Daddy

If Dad were still alive, he'd have been 67 years old on Friday! he died 14 years ago on January 4th 2004 During one of the worst snow storms that I remember. it was so hard to get to Mom, many of the roads were closed..... Dad died right after work, we couldn't even get to the hospital where dad's body was, thankfully my brother Chris lives near the hospital and he could get there. Dad had such a hard life, a very abusive mother, who when he was 8 years old,left him home for weeks at a time while she went out "catting" around. And when she didn't leave him at home, she'd take him with her to all of the local bars, Dad became an alcoholic before he was 18 years old. To make a very long story short, He and Mom were childhood sweethearts, married at 17 year of age, 8 children later. Mom the rock, Dad the alcoholic! in 1982 dad gave his life over to Jesus..... and immediate changes took place..... dad stopped drinking and smoking, he started traveling from church to church, prison to prison, from half way houses, and homes filled with troubled boys. talking about alcoholism, and how God changed his life. Mom and Dad had 12 wonderful years together, without the demons of alcohol and abuse! My mom and dad were made for each other, even before he was saved, and even through it all. they stood by each other, i always remembered them sitting on the couch and holding hands, My mom ALWAYS greeted dad with a hug and kiss..... after he was saved, it became even "gushier".!!! but through it all, my dad , never missed a day of work, he never missed a football game, or a softball game, or a choral concert.... and i must say that I was daddy's girl, actually i still AM daddy's girl. And when i had Katie, oh my, what can I even say..... Dad adored her and spoiled her something terrible. Katie was 4 when Dad died, but even she remembers, from the time she could walk.........every Saturday morning was her and "Pappy" day. they'd go to McDonald's for breakfast, and then hit a toy warehouse, or a pet parade, or a local park....... Andrew was two when Pap died, and Sam was conceived right after Pappy died, I've always thought that maybe dad picked out angel Sam and asked God to send him to us, (Sammy was born about a week before the 1 year anniversary death of dad)... I know he is up in Heaven, and I know that God allows him to peak in on us every now and then. I am pretty sure, that He and Mom are pretty good friends there too. I miss him so much, and his life was a Miracle it truly was. I wish i had the words and the time to explain it....... but i can't. Daddy, I love you! You would be thrilled with Bill, and the kids you've got to be so proud of....esp your little princess Katie, you know, i think that maybe you had something to do with the beginnings......of the "princess" thing! but that is okay. She is turning out to be a pretty "cool" young woman. Give mom a hug from me, and tell her I send my love......

good night

~~~Changes~~~

I remember, oh about 7 years ago. Katie had these sleepovers all the time. Usually I took the van and picked them up, and I cooked for them, and baked for them, there would be 6 or 7, eleven year old girls, running around and squealing and screaming, I'd be in bed and at midnight I'd still hear giggles and thumps, one in the morning.... still the same noise... I am not sure how they went to sleep, or when, but by morning, I'd come out to girls on couches, and on the floor, and on the chairs sound asleep. their innocent faces, and messy hair. they would slowly wake up to the smell of Cinnamon rolls, and bacon......... and the chatting would begin again.
This same group of girls, oh they've had their share of problems and fights, and even breaking off of the "girl click" for a steady boyfriend or two. But these girls always seem to come back to each other. Today my daughter left with these same girls from my home for their senior trip, They spent the night together. The changes were....... first of all they couldn't come early, some worked, some had the school concert to attend, some made a promise to her uncle that she'd come and watch the penguin game with him (that would be Katie). ... but at 9:45 last night, they started coming in, and then Katie and Brandi (first girl here) decided to go pick up the other girls so they didn't have to take all the cars in the morning....... you see Katie went, not me........ I went to bed, and didn't fall asleep until i knew they made it back safe...... a trail of duffel bags, and blankets and pillows, quietly went to the game room, put in a movie and chatted with soft voices for an hour or two so they say, They wake up slowly, with innocent faces and messy hair to cinnamon rolls in the oven.... in a rush, they take the rolls with them, wrapped in aluminum foil, i wet a few paper towels and put them in a zip lock baggie, (for their sticky hands you know! )....... and they rush out the door with a trail of duffel bags, blankets and pillows to catch the bus for their senior trip. Katie comes back, and hugs me and kisses me on the cheek, and says "bye I love you mom" ....... okay maybe somethings don't have to change!!!

Thoughts......

Mothers day was this past weekend, and even today i have so many thoughts going through my mind. I've been thinking a lot about my Nephew who passed away in November, and I wonder how his Mom handled Mothers day. she has two beautiful children on Earth, and one in Heaven! and I just wonder how does she survive this, how does she keep going on. She was so close to her first born son, i just feel so sad for her right now, and i can't even imagine the hole ripped in her heart- and i wonder can the children left behind even partially cover the hole. And i thought of my mama, and I wonder what it would be like with her here on Earth. I feel we would have done a lot of things together and she would have doted on the kids, and she would be so proud. And then my X mother in law comes into my thoughts, I hate saying X, I don't think there is a Grandma (and Grandpa) that is so active in their grandchildren lives. My kids are so attached to their Grandparents, and I am not even remotely jealous, I am proud and thrilled to have them in my life. Just in dear Abby last night, someone had written about their son and daughter in law doesn't want the grandchild spending any more time with them, the grandparents, because the paps health isn't the greatest, and they wanted to spare their child the pain of death. NOT my philosophy..... love quickly, deeply, and honestly,. A life time of loving memories will sustain me until i meet my loved one again! I am sure if Gail had the choice of 18 years with Alex, or never having children...... she would pick the 18 years with him hands down!!! And believe it or not I've been thinking a lot about Christina, She is such a dear friend, and over the years, my kids have grown so attached to her. I am not thinking morbid, but I know if something would ever happen to me, she would try her hardest to make sure my kids were okay, Especially my son Andrew who is so sensitive, I KNOW as I KNOW , she would mother him. and I know that she would make sure my kids always knew how much I loved them. And who knows every stupid thing I've done or said more than Christina......... she'd keep me alive, i am sure of it.

I am not sad, not really, but my thoughts are deep right now...... it's just that, oh i don't know i am sure it is prob getting close to that Emotional PMS time.... I'll just go with it!!!

Well I should be getting back to work now, I am actually busy today.

Hello to all my GG's, oh family first, hello family, and than hello to my GG's

dozing off while on the phone......

Okay, I am assuming that Sammy took this picture,
I was on the phone not even sure who I was talking
to, If it was YOU, i apologize. And the reason I am assuming that Sammy took this, is because of the other stupid pictures before and after this shot. some of his goofy pictures he takes........ But this sums me up over the past weekend, don't get me wrong, I had a wonderful weekend, but I am just so tired. And Monday started with me leaving the house at 7:15am, working all day, going with Katie to an awards banquet and coming home at 9:00 pm, that is almost 14 hours, and I think I have my week scheduled pretty much like that. a couple more weeks of double duty :0)!

I did have a very relaxing weekend though, the kids took me out for breakfast of Saturday, did the majority of the housework, and then my brothers came for steak and veggie kabobs on the grill, we didn't have dessert, my brother who L.O.V.E.S sweets was bummed, he thought that there would be cake, since in was my birthday, but no cake !!! He lived, he is the diabetic, he didn't need it. Bill and the kids got me a beautiful weeping cherry tree. And then Sunday morning I had breakfast in bed, and don't get me wrong, I loved it, Katie and Sammy cooked it for me, they are NOT the cooks in the house, ........ i am just saying!........ okay Katie, i gotta tell them. they, meaning Katie and Sam decided to make me my favorite eggs........ hard boiled, they see me making them on most mornings..... well, Katie used my tea kettle to heat water, put the water in a bowl, and placed the egg in the water...... and then set the timer for 2 minutes. ummmm........... let me say this.............. in the nicest possible way........... there was nothing cooked about this egg, nope, nothing. I boil my eggs on the stove for a good 5 minutes on a rolling boil, i never make them the way her and Sammy did...... but they did make me cream of wheat, almond butter toast and jam....... , banana, and a package of fruit snacks, i am not sure why there was a bright yellow tinting around the edges of my cream of wheat, i did eat it though. the rest of the afternoon was very relaxing, watching old movies and doing Nothing.

Well i gotta get going right now.........Christina if you read this early, give me a call........ Kimmie prob talk to you soon, and Patti you'll be here oh so soon....... :0)

absolutely almost Crazy

Look at my kids when they were babies, how time flies, i think Sam was 1 1/2, Andrew was 4 and Katie was 6

I have been so busy, i am almost going crazy, it seems like I am always working and then running errands or going grocery shopping, or taking a kid here or there... today I babysat until almost 1pm, and Katie decided to take me out to lunch just me and her, for my birthday combination mothers day......... we went to Olive Garden, and then did a little shopping. She is so sweet and you know what, doing that was worth a million trillion dollars...... because how can you put an amount on time spent with your first born and only daughter? She made me get my favorite thing, and told me not to worry about how expensive it was, i did have the stuffed pasta with shrimp, it was sooooo go and then we met Bill and went grocery shopping....... yoi, i am getting to hate the grocery shopping thing...... but these boys just eat so much......... and they are so active, well most of them, and going through growth spurts, they need all the food they can get :0)!!

Gee I've got to talk to Christina on and off the past day for a minute or two, but No Kimmie, and I think i am going through a talk to Kimmie withdrawal.. and today is Thursday...... gee!!!! she is at school, so no Kimmie today either. I just have to remember that it is just a few weeks before May will be over.... so until then I will work and not complain and just keep on keeping on. My knee seems to be doing much better, so hopefully soon i will be able to walk out doors, i can only handle using the hamster wheel for so long........

Love to my daughter and sons and husband and the GG's, Nathan how are you doing little man? Patti i just love your Special Olympic Pictures, you truly are an angel on Earth, Kellie how ya hanging? and Chris, get well soon :0)

Just Plugging away.....

Yup, going to work, coming home, making supper, doing laundry, going to bed, ......and waking up and starting again. it seems at least this week I am not working both jobs on the same day, so Normal hours instead of 12-16 hour days!
I was able to see Christina for 1 minute and 10 seconds yesterday, I walked into her house, we spoke, and she walked out :0)! Good thing I am secure in our friendship. But i did get to enjoy Megan's company for a while, what a sweetie, and she is really really looking radiantly pregnant right now.... Gosh i think i love Chris' kids almost as much as my own. Speaking of My own. Katie stopped down at the golf course for a moment.......and stayed all evening. Chris' Mother in law took her out golfing for the first time, and from what I hear.......Katie did really really well... she goes back for a lesson with Maryann on Thursday....... World look out, well at least the golfers on the same course as Katie Look out........ it scares me just thinking about it :0). Katie graduates from high school in a few weeks, where did the time go? I mean I think i just brought her home from the hospital...... I've sure enjoyed the journey though, and look forward to the next phase with an adult daughter......I guess really it isn't that sad, it is a part of life....... and i have been blessed.

Oh Patti comes in a few weeks, looking forward to that, as well as Kimmie hanging here too. we gotta check out Amish country again...... and surely we can manage a walk at one of the beautiful trails........ I know Kellie's life is up in the air, and nothing can be planned in advance........ but oh how nice it would be if she could sneak away for a day or two ....... wishful thinking......... gee it is even wishful thinking that Christina can hang with us at some point..... ;^p

I am really busy at work right now, and it is taking me hours to write this short blog. so i think I'll just "hang up" right now and maybe talk to you later :0)

Morning like this!!!

Okay i am up early, I know that i start work at Kiski at 1pm, so i have the morning to get some chores done, something in the crock pot, and work on my meal planner and workbook that my brother Johnny has me do. I put on some eggs to boil, and sit down and plan for the day..... the phone rings at 7:40am, it is Silvy the lady i babysit for .......


Silvy~~~ sandi are you coming today?

Me~~~ oh Silvy i didn't know i was supposed to come today, i am scheduled for tuesday.

Silvy~~~ oh my, I forget to tell you, I don't need you Tuesday, Maria can't do it today.

Me~~~ I'll be there in 15 minutes

I threw on old clothes, flip flops, who really cares what my hair looks like, besides, since i've cut it short....it pretty much looks the same out of bed, or when I've spent 10 minutes primping with it, hmmm, not sure if that is a bad thing or a good thing. I tossed in a sugar free pudding and a Kashi Cereal bar( which i rarely if ever eat) so that i don't starve myself. Shut the partially boiled eggs off, and headed out the door......

I love watching this little guy, He is so cute. His mother is originally from Argentina. He speaks both English and Spanish, so he is actually teaching me a little Spanish! He loves having his picture taken with my cell phone, this picture we are lying on the floor looking up, and i "helped" him snap the picture. So although it wasn't in my plans, I do not mind watching him. I was able to run back home, eat something with Protein, pack my food for the afternoon, and change clothes and than return to Kiski for my evening Job.......... just a few more weeks of both, and considering how quickly time seems to go, it won't be long until my crazy schedule slows down some.

Yesterday was my "day off" No exercise or I should say no formal exercise, and no keeping track of what I eat.... and funny thing, out of the blue Johnny asked me last night to think about what I ate..... and guess what, i hardly ate at all, so i am actually NOT eating on my off day. I didn't have breakfast, i think i had a sugar free pudding as a snack and I ate dinner, a few wings on the grill and I had a cup of ice cream with fresh cut strawberries sweetened with splenda., and that was it...... gee that wasn't good. I don't think i even had supper.... hmmm, bad girl, I am a bad girl!!! The day before though, Bill and I went out to breakfast, I ordered a veggie omelet made with egg beaters, 1/2 cup of seasonal fresh fruit, and 1 piece of whole grain toast. it was delicious, and honestly, i didn't feel deprived at all.

I am for the first time in weeks feeling really tired, I am breathing fine, and my stomach is fine, i truly feel that i am just getting burnt out working morning to night and then trying to catch up on household things on my days off.

I haven't seen much of Christina lately........she is getting so busy, and I am pretty sure that she had a busy weekend, you can't even begin to imagine how hectic her summers get. .. i am just remembering last year.......YOI!!!

Well I have a lot to do today at work, make it a good one

My Girls

Today is a picture of "my girls". Katie and Sadie. Sadie is 12 1/2 years old but truly acts like she is 5. She moves around and plays quite well, the only thing is the next morning after an active day she is a little stiff moving at first. I couldn't ask for a better dog, She has always been there for me and the kids, she would die for all of Us. I remember when the kids were little, she would stay right next to them while they played outside. it didn't matter what was going on around her, other dogs, other people, little bunnies.....she NEVER strayed away from them! and then when Albert left Us. She would do this night time duty thing, going from room to room to check on the kids! She is loved that is for sure. Funny when i first got her i was disappointed because i "wanted" her to be a full blooded Lab, but instead I got a lab/collie mix. How snotty was that???

I was SO busy yesterday, Bill and I tackled our closet. which took hours of sorting and throwing away, and gathering for the Salvation army. But before that Johnny gave me my 3rd workout of the week........ I felt stronger yesterday than Monday. and let me tell you it DOES make a difference from when i do it alone, or work with Him. My energy level is soaring threw the roof, yeah i collapse in bed at night, but in the day, i am on the go........figuring out new projects to take care of. I may take it easy today as i start another long week tomorrow....... working double jobs most of the time......... oh how lucky I am to have the opportunity to work.

No Christina yesterday, I was going to stop down, but honestly by the time i had everything in order, house done, .........it was 8 pm and my feet and legs just stopped working....hey you gotta do what you gotta do :0)

I just can't do it...........

No matter how tired I am, or how much the night before i decide to sleep in a little in the morning..... i just can't do it! 6:15 this morning, i wake up, I don't even wake up groggy with the hopes of rolling over and going back to sleep........ i wake up bright eyed. what's up with that?? so i go to sit on the porch, watch the enormous sky change from dark to light. and plan my day. lets see, we, meaning Bill and I, need to work on our walk in closet, we need to take the kids here and there, we need to go to the store and run a few errands..... and prob another few things that haven't even crossed my mind yet :0)!
I was so tired last night, i left the house at 8am and returned at 9:30 pm. it makes such a long day. My entire month of May will be like this.... so it is all about organization and having the family chip in around the home.
Oh and you know what............... it's all green right now.......yup, it seems you go to bed with just the whisper of budding on the tree's in hues of brown and red and then you wake up to 20 different shades of brilliant green, just like that. Spring and Summer were never my favorite seasons, but let me tell you, ever since Larry built me this porch...... I've come to love and appreciate all the seasons a little more.
Well it is time i get ready to start my day. Kellie hope you are doing okay and that you are seeing some improvements with Nathan, hope you are able to jump those little hurdles. you've had such big hurdles lately! Christina enjoy your "girls" they are both so sweet and so different. I may just pop in for a moment, or I am sure you can pop in here to see Louie. He is so sweet ( my brothers dog who he rescued from "death row" at the humane society, where he volunteers to walk/run the dogs) Patti if Jeff has absolutely any of you in him.......... he will not only survive, he will win!
and Kimmie, 2 days of not talk to you......... yoi!!! these long days we are having are for the birds........ speaking of which, i think i'll go on the porch and drink my coffee before the day starts for me

~Proud to be an American~

the Mother of the little boy that i babysit for Just became a U.S. citizen. She is from Argentina. The pride in her voice and the smile on her face amazed me. Her home is filled with Red, White, and Blue balloons, and red, white and blue flowers, and red, white and blue cards....It is such an honor for her........a life long dream. Yeah this Country really sucks sometime, and sometimes I wonder if corruption is taking over. BUT for many people in other places, America is still a dream come true, Still the country of choice. And the small percentage of "LOUD" groups, that want to take God out of the Pledge, God Out of the Schools, (Actually in a poll it was like only 10% that wanted this,) and God out of America. But in my heart......... nobody can change it for me, this is ONE NATION UNDER GOD, INDIVISIBLE, WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL!!!

on a wonderful note, on Weds of this week Andrew was Discharged from the care of the Doctors who have been dealing with his brain trauma for 8 months. Andrew is doing great. He is caught up with everything in School, actually he not only made honors, he made the distinguished honor list. He is physically active, able to run 5-7 miles at a clip, No more major headaches for the last month or so. And i love sitting back and watching God work, He really does know what He is doing, You all know that my brother Johnny is staying with Us for a few months, well it turns out that for Andrew to have the greatest chance of not getting a concussion again, it will be strengthen certain muscles in his neck and shoulders. hmmm, perfect My brother is the one that makes the programs for other trainers to use on Athletes......... So he is going to work with Andrew all summer.........yeah!!! Speaking of Working out, Johnny is working me so hard, yeah it is only 25 minute sessions, but when i am done......i am so done!! Kate got to watch yesterday.......and she just laughed at me...... yeah easy for her to laugh, she was sitting on the couch.

Another busy day.....work from 8am to 8pm. Kimmie i missed your call, i baby sat until 3 and then came home picked up the kids and left again to go shopping, did not return until the Penguin hockey game started....... Hope your day went well.

Have a great weekend, if all goes as planned, i am scheduled off. which is the first complete weekend off in a month. :0)

Chris i may sneak down and visit Jeanine at some point, She is such a good girl!!!!

The pathway to Peace and Happiness

I have been working at Kiski today since 9am, It is so chilly in Western Pa. I find that I can't sleep past 6am anymore.... its the internal alarm clock going off, which i could just sleep in until 8am, i am not asking to sleep much later than that. I wake up with so much energy right now... i had the entire house cleaned and swept ( thanks to Katie, she helped me this morning) so by 8 am the house was done, i was showered, my lunch packed, and i even made chili turkey burgers. I ate my strawberries and cream of wheat..... came to work, and really just now i am feeling an afternoon slump it is almost 5 pm, I don't think i even have 1/2 of my calories.

Campus is empty as most students are away for a LONG weekend, classes resume tomorrow. today's picture is the walkway in front of the Nursing office. The trees are in full bloom.

I wish i could explain my mood today, my thoughts are deep and reflecting, I am not sad at all, but not bubbily happy either....... A lot is going on with two of my brothers. and it looks like Johnny will be hanging at my house while he figures the path he is going to take. I am fine with it, John is easy to live with. My friend from out East is so miserable, and has been for a long time. The sooner people realize that they cannot control other peoples happiness, the sooner they will find their own. I learned this lesson the hard way. I find that I will be disappointed EVERY time i rely on someone to "make " me happy. In my own experience, the only way I found peace in life, was taking the path leading directly to Jesus Christ. I know that one of My foster son's Psychologist asked me to possibly talk to a group of couples that have such ugly divorces, and He asked me how I/We came (Albert and I ) to the ~ideal~ situation that we as a divorced couple continued to raise children so beautifully together. And I can truly only sum it up in one word. JESUS!! there is no other way, at least not for me. I am not a religious person, gee i don't even go to Church on a regular basis, don't read my Bible nearly enough, I am not Ultra conservative either via my husbands opinion, I am not "Liberal" either per my sister in laws perspective. All i Know is that I am ME, and I love God with all of my heart, and couldn't imagine a life without the Knowledge that He is real, I couldn't imagine not having a personal relationship with His Son. Because of this relationship, and this relationship only....... i wake up, and smell the fresh spring air, I am amazed morning after morning at the beautiful sunrise. I love this World, and I love this life........ Gas prices go up to 4 and 5 dollars a gallon, you can't take the joy from my heart. World go ahead and let Obama, Clinton, bash each other, so what if McCain isn't the greatest option.... i refuse to let you take my joy away. People are hurting and crying and lost, addicted to Crack, and Alcohol, 3rd graders are plotting to Kill, Schools are a dangerous place to be now.Not nearly enough parents for the foster children and orphans. And just look at the faces you see in the store, on the street, at work, the sadness that permeates through their eyes, exposing their battered souls. I pray for this world of ours all the time, and I must remember all I can do is pray, And rely on the Armor of Jesus to protect the Joy in my heart! And i must remember that God too sees and he knows and he feels........and He is In Control

Shhhh.......... Trainer in the House

I am trying to be really quiet right now. My brother Johnny who is the personal trainer/ nutritionist is prob going to stay with me for a few months. He is going to look at going some where else, maybe Baltimore area or Chicago area....... He is not sure, Nothing is tying him down here, and trainers in these areas make great money. He is so burnt out. working too many 80 hour weeks, working 7 days a week. Just being here for the weekend, and really thinking and doing some soul searching has helped him tremendously.

now i am being really quiet right now because, He has a new work out for me........and he said as soon as I get up, that we are going to do it...... So maybe if i am really quiet, he won't know that I am awake :0) , Hey, you got to do, what you gotta do! He is going to pull out the elliptical to our game room, instead of leaving in stored in a back room... I told him, oh i don't like using an indoor machine, I'll just go outside and walk. He told me tough..... esp with my knee right now, i NEED to use the indoor machine to loosen up before i do my training.... you know, he never listens to me ;0). I think i am going to put some Blues or Jazz on right now, and put the house in order.
I rejoice that Nathan had a good day, and i am praying that he has many many more good day's, and the bad days become farther and fewer in between.

==================================
~~~~~ 20 MINUTES OF ......... WOW~~~~~
==================================

okay, So Johnny hears me upstairs, He has been up since 5:30am, He comes up and says that he moved the Elliptical out into the family/game room. and he said lets go....... So i do 2 minutes on the elliptical, then directly into standing push ups... and directly into bend over rows with 15 pound weights ,directly into 4 more exercises with the 7lb weights....... back onto the elliptical trainer for 2 minutes and repeat..... I was pouring the sweat, and my muscles had an incredible burn, and i only worked 20 minutes from start to finish.... i can feel every muscle i used. so i am "almost " ready to say that John knows what he is talking about. Just the way you stand to do these exercises, uses your core muscle group, the standing push ups work the larger muscles and then he put me right into the other exercises using the smaller muscles..... He originally was going to have me go through this 3 times, but He said He has to watch every Client and read how their body is reacting, because there is a fine line between working the muscle to the ultimate burn/ and pushing them to severe fatigue, and causing injury. Oh my now i feel like my muscles are weak, not sore, just so weak !!!

Before the Storm

So i am sitting on my porch, and it is absolutely beautiful outside, warm but not humid, i notice how quiet it is though, so i actually concentrate on listening....... any the bird were so silent. hmmmm , not a cloud in the sky! 10 minutes later and this is what the sky looked like, the dark clouds began to move across the blue sky, and then the thunder and lightning began. Oh how i love storms, always have, and I love the wind, okay maybe i am just a little crazy.... this world is so beautiful and i am so blessed that i can see it! you know there are many people out there that can't see the beauty in anything, How sad. :~(

Well it is a long story, and not my place to really talk about it here, but my brother Johnny is um, having problems with his fiancee. and I got the call last night at about 9:15 pm, ( you know what time that was Mrs. Kim's mom, that was right when the hockey game score was 4 to 4 with 7 minutes to go, I am just saying! ) He needed to come here to get away from any potential "anger" and destruction! knowing that no matter who or what happens, he'd be the one to get in trouble, So i went and picked him up, He is down in our game room for a few days if not longer depending about what the girl is going to do. you know it just reminds me more and more that to my brothers, i have taken the position of our wonderful mother, and what an honor that is for me. and I know that mama is in Heaven looking down, and so proud of me for stepping in her place, and i must say quite well. This morning Johnny said, " you know sis, there is something peaceful in this home, something calming, I can't explain it " I smiled and thought, be here in 3 weeks when i am at the Peak PMS mode, and you'll see peace and calm fly right out the window, along with all Sam's junk i find in the living room, :0)

I am going to work in a few hours and will stay until 11pm, and then I will be on call until 9am tomorrow morning. it is a long weekend so most of the students are gone, so unless some of the International children get into something they shouldn't, it SHOULD be a quiet evening!! we will see. Well i am going to get in the bath in between storms, I'll make it fast

Long days.............

I've been wanting this Lunch box thingy from Curves, So Christina went and picked it up for me today, Thanks Chris :^) As a rule, I pack a lunch 3-4 days a week. and lately now that i am working so much, and have to make sure that I am eating every couple hours. this will come in handy. I tried it today at work. it comes with 3 pre measured containers, 1 1/2 cup, 1cup, and 3/4 cup. these containers fit into this stainless steel cooler, it even has regular size stainless steel utensils too. it also comes with an insulated bag, to carry the cylinder. Lets just say i packed my lunch at 11:30 am, and at 4:30 i ate my berries and yogurt. and it was as cold as when i pulled it out of the refrigerator....... it real takes so little in life to make me happy :0).

I have only been doing Johns plan for 11 days and I've already had 6 people ask me if I am losing the weight. Funny i am not even focusing on that part,..... i am just trying to eat as much as John says. and i am just moving more. I sure have more energy though..... I could have slept in today but NO i wake up at 6:15a wide awake (kids had 2 hour school delay) i get up, and start cleaning. I put on Classical Music and just "flutter" through the house work. I left to babysit Lucas for a few hours, and then came to the Nursing office. Wow surely this Isn't Johns plan. but maybe it is just me feeling better. or what the heck maybe it is a combination of both. I just don't want to admit that my brother could possibly, maybe, sorta, know more than me :0) Now understand, at the end of my day..... I am tired..... and I am sleeping so well, i am usually sleeping before 10, 10:30 pm, it used to be midnight or later.

NO denying it, my days are long. and a pattern of this is going to get me in trouble, and my body is going to resist sooner or later. So it looks like I have to say No sometimes!!! I just keep thinking, one more month, just one more month of doing two jobs,

Well I should get going here soon, lots to do. I may go spend the day tomorrow with My In Laws, ( actually my x husbands parents) while they go wait for Aunt Jen to have surgery. Christina will be going too.

Brother Johnny....... wow 2 post in one day

Just got done with talking to My brother. I gave him an update on what My Doctor said ( see previous posting ). He wanted me to come up to the gym this week.... but sadly i work from morning until night all week. So i have to go up on Saturday at 12:30 pm. I am not to walk or do anything major other than my leisurely walks on campus, and no further than a mile or a mile and a half. He makes sense, and i can't believe I haven't figured this out before. I have a very strong core muscle mass...... and i have the strength to do the "big" hikes. HOWEVER....... my joints and tendons and ligaments are NOT as strong. and that is why they seem to collapse

So he tells me he has 6 more exercises to add to my routine....... he said a body quickly adapts to the routine of exercise... i tell him, " no mine isn't adapting at all" , he says "yes it is" I of course deny this........ he of course doesn't care that i deny this, he is going to set me up next week to do 3 types of work outs, out of the 9 exercises he is going to show me (3 from last week + 6 new ones on Sat). One will be a strengthening routine, one will be a cardio routine, and one will be an interval routine. with just 9 exercises.... i will change up the sets, reps, weight, times.........., i guess to confuse the Hell out of my body. AGAIN he stressed that this isn't about weight loss, this is about healing my metabolism, getting my body to be a better fat burning furnace, about having more energy...... and just by doing this, secondary......... the weight will come off :~).

Well i think that's all for now......... love to my Golden Girls, oh I should say Love to my kids first. you know how my daughter can be.........that princess girl :^)

Check up with my doctor today

and what a nice visit it was. I was his last patient before lunch hour, so he took A.L.O.T. of time to talk to me. I am feeling really good right now, and he could tell by looking at me. He agreed to let me try Johns exercise/eating plan for the 8weeks, He'd like me to continue to see him every 3 months so he can follow my progress, and keep an eye on my blood pressure. he put me on a different BP medicine as the other one hasn't really kept my pressure down I am on Exforge now, which is a combination of Norvac and Diovon he truly feels, as the weight comes off, I will prob need to be weened off of the BP medicine. We went over my chart, and it is decided that the ulcer and stomach problems came from the steroids and antibiotics in high doses..... well we knew that, but now it is confirmed! And truly for being 100 lbs over weight, i am pretty dang healthy. good kidney, gallbladder, mildly fatty but healthy liver, all my blood work including Cholesterol, and Triglycerides, are good. my blood sugars are good. He offered me medication for my knee, i declined at this point, I will continue with the George or Ben, whirlpool Epsom salts soaks, knee brace, and icing it in the evenings. He did put me on glucosamine chondroitin........ or something like that :~) , So over all, a good visit.
This is a long week for me, and Friday can't come soon enough...... i am tired today. At least tomorrow i work one job with hours 7:30a until 12:30p and then a track meet in the afternoon to watch Katie and Corey.
Not much longer, and May will be over..... and school will be out, and Katie will begin another phase of her life......... oh my.. i am going to get depressed if i think much more.
talk to you later,

oh Christina seems to be feeling a little better today....... she's even working at the Golf Course

Toggle

you are probably wondering why i used that word for my title....... and guess what? I have NO clue, i just like that word :~) Maybe my next set of dogs will be given the names Saloma and Toggle.

I am feeling so good right now, Maybe i don't have asthma, I just got back from my campus walk and the trees are budding so much and things are turning green right before my very eyes. for the past couple of years i'd be wheezing at this time. I just seem to be breathing deeper and better than i have in years. i took this photo on Campus over looking the river, i have a feeling by Friday it will look different.....i'll snap it again and see how much it changes in a couple of days.

I have a busy week, tomorrow i babysit, run to the doctors, and return to Kiski to work as a nurse. I think that I have Wednesday off....... Nope, just checked. I don't have a day off until Friday, gee this working world.

Christina really sounds pretty yucky right now... she is trying to see if her body will fight it before she starts taking medication for it. I told her today that even knowing what I know now, I would have still taken the same path, even the stomach duodenal ulcer, and all that discomfort... the "over use" of Antibiotics seemed to finally kill whatever was in my throat, and now my tummy isn't causing me any trouble, and if I haven't mentioned it yet....... I am feeling great.

I am not sure if it is going to rain or shine here, it keeps changing on me, two minutes ago it was so dark I had to put the office lights on, now the sun is shining as bright as could be.... I guess that is how spring is in Pennsylvania, Rain, Sun , sleet and snow all in one day :)

Talk to you guys later.

My Morning spot!!!

It is a little chilly this morning, around 50 degrees right now. and it is a slow steady rain (can't tell that in the picture) But this is where i go. My truly favorite part of my home. I sit at this table, drink my morning coffee (that Bill usually brings me in bed) and this morning I am working on the "homework" I need to have done before i go to my personal training session this morning. yeah just like when i was in school, I wait until the last minute. Today my lesson was all about digestion and how it is done. what is the first element to (carb, protein, fat) leave the stomach in the process of digestion ? what is the last to leave the stomach?

My *free* meal for the week was last night at dinner time, i still don't think i hit my calories., I ate perfect all day, just at dinner time I had Manicotti, Salad, 1/2 piece of sweet Italian sausage, 1 piece of cake and coffee. that is it. and I didn't eat anything after dinner. I just wasn't hungry, and actually i am still NOT hungry although i know i need to eat something before i head up to my appointment at 10 this morning

Week One was truly Not that bad. Christina it looks like today may Not be that bad for you......it seems as if it is going to rain most of the day. and well that is what the local meteorologist said too. but then again what do they know? Kim have a safe trip home, Patti, Romeo oh Romeo, where for art thou Romeo ??? and Our Kellie, hang tough girl and keep that "Sophia" sense of humor .... it is bound to keep you sane..... well at least more sane then Us other Golden Girls.

Movement ~ One Week~ Which is it

well i couldn't figure out a title, so i used 3 :~) Well I have been on the Johnny L.E.A.N program for ONE WEEK. He didn't want too many sudden changes, so i fit in the 3 exercises he taught me doing the sets, and I only had to do it twice this week (Weds. and Fri.) He is going to give me a (type of walk) to accomplish prob this week ( if you remember he has 3 types for me to do). So this week i put on my Pedometer, and just trying to move more, whether it is taking a dog for a walk, or cleaning my house. I played with the baby (i babysit for) instead of watched. I got up and got my own drink instead of asking someone to get it for me. I listened to high tempo music while i folded laundry, and danced..... it is all about MOVEMENT for me this week.

So again i must comment on How well I am feeling, I feel so good, I am breathing better, sleeping better, my stomach is causing me no pain or discomfort at this time. (Only my rt knee is giving me some hassle) SO WHICH IS IT? Is it all the food I am eating? (healthy of course), is it the exercise, fresh air and movement I am doing? Is it the great sleep I am getting at night? Or, is it that the medications my doctor has me on are finally really starting to work, the Clairitin at Night for my "allergies", or is it the Protonix and Reglan i am on for my stomach? or hey maybe it is because i am taking my blood pressure medication regularly. Oh well, I will not question, and today I feel great.......and for this moment I will rejoice.

I am working today, and Bill and Juneau came this morning to go on a really nice 45 minute "walk" with me, i went to see the camp with the cabins on campus (wow say that 3 times fast). I didn't know that it would be All up hill, I'd send Bill ahead to the next Curve, and he'd say..... "it's still going up", and I'd think well i will just go that far, and we did this 4 or 5 times. until i was on top of the hill!!! believe it or not , because of my knee, coming down was way more difficult.. i had to take my time and concentrate on my knee movement. I never realized how beautiful this Campus is... Kim and Patti I really hope i can show you in June,.... it's just beautiful!!! it is nice not sitting behind this nurse's desk all day.

Well Doug and Donna are coming over for dinner, i am making Manicotti, big Salad and Garlic bread..... I will have frsh fruit for dessert. its a plan. Bill said all the kids have been cleaning all morning and the house looks great.... whatever it will be, i will be happy. right now while i am working so much, I've decided to not sweat the small stuff, so what if my dinner plates are put away with my pots and pans ( not joking there) So what if when Sammy swept the living room floor he left 1/2 of the mess there. So what if the shrubs outside are not trimmed neatly..... what does it really matter??? hey that's a song from the Three Dog Nights.

talk to you later. Gee Chris, haven't even been down there to see you. one more month of work here for me.

Kiski School

So, yesterday was a crazy day. I worked at Kiski early in the morning, took Andrew to another appointment ,and went right back to Kiski to work for the afternoon. I've been walking on campus a lot lately because it is better for me than sitting behind the desk. I leave a note telling students that i am walking "kiski campus" and give them my cell phone number to get in touch with me, Last night i took a couple pictures of campus, one is the old bell , and the other is one of the "lookouts" that show the little historic town of Saltsburg. I do notice I have so so so much energy right now. Good thing because the next few days it is non-stop!

Andrew will be having Nasal surgery on May 21st. his nasal passageway is almost non existent. We put his sinuses on hold since the head trauma, and now it is time we get him all fixed up. they say he has severe allergies, so he has blood test to check some 45 allergens, his septum is deviated 100% to the left, and there is so much swelling and mucus in the right that he is literally breathing from the mouth.

By the end of the day my Knee about kills me... I am careful with it, but i know that if I lose the weight, it will help take away the extra stress on my knee, there for I need to move.......... moving as much as i am doing right now causes more pain...... yoi, the Catch 22 situation. can't win huh"

Well i gotta get the butt moving....... babysitting early this morning, home to do one load of Laundry and working at Kiski this afternoon..... home again for bed and then back to Kiski in the morning.... I sure miss my Christina, but we are both so busy.......she is so busy I am afraid that Duodenal Ulcer will be her title on her blog until the snow flies..... I am just saying. and Kimmie have a safe trip, give mama, papa and Ronnie a hug from me. oh Kellie I hate missing your call....... after work last night i went grocery shopping didn't get home until 10 so i was gone from 7am until 10pm... long long long day

Have a great weekend

Happy Birthday Maryanne!!!

Dear God , Could you please see that Maryanne gets this message. Thank you!

Maryann,

I've never met you, you died before I was born. But none the less you are my sister. I've never even seen a picture of you... I know you had red hair, I know you had Spina Bifida with Hydrocephalus. And I know that you never came home. you went from Indiana hospital on your birthday to Children's hospital where you died 3 months later. Mom got pregnant with me at about the time you died... I wonder if we met in passing.... you going home to God, and me coming down to take your place with the Hockenberry family. No life on this earth is without purpose, and sometimes I am amazed that even a short life as yours can impact a family. I remember Mom telling me about you and how hard it was for her. She had 4 little boys at home, and back then ,Hospitals didn't allow moms and dads to just hang around day and night. You got pneumonia, but they didn't want you to go home either with your other problems. So it is there at the hospital where your entire life began and ended. Mom and Dad never forgot, Our brothers didn't talk about it much, But it was always known that we had a sister and her name was Maryanne. If you would have survived you would be 42 today, and I will be 41 next month. or maybe i wouldn't even be here... they decided to try for me only after dealing with the pain of losing you. thru the years I've often wondered how you turned out, how your personality is, how you look. Well Mom and Dad are both "hanging" in Heaven with you now..... so when you see them again..... tell them i said Hi!!!
After all these years I always remember your Birth date, and I secretly wish that you were around... maybe God allows you to peak in on Us every now and then. I love you the sister whom I never met.

Your Lil' Sis

Sunrise and Frost!

Beautiful Morning, This picture was taken at 6:45am. it is crisp and chilly, and the frost on the ground will not last long. I did not go for any walk yesterday, i repeat, I did not. my rt knee was hurting so bad that I had a tough time walking around making dinner. So i soaked my knee in the whirlpool tub, used my George lotion went to bed early, and rested it. I have been and will be working a lot right now, One of the nurses i work with, her husband had a terrible accident while pruning some trees, he fell at least 20 feet, he is Critical, and they are trying to find out where all the internal bleeding is coming from.... please keep him in your prayers and good thoughts. so i will increase my work load there as all the nurses share in working her scheduled days. I am also finding that i am very busy and active with the little boy I babysit for, actually i think that is where i hurt my knee... i was playing "soccer" with him and running all over the yard kicking the ball, i sorta twisted my knee while doing that. i spend the day marching, and walking, and playing, and crawling, and moving and playing, and hopping and playing.... on Monday i watched him all day and by the end i was so sweaty.

This morning I am going to do my workout from Johnny. This is to be my only homework this week to do the exercises he gave me twice before i see him on Sunday. (Wednesday and Friday) Everything else will be an option. next week he will throw in one of the chosen walks for me (he has 3 types that work 3 different ways on my body and metabolism). A couple years ago i used to do 5 mile hikes daily..... i guess that ain't gonna happen. he said it was too hard on my body, and my body gets used to the exercise, and it becomes non challenging, but oh i love my woods.... although now thinking back, hiking every day between 5-7 miles hurt my foot to the point that surgery was needed. A nice hike a few days a week, maybe a long one on the weekend is fine....... just NOT everyday.

well i want to start my eating for the day , and call Christina for my morning Christina fix............

OH i must also let you know, that i truly am feeling good, my stomach seems to be settling down, and no more wheezing or problems with my lungs. Even with all the food that i am eating, i seem to tolerate it pretty well. It feels good to Feel good!!!

And why can't double chocolate turtle cheesecake count???

Maybe we as a nation jump at the instant fix too quickly :~) We want to loose weight, so we dream of taking the "magic" pill that will work this time. We can't sleep, lets pop a sleeping pill, they make great over the counter ones now....who needs the doctor? Muscles ache, pop a pill... okay that is what i am really getting at. Normally as painful as muscles felt yesterday, along with the dreaded cramps i was having, I'd pop some prescription strength ibuprofen. Well because of the tummy troubles, i didn't have that option. So instead i took a steamy Epsom Salt Whirlpool bath, and then I put George on all by myself........Bill helped with the part of my back that i could not reach. and that is it Miss anonymous Katie :~P, I slept so well last night, and i woke up feeling pretty refreshed, muscles aren't yelling right now, they are just whispering!

What i am having problems with though, is making the calories. for instance last night I'll give you my menu of what i had..... lots of food

Meal #1 2 flax and fiber toast
1 tbs. of margarine
2 hard boiled egg's
2 slices of crispy bacon

Meal #2 2 flax and fiber bread
2oz of lean turkey breast
1 slice of Havarti cheese
1 Sugar Free pudding 1/2 cup

Meal #3 1 flat wrap whole grain and flax
1/4 c of pizza sauce
1 oz of lw fat shredded cheese
Red bell peppers

Meal #4 1 Cup of pasta
1 serving of lean meat sauce
lettuce salad
1 tbs of Italian dressing/ made with olive oil
1 small orange

Meal # 5 1 cup of strawberries
1 cup of sugar free low carb low fat vanilla yogurt
1 flax and fiber bread
1 tbs. of almond butter

these totaled 1945 calories, all the carbs are the complex kind, no sugar or white flour. So i couldn't imagine eating anything else. if only a huge slice of cheesecake could count.. then i'd have no problem. i am still 200-400 calories off of where John wants me to be. I could easily get the calories up with a hoho or something, but i got to get the calories up, and keep the carbs and fat down...... Maybe i can find a good nutritional bar or shake to use. Do any of you have any ideas how to increase my intake with something nutritionally dense???
oh my numbers are running about 50% complex carbs, 30% protein, and 20% fat.

make it a good one. Thanks for all of your support as i try to change my health around. i am tired of hospitals and tests, and doctor appointments......

So i DO have muscles....... not sure i want them

yeah, the longer today goes.......... the more my body hurts me, I haven't blogged about the work out so maybe I should start there. I met Johnny up at his gym before it opened... he had me ride the recumbent bike for just 5 minutes and then he took me into this room with 2 (10lb.) weights and he says that he is going to give me 3 core exercises that will work out every muscle group in the body, he said i have the benefit of the extra body weight to use as my resistance so to speak. And this is ALL that i needed to do. So he shows me 3 moves, i do Squats 2 sets of 8, standing push ups at 2 sets of 8, and 2 bend over rows with the weights at 2 sets of 6. the first time through he was there to critique my form and the tempo that i moved. And then he had me repeat, he said after the sets of 3 he'd like me to go back on the bike for 10 minutes and do the 3 sets again. I went through the sets one more time, and he had me stop. He said he knew i was tired before i knew i was tired.... i am thinking hey this is nothing, i don't even feel it .....well, not much. He had me go cool off on the bike again for 5 minutes... i still feel really good, i say goodbye see you next week... and hop up the steps out the door not feeling anything..... 1 hour later, i am home getting ready for work, and i notice not soreness but weakness...... my muscles feel like they've been used all day long....... 24 hours later and i can feel every muscle... my biceps, and triceps, and quadriceps's, my deltoids, my stomach muscles, my calves...
........ need i say more. they are really sore, and I can't even use ibuprofen because of my stomach. Now i must be honest, and to no surprise to my friends that tease me....... i tried to argue with John that i needed more exercises for my arms, my biceps, well John, how about my triceps...... John i didn't do my abdominal exercises.... he tells me abdominal exercises are so over rated. if you do core exercises, you are working your abdominal muscles the entire time.... i am supposed to trust him for 8 weeks....... 8 WEEKs!!!! So before i could call him today, he called me today..... and said.......... with a laugh, tell me that i didn't work ALL of your muscles again! the smart A** new exactly how i was feeling and where i was feeling it. i was sorta upset he only worked me out about 15-20 minutes.. But in his experience and wisdom, he knew that even the little i did would push my body to the limits... Maybe the boy does know what he is doing. just maybe

well i am going to get into my Whirlpool tub, open the window to let the cold air in..... use Salts and relax...... and then i plan on using George on every muscle in my body.

Not so wonderful now

yeah...... yesterday i was so gungho, got back from a great 3 mile hike...... yada yada yada...... And then by yesterday evening, as long as i was still, I was fine, but even attempt to make my muscles move......well that was another story. let's just say i knew every little muscle by name.

John speaks in blue, I speak in orange
Yesterday afternoon this man that looked like my brother stopped in, carrying a briefcase, and books. He sounded like my brother, My kids called him Uncle......... I don't know though, this was a man on a mission, all business, He was here to give me part 1 of a three part evaluation for his LEAN (learn, exercise, accountability,nutrition) program that he started almost a year ago. It was like no other evaluation i ever had, including Curves, Weight Watchers, Personal Dietitian. I mean my Doctor has to be a part of this too. He wanted info on every medication i am on, every health problem i have, he wants copies of my blood work (mainly my cholesterol, triglycerides etc.) He took my weight and height. and this and that... put it all in his computer..... he will measure me today when i go up for part 2 of the evaluation, as well as give me my first personal training session..... he doesn't want me using machines, it will be stability ball, weight bench and free weights, he said machines are okay, but they don't make you use all available muscles. your Core muscles and such... so, i start to rave over Curves machines......... John says "Sandi, 8 weeks........ give me 8 weeks. So he checks out the food in my house. over all he is pleased, a lot of calorie dense foods, high fiber, low fat....... At first he is putting me on higher calories....... because of my elevated ummm weight.... it requires my body to use more energy just to keep the normal functions going.......... so that is like 2000 calories a day to just live... so i say, yeah that sounds right , on Curves i avg. about 1600 to 18oo calories. So i assume that is what i am going to be on with you? (i even give him a sweet smile, because i think i got it right) Wrong.... he let me know that obviously my metabolism is not functioning as it should, he did contribute a good part of this to hereditary. but just because i am hereditary predisposed to this, does not mean I can not work to improve my metabolic make up. (You know he might have something here, the only time i easily lost weight was when i was pregnant....... all pregnancies at the birth of my children i was 20 to 65 lbs less than when i started. because being pregnant actually increased my metabolism.. weird huh) So he says, i want you to fall in the 2200 to 2400 calorie intake range at first........ of course i say, No way, and he says "Sandi give me 8 weeks" you're not eating enough right now to even keep your body functioning properly, so your metabolism has shut itself off even more. which is causing a vicious circle. I have truly been keeping track of what i eat, and for the past month or so, i prob avg. 1000 to 1100 calories a day... (because of illness) He says a lot of women say "it's my metabolism" but I really thinks that this IS the case with you, he is going to have my doctor order a few more blood test to help diagnosis this. Oh yeah i have this journal i have to keep, it has exercise on one side and nutrition on the other, gee it even asks how i feel when i wake up in the morning . pain, sad, tired, happy..etc! it also asks me to keep track of my mood when i eat.......gee!!! and i can't forget the dang "work book..... i have to read and do a test every week........ i have to learn the general physiology of the muscle/skeletal system and how they work. there is a chapter on how certain foods digest in the body. ( by the way a calorie is NOT a calorie ) I'll learn how minerals and vitamins are utilized.... this isn't a doctors manual, it is written in laymen terms. So Patti, this is it in a nut shell, i figure that it won't make me any worse 8 weeks from now... and let me tell you it is really hard for me to keep my mouth shut.... So here it goes...........

3 Miles, 2 Dogs, 1 Husband

Yup, that has been my day so far. Early this morning Bill Katie and I went for the groceries, i must say early Sat Morn is the way to go. shelves stocked, nobody there, check out lines fast :~).
Came home and did the 1 hour cleaning time for everyone... which means we shut everything off, and for 1 hour everyone cleans... dust, sweep, floors, bedrooms, bathrooms, kitchen, windows, porches, entrance way, dishes, inside the refrigerator......and laundry gathered....it is so much easier for me this way..... and i am a firm believer that kids should still participate in chores, Sadly enough it seems that 9 out of 10 of my kids friends don't have too do anything....what is with that? oh well
Bill and I took the pups for a hike and that is what the picture shows. i planned on strolling about 2 miles today...... but ended up doing 3 miles. it was all level so it wasn't too hard for me, not feeling too bad right now, back on the probiotics as well as the protonix and reglan, eating small meals....... and i think i am going to eat some cream of wheat with a banana in it.
I may go hang with Chris this evening and watch some movies. Kim isn't coming, she didn't feel well enough yesterday to put her "grapes" in the machine...... so she is doing that today.
Well Melody.....i feel like i can start back on my journey, thanks for being pretty patient with me.. I just want you to know, I've never forgotten! and i never will forget the kind of person you were and the angel you are.

Disclaimer.........

i would like to begin with a disclaimer that any thing i do or say can NOT be used in the court of Law, while i am still under the influence of anaesthesia. I am not sure what Christina is talking about, me saying that Kim has to put her grapes in the machine....... that silly girl. I must admit that i am very tired and groggy, usually i come out of anaesthesia wide awake and alert.... today i just seem to be getting bits and pieces, like i am watching my life on a TV with a bad connection.
I will call the doctors office, because i am remembering words like, Inflammation, Duodenal, Ulcer, Protonix, Bland, low fat, .........
It seems like the last tests have confirmed my problem, and it all makes sense now, the bloating and pain, unable to eat much at one time, The radioactive egg test not digesting quickly enough...... And the causes of this could be a nasty bacteria in my stomach *they took biopsies for that., it could come from too much alcohol, well that is obviously not the case, over doing caffeine, 1 cup of coffee a day, chronic stress, which is prob not me either, I think i deal with stress in a very healthy manner, Or again back to my Doctors original idea, too many steroids can cause irritation in the stomach lining, and too many antibiotics can change the Normal Flora in my digestive system, over growing yeast, and killing good bacteria. either way it is fixable and treatable, Thank you God for that.

I must admit i am having a lot of pain, actually i am not comfortable at all....and think i am going to go back to bed and watch some TV, the last time i had this 3 years ago, it didn't feel this way......... wonder what is different this time, maybe the biopsies? he said it looked really inflamed, oh what the heck......

Hopefully I'll see Kim tomorrow, if she isn't up to it, that's okay too. and hopefully i will remember that i spoke to her and Christina today.... hopefully!!!!

OH Cliff, the books should be there any day........ please Keep them, write in them , do what you want..... i think you being a brain head will actually be interested in them.

Blessings to all my friends and Gldn Girls

Sunset amoung the clouds last night

One of my favorite things to do ever since I was a child was to look up in the sky. I love
Clear skies, and Winter skies and
Stormy skies, I love sunset skies, and sunrise skies. I remember looking at the billowy white clouds, finding shapes of objects and animals. Well last night these pictures were taken using my husbands camera phone, i framed the one picture using black. thinking about it, the sky is Never the same twice... not even the same 2 seconds later!!!!

I wore my pedometer yesterday, and i got over 6000 steps. pretty good for not doing much lately. When i used to hike I'd easily get 15000 steps. so I've got a long way to go. But I am not looking behind me ,or a head of me.........so for yesterday it is 6000 steps...... yeah for me.

I babysit again today for a couple of hours, it is supposed to rain, rain is okay with me. Michael and Megan are supposed to come up for dinner, I am making my Pork Roast and Kielbasa, slow cooked all day in Sauerkraut, Onion, Garlic and Beer.... i promise that it will be yummy!! Oh wait, Chris, Can I borrow a beer? don't have any here right now.

Tomorrow is my stomach scope test. I will request a thyroid scan when i see the doctor next Tuesday. .. for all these years I had forgotten that my grandmother, her two sisters and my mother had their thyroids removed at an early age, that is all the females in the 2 generations before me. ummm, maybe it is time for me to get checked too. Oh and would you guys like to know a "stupid" thing that Rose a.k.a Sandi did??? yeah i thought you would. as I've been telling you how cool it was to not have all that post nasal drip, and i raved about how that little itty bitty pill Claritin that i take at night has worked wonders........ so to myself i say, surely a pill isn't what is helping....... i really don't like to take pills, so I'll quit it for a few days and see what happens. Day 3, and my nose is stuffy, and throat is sore from the post nasal drip, and i mean a lot of it........ yoi, some people never learn. so tonight the little white pill I'll take.

Have a good day today

an increase, no a decrease, no an increase...... What???

Okay, so my results came in from my radioactive egg eating test, I think they prob came back not totally normal, who knows? I get a call yesterday morning, a Nurse at my doctors office called to tell me the "test" came back, and the doctor wants me to INCREASE my reglan 10mg twice a day, day and night. I ask how did the test turn out? She said, I don't know., we hang up. I go look at my Reglan bottle, i am already on 10mg 4 times a day...... so did she mean to DECREASE the times to just 2 times a day, or do i INCREASE my dosages that i am on to 20mg in the morning, 10mg at lunch and dinner, and 20mg at bedtime? So i call the office back, I speak with the nurse, she says.. oh i don't know, let me get back to you............. So finally I call in the afternoon, she says Oh, just stay on the dose 10mg 4 x a day. (i guess they didn't know that I was already on this medicine when i left the hospital) I again ask, can you just tell me what the test results said? She said, you'll prob have a follow up appointment, just have the doctor tell you. please folks, if i ever become that rude or uncaring as a Nurse, shoot me! She was too lazy in the period of the day to get my chart, and read the test. It is not a difficult test to read, either 1.) my stomach moves the food along at a Normal amout of time. 2.)my stomach moves the food too slow, or 3.) my stomach "dumps" the food too fast. So I am assuming, by the medicine he ordered that my stomach is not moving the food quick enough. Reglan speeds up the movement. this can indicate, ulcers or lesions, or scar tissue, or diabetic gastroparesis, or occasionally thyroid or glandular problems......... Since I haven't had this problem before, i still want to assume that all the steroids and antibiotics wrecked havoc with my digestive system. I see the doctor on the 22nd, and unless i can get a hold of the really nice receptionist to once again ask how the test went. I guess I'll find out in a couple of weeks. ( hi Gina, are you going to be talking to your mom, and do you still have my cell phone number :~) )

OH and guess what Christina wants to do? she wants to come with me to my bro's appointment, she wants to get all the info, she so desperately wants me to succeed She also wants the entertainment of me being told to keep my mouth shut and listen......... She said she'd blog the experience as a "outside" person looking in......... personally i think her and Kim want to laugh.

Well i went to baby sit this morning, was there an hour, and then the other babysitter came, she got her days messed up.... she was supposed to work the afternoon shift, she had a meeting in the afternoon, so i told her I'd leave, and come back at 12:30pm... so i am going to get going here shortly. Also, Katie and Corey have a track meet tonight.. so i will leave babysitting and go directly there I baby sit again tomorrow morning.

Hi and Love to my Daughter, Sons, Husband, Friends and the G.G.s

Just baby steps......

Well i made the decision, and after much thought, I am going to take my brothers offer, I go on Sat for the first consult and receive all my paperwork. He made me promise him to give him just 8 weeks......... and then he said something like, I couldn't give my two cents, although i know everything about every diet out there and how they work, he wants me to keep my comments to myself. He said I mainly need to get a jump to my battery so to speak......... my metabolism!!!! he knows many of the doctors in the area so he is going to try and get in touch with mine to make sure I don't have any major problems, and he likes to work with his clients doctors. So my dear friend Kim, said this is going to be a fun 2 months, she thinks it would make a very entertaining reality TV program. Me having to keep my mouth shut and listen....... ( that part she'll enjoy)

Yesterday Christina and Megan stopped in at work to walk with me. we prob did between 1/2mile to 1 mile. baby steps is what I am doing. I've got to get in some type of condition so that i can begin hiking the hills.

Oh, and I am feeling much better, I go for the upper G.I. scope this Friday. I still get bloated but not nearly as bad as before, I truly feel the probiotics are beginning to work, I seem to have more energy......just bits of it. I woke up with a sore throat today, my sinuses are clear, but I sure hope i am Not getting a cold....... well anyhow, I don't feel bad this morning...... think I'll put some music 0n, and get this booty movin while i clean.

Katie Likes it!!!

I don't want to mention any names of "friends" who where making fun of my blog colors, but Kim and Christina, Katie likes my colors, and she even changed them a little more this morning to make them brighter ;~P.

I had an offer given to me on Saturday, and I need to make a decision and then an honest commitment if I should decide yes! My "baby" brother, he's 39, has been a personal trainer and nutritionist for over 20 years. Several months ago he started his own "weight loss" program called the L.E.A.N. program. it is an 8 week program that deals with every dimension of loosing weight, including , Nutritional Counseling, Personal training sessions, Journal keeping, Cardio workouts, Resistance training workouts. and Measuring and Monitoring improvements. So I ask Johnny, well what does the diet plan consist of? what can I eat? He said that he couldn't tell me..... I'd have to go for the initial consult, because there is not one blue print. I'd have to see him 1 day a week for a personal training workout, and I would have to keep a journal of what I eat, and why i eat, and where i eat........ and then i said to him that I didn't want to be a part of the program that has the young college beauty that wants to go from a size 4 to a size 2 for the summer!!! He doesn't take anyone on this program that doesn't have a large amount of weight to loose. besides he said he likes good before and after pictures!!! Nothing helps his business more than success....... I know that i need a jump start. I am working diligently with my doctors to get all the appropriate blood work done. oh yeah, and he can incorporate my Curves plan as well as Hiking into my routine. So i need to let him know....

It was a good weekend, and although my tummy has had its ups and downs, i did notice that it seems to be feeling better at times. things aren't as "fuzzy" and I am on my third day of taking the probitics...... so we shall see.

I may go with Christina to Curves today to just do measurements but, Katie said i better be home when she gets home at 11am.

Radioactive Scrambled Eggs!!!!

In the famous words of Sophia Petrilla, Golden Girl, a.k.a Christina and Kellie ============> Picture this, Indiana Pennsylvania, 2008. I am sitting in the Nuclear Medicine section (*deals with scans and such)of this beautiful state of the art hospital. A lab technician, tall, middle age gentleman with a Lab Coat, dignified looking, who has been at this hospital for 20 years. I go in expecting him to hook me up with the IV so that i can receive the medicine i need to begin my test...... well, He pulls out ......an electric burner, the type you'd see in college dorms, and he get a small fry pan out......... he goes to the refrigerator, and proceeds to get an Egg......... he cracks the egg in a Styrofoam cup.......... and then he puts these big heavy gloves on, and gets this container that looks like lead... he opens it very carefully, and inside is another glass container, and inside that is a vial of radioactive material, he very carefully injects this into the raw egg in the cup, and stirs well........ He then proceeds to cook me an egg, right in front of me......... here is the kicker, he then uses a small table in front of me, puts a pad on this table, the type they put under you when you have a pap smear, or fear of umm ,leaking from other orifices.
he sets a plate, a fork, salt and pepper, and a glass of water, asks me if my egg is cooked enough........ yes it is! So i eat this Egg, you know the one that contains material that needs to be held in a lead container......... i drink the water, all of it...... he quickly takes me to another room to lie on this table that is roughly 18 inches wide, it is not a bed, it looks more like a wide shelf. he maneuvers this huge contraption of a machine to come directly on my stomach region..... and voila~~~~ i see the eggs in my stomach.......lit up like a Christmas tree, a big ball of light..... I must have laid there for 80 minutes, Country Music in the back ground, I'd periodically look at the lit egg mass, and watch my stomach digest it, eventually it took on a "wormlike" shape, indicating it was now going into the small intestines...... and then i was done............ I do not know the results yet, I know afterwards i didn't feel well, and most of last night i didn't feel well, i ate lunch and dinner, not much, my stomach bloated up tons........ but i don't get so upset knowing that at least i don't have a blockage. Need the EGD to rule out the hernia problems and such. I do know this......... It sure looks like I am getting rid of a lot of yeast, because i have more "fluffiness" in my stools, than a kitten....... i am just saying.

Today i start on a mixture of Bifidobacteria and Acidophilus which will start putting the good bacteria back into my digestive tract. i find out Monday when my EGD will be scheduled. Well i need to get some breakfast, and get moving....

1979

okay sorry Christina, but i have to tell the story....... you know how "sisters" pick on each other :~}.
Yesterday Christina and her daughter in law Megan picked me up to take me to my kids track meet, so as i am walking out to the car they are laughing at me....... because i am carrying blankets and coats, and a Thermos of hot chocolate for Katie.

Christina: Ha ha ha, what are you doing? it is 55 degree's

ME: well yeah but track meets get so cold, i brought a blanket for Us to sit on, and one to cover with. here is an extra Hoodie for Katie and some hot chocolate

Christina: I used to go to track meets, it isn't that bad

So as we drive to the Derry for this meet I am explaining that esp with the wind chill, track meets can indeed be very cold. And of course Christina again she has been to track meets. Okay...... so thinking that maybe I am crazy, but i could swear for the last 4 years since I've been going to track meets, the majority are very cold and sometimes rainy...... so thinking that in the past Chris has been to watch her brother coach.. .(he coaches at Derry) p.s. Chris' parents must of done something right, because her two brothers are equally as sweet as she is.... or as she can be!!! . or maybe she stopped to check out a Saltsburg track meet in the past.... so I say Chris........when was the last time you went to a track meet?

and she says............1979 , ii guess that the story in and of its self isn't that funny..... you had to be there, but what Christina remembers, is her as a young girl as a track statistician, walking on the track field, ummm obviously keeping warm. Needless to say......... it was absolutely cold and windy there, and just a little over an hour later, we were all shivering even with the blankets........ we left early........

Well not eating or drinking until after my test today which is scheduled for 12:30, don't care about that, still not really hungry, and although i must admit to feeling okay...... my stomach just isn't right......... can't put my finger on it. I still bloat after eating, but now when i bloat, i will not eat until the bloat goes down even if it is 8 hours later.. don't want to get things stopping again....

Kimmie, hope you are feeling better soon, i know a lot of people getting a secondary cold.....but it seems to be more mild than what was going on a couple months ago.

Have a great weekend.....wow it is Friday, where did the week go???

yet, yet, yet

Yes i am home and there is no place like home :~). And i am pleased to say that i still have "yets"!
Let me begin, on Monday i felt there was a 10% chance that after my scheduled appointment at the doctors, i could be admitted. So i used the old fashioned philosophy, i figured that if i took the time and prepared for this, pack my bag to stay, then like it usually happens with me, i would NOT need it. Wrong. I was pretty miserable on Monday, and my belly was as big as you saw in the picture. My Doctor said he had to make sure that very serious stuff, such as intestinal blockage or stomach strangulation wasn't happening. At the hospital it was realized that there wasn't much movement happening in my digestive tract. I was put on IV medication that would get things moving along faster. I had an entire abdominal/pelvic cat scan. i had IV contrast as well as oral contrast that I had to drink (yuck) the next morning. The good news, .. my cat scan showed no real problems.. no tumors, growths, lesions, polyps. actually the only thing a little off was i have a liver that is mildly "fatty". He said I could go home, He wanted to do the Upper GI as an out patient. that was at 2pm....... i was so excited, I hadn't eaten in almost a day and 1/2, and i could hear a little more gurgling in my stomach (which is a really good thing) so i was feeling better, So waiting for my primary doctor to come and release me, they fed me some Rice and chicken, about 1 cup worth...... i did bloat mildly, but it seemed to return to normal after a few hours. Long story that is too long , Primary Doctor came in, and said.. obviously it is NOT normal to bloat and get pain when you eat small amounts of food... i want to do more testing, and I WANT you to have the upper GI before you leave. We talked in detail that night.... and he decided we need to really check my thyroid, and my metabolism, and check for certain allergies, clean slate so to say. Surprising, with my weight and family history........ I do not have diabetes YET!, I do not have heart disease YET, I do not have problems with my reproductive system YET, ( also was scanned) No problems with Liver Gall Bladder or Kidneys YET. I do not have problems with Mobility YET. NO problems with Cholesterol YET. and maybe i don't have Asthma like originally thought, as they are thinking i may have had a Chronic Trachea infection for the past 3 years. as i have not had ANY problems with even mild wheezing since this was taken care of. But lets be honest....... I am 40, and am blessed to be 100 lbs over weight and this Healthy, even for as sick as I've been...... does that make any sense???? and time and youth is no longer in my favor. 3 of my brothers are diabetic, 4 of my brothers wear those bipap machines to force air in their lungs at night *there are 7 siblings in my family.
Next morning had the gallbladder scan...... DR. B didn't want to do the upper g.i. yet.... ( i feel he was either too busy, or took a look at my size and figured that was the problem) he wants to do it, but he wants me to schedule it as an out patient for the next couple of weeks. My Primary doctor will not be happy, but i am not going to get in between a physician's war, (my primary doc. was off yesterday, so his associate and I agreed at this point i could just go home and schedule the upper g.i. So Patti, your second Idea might still very well be the problem. no way of really telling until i have the upper GI done. my hiatal hernia may have increased in size with the past 2 months of coughing. and my stomach may be pushing up through the cavity, but it must return to its place (cat scan ). Also yesterday the damn broke so to speak and I had explosive yucky diarrhea all day. and without being too graphic, it looked like (needed stool samples) something was being cleaned out (i.e yeast). After 3 IV doses of difluican to kill yeast (usually 1 IV dose does it) surely i am almost yeast free :~).

So i must admit, after eating 3 small low carb, low fat, meals at the hospital i did get stomach pain and bloating ..... for about 1 hour, and then things began to move again. i feel okay right now.... and soon as i walked in the house last night at 9pm... Katie said, wow mom, you have been loosing weight..... well yeah, haven't been eating much in a month. and the bloat is almost gone!!!

Wow this is hard to put 4 days of blogging on one day of blog!!! guess what both my doctors and the hospital nutritionist agree together that a calorie is NOT just a calorie. and i need to follow a low carb, low fat diet. and that i metabolize 100 calories of Turkey breast, differently than i metabolize 100 calories worth of Oreo's. So if i eat 2000 calories of lean proteins and veggies, and low glycemic fruits, and complex carbs. it is better than eating 1000 calories of "anything"... The Nutritionist loves the "Curves" plan and says she uses that herself.... So that is what i am going to do.

Well i am going to get going ........ Kim, you looked like you lost way more than a pound...... and you are working so hard....... did they use a different scale??? it sucks though doesn't it? my body seems to fight me too..... :(

Nathan sounds like he is doing well........ can't wait to meet you young man.... we the golden girls would like to come and kidnap your mom one of these days....... would that be okay ????

________________________________________

hospital just called, and Dr. Klain ordered test to be done like tomorrow as an out patient...... so he isn't going to have me wait, even though I am home. I go tomorrow at noon..

Homebound

Just talked to Sandi a few minutes ago and Bill is on his way to bring her home. Both doctors said that she is able to come home and that if any further testing needs done, they can do it as an outpatient. So there you have it. She'll probably be on tomorrow to catch us all up. G'night.

Things Have Changed

If anyone read the post I did on my blog, you would have seen that it looked like Sandi was coming home yesterday. That's why I didn't post on hers, I figured she would be able to do her own. Well, things have changed. I heard from Sandi around 8:30 last evening. Dr. Billon was in yesterday afternoon and said that everything looked good on the scan and that he thought it was probably still the yeast infection and that he didn't see a reason for scoping her. He also said that he thought that she could be discharged that day. Well Dr. Klain, her attending, didn't agree with that. He wants Sandi to have a scope done. He said that just because everything looked good on the scan, that that doesn't mean something else couldn't be going on in the stomach. He really wants to get to the bottom of what's going on and make sure before they discharge her. (I'm glad) Oh, I almost forgot. They are also going to test her gallbladder to make sure that's alright. She did say that she ate a little last evening, after being on liquids most of the day, and that she did bloat some. So they are still doing the IV diflucan for the yeast. So that's all I know for now. I'll probably be talking to Sandi later today and I'll be back to let you know what's going on. Bye.