~~~> MY EMMI

before i discuss the title of my blog. i was reading my GG blogs this morning and was reading some comments on Christina's "EWWWWW" entry. she was talking about her quickly populating Bunnies. well Patti had this idea i copied to put here (look Patti, Bambi isn't eating the bunny in the photo)

Patti's Parlor said...
More thoughts on bunny love.Keep a couple and have them spayed or neutered.Release the rest and let Mother Nature take her course. The strong will survive, the rest become part of the food chain. Bambi and the eagles need to eat too or they will die. That's how Mother Nature intended.

now i know that Patti is umm, what would we say more a "City Girl" , and i love her no matter what, but umm, who wants to tell her that Deer *Bambi, do NOT eat Rabbits!!!! she is correct about the Eagles, and she could have said Hawks, she could of used the name of "Tod" the little character on the Disney Movie Fox and the Hound (Tod is the fox) You know she could have even used the name Beast, from beauty and the beast..... BUT Bambi????? hey i am just saying

Okay enough of that. So I think i am just sitting here and waiting around for my surgery,....... NOPE not this program i get this packet of things to do in the next 2 weeks. ..... lets see, History and Physical, Blood work, Chest Xray, EKG....... and then 3 papers that talk about a website, and 3 separate codes that i must watch before surgery. they even go as far as saying if you don't have a computer, go to local library, or go to area in hospital that have computers for individual use. It is an interactive computer program that explains everything i'll be going through in detail and is very easy to understand. I have pre surgical, which goes over the basics, i have anesthesia, which talks about what happens and how many ways and type of anesthesia there are. and finally there is a computer program that talks about the lap band procedure from start to finish, talks about complications in detail before, during and after surgery. it is interactive, so i can stop at any time jot down a question or an issue i have, this is sent directly to my surgeon and it is flagged so she can go over it with me before surgery. i sent it to my GG friends......... and if you are reading this and what to know exactly what i am going to do let me know and i will give you the site, my code and my birth date. i would have posted it here.......... but since it is an interactive site i didn't want some Psycho person (i mean more psycho than Patti, Kellie, Christina and Kim) send my doctor crazy messages that look like they were from me...

Yeah the closer i get the more excited I am.......and the more scared too. i mean i can assure you that i know that this isn't "almost a surgery" this is surgery.......and i WILL be in a lot of pain, and prob for the first couple days.....i'll be so miserable i'll want to sew EVERYONE'S eyes shut, not just Bill's this time!! and my muscles are sore now from the cough i have... so can you imagine after they cut into the muscle, blow my abd up with air, and reposition my organs a hundred times before they finish up and put them back in place..... yeah i think i'll hurt.......... but this is my journey and i am so excited........maybe someone will learn from me........ if this could change 1 persons life.....then it would be worth it, that is why i decided to be open about this........ already my very obese brother D*** , when i started he laughed at the idea..... watching what i've been doing the past year..... he now paying attention and asking me tons of questions.

Okay and lastly... i did get a pretty nasty cold that hit me hard.... But i must say i am being smart. i had 1 more week at kiski before they are off for a month so i had 2 days left this week......i called and told them i would not be in......... i am seeing so many sick boys with various illnesses. knowing my resistance is down, i knew i'd be susceptible to secondary infections, also i have a second job as a babysitter to a little boy who is always sick......i cancelled that too........ so now i am going to lay low, drink tons of fluids rest and nap when i can, exercise in spurts, take in extra protein, keep on my vitamins........pray and meditate..... there are changes coming soon. oh and i plan on making homemade chicken broth, i refuse to drink canned broth, or put a chicken flavored "salt" cube in hot water......tooooooo much sodium for me. I'll freeze individual portions and pull them out to use for the first week.... i will make sure i have my Popsicles, my sugar free jello, and sugar free juices to dilute with my water....... i've been on my chewable vitamins for the past month, figured why wait to start, now i am used to them.......

well i think i will close this very long post.....

Love and blessings to all

PS Jay i hope you are feeling better... and it would be nice if someone else would take their turn for you.... it has hit you back to back ..

"ticked off"

thoughts from Izzy ....." why do these dam humans think it is so funny putting this stupid hat on me, sometimes i hate them"

ain't she cute...... her eyes are the color of my eyes....

Okay i cannot tell a lie, last night my head cold seemed to drain right into my lungs.... i know it doesn't work that way but you know what i mean. my cough is very harsh and very productive, and i can feel it coming from the middle of my chest. i got so sick so quick that it scared me...... almost went to the hospital last night. now i did have a Z pack, and i was just waiting to see what would happen to my cold. so i guess a fever of 101 and the sudden onset of feeling really bad....... i started it Last night. this morning i've coughed up more crap than i ever remember doing before. My body feels tired, but i think my breathing is improving today. I promised Jeanine that i would not play around..... and will go to doctor or hospital if it gets worse, i don't have time, cause i want to be healthy for surgery. If something happens that i can't shake this........then "what will be, will be". and i will reschedule my surgery.

well i think i am going to chill with my Bill.

oh and on another note, it looks like things will be changing at Kiski, and in all likelihood my job could be eliminated..... oh well..... God has never let me down, and i don't plan on him doing such now.......he ALWAYS opens another door...... ALWAYS!!!

~> sleepover

Hey my first little applique quilting started. this was so much fun and so easy..... all i have to do now is stitch around everything.... this uses cut and iron fabric instead of sewing hey I did sew the buttons on though.

I must say I had an absolutely WONDERFUL time last night. Who says, or who makes up the rules that we have to "grow" up?? A bunch of ladies in their fifties and sixties, ( i am the youngest child there at 41). can come together for laughter, fellowship, relaxation... and fun.

I got there a little later, (7:30pm) just in time for the "relaxation spa" we did all kinds of girly stuff, hands, feet, facials.......etc. the snacks were quite healthy..... shrimp and veggies and fruit and a few chips and kinds of dips. I drank nothing but water and green tea. We played goofy games.......... and I think we finally went to bed a little after 1pm. Up in the morning for a beautiful breakfast of fresh fruit, hot tea, muffins.... and a poached egg on Canadian bacon and a toasted English muffin with just a smidgen of hollindaise sauce. after breakfast we did the simple quilting class and jewelery making class, until it was time for the high noon TEA. the tea's this year were orange spice, and black cherry. the lunch was Turkey, arugula, spice mustard on Cinnamon raisin bread(didn't think the bread would work but it did), whole wheat tortillas stuffed with a chicken salad w grapes, the cucumber sandwiches, and a Salad of spinach, strawberries and pecans made with the best homemade dressing i've ever tasted...... oh it was such a hit.... For desert it was banana foster, made with a wonderful banana flavored liquor over french vanilla ice cream.......... delicious.

I shared with everyone about my up coming surgery, they were all quite supportive, and i can assure you, these ladies would be one to tell me what they think!!! they kept asking........ okay next year, what can you eat? and i said prob everything..... BUT and then i'd show them what i'd put on my plate..... they had so many questions about it...

today my nose is running running running...... which i guess is a good thing, it's like, finally the floods have let loose of what was collecting in my sinus cavities. my throat still hurts but i can tell its from the crap draining from my head. My lungs at this point are fine....... and honestly i am feeling okay..... so tomorrow is a Johnny day, and I will be able to go.... then i think i'll just rest most of Sunday....... and continue to drink the fluids.

Have a great weekend.

Oh Jay, and i totally feel bad for you........ i have terrible ears and sinuses.... surgery didn't even help that much. i am trying to stay healthy right now, but i don't know what else to do. so take care of yourself.

So Patti, come on ..... you'll figure out what to make.... and i'll even let Boogie man help you with anything you need..... LOL.........

Throwing in the towel......

Yup i am done fighting it.........so now i'll just go with it. my throat is on fire, and i feel it is coming from my sinuses. No fever, and although i don't feel terrible terrible....... i can tell that i am slightly under the weather. Along with my regular dose of Claritin, i am taking a nasal decongestant. and i am drinking tons of hot tea, and tons of cold tea for that matter....... lots and lots of fluids. I will rest when i can. of course after i go for my killer workout with Johnny today. ... although i am not sure that i should go........ i never know what to do... work through it, ......... okay, called Johnny he told me to absolutely NOT come and don't do anything at home either. He said he's had several clients that started like me... and it ended up a major infection. he reminded me that when i work out i am using so much of my energy, and my body needs the energy to heal itself . He wants to see Christina and Me on Sunday with homemade frozen meals in hand
WOW is kiski busy......... actually i've been writing this for 3 hours..... i think i'll just post and maybe blog more later if i have time

Fighting it....... really fighting it

I am STILL surrounded by this "sickness" I am not feeling the greatest, have a very slight sore throat...... and of course my ears are retaining fluid as usual. I know the number one culprit to a decreased immune system is stress...... so i am trying to do a lot of meditating and praying. a lot of resting and a lot of fluids... not missing my vitamins, taking the extra C. washing my hands all the time....... bottom line, not much more that I can do!!!
Well I am here at Kiski, and will return early in the morning.......and then i go to the dentist ...and then go to the gym for my training session....... and on Friday evening we have the annual Campbell House http://www.jamescampbellhouse.com/ retreat..... a bunch of woman having a "sleep over". we decided for everyones sake that we don't need tons of wrong food to have fun. so we will be having a shrimp ring, fruit and veggies....... we will have a nice breakfast given my the host in the morning.... then an afternoon of learning how to do a type of quilting... then high noon tea........ and then i will be coming to work here at Kiski...... I am looking forward to it... i realize in a few weeks, at least temporarily, my eating will be greatly altered, i am not talking about the amount, i am talking the texture and consistency ( liquids, pureed, mechanical soft, etc. ) I have a friend that stopped in to see me the other day....... and she thinks i am doing well without having to have the surgery...... I know i am doing okay.......but it is all about the process, and i have a long way to go.... and i just have faith..... that this is what i am supposed to do. I realize now more than ever......that in reality........ it is my portion sizes that are killing me (literally ). its not so much what i eat.... I have a good feeling about my journey. and Bill is way more excited than me even... he is so happy for me. gosh i love that guy.
Oh Patti i guess i am glad it didn't turn out to be June 6th when you come to Pa. i just found out my sister is getting married that weekend too........ wow two weddings on the same day......go figure. I am happy for her. Andrea and I are as different as Night and Day. but that's just how we are.... nothing wrong with that... she is very busy in her life, and mine is the entire opposite of hers......she deserves to be happy......... i am happy for her.
there is so much more i want to talk about.........so much on my mind... oh not bad stuff, just a lot of stuff. about surgery, weight loss, the kids, bill, ....... I just know that I am so blessed.......so blessed. Don't know how i could live in this world with out such a cool friend like Jesus. gosh and he puts up with me, and he knows be better than anyone else........and still loves me the mostest!!! how cool is that.

Never Assume.........

Well Christina and I figured that since we were going to the gym Sunday again. (gym doesn't even open until noon, unless you have an appointment with a trainer) to meet Johnny at 8:30, that we would more than like do a large circle on various exercise stations around the gym...... we would do this circle 2 times ...... well well well...... with Johnny we should never "assume" anything! today he did something totally new and different.... he had us work each muscle group to fatigue before we move to the next muscle group.....so it went like 6 sets of pulling, 6 sets of pushing..... 6 sets of squatting, 6 sets of abs.......... i am going to tell you ...... (please cover your ears Mrs. Cartwright)it was an absolute B.I.T.C.H.!!! today was the first time I worked a muscle group to the point of muscle cramps. believe it or not, it was during various abdominal exercises, Johnny said i had fatigued my abdominal muscles so much my thighs had no help...... well Johnny........i didn't do it?, ummm you made me do it .... i am just sayin'. He talked to me later on this morning and said that Chris and I work really hard, he can tell we are giving 100%.....he likes that in a client. He also told Chris and I today there are clients that don't want to listen, refuse to listen.....he says why waste his time......he sends them to T.R. ( who is the adorable very over weight personal trainer ,who loves to eat candy at the desk.......).
I had a little eating issue on Friday that i was quick to notice... it seems like on a partial semiconscious/ partial conscious on my part. I was eating more food than i should....... did i totally pig out....... absolutely not...... could i have started in that direction....ABSOLUTELY! no i didn't have gallons of ice cream, or whole pizza's... but i noticed...... i had 4 chicken legs......when I've been having 2. and instead of one piece of pie ( i made home made pumpkin pie for Sammy) i had one piece, but cut a sliver every time i went into the kitchen. Normally i have 1 sugar free pudding..... seemed like i had 4 that day....... it seems like deep down i was eating extra, because soon i won't be able to without physical discomfort.. ....... oh i have done great since Friday.......but i am going to have to make a conscious effort to remember this.. it will take me about 6 weeks to be able to transition into a regular diet with extra small portions....and then about 6 more weeks before i will be able to eat a normal portion...... . The BIG key to my success will ultimately be with my brother Johnny and a consistent workout routine... Dr Corcoulas said that ultimately the best results from this surgery are those that incorporate a normal exercise routine...... that is why on the PREP study we started to monitor exercise in September........ I've been so blessed to be chosen for the study......
Well i am going to get a nice hot bath....and then Bill is going to put pure essential Peppermint oil on my aching muscles... and i am going to grab my book and read for a while... ..... sounds like a plan to me

~> March 19,2009 <~

Is the date that my Lap band surgery is scheduled. I added a little countdown timer. I must admit the second I got the date i was both excited and scared at the same time~ and something would be wrong with me if i didn't feel both!!
I've been working towards this date for 1 year. and 9 months of intense preparation. I will continue to do what i am doing.......... i will continue to plug away.......... i will continue towards my goal of better health..... i will continue to Trust that God is with me and helping me with this Journey.......... I will continue!!!!
God Bless Bill, he is so excited for me. already making plans to stay at a near by hotel so that he is close by. I will spend the night and come home Friday......... some go to work after a few days........ i will not do anything for 2 weeks........ i am sure i am going to go crazy with clear liquids for a full week..... and then thick liquids for a week, then pureed for a week then pureed II for a week then ...... well you get the picture
like when i had my foot surgery i followed the doctors advice to the T, 12 weeks of no weight baring....... almost drove me nuts, BUT i listened and 2 years later....... absolutely NO problems...... So i have about a month to make my broth, stock up on jello and sugar free Popsicles, get protein shakes........ get the house in some kind of order........ big grocery shopping...... and work my ass off at Brother Johnny's gym......
wow.......its almost here

this and that

So i am sitting here at work.....it's pretty quiet right now, but kids seem to be trickling in slow and steady. I have a few admitted here in the Health Center, and one at the local hospital ER. ... i do love my job........ teenagers are tough to deal with at times, but so much fun :0).
Had a phone meeting with my life/diet coach Aimee today. all is going very well, i am continuing to slowly drop the weight. I am just now starting to feel like my body is really changing..... i wish i can explain it....... yeah i have lots and lots to lose, but i wake up feeling thinner and stronger. oh speaking of stronger. we had one hellofa workout yesterday. and Johnny continues to amaze me with his knowledge. I don't know why i just don't learn to quit questioning him on everything ~ He has figured out both Christina and My weaknesses as well as our strengths. and he has tailored our workout accordingly I have incredible muscle mass and strength (not that i want that, but that is how God made me and i am proud of it now) therefore when i do my squats i just use my body weight. Cause Christina is obviously smaller than me she has to use added free weights when she does her squats. boy he had her do some tough stuff yesterday using a step.......she climbed on a step to do her squats........ she really did give Johnny the evil eye...... when all was said and done.........my muscles really truly "burned" and now he has us do Cardio bursts which i hate and love all at the same time. Chris and I have to do our own work out Friday and then go work with him on Sunday morning before Church. I am really upping my level....... i want to work extra hard before the surgery, so that the return back won't be as difficult.
Spoke with Dr. Courcoulus's office today. they were having a meeting to discuss all the approved patients. even Aimee said she was surprised i got approved so fast, I think everything was handed in last weds. and i had my answer this Monday. I have a feeling it will be March or April. i don't really care when........ its not like i am going to stop what i am doing while i am waiting..... i'll just increase my physical activity a little more. I have no desire for what they call the "Last Supper Syndrome". prior to surgery many people go on all out binges, eating every where, eating everything. i know that temporarily my foods will be limited esp for 4 to 6 weeks after the surgery. But eventually I will be able to eat small portions of just about anything. and with or without surgery that is what matters.... what an incredible learning year that i've been having........ wouldn't change it for a thing.
well we have a general idea as to when Patti is returning to Pa. she is just waiting to finalize on her end....... i'll work out what ever she decides!!! and it looks like we might high tail it to Cambridge Springs on Sunday ..........a little road trip would ~could~ should be fun. and Mr. Reverend Clifford Cartwright just doesn't know what he may get as a congregation that day. He has No clue...... I mean really Kim will probably be the good girl....... i am just sayin'
well i really need to get moving here and check on my sick boys....... talk to you all soon.
Oh and how did that Short Bus ever ever rebirth itself........ i am just wondering!!!

Wow Quick Response~Excited!!!!!!

i no sooner posted the previous entry, and Bill calls me from home to let me know i had a message on the answering machine.
My insurance immediately approved my Lap Band surgery. within the next day or two i should be able to set my date.... and discuss what medications i'll need to take after the surgery. thankfully i only need one (blood pressure medicine)
So there was never even a tiny glitch to date during this process and journey. I truly thought the Insurance would take a little longer. I am excited, but truly nothing is really going to change for me other than, and this is a big one, i will need to do clear liquids, and then full liquids, then pureed, then mushy, then soft.... I spoke with Johnny today and he thinks it is great, he said i've been working and educating my self for almost a year. The lap band is not going to make me / keep me healthy. its going to have to be me in my doing what i am doing, exercising, making healthy choices most of the time, journaling, keeping track of my foods, vitamins, meditation..... praying....... I am with many dimensions and angles, the lap band will just be a small part. Well i just got home from work and have to go back early tomorrow morning..... so i think i am going to get a bath and crawl into bed
Good Night

~~~>Plethora of Information

well i haven't blogged in a few days. it was a nice weekend for me. Bill and I didn't celebrate "Valentines Day" which we don't usually do. He worked inhumane hours for 3 days prior, being called out for hazard response duty because of the heavy winds and power outages..... and I was just so tired i didn't feel like doing anything. Bill may not get me dozens of red roses on VD day. but i get coffee in bed every morning, I may not get the box of gourmet chocolates, but I go out to a warmed and ready car when i go to work (even when it was 4 am). he doesn't make me romantic dinners (thank goodness since he can't cook) But He sneaks in to the bedroom when i am napping to take my cell phone and house phone out with him so that I can sleep with out being disturbed. After a long day at work, or a hard workout with Johnny......... i come home to a tub full of hot water ready and waiting for me.......... Yeah....... i think i'll keep him.

Well on Friday Johnny ended up canceling our session, or i should say rescheduling it. So Chris and I worked out at home. and I must say it was a pretty good workout, and my body felt it the next day. Saturday we were supposed to meet up and do a power hike... but she was busy, and i was busy....... and finally after a few attempts to plan something......we just said Heck with it. besides we had a training session scheduled for the next morning. I took a Sat afternoon nap that lasted 3 hours............. I needed my sleep. it was one of those sleeps that i kept dreaming that I was trying to wake up but couldn't...... i was so exhausted. I don't think i had much sleep cause i was bothered with Sadie for so many days.

Sunday we met with Johnny........ at first we had the gym to ourselves. it was one tough workout as usual.......i really think he enjoys torturing us. and i still notice that Christina "hogs" him. ..... well, I am just saying........... she does!!!! I did cooking and cleaning....... and just chilling. Bill nor I worked this weekend, i think that has been a first since July. Bill wanted to take me out to lunch....... we went to Red Lobster and i had the broiled seafood platter...... ate about 1/2 and didn't get stuffed.......... but wasn't really hungry the rest of the day.

You know i've been thinking.......and still don't understand why... but for the past 6 weeks i have been surrounded by illness, its at work, its at home........ and i am not getting sick oh i realize at any time I could end up with it, I don't believe me talking about it will make it happen or not..... I've had periods of fatigue, but i think i am trying to listen to my body....... and for instance today i knew i was working 1 to 7, so after i got home from Andrew's doctor appointment. i thought of a million things i could do.......but i decided to climb on my couch with a cozy comforter and watch a movie...... (Penelope) i fell asleep and took a 45 minute nap. I have NOT missed a day of vitamins or extra Vit C since October. still drinking tons of fluids nothing but water or water flavored with green tea ( no sugar or sugar substitute) that's it.

I am going to guess if my Insurance approves the Surgery it is looking more like it's going to be in March or maybe April. So a year will have come and gone since i've started the process.... looking ahead time moves so slowly........ looking back, how quickly time seems to move.

Changing the title

okay...... i am done crying every time i click on my blog.. so one day was enough with the previous post title.
Andrew is feeling better, Sam is now sick, and Katie is just hanging in there. Bill, I think we are still married, has been very busy working, and has been out on "Storm call" for two days now. It has been really windy here, Have i ever told you how much i love the wind? I was so tempted to go out on one of the trails yesterday, but then though that .....hurricane force winds, and trees really aren't a good combination for me to be walking in..... well i am just sayin'!!!!
Christina is busy being a wonderful as usual and she may not be back in time to work out with Johnny today.... I am going regardless, But we did manage to get a walk in this morning.... in front of the TV....
I am going to clean and disinfect for a while....... and maybe get in a little rest before i go to Johnny's. so i should really be getting my butt off this chair and away from the computer.
And just quickly as I told my daughter yesterday after she said she never wanted a pet again cause it hurts too much when they go. We have Life and Death regardless and no matter what..... We can choose to be lonely, sad and unhappy in between this time OR we can choose to Love with all that we have, laugh until we cry, and cry until we laugh. It is our choice. The incredible JOY that Sadie gave us is so worth the pain we are having now....... I am just sayin'

Good Bye Sadie

Goodbye old girl. Thank you for being the greatest family dog. Thank you for keeping an eye on things when i was going through such a tough time. Thank you for the unconditional love.
You were an awesome hiking partner. I am glad that you went from hiking in October... and didn't stay old and sick long..... I'll miss you!!!!

what would i do...

......without such a wonderful friend and neighbor like Christina in my life ?? Things have been a little sad lately, an in the scheme of things not devastating but sad. Sadie our 13 year old dog is not doing well, and she has spent the last few days just lying around, not eating, not drinking...... i know she is 13 BUT before the holidays although a little stiff, she was still eating and playing..... and moving. Katie has spent days just crying....and it was getting too hard just to watch her and wait for her appt. (she sees the vet on Friday) So today i thought.......this is enough, so i called the local vet to see if we could get her in today....... to one, evaluated to see if she may have an infection .or two, decide to humanly let her go. Bill and I talked if she has diabetes or cancer or anything like that........we will do nothing more, but if it is a matter of an infection that she has a tough time shaking....... we will give her 24 hours on IVs and antibiotics and pain medicine see if she perks up. ... this morning she was better than yesterday and way better than the day before. she started drinking again this am..........and she IS peeing that is for sure. so anyhow back to my bestest friend!!! .......lets be honest, Katie and I don't work well together, we both blubber way too much......so Christina came to be our stability. (yeah i know it is scary when Chris is the stable one). She took Us over to the vets and we met Bill there so we could help move her . Oh Bill is such a softy......he couldn't even stick around. Oh and Christina's sweet sweet 6'4"feet tall son came to the house to help put Sadie in the car.
So i do know no matter what Sadie is a Dog. and has had a good life. but i figure she deserves to be comfortable. this Dog grow up with the kids.. no matter what child if they were sick....Sadie spent the night in that bedroom.......... she played baseball with the boys for years..... yes i mean Played baseball....... she'd be in the outfield and just wait for the ball to be hit....then she'd fetch the ball.......and try to touch the person before they made it back to home plate. she loved to sled ride with the kids, and sneak up on the couch to cuddle with them when i wasn't looking. She almost knew when Albert left me...... she'd spend the evenings going from bedroom to bedroom checking on the kids and me...... yeah she at least deserves this one shot to see if it is an infection that can be easily treated with antibiotics....... we will wait and see!!!! Christina you were so good with Katie, thank you.

okay not to change the subject, but let me tell you....... and Chris i am sure, will second this. Johnny was absolutely NO fun yesterday. He said he is done "babying" us, and is upping our workout to a whole new level. he threw in a lot of Cardio Burst yesterday..... i was dripping with sweat..... and Christina was giving him the "evil eye" he told us that a work out like we had will continue to burn fat even the next day......... woo hoo!!!!

I am at work today, and i am tired with a headache........ but i think it is from the drama with Sadie....... hopefully it will be quiet here.

well boys in the waiting room gotta go for now

okay, maybe it's time to update......

First and foremost, Andrew seems to be feeling a little better. I took him to the Doctor yesterday and he does have Pneumonia, so he was/is one sick puppy! But he seems to be getting spoiled nicely. and his appetite has NOT been affected..... i am just sayin'
I also had my appointment with my Doctor, it wasn't for anything in particular other than he is keeping close tabs on me during this journey. After the surgery he wants more frequent bloodwork done to make sure that all my vitamin levels, iron levels etc are where they should be. if i am doing anything right, i am preparing myself and also preparing for after the surgery, putting everything in place. My Doctor is one of those Doctors that I can call and say.. Hey it's been a few years since my last stress test..... i need another one..... or hey can you order me this... or i am having an issue with that..... He seems to trust what i say. it would be a lie if I said sometimes i do think i can do this on my own..... it is during these times that I pray and put it in God's hands. he brought me this direction for a reason.... and i also am reminded that EVEN with the lapband i am still doing it on my own. I realistically can hear from my Insurance company anytime now..... so jitters are normal. I was looking back on some old Journals.... you know the antique kinds that sit on your bedside table...... i had started the process in 2003 to get the lap band... looking back then it was for the wrong reason, I wanted a quick fix and was even mad that i was told that i'd have to jump through a few hoops...... not nearly as many as i do now. and i didn't like who i was, especially on the outside, I was embarrassed and ashamed ...... so back then it was hurry up and fix this............. A BIG prescription for FAILURE.
So ironically now....... I have come to terms with my body image, am happy with who I am, so now i think i am an ideal candidate for this Surgery. it isn't a quick fix.......... and i do have to do this on my own......with the help of a Lapband or not..........
Miss Patti, sorry i missed your call........... not even sure how/when/why i missed it. but the Canal Day Festival always fall on the first weekend in June....... so I think it is June 5-7 this year.
Now you've been here a few times.....and you have yet to walk with me on my little mountain. so my goal is to be ready to walk with you at least once.

I can't sleep...........

and i am not sure why.... i never did get a full blown migraine thank goodness. after working 10 hours i was very tired, and i think from trying to function with the "light show"part of the migraine i seemed to be extra tired..........this evening when i got home i kept busy with Andrew, he was a pretty sick boy tonight high high fever 103 + If not hotter, his dad said his fever was so high he was hallucinating. he called me at work crying cause his body wouldn't move......so Bill had given him 800 mg of Ibuprofen an hour before i even got home. a couple ice pads under his pits, blankets off, fan on and a nice clean white sheet in place........... by 930 pm fever broke... and he was as hungry as a horse........ so Popsicles, sherbet, chicken soap and lots and lots of Gatorade..... I keep checking on him, at 1130 he was in a cold sweat........ at 130 he seems to be sleeping comfortably..... I don't usually jump on antibiotics, but with such a fever and immediate sore throat it sounds like possible strep ( going around in school big time). ....... I think he'll be fine. so maybe that is why i can't sleep, yeah he's 17, but still counts on mom to make sure he's okay. or maybe it's because Sadie is getting old.....and it hit so suddenly...... she was running, jumping , fetching, hiking in september and beginning of October...... and now she has gotten stiff, and has difficulty controlling her bladder.... yeah i know she turned 13 on Dec 22, but still..... and i really think that i am just emotional cause this is the time that I am emotional....... oh yoi,
so i go to bed at 1030 tonight exhausted........sleep for 20 minutes and am now W I D E awake, maybe i'll go put on some Rosanne to cheer me up,..... oh back to the Migraine thing....... so luckily i haven't experienced the migraine headache other than the light show since i got the Demerol shot, oh so long ago........ so that is a good thing.
well to bed i go again........cause right now i am just rambling........ranmbling.....rambling.........

I am surrounded

Well i had an entry started for my blog last night, figured i'd finish it at work today, and then post.........well since its changed slightly I gotta start all over again. but i am keeping the title the same.
Last night i received a call from my sweet neighbor lady who wasn't feeling well, since i just got home from Johnny's i told her i'd get a bath and then come down to check her out... she said her throat hurt, her head hurt, she was cold and hot. well her throat was red and swollen, and you could hear that she had nasal congestion by the sound of her voice. I checked her blood pressure and her heart rate and rhythm just to give her peace of mind. She was worried that i'd catch something from her.......but i told her that i've been surrounded by sickness for the past 2 weeks......and if i am going to get something, i am going to get it. (*i talked to her this AM, and she seems to be feeling better)
So i began thinking about how much sickness i have been around lately, and being a nurse, it has been ALOT!!!. I have managed to stay pretty healthy thus far, maybe it is the extra 1000 mg of Vit C that i take faithfully, maybe its the extra fluids i am taking, or the rest i am getting, or the diet I am eating, or the essential oils i rub on my chest every evening.......... and then I started to blog last night about not getting a migraine during last months cycle or this month for that matter.......... well this morning i am talking to Christina about how great it is that i haven't gotten migraines.........and i said hey i even "started" today and no migraine......... well 15 minutes later...... i started to feel a mild headache from eye strain, thinking it was from being on the computer, i get off for a minute.............. and just sit........... and the light show began...... can you believe it..... I immediately took my Maxalt to prevent the headache part from happening. normally if i were home i'd immediately lay down and rest for about an hour........and i wake up like nothing happened........ but now i am at work for 6 more hours...... so i am not sure how this will pan out. and i must say writing on this computer isn't helping much either. and even writing this is taking me forever.

Well today i am doing a double shift at Kiski. most of the boys are off campus so i am not very busy. if Bill comes to visit maybe he and i will walk on campus for a while, it is so warm outside.

*Much Later, I am feeling a little better, Bill should stop in shortly (next 1/2 hour). so that will kill some time.

Have i ever mentioned how smart my brother really is? even after last nights workout, none of my past injuries are hurting me. he has yet to give Chris and I the same workout twice. and even when i beg to differ that i know more....he always puts me in my place. I have always been very strong, and i have lots of muscle mass under this layer of fat....... so i tend to want to lift more weight than i need too...... so this one exercise he gives me 70lbs to work with...... so i do that a few times........and then i start to question

Me: John, can i use 90lbs on the next set, this was too easy
John: No keep it at 70
Me: but......
John: No Sandi, your muscles are so strong you could easily lift 100lbs BUT the ligaments that connect those muscles are not
Me: but....... (* notice how he doesn't give me a chance to talk)
John: that's what causes injury. If you use the 70lbs, slow the movement more.....you'll feel it
Me: well.......

okay so he was right....... I slowed the movement of the weight, and i did feel the 70lbs. why do i even try to argue? I get no where with him. LOL. but you gotta love him he is so cute.....right Christina? What Christina said about T.R. is so true, he is so cute, but a trainer he is not.... if you would see him on the street you'd never never ever guess. when he is training his clients he does hang/lean on the equipment and chats about everyday life the entire time...... and there is Johnny...... we have to stay focused 100% of the time, if he does talk it is usually about our technique and such, and we really can't talk back cause we don't have the energy too... i am just sayin'

Okay Patti I get the hint

yeah guess i did leave my blog with the "my back" episode and haven't updated..... so i get a call from Patti tonight......."how is your back" and then i read Kellie's blog....... and all i can say is opps, and i am sorry LOL.
Yesterday was my first day working out with Johnny, on sunday i really pulled it again while i was rushing to get ready for the Superbowl parties i was attending. .. well we got to the gym a good 20 minutes before our scheduled work out so that I could really do a good 20 minute cardio warm up. John didn't take it easy on me, but he worked it "smart", gee the more i work with him the more i realize he really DOES know what he is doing. I felt absolutely no pain, he would set me up for a certain exercise and i would say........Johnny that is going to hurt my back.... and he would say No it isn't, ..... and he was so right....... it was a tough work out, he said that Chris and I are too out of shape to miss 10 days....... but on the other hand a good work out week, and we will have gained all we lost. Oh and I must say that he got a little firm with me yesterday, he mentioned it to Chris too, but not as much as he kept telling me.......... " I give you two days a week of my time, I don't mind........but can't you give yourself 1 DAY. so he said we have to do a weight training workout at home on Sunday. He wasn't joking either. and he is right. I am so lucky to have Johnny, and he really really wants to see me succeed, he knows like me, how painful it is to lose your mom at such a young age, he doesn't want my kids to go through that too, plus he'd miss his sister!!! I think Chris gave John a jokingly excuse about going to Church on Sunday........ and he said something like what is your Church address 88 Plymouth Rock in the 1700's, does church go for 8 to 10 hours???..... He is so cute :0). Needless to say I WILL be working out on Sunday....... Oh i must add, i took no medication for my back.......... nothing, not even an Ibuprofen..... i've been using Ice and Heat, Whirlpool Epsom Salt soaks, and Lemongrass essential oils rubbed directly into the sore muscle..... Lemongrass gives an incredible heat sensation and luckily it doesn't cause a rash or any other problems..... i am using a couple drops in the concentrated form, but it can be mixed in some mineral oil 20:1 and still work fine. I don't want someone reading this go run out and get the oil.....and burn the He** out on their skin... I am just sayin'
Had a meeting with my life coach over the phone, it went pretty good. all my paper work from her was sent to Courcoulas's coordinator to be sent to my insurance by this friday, i thought it was last friday..... so i just keep doing what i am doing..... ........ i didn't over eat on Sunday either, i had two parties to go to...... i had a normal breakfast of whole grain double fiber toast, with one egg/1egg white and one slice of low fat cheese before i went to the first party i had my diet sugar free dark chocolate pudding, light whipped topping and 1/2 banana. so that i wouldn't go to the party hungry..... or craving the sweets.... i did NOT nibble at the snacks, but took a small plate had a burger some veggies.... a tablespoon of buffalo chicken dip with 6 tortilla chips..... that is it. for Dinner and second party, had two slices of the best pizza, and later on a small piece of jello poke cake....yummy!! I drank nothing but my green tea..... no sugar or sugar substitute needed. fresh made by me and water. i did NOT eat the chips or nibble there either. I never once felt deprived, or thought i was missing out. and gee what an ending....... The Steelers won.
I have been so busy.......with work, baby sitting, Andrews basketball games...... i really would like a day to stay home and do nothing....... ain'g gonna happen none to soon.
I've been writing this entry for over an hour now, i am so busy here, this never happens this late, but we got some sick boys........ thankfully i have not been ill yet.
hope to blog more later

~my back~

Okay, maybe i did look a little funny sliding down our driveway flat on my back......but really it was no fun. Thursday night after bill picked me up at work, and we could not make it up the icy driveway..... so i walked up to the house, got a bag of ashes (from the wood burner) to place strategically on the driveway....... he made it up .......and i made it down...... I slipped on the ice and fell really hard on my back. If i would have only "went with the fall", but of course my automatic reaction was to try and stop the fall, which caused a twisting pain in my lower back, between my shoulder blades, my wrist and knee. After talking to Johnny on friday morning......we both came to the conclusion that do nothing physical for 48 hours. and then start with light stretching and mild cardio........ and he will work with me on Tuesday. today i feel i tightness in my back but not so much bad pain. Yesterday on the other hand........ i couldn't even stand up right, and i sorta walked like what resembled an Ape or a Neanderthal!!! ....... i mean i am just sayin'.
So here i sit at work, and actually it isn't feeling too bad, we will see what will happen after i start moving again.

I am feeling pretty good, there is so much sickness at Kiski right now..... but i am really keeping up on my vitamins, Xtra C, resting and drinking tons of fluids.......nothing more i can do.....

i haven't been writing down my food selections as of late, i think i've missed 4 days..... which is a big NO NO. so today i am making sure i am writing down everything....... I've been making green tea /for my water, no sugar, no nothing...... and i've been drinking 48oz's daily...... i steep the tea bags about 4 minutes that is it.... sometimes i add a scoop of Raspberry Herbal loose tea just for a touch of flavor. well Bill is here visiting....so i am going to chat with him

I was just thinking~~~~~

so my husband was sitting with a group of his co-workers, not even remotely ashamed that His wife is over weight enough that she is considering the lap band surgery. He truly loves me for who i am. how cool is that :0). he doesn't see me as over weight.......... he just sees me as his wife. he is getting pretty excited for me, he is already figuring out this and that. like for instance if we do on the rare occasion, go out to eat.... we can split a meal i can take 1/3 or 1/4, and he will finish the rest. He has already stopped drinking liquids with his meals, since i stopped that some time ago. he is figuring that he can take a week off work to be with me after the surgery, i on the other hand will try and talk him into going to work after a few days..... really i'll be on liquids only. i'll be resting, and "walking" around the house. and Christina is right there if something happens. I plan on making a huge pot of Chicken broth...... and then freeze it in individual freezer bags......... so i can just pull one out when i need it. Someone asked me today, what happens if my Insurance for some reason says no? Well i look at it this way...... if God is pretty sure he'd like me to continue this journey........then i will. and the Insurance will be fine. HOWEVER, if there is a slight chance that they do not cover this........ well my goodness, i sure am learning a lot, and enjoying the journey........ i've developed some really good habits this past year. including things like "chewing my food" still am thrilled with that eye opening piece of information. I eat slower, don't drink with my meals, I exercise more, I monitor and keep track of my food. ............ do i have a back up plan? sure i do.......

I must admit that i am so tired today.......... i mean so tired. I don't feel sick, no fever, sore throat, earache, stomach , diarrhea, headache........... nope NOTHING! other that very tired. so i'll take extra fluids, extra vitamin C, and hopefully extra sleep tonight.... and continue with positive thinking and relaxation techniques to keep stress from recking havoc with my Immune system. I know that when I worked on Tuesday....... i was bombarded with sick boys..... so there were little evil germs floating everywhere... only time will tell

I am at work now, and i just want to crawl into bed......... hmmm, wondering if this is PRE menstrual related........

Interviewing

so while i wait for all of my paperwork to be processed, I've decided to not just sit and wait.....so i am looking to talk with people who have had the lapband. (good and bad results). i know of a few from around here, and today while Bill was hanging at his office with his co workers (to icy to be out). don't ask me how they got on the subject, but Bill calls me and says hey "buggie"(nickname obviously) wants to talk to you........ so Bugman gets on the phone.....and starts telling me about his daughter in Jersey who had the lapband last September, within 1/2 an hour my phone rings....and it is his daughter....... she has had great success with her lapband, she said exercise routine is a MUST, and listen to the portions allowed with the lapband! She is down 190 lbs yes that is not a misprint. she went from a size 30 to a size 4. WOW is all that I can say. of course i know that this kind of result is not typical. I know a neighbor that lives just a couple of miles away from me had this surgery in early summer, i guess she is down 50lbs..... which is about 10 lbs a month..... I have also spoke to a childhood friend who had the lapband procedure, 5 years ago, lost 90 lbs, had a tummy tuck........ started to really enjoy the party life, drinking and eating bar foods and go figure........her weight is back !!! so far i've heard something from every spectrum ..... Nobody that reads my blog or knows me can truly say that I am going in this blind that is for sure. In the past year i've come to terms that I will ALWAYS need to monitor my weight. Lapband or Not!! my weight will ALWAYS be a problem for me, more like a chronic condition. Not much different that a Diabetic always having to watch, sure they can reverse diabetes problems, gee they can even work themselves off of diabetic medication But they will always be a diabetic. my brother who by the Grace of God was saved from the destruction of Alcohol, (who by the way is almost 10 years sober) will always be an Alcoholic. the second he "thinks " he's not, is when it could really return to haunt him. Therefore I may not always be Obese, but I will Always have the tendency to gain weight.
No Johnny again today..... it was way bad here weather wise, and I didn't do exercise at home either like what i planned...... oh I didn't lie around i've had this urge to really do some deep cleaning, like closets and shelves i haven't touched in years........ then Christina who can be really brilliant at times figured out why.... maybe i didn't realize it, but i could have this surgery from 2 weeks to 2 months from now...... so i am getting my home in "order" so to speak, so i can truly rest during my convalescent period.
.......sometimes she is just so smart :0).

Didn't even take my bra off.....

Gee don't worry this isn't a rated X post. it is no surprise, i hate confining clothing..... for as long as i can remember....... the second i walk in the door, off comes the shoes, socks, and bra (hey i just noticed still wearing my socks too).... so what does this mean?? it means i've been too dam busy. Work was very hectic. i admitted 10 boys to the Health Center today in less than an hour..... my day didn't stop from there..... came home and thought the neighbor had a problem, she kept calling me but we would get disconnected.... so when i'd call back the same thing would happen...... i got worried so i headed to her house (she was fine, and just wanted to chat about something) stayed and visited for an hour. and since ive been working so much, i tried to play catch up on house work,... and it just snow balled from there....
So i guess i was too busy to notice my bra and socks have remained on all evening......
I am tired, waiting for Bill to come home from his second job , i'll have a hot meal waiting for him when he walks in the door....... after i visit with him for a while i think i'll head to the tub.........and crawl in too my very chilly bed........ and wait until my body heats the covers so i can drift off to sleep... i actually do Not work tomorrow, but i have a dentist appointment, an appointment with Johnny, and then Drew has a basketball game........ still feeling pretty dang good....... actually i am feeling really good... well i think Bill is home so i gotta split........

Emotionally Stable with Incredible Coping skills. (no smart a** remarks from the peanut gallary (hi Cliff)

Wow what a big title......... but well i can't believe i am finished with all of the preparation and processes needed to get the lap band surgery. Today went extremely well. The nutritional consult was cut really short. I guess my diet coach did well about informing me these past 6 months. a 1 hour session ended up taking 15 minutes.
The Psychiatric appointment went well. and i know those who really know me aren't going to believe this. but She thought I really had my "stuff " together. She thought i was realistic, and my coping skills and ability to see the whole picture were right on the money. She dug into my past, my divorce, all kinds of things...... and she kept going back to the "so your Xhusband works with your present husband who helped him get the job in the first place , and they both take your kids to games and out for pizza kind of thing"........ i think she was almost shocked. And she also said because my Family Doctor put on my diagnosis once, 10 years ago, "anxiety" issues because i went through a tough time when my husband left...... was a symptom of what was going on, not a diagnosis.
There where no black dot pictures to figure out or no profound questions to answer(if you could invite any person living or dead to have dinner with you, what would you make?~Rose Niland GG)
So now I wait for all the information to be processed and sent to the Insurance company... next will be approval by the Insurance Company and then finally a Surgery Date.
However i am still in the Prep study for 2 more years after the my surgery date so i will be watched very closely for a long time
well i am going to get going, Bill and I are going to Drew's basketball game this evening.......... work in the Am.

Kellie my Hero of the week

I have this beautiful friend Kellie, whom i've only met in person once... who i've known for 5 years, I've talked to her on the phone, we keep up with each other on blogs. and e-mails.... but there is NO doubt that she is one of my dearest friends in the world.
I don't think Kellie had the easiest childhood growing up.... actually I am pretty sure it sucked really really bad. She married this wonderful man who has given unconditional acceptance and security. She gave birth to 3 beautiful children......
..... in the past few years this family found out that the youngest son has a debilitating life threatening disease, Kellie had to deal with and endure countless doctor appointments, surgeries, plane trips , Ronald McDonald houses, medical complications, fighting with the Insurance company. all of this while watching her "baby boy" writhe in pain, ....during ALL of this they lost their house........ medical bills and medications sucked every ounce of money they had. it became a daily question..... do we buy "our son " his medication, or do we buy bread and milk....... oh lets throw into this equation, her oldest son was serving in Iraq on and off during this..
Okay now lets find out that our middle Daughter has the same hereditary complication that the youngest son has....... Okay ...... Now the husband lost his job, another victim of todays economy.....oh and he will be losing his Health insurance too........... Sure Kellie has really bad days, but I watch her continue to PERSEVERE, she is amazing how she can switch gears and be able to work out a medical plan for her son. she continues to find that very fine silver lining around every dark cloud. She is the glue that through all of this keeps her world stable so her children can stand strong. You know while her life has been like this, while she hears more bad news about her son........she's trying to figure out how to help my husband with his MRSA face infection....... she managed to order and send him essential oils that i believe played an incredible role in his face healing so perfectly. How in the world does she even have time to think about anyone else? Kellie I know you are not perfect, and I know that you have days you prob don't even want to get out of bed........ BUT girlfriend you AMAZE me to no end.......... sometimes if Christina and I even want to complain about something silly going on....you don't know how often we say to each other " we have no right to complain, think about what Kellie is going through...... YOU inspire me to be a better person on a daily basis. thank you.
and Kellie I promise you that God knows and sees everything.... and I promise you that He is holding you every step of the way.

6 months done......... new phase started

Well for the past 6 months i have either seen my diet coach or talked to her every single week. today was my official last visit. I've done very well. lost a couple more pounds. actually i am 35 lbs to the negative since i started my Lapband quest. however i will continue to see Aimee ( until my surgery date). Now it will be every other week.
this PREP program is the best thing that I have ever done in regards to trying to get healthy. This program has worked on every possible direction and avenue I can think of. from all the weekly visits, learning how to eat and why i eat. getting down to the nitty gritty as to why i am over 100lbs over weight. Not only did i see Aimee today, I also did Evaluation # 2 of many. had to answer a 20 page questionnaire about how~ where ~why ~when ~what ~volume that I eat. I have the little "arm computer band" to wear to document my movement...... I wore this in May or early June...... i bet it has changed data already..... and i have a little ( or i should say quite lengthy ) questionnaire to fill out and return (it has 40 pages to it). I've read a few blogs and stories (mainly on the lapband talk website) where people trying to get the lapband are upset because they have to wait....... well i'd just like to tell them take the "wait" and make it an opportunity!! also there is one client that actually gained weight during the process, and the Doctor will not do her surgery.... she said that if you can't loose a few pounds without the lapband you will NOT lose pounds after the lapband!!! so she has to try again. also now many insurances are requiring you lose some weight between the initial visit and the day surgery is approved....oh well enough of that.
I left my house at a little after 9am and will return a little after 7pm, and then i come directly back here at 7am until 1pm........ I am tired, oh not mentally tired, just tired would love a day off. even if it is Kiski. Hey Chris when i get off tomorrow at 1pm you want to go directly for a hike?? I know if i go home first...don't think i'll leave....... let me know
well i think while i have the time i'll sort through all the papers and such i got today.
Oh and Cliff i commented on your comment that commented on my comment about your comment...... on the post without a title or words ;0)

NO MERCY~~~~~>

okay i am putting this in writing.......let it be on the record........ Johnny gave me the absolute hardest workout I have ever had bar none. Chris and I did some of the same exercises, as well as a few different ones. I was able to get in 20 minutes of cardio too. Johnny said he's going to start to "up" our workouts.......... gee i thought they've been "up" all along!!! my arms are still rubbery..... Christina walked out of the gym like too old ladies..... i wasn't sure how i was going to use my arms to drive and Christina had a tough time using her legs to walk. we figured if i used the gas and brake peddles, and she would steer......... we could probably get home!!!!

i think i am going to get a whirlpool tub bath.......and drink a hot cup of tea (Chris gave me a different flavor to try)
and tomorrow i have a day of meetings in Pittsburgh then i go directly to work........ so it will be an all day affair...... hate days like that, and then i think i work day shift on Thursday........ yoi......

well i just can't seem to type anymore.... make it a good night
Hey Chris how are you surviving????

when am i getting my "G String"

Okay i must say that the title and my picture have absolutely Nothing to do with each other... what do you think Christina.... a good 8-12 inches so far??? i know that Andrew and Bill shoveled the sidewalk at 11:30a and by 1:30p we added 2 more inches. at least it isn't cold, and i must say it is oh so beautiful.....Invigorating to the soul. the second picture is on Kiski Campus

So Christina and Larry (her great hubby) were talking yesterday and I guess Chris was thinking about adding a tool to her journey. so i guess being that we both work out with Johnny and we both walk a couple days a week, Larry wanted to know if "I was going to go with her?" and Chris was like No Larry but i can go by myself,. i guess he questioned this or that........and then he said oh that's right, when does Sandi get her G String???? needless to say, when i heard this i broke up in laughter, as well as Bill did when i told him the story. Now I must say that Larry did redeem himself and said......" oh i meant the Lap band" who knows maybe the G string will be needed after the Lap band has been in place a while.... i mean I am just sayin', but i am pretty surely positive that right now that a G string would not be a really good "tool" for me to use.

Well I am at Kiski today, Bill brought me in using the Tracker, and good thing too. the roads are really not great, and we saw a few cars that could not make it and were along the road. Sundays are quiet here so it should be a good afternoon. I must say that my Butt muscles are really hurting me today, and i can't think what exercise i did at Johnny's that would kill a butt muscle.

well i should get going......... have a good rest of the afternoon

~PERSEVERANCE~

Okay i must now tell Kim that she will just have to scroll down, cause i don't think i can look at my brothers picture a third day........ scroll kim, scroll!!! I am taking time on my blog this week to talk about some key words/thoughts that will help me to succeed. On my phone I have this picture (katie took of a roller coaster) and the word printed above -->Persevere !!!

You hear so often, (hi Patti) of someone falling off the wagon, and needing to climb back on in their diet journey. well I , like my dear friend Patti, don't like that statement. Okay it is like this,I think life, diets, exercise routines, work, relationships........... have periods of ups and downs. Just before the roller coast starts to climb a steep hill, i don't get off of it and wait until it reaches the top, than somehow climb back on for the decent. When my husband and I go on a road trip and for some reason or other we reach a Road Block. I don't get out of the car and wait for my husband to find/take a detour. ......... No i stay in, I use my tools (map, Magellan, road signs) to figure a way around the Blocked Road. There are obstacles in life, some bigger than others, that will try to defeat even the greatest of plans. But we all have the ability to Persevere beyond them. I am reminded of Melody and her road block called Cancer......her body was being beat to a pulp from the Cancer Chemo battle...... but she fought with a smile. she pushed, she walked miles in the halls, she had a stationary bike in her sterile room. For every bad thing happening, she counteracted it with a positive thought. a positive action. I want to learn from Melody, I am learning from Melody!!!

There isn't one of us here that at one time or another we reach a Road block in our journey to better health. but the difference's between success and failure are how we react to that block. we can choose to whine, make a million excuses, jump off/ fall of the wagon. Or we can take responsibility, dig deep , use our individual tools to push beyond the obstacle we CAN Persevere beyond and above........ I must mention my dear friend Patti again.... one day for her everything just "clicked" as i tell her.. for years she worked, lost some weight..... plateaued a while, ........BUT she never "fell of the wagon"....... she Persevered, and worked, and persevered some more....... she's lost tons of weight, she looks awesome, it didn't happen over night. and even know she has succeeded in the weight loss journey. I am sure she still faces road blocks, and if you read her blog she is aware, if she's ate too much, or didn't exercise enough...... she doesn't wait until she gains 50lbs back...... she, regroups, and does what she has too to maintain her health. You inspire me Patti :0)

Well I got called in to work today, I don't mind though, I love the stress free environment of Kiski School. so i should go get some paperwork done, It is so cold, but i do not mind, actually I love this weather... and then Katie and I are going for groceries, and then Chris and I are going to Johnny's to work out...... tomorrow i'd like to just stay home and chill.......

I am feeling so good........

~COMMITMENT~

okay, I promised Kim that i would put Johnny's picture up for another posting, Oh my, our "Blanch" of Golden Girls is living up to her name, I am just sayin'

Yesterday i spoke about responsibility, so today the key word is Commitment. you know it is so easy for me to commit to my children, my husband, my job, ,....... when i took my foster son in 5 years ago... me being his 9th home. I wrote him a note and i spoke with his case worker letting him know, that I would not send him away, and i gave him my word.... well let me tell you, it isn't easy with either of my now 17 year old sons. And when Corey does get into trouble he tends to Push further instead of helping with the problem. almost like he keeps testing me, wanting to see if I am a girl of my word... and without going into detail it has been VERY difficult with him for the past month...... (we are now on the up swing) BUT My Word is MY heart and soul, it is all i have to offer...... so Corey Boy............ it AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN. I made a commitment to you when you were a little boy, ........ " sending you away is NOT an option." ..............

So why can't i make a Commitment to myself? Why can't i give myself.......my word of honor that i plan on making my body better??? Oh in the past years..... I "committed" to weight watchers, and calorie king, and curves, and lowfat diets, low calorie diets, low carb diets. I "committed" to the Thigh Master, Yoga, YMCA, gym memberships, the Exercise Ball, the treadmill, the elliptical trainer........

definition of :

commitment
Noun
1. dedication to a cause or principle
2. an obligation, responsibility, or promise that restricts freedom of action
3. the act of committing or state of being committed

in none of these definitions does it say......... "until, unless, sometimes, occasionally,....

my commitment is a dedication, obligation, responsibility, and promise to ME by ME to continue on this really awesome journey to better health in body, mind, and soul!!! and as an old friend used to say .........." failure is NOT an option".

p.s. the second day after the work out......... my arms are killen me.......the triceps are the worse....... i am just sayin'

~RESPONSIBILITY~

"this is my brother.......... he is much sweeter than he looks lol....

life is such a learning process, and yesterday was another light bulb moment in this journey of mine. It all started with me working all day. I was busy, but the time i did have free, i was trying to figure out facebook on line. what is really cool is that it isn't strangers that are finding me, but my old school chums. lately my mind has been flooded with memories of growing up with all my classmates......... well anyhow i digress, ....... so when i did get home, i seemed to have such a major head ache, not a migraine, but a headache behind the eyes, maybe sinus related. Chris and I still planned on going to the gym...... 3pm and it started to snow really bad here, i had to go to Indiana for Sam's appt. no matter what, but i was wishing i could get out of the gym...... 3:15 Chris called, she couldn't go. (lets just say tummy issues are way more unpredictable than sinus issues). So immediately the wheels started turning in my mind........ "hmm, maybe I'll just take Sam to his appt. and i'd stay with him instead of Albert staying with him, oh look at this snow, i'll come right back home John will understand.........." i think Christina felt guilty, cause she feels she let me down......... OH on contra er........

Bottom line is, Christina can help and support me, Bill and my kids can support me, Johnny can help and support me, My diet coach can support me....... and heck yeah, the Lapband can help and support me....... BUT I am ultimately responsible for my decisions, actions, successes and failures.

i have the absolute greatest network of support, and they are wonderful tools, yet I am responsible and must answer to myself. i guess it is the same concept when i do get the lapband. sure it will be there with me, but it ain't gonna work unless i make the decision to work with it.

i feel really good about yesterday! oh and i can't forget, so last night I was so tempted to pull out the Oreos..... i was craving them so bad, and if i can be honest, i knew that the crave was so strong that i would have eaten way more than 2. .... i can't even explain how close i came to scarfing up the Oreos,........... okay get a grip, i said to myself.... maybe it is sweet i am craving...... so i got a sugar free rice pudding, put it in a dessert dish, and a dollop of light cool whip (comes in a can now).... sat down and slowly ate that.......... well it did the trick....... and later in the evening i had 1/2 grapefruit and 1 sm clementine...... I went to bed without feeling any cravings.... and the Oreos haven't called me since.....

IT is so cold here, so i think i am going to get a nice hot bath to warm me up. oh and i bought this eye mask actually made for sinus issues, it applies cold (goes in the freezer) pressure to the area around my eyes and it feels wonderful....... i used it for 1/2 hour last night....... and my headache went away...... if i were to grade myself for yesterday......i'd have to give it an A

and the work out with Johnny was tough..... he said my Cardio level did not diminish, but he took it easy on the joints..... my strength was still there too..... when i got home my arms felt like rubber, but nothing that shouldn't of hurt .......hurt. even my knees are fine... we'll see what happens of Friday :0)

Dreading!!!!!!

Well i am NOT going to lie to you here, but i must say that there is a part of me that is dreading the workout with Johnny today! It has been a couple of weeks since we've been there. and it really isn't easy. Oh when i am done working out, i am always glad that i did. and after the fact it feels so good........but It just isn't easy.
So i am getting these emails that so and so has wrote on my Wall, now what does that mean??? didn't even know that I had a wall! It had something to do with facebook, which i must say that I am clueless to the fact, thanks to Katie she is training me well...... (gee more to learn).
I have my last two parts of the process in 13 days.........and then everything will be submitted to my Insurance for approval and then the date will be set for my surgery. My diet coach said actually it should move pretty quickly. So how am I feeling about it? well Kim and I spoke about this last night......... and I am feeling really good about it. I just know that this is right for me. You know if God wanted I could wake up a size 10, and i wouldn't complain. But for some reason God is all about the journey, the growth, the learning!!! I really feel in the long run this is a good tool for me. is it for everyone? absolutely NOT, different things work for different people. Kim is happy with her tool, Patti is happy with her tool, there are people at Weight Watchers that are happy with their tool, as well as Jenny Craig, Atkins, Curves, Calorie King,...... and we can work with more than one tool. I just know that last year at this time, I was sick, I went back and re read my blog...... and i spent most of January and All of February very sick. ... So it was back then, after getting out of the hospital, spending 12 weeks ill, .....that I had to take control of my health.... So I just prayed for direction, i prayed for answers, and I prayed for peace. ...... so it has been almost a year since the Lapband entered my mind... and it sure has been a process. but still no regrets............ even at this point, i am still trusting God , so if i get this far and for some reason or another, i am told, surgery can't be done......... then i got to realize that God is a part of that decision too...... and he doesn't take His children on unnecessary Journeys just for shits and giggles!!!!...... I am just sayin'
Well have a good bit of work to do here at Kiski.........but time seems to fly by when i am busy.
I'll let you know how i survived the workout tomorrow.....

two funks don't make a right....

Oh i have "funky" times and of course Christina has funky times....... we all have funky times!!! but i can't remember when both Christina and I had our "funky" times at the same time. for over 20 years if i was having a down time, Chris could usually get me out of it and visa versa..... but these past few weeks , i think it hit us both.... and like i've blogged before, I really can't pinpoint mine.. it's not that i haven't been happy, but i really haven't been sad either..... i'm not really tired, but i don't have any energy......... get the picture. So it has been real work for BOTH of us to keep each other in gear. So we 'talk' each other into going on a hike, of course i b*tch about the trail that I picked..... she gives me dirty looks cause it really is quite cold outside, and the hills are actually very steep. but by the time we are done...........we both feel pretty darn good. and i must say that Christina surprises me... i mean she owns a camalbak for hydration, she owns the right clothing for winter hiking, the right hats for hiking..... she's becoming a regular outdoorsy type of girl. ............ so anyhow,

we ended up walking over an hour yesterday- managed to do approx 4 miles, and i must say it wasn't an easy hike, but i must admit we really are getting to be pretty good trackers.....and at least i can pretend that in my mind....... what was odd........ is we are walking on a trail and it seems all of the sudden we see big boot tracks, like were did they come from, how could they just start? and why in the heck do these two sets of big boot tracks have little itty bitty cat tracks with them??? ahhh a mystery. so we hike around the peninsula of conemaugh damn, the water had receded enough that most of the trail was hikeable......there were parts that had lots of logs and debris that we "climbed over".......... an overall body workout :0).

Here are a couple of pictures that i found on the Internet. to shows the peninsula and an aerial view of my absolute favorite place to hike and has been for several years. actually i missed the past year when for whatever stupid reason i didn't go there..... hopefully this year will be different......... I usually walk to the right of the dam if you are looking at the picture, there is a very long drawn-out hill that you have to walk before you can get on the many trails up there. I am not going to lie to you.......i hate this hill, it is actually painful for me, and maybe that is why i've avoided this place lately...... but once i make it up this hill, the trails are beautiful. i've seen bear, dear, bald eagles, osprey, fox, hawks, snakes, box turtles, snapper turtles, chipmunks, and squirrels, because of this area being so "hilly" and having uneven trails, the general population doesn't use it too much..... maybe that is why i like it. Well enough for Conemaugh dam..

think i am going to read a little, it is quiet here at Kiski, and i have 3 more hours to put in. Sundays are usually quiet around here so i brought alot to do........

Only kim would............

.........only kim would look at a blog at two disgusting pictures of a deer being gutted and where it was shot at and not comment about how "gross" it is........ yup she isn't only from Howard Pa she IS Cliffs sister, sorry Cliff no adoption there..... she really is your sister.

Hey girl, gotta love ya :o).

Way to keep up the exercise routine........

please read the post below this,its new. and sandi is grumpy. and everyone has to read hers.... even though i am the princess! (:

ps. those our pictures of what a TRUE princess does in her spare time. <3

bye.

Christina the exercise Nazi......

busy day today ........first had to get Drew to an appointment this morning, went grocery shopping, then got home around 10am, knew i had to get groceries put away, start supper, clean the house........ so I called Christina, not even contemplating going for the hike today, but to let her know that I would not be able to go for a hike, cause i needed to pick Corey up after 12 for his 1 o'clock appointment.

ME: hey Chris real busy here, but just wanted you to know that i won't make a hike today

(Chris continued to just listen to this and that and agree, and said she didn't feel like doing anything either, and then out of blue at the end of our conversation)

CHRIS: its 10:30 now, you don't have to pick Corey up for a while there is time to do something

ME: (thinking maybe she didn't hear me) well I've gotta put things away, and clean up a little bit, and put the chicken in the fridge (we all KNOW how long it takes to put chicken in the fridge)

CHRIS: come on there is time for you to do something

ME: Oh I'll call you back in 10 minutes

so, i get off the phone and grumble, sorta ticked that she didn't just say oh good I've got things to do too.

ME: (call Chris back) Hey Chris, we'll be up in few minutes (me and katie) and we'll go walk that tough hill at Conemaugh

CHRIS: ( a moment of silence)..... oh.........umm, do you know that it is 28 degrees outside???

ME: Katie has the warmest hat in the world, I'll bring for you.... bundle up.

CHRIS: ...... oh okay!!!!

so Katie, Me Izzy and Louie all headed to Christina's (Juneau already went with Katie earlier, and Sadie needs a few days off) well Christina didn't exactly look happy to see us...... but later on in the walk, after I thanked her for encouraging me her wonderful comment was......

"....well i was just talking the talk, i wasn't expecting to walk the walk" gotta love the girl, she just assumed that I'd say No, honestly though it was cold and beautiful, Chris can obviously go up B*tch hill much quicker than me, so i get to the top of the second hill and there she is lying on the icy ground staring at the sky......she did not want to be there but we did hike 3 miles...... Katie was so far ahead, couldn't find us and prob did 5 miles walking back and forth trying to find us......she isn't very good at tracking ....... but that is another blog.....

bottom line is.......I am so glad i went...... breathing the cold air, just made me seem to breath deeper, i am feeling pretty dang good right now........ also makes me want to stay on track with my eating....
so in all seriousness.......... how lucky am i to have a neighbor/relative/friend like you......... pretty dang blessed if you ask me.

.....God's got my back!

As human beings, it really is hard not to worry about all the details in life, especially now. I think this economy has touched everyone, from the very poor to the very wealthy! sometimes when i get off track, and start to dwell on the bills, and the house payment, and the car payment, and groceries and insurance, and taxes....... i can see how easily and strongly fear can take over! I realize the fog of uncertainty is thick, but truly I only need to see one step in front of me. who really cares what is going on a mile ahead. I just know that God's got my back!!! and i know that I will be okay. Bill and I work well together as a team. And God continues to keep my eyes open to the many many blessings in my life. who would have ever thought 20 years ago when i went into the medical field, that meant job security for me now. I have the flexibility to work 20 hours a week or 60 hours a week depending on what bills are due. I have been feeling really really good in the sinus/lung/asthma department. My kids are home and healthy. The best thing for me is to NOT watch the News, 10 minutes of that is enough to depress the jolliest of souls.... :0).

well I had a phone meeting with my diet coach, we are down to just 2 more weeks, hard to believe that 6 months is up already. Nothing more left to do other than the Nutritional assessment and the Psychiatric assessment. I am going to start keeping track of not only my calories but my protein as i am told after the lapband procedure, Protein will be the most important nutrient that I'll need to take. so i want to figure out that amount now and not wait until the week before my surgery.

I am really learning about Essential Oils, and we relied on them during Bills infection (hi Kellie). He uses a mixture of tea tree, chamomile, and lavender on his face every night. and he has NOT had an infected ingrown hair since. I have been putting lemongrass oil on my chest at night as well as taking my Clairtin with Bromelin and i haven't been congestion yet. when my knee was acting up i would use the Lemongrass and olive oil and rub in on my knees. After the sonogram of my abdomen yesterday esp wear my liver is, it started to ache really bad. i mean the sonogram "wand" hurt the entire time i was getting the test done....... so last night Bill put on one of those icy hot patches for me....and it did help but this morning it ached all over again.. so i took some olive oil and a few drops of grapefruit oil and rubbed in all over my abdominal area, focusing on the liver area.......it left a warm sensation, but that was 5 hours ago and no pain right now. I think it is possible to work with doctors and what you would call traditional medications and treatments. as well as work with homeopathic, natural and wholistic treatments. I am fortunate that my personal doctor is willing to work with both with me, he is open minded and willing to try what i bring to him..... so right now i am on Diovon (traditional for blood pressure); Bromelin (herbal for sinus inflammation) Claritin (traditional for allergies, sinus inflammation) Protonix (traditional for stomach issues) Papaya Enzymes ( herbal for stomach issues and aiding in protein breakdown). so quite the mixture there :0). oh please know that you CAN take too many vitamins and herbs. and they filter through your liver just like all drugs... and cause toxicity to your liver and kidneys... and my doctor is aware of everything I take.... that is important too...... okay enough of that..............
I am here at Kiski, and I do have a lot to do since this is the beginning of the new year, lots of new students and lots of paper work.. so i best get my butt in gear..........

~apology to Jeanine~

Dear Jeanine,
I realized you really worked hard on that beautiful green yellow dip with the moss growing in circles around it. I mean the layered mold (mold not meaning the stuff that grows in my refrigerator, but mold meaning shaped bowl) was so beautiful and well presented....... the flavors were ummm........interesting...... what was it Parsley, and Lemon, and Stuff....... I can't help that my tongue did not enjoy what the eyes did. HOWEVER, i should NOT have made such a disgusting face, choke, spin my head around 2 times and puke........it was all reflexes i swear. If i hurt you in any way.... i beg for your forgiveness....... I am sorry!!!!

Now for those who do not know Jeanine.... she is Christina's daughter and she is one hell of a cook and baker. Jeanine loves different foods and she is willing to try different recipes, She makes 4 star Christmas cookies, you know the difficult types, that few of us venture to try and bake. well this umm, not sure what you'd call it was a new recipe she tried....... i accidentally did not like it...... but hey i guess i am not going to like everything ..... right.

Well okay enough about Jeanine, I just got back from the hospital , had my Upper GI and Abdominal Ultrasound. other than my fatty liver, everything else looked good. and the Upper GI showed a insignificant hiatal hernia with minimal regurgitation in the esophagus. as usual my blood work from last month showed "borderline" high triglycerides, good and bad cholesterol. My A1C is 5.2 what will next year show in my blood work........cause when it is all said and done, it isn't about looking good, although that would be nice, it isn't about wearing a size 8 jean, although that would be nice. it is about my health and how i feel.....

I have another doctor appointment this afternoon, and then workout with Johnny...... hopefully the ice/sleet/rain will not make driving treacherous cause if that is the case, i ain't goin' although Chris and I are ready to get in the grove again
Make it a good one folks

do i always need a title???

well i am still "out of sorts". must be a hormonal thing, cause my son Sammy lost it when i started crying over a McDonald's commercial this morning..... hey it was a really sweet commercial, really it was.
Katie and I took the dogs for a nice walk yesterday, nobody was around, and I think the hunting season is official over. (muzzle loader ended on Sat) Chris and I go to Johnny's tomorrow to workout. It will be good getting back into that routine.
I am here at Kiski today, I'll be getting between 3 and 4 days a week. yes i get busy here, but there are times that there is a big Lull in activity. you just never know what is coming through my door...... it could be someone asking for a tums for an upset stomach. Or it could be someone with an acute allergic reaction to the peanut butter they were NOT supposed to eat.....causing anaphylactic shock......
I must admit i didn't keep as good of track on my eating as i did at Christmas time. Not that i over ate by any means, but I find the key for me has been to monitor my food intake.
Oh Kimmie, I didn't think to look at my answering machine when i got back from my walk with Katie, why would i, after all i left the house full of boys! I only knew you called when Bill told me at 9 o'clock last night......... and i have so much to tell you too.........
I somehow have managed to keep my annual cold/lung infection/bronchial asthma at bay so far this season. i have a couple more months to go to get through "peak season"
well my eyes don't really want me on this computer, so i think i'll make this short too....... remember to count you blessings today.........we have many!!!!

`~`~`~`~>out of sorts!!!!

I can't quite put my finger on it, but I just feel sorta not myself today. I am not sick, but not feeling well. I am not happy, but i am not sad. I don't have a lot of energy, but i am not really tired either....... This morning i experienced another "light" show, thankfully I have yet to get another Migraine headache, not sure why I've had it twice this month.........who knows.......
Bill has another day off tomorrow, i am happy for him......he deserves to have some time off........ we will prob take Izzibella (Izzy) and Juneau for a nice hike...... it will be the first time we put Juneau and Izzy together. We'll take Sadie and Louie on a separate walk.......shorter esp for old girl Sadie......... and tell me again........why do we have 4 dogs???? Louie is Johns, Izzy is Katie's, Sadie is really getting old so we kinda just have a dog and 1/2 right.??? (well i tried.)
well i've been writing this blog for 2 hours now, and seem to keep getting interrupted, i think i am going to hit the sack early.......
make it a good weekend

Not this year, maybe first time ever....

this is the first year in prob 20 that i did not make a "new years resolution" to lose weight....... this is the first time in years that i didn't just let it all go until "after" the holidays. I just as a rule maintained what i have been learning this past year in life style changes. I had my meeting with Aimie (my diet coach) on Tuesday, by the home scale i lost 2 more pounds........ that means i lost 8 pounds between Thanksgiving and New Years!!!! What wasn't I allowed to have on my eating plan???? .......... nothing. there wasn't one thing off limits. and i guess because i knew that, i didn't crave anything or have the last meal syndrome. where i pig out in prep for a diet in the near future.
2009 is getting in prep for my impending surgery, continue my journey to better health, and hopefully ending 2009 with my 10 mile hike in honor of Melody. sounds good to me :0)

Dr. Klain has me on a new blood pressure medication because the one i've been on can't be taken during my surgery......so they wanted me to switch......well I don't like it, i've given it 2 weeks......... decided to write down the symptoms i am having....and then look up the symptoms to see if i was experiencing them..... fatigue, check! bloating, check!, nausea, check!. I think i am going to go back on my other medicine and just stop it a few days before surgery. cause i am doing too good to have any set backs.

Bill and I had a nice day today........ just He and I. after some "issues " with his work and the transmission on my van....... we were able to leave bright and early.......went out for breakfast, and then took a road trip to McConnells Mills....... one of my favorite places. it was a little too icy to walk the rock trail along the river..... , stopped by Morraine State Park, what a cold beautiful day. Bill knows me well........ this is me, this is my day...... i'll take a day like this over a fancy dance or party, or a day of shopping, or a movie....... I love my outdoors, and i am loving Katie's gifts too me........ it DOES pay to get name brand gear like ear bands, gloves, hiking socks.....windbreakers...... and trust me I am not a "name brand" type of girl.. but i did stay warm and toasty
well i came home to a crock pot full of Pork, Kielbasi, Sauerkraut..... and i made hot apple turnovers for evening snack.......... a good start to a New Year.........

oh Patti, I am supposed to tell you........Bill is starting his "diet" on Monday........