... i love that guy.
Well i don't think i have anywhere to go today......... hmmm, how did that happen. i have been so busy daily with appts and such. Yesterday was such a long day for me.... i could use a rest day.
Love to my GG's, looking forward to seeing you soon....... and Kellie, i am sending a hug via the blog {{{hug}}} you amaze me, and your perseverance encourages me not to sweat the small stuff

........I am off to see the wizard

ummm Kellie i am not sure why when you think of me heading to surgery you also think of the wizard of Oz song!!! i am just not sure ;0). so in one hour it will show the 8 day mark.... so time is moving pretty fast.
As far as my "cold" goes. I am feeling much better, i still have an occasional cough....but it is more of a slight annoyance than anything. and if i talk much i still have a raspy voice. today i go to the doctor to get cleared for the surgery, that is if all my testing came back okay. (what will be, will be).
I am surprisingly staying stable in the weight loss department, still slowly losing, even while i am in a month "holding" pattern. It was so cool on Sat, Bill and i went to the store to pick up a few things..... i walked down the "cold and flu" isle, and as i came back to the cart Bill said " wow Sandi, you're already losing a lot of weight". i just smiled, cause I've been losing 4 to 8 lbs every month for a year now.... and then my brother stopped in to pick up a few things.......and his entire family was like WOW Sandi, you're losing weight. (they haven't seen me in months). It makes me feel good, and makes me more determined to follow through with this wonderful journey.
I am loving the "Facebook" thing. I am getting in contact with family that i don't see or hear from often.......it is so cool!!! and you know what, the older i get the more accepting I am of differences in all of Us. my oldest brother and family are adorable and i don't see them much. we were able to get together this weekend....and i must say i really enjoyed myself. I find that life gets too busy sometimes, friends and family are often put on the back burner. I know that my kids are at the age that although they aren't time consuming like when they were toddlers..... I seem to be always taking them here, picking them up there, going to games and events of theirs. eye appointments, ortho appointments, doctor appointments, twisted ankles, broke bones,. .... i am enjoying this continuing hectic house. the noise and the beautiful chaos called my life.
Well i read the Shack over the weekend....... and i think i am at a loss for words, i know this is a piece of fiction... but what a cool book. and a neat way to look at the angles and dimensions of God.
Andrew hurt his ankle pretty bad last night at practice, i am going to call the doctor this morning, get an order for an X Ray and we will go from there, it is actually rare that an ankle bone breaks, most of the time it is a twist/sprain. Andrews foot is at an odd angle, which could be from the excess swelling on one side........but we shall see. so last night after a Whirlpool Epsom Salt bath........it was elevation, ibuprofen, and ice.... i am not letting him put weight on it (which at this point he can't any how.)
Well Bills Birthday is this weekend. he doesn't want a party...... but he wants to take Chris and Larry out for dinner. no kids, just the four of Us. So i am still not totally sure where we are going yet...... but it will be nice, the only kid that may pout is Katie, (love you Katie) but then again that girl is working....she works or is in school...all the time. she showed me her schedule next week...... and all i can say is she better get rest, take vitamins....and take care of herself when she can. I am finding that i have not been eating like a pig just because of my impending surgery. I've just been eating normal. oh in 8 days and some odd hours I will be drinking liquids for a couple weeks...... that is going to be hard.
Well i better get my butt moving.....
Kellie....... i am off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of oz.....because because because.......... or are you thinking of follow the yellow brick road.......... or worse yet are you thinking about..... Lions and Tigers and Bears ....oh my!!!! either one, should i be worried? i am just askin'?

bill and the kids are happy....

at least i think they are....... cause i really don't have a voice right now..... i can say a sentence or two and then it is too much effort.... and gee forget the yelling... "Corey put the dishes in the sink, Andrew take down the garbage, Sam did you feed the dogs?........ Bill can you get me...... " well you know what i mean. thank goodness for texting........ there is always texting.
i am really cutting it close to feeling better for surgery...... I go to the doctors on Tuesday. i am leaving here in a few for a chest X ray and EKG and Blood work. ...... as i say, what will be will be!!! I did book Bill a hotel room cause i am going to be optimistic here and think that by Monday i will be feeling pretty good.
the clock is ticking away, and i am receiving overwhelming support, i guess those who see how I've come about this, see that I've left no stone unturned. I am still very comfortable with my decision although the closer i get, i do notice i am getting a little fearful, and i wouldn't be normal if i didn't
well i best get my butt moving....