Do I love him enough!!!

I am sitting there last night, top row of the bleachers, waiting desperately for the sun to go down, it was so hot. Ahhhhhhhhh high school football on Friday nights. I'd rather be cold and shivering, wrapped in blankets waiting to watch my two sons play.

my mind floods back to childhood memories, memories of going to football games with my mom and dad, watching my brothers play. i have five brothers, so I spent many many years going to those football games from 1976 until 1987. My mom, loved those games........she was one of those crazy cheering type of fans.....yelling until she lost her voice. She was so proud of her boys........ how would i even know what she was feeling until 20 years later,.... having now sons of my own in Varsity football. Andrew, God gave to me, almost 16 years ago. Corey I picked out almost 3 years ago. I get a little choked up when i watch Corey.... I love the boy, and love watching him play.... He now calls me Mama officially. But when he's out on the field, or on the side lines..... does he ever wonder about his birth mother, the mother that gave birth to him, and tried her best to raise him for 8 years.... I know that she just didn't do it right, i know that she was into substance abuse, i know she even tried to kill him, so Corey says. BUT she is his mom, and he does love her. Yeah we care, and we go and cheer him on at whatever he does...... whether it is a football game or the sweater hop court. Surely there are aunts and uncles, and grandparent, and cousins on his moms side and his dad's side. they just don't have anything to do with him., .... I know WE are his family now, My brothers and sister and sister in laws, are his Aunts and Uncles. My kids grandparents are His grandparents, my Children are his brothers and sister. Bill and Albert are both his fathers.....and I am his Mother!!! I do love him, do i love him enough? does he know that I love him? I tell him, i show him, I didn't give birth to him, and gee i didn't even start raising him until he was almost 13. He deserves that unconditional love that only a mom can give. I mean there are times that he infuriates me, he's 15 after all. there are times where i would like to hang him from his toes... but in honesty, There are times i feel the same about Andrew...... those mouthy teenage know it all boy years!!! Is it possible to love Corey the same way? I sure hope so, he deserves it!!! and i guess time will tell

Just got back from Curves...... did not want to go at all....... not even a little bit, BUT i am on a roll here, so i went, and now I am glad that i did..... i think I'm going to spend the day........cleaning, chilling, resting...

Donna went back to Florida today for a few months, she's going to babysit her grandson for one school year. Doug and I are fine..... and my nephew Mike i am ready to choke..... he's 21, laying around here sleeping and eating...... he's not doing a damn thing....... and that just ticks me off, knowing that i am working tons of hours, and still coming home to cook, clean, do laundry...... it's just not fair. He's out of here this weekend........

I am tired!!!!

last night i got a call from work, asking if i could please come to work and cover a few hours (7-11pm). My boss is so good to me, and she always tries to accommodate my schedule and last minute family/children problems. so of course i said yes......
i worked last night, went home, and came right back in by 7am. wouldn't you know, its when i KNOW that i have to go to work early, that i can not sleep well. I have been fine all morning, but it is now just catching up with me... i have about 40 minutes left on my shift. I don't mind working here, and actually as I've said before, I love this job and couldn't ask for a better less stressful job. usually it's all about me time. However, it still takes me away from home and my many many jobs that i do there to keep things flowing. So when i work many hours, i find that i have to do a lot of catch up work at home. Tonight my older boys have a football game at home. I love football.......love watching football, love going to see my sons play...... I am my mothers daughter.

I doubt that i will get any formal exercise in today, because when i get home, i think I'll take a nap..........even an hour rejuvenates me.

Hope all my friends and family plan on having a good weekend.....

Prayers for Nathan......

I just read Nathans carepage that My friend Kellie writes in... This family is going through this incredibly difficult journey right now.... this poor boy just isn't doing well. his options seem to be pain or severe pain!!! and the family has to just "watch" and pray, and wait. Nobody will treat him where they live, so they have to jump on a plane every time he gets sick :0(
Okay who wants to complain about their problems right now? NOT ME! I have no right. yes i am human, yes i have "situations" that i worry about. but I still need to put them in perspective. Actually things are going pretty good....... My Bill is back to being "my Bill" again, after he got off his chest, what was bothering him. The kids are doing well in school and football. I am back to work full force at a job that i really really enjoy. AND i am fitting in Curves as I should. My brother and I are getting along great......and I am actually going to miss him when he moves. whenever that will be. he doesn't want to be here forever either. And hopefully soon the hot/humid weather will be leaving......not this week though. because I'd love to be outdoors again, My allergies/asthma have improved over the past couple of days...

These are busy times for me, my days off of work are for my sons football games. so my Me time happens to be at work right now. and now at work we are very very busy because of the new school year.... so my me time will just have to wait another week or two :0)

well i am going to get going soon, and see what Chris' plans are for her morning...... we did Curves yesterday, and not sure if we are going today or not. Tomorrow i work at Kiski until 2pm, and then i could just go straight to Curves from there, we will see!!!

a whirlwind of a weekend

and where did it go? Saturday Katie turned 18. it's hard to believe that my "baby girl" is legally an adult, but hey let me say, I still have to tuck her in and kiss her forehead and tell her goodnight every evening.....so maybe she's not so adult yet!!! I spent the day helping my "bestest" friend with her daughter in law to be, bridal shower!!! It turned out really nice. and I just love Megan to death, she's like my "other" daughter.

There are some things going on that had me upset this weekend, and it is something we can definitely get through, we don't have another option. and in the scheme of things, and what i was actually thinking was wrong with my husband over the weekend...... in reality it's not that bad.... funny, because of my past history with my X husband, when Bill started acting "weird" , so much went through my head, like he's having an Affair, or he's doing drugs, or selling drugs. ....and all that it is, is a financial setback......... big deal. I should have known better about Bill, but for a month or so he's been acting so strange on and off..... and he was short and quick tempered.... totally out of his character. I actually thought that he didn't love me anymore... I hate just knowing things....... I could just sense a difference.... It just took me a while to figure it out :0). God didn't promise and easy life, but he did promise that He'd stick with me no matter what. **** hey where is my anonymous when i need her?, i bet she's on vacation****

Curves for me this week is going to be Tues evening, Thursday morning, and prob sat morning. Chris, make sure you kick my butt about going, even if we can't go together.

With work and football for three boys, my next couple of months are going to be so busy.

maybe I'll jump on later, i am here at work now, and should go through some charts.

T.G.I.F...........

yup it is Friday, and I think that I am happy with that. although I think I am pretty busy :0). This morning I am going to try and "hit" Curves ; I've got grocery shopping, try and see if I can make the life of my friend a little easier, and a football game. Tomorrow is Megan's shower, This is Christina's future daughter in law... and she is so Sweet. Chris lucked out getting her.... So I am thinking that i can slow down sometime around Sundayish/Mondayish

Went to Curves yesterday.... i must say I truly enjoy going. sometimes early in the morning i think, nah, don't feel like going, and then when i drag Christina there, or she drags me there........ with in minutes, we are saying........." i am so glad that i came!!!" it takes 30 minutes of My time, there are no excuses, although I'll try my hardest to find them.

My dear sis Kim had a doctor appointment for her eye problems yesterday, I am really praying that God has his hand in all of this, and Knowing Kim, God is up to his elbows dealing with her!!! She is one of a kind that is for sure. I miss ya Kim.......... we gotta gotta gotta get together again.

Kiski is keeping me so busy, but alas i have 4 days off...... so this gives me some "catching" up time with the house and such. A mothers work is never finished. Although i worked full time at kiski these past couple of weeks, i am still a full time mom, and housewife, and cook, and laundry person, and taxi, and mediator, ........

Chris? are you going to Curves this am.........and are we going to do.... you know what??? call me when you read this or I'll call you at 7:30ish

make this weekend a good one........

~~~Today~~~

I am sitting here at work right now, caught up on paperwork, fixed a scraped elbow, spoke with a homesick student... so i have a few minutes of quiet time. I am marking down all of my foods that I am eating, and keeping track of Carbs/Protein/Fat/Calories just as the Curves Nutrition plan asks. I packed my breakfast, lunch and snacks. it works out so much better to be organized. ff sf yogurt and berries; 10z of light cheese and 2 Bistro Crackers; 1/2 cup of Chicken salad made with chicken breast, celery, onion, grapes and light mayo with 1/2 of a tomato; and i brought a lean cuisine dinner ( glazed chicken) to eat if I end up staying late. The hardest part about this is eating all the food... and eating every 2-3 hours. that doesn't mean to eat a "thanksgiving meal" every 2-3 hours. but one of my meals consist of 1 individual serving of low fat cheese and 2 crackers. I am hoping, really hoping that just maybe I could go for a short walk today. I plan on going to Curves tomorrow early before i come to work. Tomorrow I work from noon until approx 8 in the evening. and then I am off for a few days. :0)

I've been thinking and praying for Nathan as of late. I sure hope he is doing well after the second brain surgery. I am sure his family is so busy right now, moving and all. but i do look forward to the little updates that they give on the Carepages... i find myself checking my mail all day just for that.

I am also quite busy that i do not have time to go and hang at the golf course right now... and i miss the "girls" Not much longer for the golf course, a couple more months and they'll prob close down for the winter season.

Gee i forgot, i have to meet with Corey's Case worker this evening......... gee!!! just when i thought I'd have the evening off to hike, or do whatever....

Oh well.

Eight months ago today

This world lost a beautiful person and heaven gained an awesome angel. like I've said before, I've never met her, but I must say she's changed my life so dramatically. i am still after all these months plugging along.... I am a regular at Curves, I am very aware of what i eat, even if sometimes I eat wrong..... I make regular doctor appointments even when Christina has to "push" me. I've had my first "woman's" check up in 10 years, and my first mammogram. My foot is well healed, and even with the minor setback this summer, i listened to my doctor, and The re-injured foot healed quickly and without major complications. I did a lot of hiking, and ready to start hiking again . OH yeah............ i forgot to let you folks know, my first pap smear showed "abnormal" in May....... So i had to have it redone in August............ I just got back my results yesterday, and everything was "Normal". Amen for that.
I still remember my promise to Melody. ... and work on it daily. I haven't forgotten you Melody, and I haven't forgotten what you stood for as a human being on this earth. I got that 10 mile hike to honor you to do yet.

I went to Curves yesterday, worked out pretty hard. today I'd like to attempt to get a "walk/hike" in at some point

First day of school for the kids yesterday went really well. Sammy had no problems and said he liked it. Katie goes to the high school in the mornings, and then she goes the afternoons and takes college courses at a local college. what a great opportunity for her, this is the same school she plans to attend for Nursing. so these classes she takes are a head start for her next year. Corey goes to the high school in the morning, and then he attends the Vo-technical school to study for a trade..... I think it's great that my kids aren't just wasting their high school years but using it to prepare them for their future years.

Gee i thought I'd have a day off today........ but my son Andrew is having a problem with very red/itchy/draining eyes. So I'll call the doctor this am and try and make him an appointment for today

talk to you later

these two should never hit on the same day I am telling ya!!!!

Oh my what a morning. I must say that peak emotional PMS and first day of school, first day of high school for my youngest son.... last first day of school for my daughter. It just doesn't work out!!! I've been crying all morning. I am one of those "odd" mothers that actually like summer vacation for my kids (most of the time). Every school year is always a sad reminder that time marches on........and slows down for no one. Katie is a senior in high school. she'll be 18 on Saturday. I remember her first day of preschool, 13 years ago. She threw up inside the car, she was so upset about leaving mommy. No throwing up today. Up until this Summer, Sammy the youngest has been my side kick and shadow. even last year he spent the mornings sitting next (almost on my lap) to me and chatting before he'd get on the bus. This year, he had to be tough, and I was lucky to get a kiss goodbye. No more elementary school..... another chapter in my life closed.......... have i mentioned yet that i am at my peak PMS time, and i feel like crying at the drop of a hat anyhow!!!! I do realize that my children are growing up healthy, and happy. i do realize that it would be very abnormal for my daughter to get so upset about leaving me that she throws up. I know that my almost 13 year old son shouldn't cling to me sitting on my lap all morning. I am blessed that my children are able to go to school. I am blessed that God lent me these children, even for just a short time. Last school year, Katie was too sick to go to school........ i am blessed that she is well. This is the 3rd year that my Son Corey has been with us. and i am blessed for that. This young man never spent more than a year with a family his entire life... and now he found home...... and he is doing well. He is no longer a foster son, but he is MY son. ( one, like my other 15 year old, that i can choke much of the time ;0) )

My life IS good, and full. .... I work at Kiski today so i will not be here when they get home. tomorrow i think i have a day off. Yeah!!!

It's a beautiful morning....... and for this I am happy~~~

Headache Gone........ Stomach Ache here

Yes my sinuses have finally stopped hurting.... I was put on antibiotics and a Nasonex spray on Wednesday, And I must say if i thought my sinuses where draining before........ I lied, cause let me tell you.... they are draining now. I take antibiotics as last resort, but i realize that two + weeks with a sinus headache so bad that it made me dizzy, it was time for me to do something. ( thanks Christina for nagging me so much about calling the doctor) I am not too upset about the stomach ache, and discomfort. i realize the antibiotics alone can cause stomach discomfort. and i am sure the 2 gallons of nasal drainage a day can't help either...

I've been so busy, I am working here at Kiski prep almost daily.... ( i am here now) And my one day off yesterday i spent all day at my son's football weigh in and scrimmage... being out in the hot hot sun and humidity wore me out. so i spent the evening reading, and chilling.

Autumn can't come soon enough.... i am ready for the "real" football weather.

Everything came to a head with me and my brother last night. This morning, there has been great progress made. I must say I feel much better. And in my brothers defense, he didn't understand where i was coming from.....i was seething inside, and giving him the silent treatment so to speak........ I should have set it all out on the table when i was feeling so stressed. He's going to pay rent while he lives with us. and we reach many more agreements that i don't need to go into detail here. But, let's just say.... he feels truly bad that he has done this to me...... he even shed a tear. ( you have to know Doug is a tough a** and doesn't like to show his feelings.) I don't want to stereotype here, but sometimes i feel especially woman, let things bother them, and just assume that the male gender are going to figure it out. Let's face it, Men as a rule can't read feelings and emotions like women can. I can be with someone and in about one minute.... i can tell what kind of mood they are in.

School starts for my kiddo's tomorrow....... this is Sammy's first day in the high school. he's such a confident young man, he is not too worried.. My other 2 were basket cases the first day in high school. Sam just doesn't worry about that stuff. gosh i love my kids so much...... they truly are my ultimate joys and accomplishments in my life.

Well after work, finally taking the kids school shopping... nothing like waiting until the last minute.

It is hard to believe that Melody has been working from Heaven for 8 months on Tuesday. I am sure for her family it feels like yesterday..... i still pray for them often, such a light left the Earth and that family.....

I work again tomorrow here, but i think I will do Curves first in the morning.......get it in before my day begins, or i may not be able to fit it in later.

Friends.....the greatest gifts on earth.

I couldn't imagine my life without my friends. I mean i love my family, but lets be honest, we don't choose them..... We are assigned to them. But Friendships are formed because of common interest, or another connection. And gee, friendships last longer than some marriages do... (right Christina)

Gina, Kim, Christina, and Kellie I appreciate your comments on yesterdays blog. And you all are right and made very valid points.........

The more i think about it this morning, (with much of Christina's telling me like it is) the more that i need to NOT feel guilty cause i am having a stressful time right now. Yeah it's not Kim's problems, or Kellie's problems, or the lost minors families in Utah's problems.... But it is my problem.... and right now it is causing me stress.

I was born an optimist, and i usually see the best side of every situation. and i truly try to live my life as i think "what would Jesus do" And i remember the bible passage when it speaks about ...... when you help people in need, you are helping Jesus. BUT.... this morning just now, i was thinking......... you know what? I don't think that Jesus was a push over. I don't think he allowed people to walk all over him. lets face it, My brother is not Needy!!! he's just lazy. and he'd rather save his money and not spend it right now letting me and Bill support him so to speak, I mean after all i am only raising 4 children.... what do i need money for?? :0) So I spoke with his wife last night, and i told her that Doug, if he is going to be here , is going to pay rent, she agrees completely. Doug is more than capable of getting work, so he NEEDS to get a job....... that's the only needy part of My brother that i truly see.

It is good to be back to work at Kiski Prep..... right now because we are filing and checking all medical records for all the students, I am kept pretty busy.... it's a process though, i mean we get students from Korea, China, Germany, Italy, Mexico, all over the world!!!

I went to Curves yesterday.... i so love going to Curves, I missed it, my body missed it those couple of weeks I didn't go. I think the end of September they are going to have those classes for the weight loss again... I'd like to do that too. I am not eating as well as i should have.....

Okay ............... I now know that Christina has been hanging out with me way too much........ I just had the biggest laugh I've had in a long long time......... okay, i peed my pants, and had a coughing spell at the same time.. Chris has a golf course, and over the past few days it has been raining, and the golf course is flooded out. so she needed to put a message on the answering machine to say such....... she calls me and asks me to call and listen to the message, because she isn't sure if she "got it recorded right.......

so this is how it went
................ ring, ring, ring ring........... " hello, you have reached Country Meadows Golf Course, ........... pause............ bang, bump bump.... damn i can't get this to work,................. shit................ grunt and groans heard from Chris............ click, bang bang............. ohhhhhhhhhh, ........ more grunts and groan heard from Chris............. click, click, bump,bump.................beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!

i was laughing so hard, i mean so hard. See such a serious gloomy day began with Laughter........ how could i not have a good day after that.

Love and Blessings to you all. And for those that are my friends............ Thank you for being a good friend to me!!!

Stress............makes you sick!!!!

I am still not feeling great, I am okay, just sorta feel off center so to speak. my sinuses and ears are hurting, I am draining like a turned on faucet. I notice that i am wheezing more, and coughing. And if you look at past blogs, you can see the stressors are up and down. I am trying terribly to get it under control and put it in perspective. I keep thinking, gee Kellie would just about give her right arm to have my stressors. * her son is the one dealing with brain surgery and a lifetime of complications.* I know that this is wrong, but i sometimes get tired of doing the right thing.... i am tired of keeping my home open to needy people, i am tired of exercising, I am tired of eating right.... i am just tired. I truly feel that mental stress for long periods of time, are hard on the body... when you are under chronic stress, your body mechanisms work differently, and ultimately this causes a worn out body's resistance to drop......opening the door for all kinds of aches, pains, and infections. My brother and his family are still living here, and i don't see the end in site. My sister in law is wonderful, and she will be leaving soon...... and since the outburst i had with my brother several weeks ago, he has been great.... My home isn't my own, the family room we put in for the kids, is being taken over, that isn't fair to them, they are only going to be young once although he has provided dinner once or twice in the two months he has been here, and gave the occasional check.... nothing is consistent..... our electric bill and gas bill have doubled. i buy extra groceries, it's costing now almost 400.00 dollars a week just for groceries alone. yeah i have 3 sons who have tape worms in their digestive track right now, but i still cook dinner for my brother and his family daily. ... shame on me for complaining. I guess that I am just tired that is all. But something needs to be done soon. Donna my sister in law is one of the most wonderful people in the world. and i need to talk to her, I can talk to her about anything, and she doesn't get on the defense, my brother controls her, and actually this isn't her choosing, she wanted to stay where she lived, near her daughter and grandson. She may be able to get this straightened out.
well i got to go, Christina, call me if you read this...... if not, i just may catch you.. ummm, during your morning bathroom call :0)

In all of this, back to work now at Kiski, all the football starting with 3 sons and 3 different schedules, and school, I've GOT TO FIND TIME FOR ME!!!!

Nothing to complain about

I sit here thinking about this dang headache I've had for almost a week. and then i think shame on me, yeah, it knocked me down for a while, but at least i know it's origin, and it's coming from the sinuses and ears. Last night the, the congestion in my head let loose, and let me tell you, it let loose, drainage coming out of my ears, nose, down my throat, even my eyes were draining....... so i woke up without a major headache. I think of my friends young son, Nathan lives with headaches far worse than this.... and his poor headaches can't be fixed by decongestants.... Tylenol Sinus medication maximum strength!!!! This young man has a doctor appointment today, just several day's after his second brain surgery.... two brain surgeries this summer alone.......Please keep him in prayer... he told his mama he has sharp stabbing pains that come and go.... God Bless this little boy!!!!!
Back to work at Kiski prep. I so love my job there, it's nice going to work when you truly love what you do. I've been a nurse for almost 20 years. and the day that i don't totally love my job.....is the day I stop being a nurse.
Hopefully today will be a good one. I guess only I can decide to make it a good day.......... Christina and I have appointments for hair cuts today... i may go with something totally different..... maybe a little shorter, with a cut that works with all these dang curls. it's funny people with poker straight hair try to get it curly, and those with the curls are trying to straighten it...... we will see what happens,

Tuesday.........

yup, that's my title today........" Tuesday", original isn't it. I am thinking the terrible headache was stemmed from the sinuses. Sunday i felt much better, but Monday i woke up with a headache again.... some sudufed and Advil seemed to take care of it . Again i woke up this morning with a headache, and it's a frontal headache and it surrounds my eyes. As i am up........it seems like it is subsiding.
Curves went well yesterday, and I am able again to work harder on the machines. My foot is doing really well, actually not causing me any problems. actually Gina, i may walk this evening......let me know if you want to go. Obviously no 7 mile hikes right now.... but we can do 2 or 3 miles.
I am heading into my "favorite" time of the year..... the mornings are getting cooler, it's staying darker in the AM longer. the air smells fresher.... autumn is knocking on the door. I noticed yesterday evening, the birds are gathering in large groups.... that's just another sign that the season is changing. The boys all started football practice yesterday, and school is just a couple of weeks away. Sammy is going to the high school with his brothers and sister now..... no more elementary...... another phase of my life is over......and a new phase is beginning. Can't change it, so i might as well enjoy it :0)

Well to everyone, have a great day today......

48 hour headache

Wow........... never had a headache like this....... it started out Friday morning when i was just feeling tired.... by that evening, I couldn't even look at sunlight, or watch TV, or read.... and i was so nauseous. So i took a couple Ultracets, and went to bed. Got up early Sat morning, around 8am. but still had the headache so bad, that i couldn't focus..managed to do a little house work, and crawled back into bed at 10:30 or 11 am, and slept until 4pm, woke up so dizzy, couldn't even walk straight.... I threw up my dinner, and went back to bed. I don't know if this stems from sinuses or what? the pressure was behind my eyes and in my face. The nausea was, i think ,secondary from feeling so dizzy, maybe my inner ears are inflamed. who knows? This morning, not feeling as bad...... going to try and move a little more today... house has been staying in order..... kids have for a change been at their friends homes instead of their friends being at our home........ so it's been a quiet weekend!!! just what i needed.

I think Bill and I are heading to town this am...... so I'll see how i do..... I'll get on later and let you know if i survived headache 2007.

my life..........

good morning..... it's early and quiet so I'll take a few minutes to have some me time. Again my blog is inspired by listening to Joyce Meyers. Her message today was based on "loving your life". How much time is spent wasted by wishing things in your life were different? I'd love to be a size 6 and never have to worry about exercise and diet . I'd love to have all the money i need at my disposal. I'd love to have a house in total order. I'd love to look like those models on TV that look so perfect like a barbie doll. But you know what? That is NOT the life that God has chosen for me. I am and will always have to work at getting my body healthy. I will always be needing money for something, for the mortgage, the kids, the car, ...... I have children, 4 of them, enough said about a house in order. I've always lived with the policy that my home is an Open door. My boys always have one friend or another here, my mother in law and father in law lived here last year, and now my brother and his wife are here. My friends know they can just come and walk in........ That's just how it is! Yes i have rules to follow, and i won't let myself get taken advantage of. After this weekend when i "blew up" at my brother, it's a long story, but things are working out much better since.. .. and Peace has again entered into my home. So i can't Open my home, and then complain because people enter, now can I???
I am happy with my life, the only other option is to be depressed with my life.... and what a waste that would be!!!
The facts are, I am one of 8 children. my father was an alcoholic and controlling and abusive. 13 years before he died, he excepted Jesus in his life and spent the rest of his days on this earth going to Churches and youth groups and prisons and meetings talking about how the abuse of alcohol destroys families. (because of his change, and the restitution he made in honor of God, i have "forgotten his past before this") There was a period in my life where i was abused by a family friend. My dad died early in life, and my mom, my dearest friend, died a few years later. My husband of 10 years, the father 0f my 3 children left me, when the kids were very young......yeah I could go on about my little "sob" story... But in reality it is not a sob story....... it is MY LIFE! and a life i wouldn't change. My dad was an abused little boy, he became abusive, but because of his past. when his path changed, i remember the many many people who was touched by my dad's story, and who's life changed too, by the grace of God. life happens, and if my mom would have lived, it would have prob been in a nursing home in pain, She didn't suffer long, God took her home early. The abuse i experienced, God has made my spirit stronger. I am remarried to a man who adores me and the kids.We have been married almost 6 years. my X husband gets along wonderfully with my new husband and I. making it a very peaceful life for my children. This is my body........and it's always going to be this way. i will not magically get thin and stay thin over night. Knowing this, Accepting this is the first step in my journey to better health. and hey it's so much fun doing this journey with my bestest friend :0)
I've told my newest Son, who lived a hellish childhood and had been in the foster system for years.... " yeah your life really sucked, and i am sorry about that. there is nothing we can do about what happened with your past. you are here now, and have been for going on 3 years. I refuse to allow your past to become a crutch, i refuse to allow your past to ruin your future. My son is doing wonderful now, they stopped his counseling almost a year ago, his grades are getting better, he's very social (too social, ah, 15 year old boys) He's happy, healthy, and annoying just as teenage boys should be!!!! He's not living in yesterday....... he's living today!

wow, must have been in a 'talkative' mood today. but this too must end. i go this AM for my second pap smear because the first one a few months ago, was abnormal. Not even nervous this time...... and for those people keeping track i now know that i am not .....in the "grove" of things but the "groove" of things... me and my spelling :)

well to all, This is your life, and your life only. make the best of it. and don't worry about what is on the other side of the fence... your own pasture is just as green.

Dear Anonymous, Thank you

Anonymous, I just want to thank you for your in site and all your little messages that you leave me...... i have a dear friend who is going through so much right now. and your message to me , hit home for her.....at a time when she needed it most. It literally changed her day :0).

I went to Curves today, and it feels good to get back into the grove of things.... it seems like it's not taking my body long to get back to where it was ....... but then again, i just missed a couple of weeks. Right now it is so hot and humid here, and i can't really hike in this.... i have a tough time with asthma like symptoms. so I am just waiting this out!!! So pretty soon Gina.....we'll be able to do those evening hikes.

busy day today........ taking my son for his football physical. and going grocery shopping and then not sure what I am going to be doing after that. but i am sure, something will come up.

Kim i am going to try and call you right now......

... A Kim day

that sounds pretty good! I AM in need of a Kim day, let's try and figure it out. I'll call you, i really will with my phone number. I'll make Christina remind me :0).
I have had an "emotional" weekend. maybe it's hormonal, maybe I've got a lot on my plate, or maybe i am just plain crazy. I am so busy, and right now my life is not my own. I am fitting exercise in, but i have so many appointments to fit in with 4 kids getting ready for school and sports. I have one son left who needs his physical for sports, which is scheduled this week. and i have my second pap smear to do yet again because of abnormal cells from the last. . . . I still am scheduling my Curves, and am beginning to walk a couple miles here and there. Over all my "neighbor patient" has been doing pretty well. I was needed yesterday. so i guess that is pretty good.
I am "clashing" with my brother being here, i do love him, but you just gotta know what I am going through.... And i am trying so hard to get my "joy" back. but it's taking me a while.
Curves with Christina today I think, I'll pick you up at about 10 till 8 or i guess i could just say 7:50 am
I now need to go look at my schedule book this am and figure out exactly what i am doing this week. School is just around the corner...... please tell me, what happened to this summer???

it's feeling good!!!

Well I've been to Curves twice, and yesterday Chris and I went for a 2 mile walk... it feels so good to be back in the grove... It's funny, when I exercise regularly, i find myself eating better. it's almost like i don't want to sabotage the work I've put into myself. My foot is tolerating the exercise well. and that is a plus. Last night for a moment in the middle of the night, foot pain woke me up. I soon realized that it was just a cramp. and by morning, it was fine.

Nathan the little boy dealing with brain surgery did well for the surgery. However right now he has a fever of almost 104. so something just isn't right. This poor young man....

I've been running around so much the past few days...... so it's going to be nice to just hang at my house right now.......maybe!!!! My Florida family returned yesterday.. so the house is sorta crazy.. i can always go to Chris' to chill if I need to.

Well i think i am going to put on my 10 hour sauce, make some Chicken salad and do some prepping for my healthy Curves plan foods.

have a nice weekend

Yeah......... back to Curves

I am released to go forth...........and exercise!!! My foot is doing pretty good. i just have to listen when it tells me that i am doing too much. I am allowed to begin Curves again (I've missed 2 weeks) And I can start hiking again, But just a few miles at a time. i am going to have to wait awhile to do those 5,6,7 mile hikes that i love. lets see what else, wear my orthotics when i am even doing housework. and where the big ol' hiking boots when I am walking outdoors. elevate and ice when necessary, and Motrin for the inflammation. I got it.

Hey Kim, I'll call you soon. My Internet was out for a couple days. So i may call you after my dental appointment today. I sure do miss you girl. Hey i think Katie misses you too :0)

Please Pray for Nathan today....... the little boy of one of my friends that is having brain surgery again.........God Bless Him and his family. Kellie his mom is so strong, and she does the best that she can to keep her family at peace....

Well it's planned as of yesterday. Bill and I are going at the end of October for a mini vacation. we will be staying at a hotel in Gettysburg Pa. it's a beautiful part of Pennsylvania. and it is during Halloween. so there are these "ghost" trial hikes, and shops, and Civil War History and lots of hiking and walking. I am already getting excited. no children this time. it is important for Bill and I to make time for ourselves. He's been such a selfless husband. coming into a family with 3 kids and all. and he immediately put my children first. And he's kept it that way for 6 years. I remember our first anniversary, we had made plans to go to Niagara Falls (Canadian Side) we had this beautiful room directly above Horseshoe Curve Falls. with a huge whirlpool tub in the room and everything. well Bill thought it would be really neat to take the kids with Us too. So we celebrated our 1 year anniversary playing in the arcade, and visiting Ripley's Museums, enjoying pizza's and burgers... I think if Bill did nothing else, Him being so good and loving my kids.......I'll love him forever, just for that.

Well I need to go get ready, Picking Up Christina at 7:45 am and heading to Curves..... taking the boys in to football practice first. and then dental appointments for everyone today......

I am slightly emotional these past couple of days, which means one thing..... in the next 48 to 72 hours i should "start". my body is like clock work.

Melody.... it's because of you that i can't get off track 100 %, i would love to just hang around this morning...... but i can't , i made a promise to you. and that is so important to me..... its about time for me to read your journal again...it's been a couple of weeks....... and I must remember. it's already been 7 months since reading your journal changed my life... to many i am sure that is but a moment. May God continue to Bless your family and give them peace

Finding Peace.......... is it lost??

lately I've been saying...... i just want peace, and then I'll say......... I'll get it when my brother finds a home, or I'll get it when the kids get back to school. Or when the neighbor guy stops picking and causing trouble. Or when the older "neighbor" gets used to her medications. My brother is not preventing me from experiencing peace, Nor my children, Nor my neighbor. How terrible it would be if it was those around us that had control of our peace and happiness. yeah I've said it before, WE, are ultimately in control of our own peace and happiness. And the only way i need to "find" peace, would be if it were lost!!! And if it comes from within each of us, how can it be lost??

Yesterday i felt guilty for having a very quiet day. didn't go anywhere, didn't really do much. watched some movies, and shows my husband enjoyed. Did some reading, and spent the later part of the evening watching lightning, and listening to the Thunder. I usually have some where to go 7 days a week. carpooling the kids, going to work, running errands and shopping with the hubby on weekends, just going in every direction. So why is it i feel guilty for having a quiet day........ where i go no where, and don't do a major house cleaning project?? I think we go too much.... and day's like yesterday are a "good" thing, and we need to learn to relax and enjoy.......and not feel guilty about "wasting" time.

my foot is doing really good again. not aching much at all. So i am looking forward to going to Curves this week. and maybe a couple walks no more than a mile or two. have lots scheduled this week.......... we all have dental appointments this week, i have a foot appointment. Andrew has a scheduled physical for football, oh yeah so does Sam........ different days, different times, different places......... Hopefully Christina will be able to start up at Curves again soon..... it's not the same without her.

Well it's a little after 7am, and it's almost time for me to run the boys into football practice. .

Make it a good one, and remember if you are looking for peace.... it's right there with you..... you just have to make "peace" happen.

A day in bed...........and i mean all day!!!!

I had some kind of illness yesterday. it started in the middle of the night, with stomach pain, loose stools, extreme fatigue, muscle aches and weakness. I spent most of my day in bed. just couldn't function. My kids were awesome.... cleaned the house, cooked dinner, did the dishes. Katie and her boyfriend went and did the weekly grocery shopping... I love my kids....... and its days like yesterday, that i remember why i love them.........even my almost 16 year olds too.

My stomach still has some minor pain/cramping but i must say that i feel better.

I started back to the first week Curves eating plan .. i am happy for that. Tuesday is my doctor appointment for my foot... and then Weds back to Curves. I've noticed that my foot isn't throbbing like it was, i just have to remember to wear my hiking boots or my Asics with my orthopedic inserts. even when i am doing house work.

it looks like a rainy day on and off!!! So i am assuming the golf course isn't going to be that busy. wow. i can't believe that July is almost over. time does seem to travel faster the older we get........... why is that???

Kim you are heading home this weekend correct??? cause we got to get together. my friend Christina just knows that she'd get along with you...she likes your direct, tell it like it is attitude.

Anonymous, thanks for the comments and the prayers. The young man that i was talking about is going in for surgery again on Aug 1st. he's pretty miserable right now. he and his family are staying at a Ronald McDonald house. in Baltimore waiting for surgery. These houses are godsends for families in limbo.

I am assuming that i will be starting back to Kiski pretty soon..... looking forward to it. Well i think I'll go and enjoy my morning....

beautiful morning!!!!

I love mornings like this, cool and crisp. up early enough to watch the sun rise up over the country side. I have so much to be thankful for. Early this morning as i was watching Joyce Meyers, her message hit home. and we ALL for get it. Do any of us really have cause to whine and complain??? There are human beings in third world countries that can't even get a safe/clean/ drink of water. who can't just jump into a warm shower. or open a cabinet and get food. yeah i know our country is really screwed up, and I know that politicians have become so corrupt, and with the war and all.... it sure looks dismal. But if i have a crisis, or no food,or money or such i can still walk into the welfare department and ask for help. I don't think those villages over seas, have welfare departments. I think Americans complain about too many frivolous things. Who in the heck cares that my cable went out for the third time this month? Does it really matter that i sat in traffic for 30 extra minutes coming home from work. or that the grocer forgot to put my fabric softener in the bag? who cares that i can't hike 5 miles, i mean i can "walk". .... I think you get the picture. I am going to make a conscious effort to "not complain" today Why don't you give it a try???

I have a friend, who's young son is going through some really rough stuff. He had brain surgery several weeks ago. and now he ended up getting complications, and had meningitis. He is now on his way for more surgery. this young man is in so much excruciating pain. .. and his mother has to sit there and watch this. not knowing what the outcome is going to be. lets put all of our problems into a bag........ now think about? would you want to switch bags with your neighbor??? I think i will keep my bag...........and Give thanks to God, that my "bag" really isn't that bad.

keep it real

..... Jump like a "freaken Orka"

yes, that is my title, "jump like a freaken Orka" That is what my bestest friend said about me. She was talking about my "vertical jump" years ago when we went to water aerobics, I guess you had to be there, I mean she could have said something nicer don't you think. yeah, my younger years i was extremely athletic, at 5'7 i could easily keep up with my 6'1 friend in volleyball and basketball because of my "jumping ability" But i mean really......... Christina could have said........... she jumped like a graceful blue dolphin, Or she jumped like Shamu even........... not "SHE JUMPED LIKE A FREAKEN ORKA"....

I'll get over it :0) Regardless, my days have been busy. my foot seems to be improving. my sister in law is having complications with a miscarriage. she had emergency surgery on Sunday evening. they can't seem to find where the baby was. ( 2 years ago she had a similar problem, and the baby was on her ovary. So I've had my little 5 year old nephew you for a few days, and just got my 9 year old niece yesterday. My elderly "neighbor", who i am trying to help get her medications organized ,can't seem to get to feeling better. there is so much more going on right now that i can't get into yet. but let me tell you with my brother and his son and the complications there........my plate is full .

I am prob going to start Curves next week. after i see the Doctor about my foot. i can't let things keep me from getting healthy again. and hopefully after i see the doctor i can start with slow hikes. I was planning on going some where this weekend. but now with my sister in law up in the air, i doubt that i will plan anything. we will see.

well i am going to check on my "neighbor patient" and get my day started.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

... Gee, another day that i was feeling slightly out of sorts :0( , guess a lot going on in my life. i have a very "active" house right now. and even know that it's in a good way..... i am still overwhelmed!!! I should be thrilled that all of my kids' friends want to hang out here, and usually I am. Gina, let's try and fit in a little walk. Kimmie, Sat i have a birthday party to go to, and I adore this kid, almost as much as my own, so this is one that i don't want to miss. But I'd like to try and catch ya..... cause i miss ya bunches. Cause if i didn't have the party.......I'd of come your way........ what does your next Friday/Saturday look like??? obviously i am going to have to schedule some me time in and "plan" for it right now.

my foot did not ache as much as it did the last couple of days.... i have been wearing my shoes more, even at home.

My husband is trying to get a job for my X-husband, so for those that believe in prayer....... say a prayer that if God's will, my X would get this job. it would be a break for him. He had the final interview this morning.

well I guess it's time for me to get my day started. wow can't believe that it is Friday already.

Didn't want to tell anyone....

good morning.... haven't posted for a day or so! Didn't even want to let Christina know........but man is my foot screwed up again. Same as before surgery. it even throbs in the middle of the night waking me up. I must admit it is frustrating. I am really wondering what in the heck is going on. Maybe i am going to have to wear my "boots" even while i am doing housework. and doing simple errands.... I don't know!!!! Maybe i am going to have to just live with it. not sure what more can be done.
Curves is still doable and honestly, prob small hikes right now. (2) miles.

my home is very active to say the least, my sister in law had a miscarriage and needed minor surgery. so i had my nephew Caleb (5) yesterday. my boys had friends over, and then obviously my brother and his son still hanging here from Florida. But over all a really good day. I am not stressing as much by the "new" live in guest. What will be will be. and my attitude is 1/2 the battle. And a willing heart is the other 1/2.
Doug my brother is actively looking for a home.... however it may be 5 or 6 months before all is settled. I've decided to look at the positive. I get to enjoy my brother, who has lived for the past 25 years down south. and i am getting to know my nephew who i only knew from a visit for a week every couple of years his entire life. I have a large home. and a newly done basement area that added 1300 sq feet of living space... so we are not crowded. i have healthy happy children. i have a husband who adores me, and would do anything for me. Katie is starting to feel better finally. . . . and Friends, wonderful caring friends....... and i guess i could go on and on.... So at least for this day I am not whining!!!! yet!!!!

it's raining ....and the house is quiet, so i think I'll go take a moment to enjoy the peace and the rain.

Summer, full speed ahead

wow i can't believe that we are over 1/2 through with July. Summer is flying by. It has truly been a busy summer. but over all I must say it has been a pretty good one. I'll be starting Kiski soon. All my children are now in the high school , my youngest is going into 7th grade. No wonder I try to enjoy every moment, every stage of my children's lives.... because they grow up too fast. NOW if I can just even tolerate my 15 year old boys "stage" right now. But let me tell you, it sure is difficult!!!

I spent two hours walking gas lines looking for the neighbors dog early yesterday morning... and i must say my new hiking boots felt great. so that is a good thing.

I've got some house work to catch up on this morning.... I may go work at the golf course for a while, if Maryanne doesn't feel well!!! not sure yet. will have to call Christina to check.

yesterday, i can't explain it. I felt out of sorts, not feeling very well, and I was a little melancholy, Today i am feeling a little better.

well i should go start my day... while it is early.

Running away today

I think Bill and I are going to go off by ourselves today. Not sure what we are doing, or where we are going. But, does it really matter. I am not feeling well this morning all "allergy" related. headache, earache, sinus pressure, stuffy nose, sore throat, coughing. Stress has away of knocking down your immune system too... and Heaven knows i am under stress at home right now. The golf course was a break, and I haven't been down there for 3 days now. I miss Christina when i don't see her for that many days, and i miss Megan too!!!!
I'd like to be back in time and check out Gina's uncles presentation. The main reason we are going is my foot doctor said if i am walking /hiking i NEED to wear high top hiking boots. the leg tendon connected to the foot tendon is weakening and causing some of the problem. So i should be ready to do some walking Next week. but just 2 or 3 miles at a time. And I can't forget Curves........love the workout, but miss working out with my friend.
Kim, still may hang with you a day when you are available..... we will try and talk this week sometime.

Hang on....... The worlds going in Circles

It's been a busy couple of days. BUT i have managed to make it to Curves as planned. I have a totally "new" respect for my friend Christina's life during the summer!! Along with normal summer business......she's had other curves thrown at her. And i am trying to help out with what i can to make her life a little easier. I will say this, I swear i make better, rounder more even balls than her. ( we are baking cookies for a wedding). I am having fun though. and it's keeping me away from the Circus called Home right now. Bill is being wonderful with me gone so much, You gotta know Chris and her Husband.... they would do anything for Us anytime. and they have plenty of occasions, its sorta nice being able to pay them back some how.



Wow..... summer is flying by. soon I'll be at Kiski being a school nurse again. there i get some me time too.... This is the first summer that i do not have a child attached to me at the hip. Sammy who is 12, now seems to not "need ' mom around so much. and i am finding that difficult right now... but I am embracing the ability to be able to just go and not worry about a babysitter, or if Sam is bored tagging along with me.

Well tomorrow is Curves Early, and I am not sure if I am needed down at the Golf Course tomorrow yet ! I am so ready to start walking again...

Have a great day.

ps Gina i sure miss ya, did your mama tell you? maybe one of these days we will get together again

Curves again

yesterday i was back to Curves after over 2 weeks...and I must say it felt good. it's too hot and humid right now to even worry or want to hike. however i am planning on maybe a two mile hike at the end of this week (hi Gina) I think i will hike two and three miles only for a while... and let more weight come off , and take it easier on my foot. It's not bothering me too much right now.......aches when i am on it for a while, but is finally not hurting me when I am resting!!!
I got to get a grip and deal with my home right now. I love my brother and nephew very much.... but ground rules must be followed to survive this time we are living under the same roof. He's actively looking for a house right now. His wife will be coming up here in a few weeks to help pick a home. It is just we have different life style. My nephew will stay up all night and sleep all day. hasn't even begun to look for a job (he's 21) and has no direction for his life. He is such a sweet boy, and has so much potential, just don't think he has a good self esteem. For those who pray, I'd sure appreciate some prayers for this situation, and I need to pray for Patience. I got to do What God wants me to do......but i got to do it with a joyful heart, or I am not doing it for the right reason. I guess we have to look at the bigger picture....... and realize that God might have an ultimate plan. my nephew is definitely heading down the wrong path, that i can't even begin to explain. Maybe he's here for a reason, Maybe this move could be a life changing experience for him... Maybe he needs to see the Love of God , and not be "preached at "! So i best get my attitude right.......and seek the will of God! and stop b#tching and complaining whoa is me... I have it so difficult having these extra people live with me. blah blah blah.

I must greatly reduce my simple carb intake again.... and stop the sugar intake again. I got to keep "ME" on my priority list. and all though i have others to take care of, I can't forget my quest and my promise to Melody whom i think of and remember daily for the past 6 months.

It's going to be another hot one. I plan on spending the day helping my bestest friend! sneak back home for a foster agency meeting.......and maybe go back down to help Chris again :0)

Have a good day today folks, thanks for listening

Monday, Monday.......

Good morning! time to get things back in order. oh yeah, this morning i checked my weight, and i did not gain 5 lbs, the scale indicated 2 lbs. and even that, with water fluctuation i am unsure. Regardless, nothing but water for me today in the "liquid" department. heading to Curves at 8 am. and then going to stop and see if i can make Christina's life any easier this morning. Gina, thanks for keeping an eye on the turtles. I sure appreciate it. they miss you.......... they told me so!!! Looking forward to start attempting short "walks" with you soon. And when i get my bike, maybe we can do that every now and then.

My brother is here from Florida, he's moving back to Pennsylvania. He lived in Florida for 25 years and wants to come home. He and his son are staying here while they are house hunting it could be a few months, so we are all going to have to adjust and find our space, and keep MY rules. I don't know, it seems that God has decided that this house is a Haven for those who need a place to stay... and I guess i can't question Him. I am tired this morning. I feel it's a let down from such a wonderful vacation. But it was expected. And I feel a need to have my own space. Maybe I'll sneak away to Kim's for a day in the next few weeks. As relaxing as my vacation was........i was still the Matriarch for a family of 9 at the beach house.... and i am in desperate need of me and only me time... maybe a road trip to no where.....
Well it is time for me to get my butt in gear........ it's going to be a hot humid day in Pennsylvania, and i hate that kind of weather. but what can i do?

"this is the day that the Lord hath made....I will rejoice and be glad in it"

Home at last

Home Sweet Home. Made it home today! have all the clothes put away... car cleaned out. Kids things organized. and now vacation is over. this photo is a picture from my porch. I am blessed to wake up to this view every morning, ( this photo is taken in the direction of the East, so usually i see the sun rise when i am up early enough)
I must admit to gaining 5lbs, but i truly feel it is from lack of drinking the quantity of water i usually drink, and eating a few more carbs than i normally do. I refused to go to any all you can eat buffets, and i ate 1 serving with no second helpings for all my meals. So Curves tomorrow, and i bet after a few days I'll be back to where i started. I'll go back to the Curves first week dietary program...
Looking forward to hiking again soon too.

On Our way home.....there is no place like Home

No matter where I go.... or how much fun i have while I am there. there still isn't anything quite like going home. we stopped in Virginia for the evening.... once Bill gets some sleep, we will be heading home...... we will prob get home early in the morning. The kids are all home sick. The weather at the beach was almost picture perfect until the day before we were leaving, then it got so hot and humid!!!
It was the most relaxing vacation I've been on so far. I love the ocean, i love the sound of the ocean, and the movement of the ocean, and the smell of the salty air. But i love sitting on my porch at home and listen to the frogs and crickets at night, smell the fresh country air..... and look out onto the Pennsylvania country side. Sometimes we get so "wrapped up" in what's on the other side of the fence, we often forget about our own Pasture, and what we have right in front of Us. I am looking forward to getting back in the grove of things....... back to Curves 3 days a week, back to walking a couple times a week, and maybe biking once a week. I am tired of food............ nothing appeals to me right now........ and i am missing drinking all the water i usually drink.

well Melody vacation is over....its time i get back to work

Happy Fourth of July

......... it's been a picture perfect day today. I am enjoying every moment of being with my family. Today we went and played in the ocean. I came back to the beach house relaxed and then we had a barbeque out by the swimming pool. spent 2 hours playing volleyball in the water. Showered and Sat on my porch watching fireworks .... I am tired and ready for bed. My brother and his wife have been on vacation with Us. and we are having so much fun with them!!! Tomorrow night is mine and Bill's night. Chris (my brother) is taking the boys to Hooters, and mini golfing. While Bill and I go to a really nice seafood restaurant. and enjoy one of the board walks a few miles away. I hope and pray that all the ones i love are safe and sound.

I'll try and catch up later.

"Amazing Grace"....

Weather has been great! yesterday it was pretty cloudy and the ocean was wild. which i love also, but i wouldn't let the kids get in it either! the day before though, i actually "boogie boarded" in the ocean Monday Bill and I walked another 3 miles in the early am. I did not walk this morning, My foot was bothering me from walking too much without my orthotics. So i spent this morning icing and elevating. Bill found and bought me this beautiful sculpture of an Eagle soaring. The name of the sculpture is "amazing grace" I love it!! Christina, it will look perfect next to my eagle picture you got me.

This truly is such a wonderful vacation. Kids are doing great...........lots of rest. But i am looking forward to getting back into the grove of Curves again! and the curves eating plan!!!

Well I should get going soon. I still have the ocean pictures to do download to show you

Gina thanks for taking care of the turtles, I sure appriciate it...


p.s. i held the eagle up to a lighthouse picture in the house

Morning at the beach

Good Morning!!! First Morning at the beach, I just found out our house has wireless internet so i thought i'd pop in. it has been an easy and safe journey here. We have a beautiful house overlooking the ocean. Early this morning Bill and I got to the beach to do a 3 mile walk, and stopped a moment to take this picture (what a beautiful world we have) I plan on walking 3 more miles this evening. There were several dolphins close by, I kept missing the snap with the camara....maybe tomorrow!! Well everyone is waking up, and it's time to get moving.. talk to you all later. maybe i'll put up more picuters later

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Injured foot update

Went to the doctors yesterday!!! And doesn't seem like its going to be a long drawn out problem. I have two inflamed tendons!!! I must listen to my "foot" though......and when it starts to ache, i am to put it up and put ice on it!! So I'll get to the serious hiking again when i get back from vacation.
Gina's coming tonight to learn how to take care of the turtles while i am gone, I'll show her the ropes with the animals just in case my brother isn't going to be here an evening or two!!

I am so looking forward to this vacation. I know Bill and the kids are excited too! Today i am busy packing and figuring out what i may need..... going thru the first aid case and the medicine we may need.. for headache, stomach aches, for sunburn and poison ivy, for ear aches. rashes, itches, eye irritations..... I think i have about everything covered!

I've lost over 5 pounds this week..... i am not sure why, I do not have an appetite, and I am eating about 1/2 of the amount of food i used to eat. I plan on keeping this up while i am at the beach too!!! I am looking forward to walking on the beach... I hate hot weather, but i do love the ocean, so early mornings and late evenings are for me....

I may try Curves tomorrow...... i have a brace that i am supposed to wear as much as possible, so with that, and my orthotics, I should be okay.

talk to you later

Making IT a good one!!!

Attitude whether good or bad, is half the battle determining joy in your life! And i have decided to enjoy mine!!!
Last week i was feeling down, feeling sorry for myself.... whoa is me, my poor foot.... yeah right!! Sandi get over it. I see the doctor tomorrow, and I have noticed that my foot is improving greatly since I've taken a few days off. I miss my outdoors. but what's a week? I found my stability ball workout tape....... that i am going to do today. and I am really watching how I am eating, and noticing my greatly decreasing appetite. And i am managing to slowly continue dropping the weight. People that haven't seen me in a couple of months notice right away that I am losing the weight. that is a good feeling. I'll prob get to curves a couple of times this week.......and then we leave for a weeks vacation.
I am so looking forward to spending some chill time with my family. We are going to the beach in South Carolina. It's not packed with activities, and schedules, and must go places.... Sometimes people go on a vacation......over do it, over stimulate themselves,...... put pressure on themselves that is not necessary........ that they need a few days rest after they return from vacation.... Not me. the kids are getting older now so i don't have to deal with cranky whining little children... I plan on walking the beach early morning hours 5:30 ish....when the sun rises...... walk about 4 miles, and then walk in the evening or night another 2 miles. In between that if it's too hot..... I'll be inside, or near our pool (house w private pool) reading some great books that i have been saving. No pressure. No planned events, No schedule, If we want to do something with the kids.....we will decide when we are there. it's going to be good, and I am looking forward to it. my only goal is to walk the beach 6 miles a day/30 miles for the week.

What i will miss....... I will miss Christina!!! I will miss my home and my view from my porch and bedroom. I will miss my other friends, I will miss Curves, and Hiking my hills.

Well it's almost 7 am here, weather is supposed to be unstable today. So i will get my work done early.... No more baseball in the evenings..... so other that getting my hair trimmed.... nothing scheduled for this evening

talk to you later

.....Sunday Morning

... A beautiful Sunday Morning, Everyone is up and at it early. Yesterday Gina and I made our own "walking sticks" I originally started with a plain straight stick.........(which i already have one like that..) And i decided to live on the edge so to speak...... picked up a piece of cherry wood, with this funky root system on the top of the stick!!! so i decided to work with it. left the shape of the stick just as God made it....... there was also a Buck rub on it which brought out a different color of the cherry wood. So after much Sanding and filing, and removing bark on certain areas....... i burnt into the wood my favorite verse Isaiah 40:31, I am happy with it. I DO use walking sticks most of the time, because i am out on trails and do steep hills. And it's handy to have a walking stick to encourage snakes off the road when i am walking past them.

I have been doing pretty good at resting and icing and elevating my foot... i was so tempted to go for a hike yesterday.......it was a beautiful day!! but i behaved myself. Gina came over and we watched a movie together......... I had a great day. So hopefully after the doctor visit on Tuesday,.... my exercise route can begin.

Kim i am so proud of you......... I am thrilled with your new job offer, it Say's a lot about you....to get offered for the promotion only being there a few months, and heck, driving on the sidewalk to boot!!! I am also happy to hear about your eyes improving, I've been praying for that a lot lately. oh yeah, you are going to love Gina, she acts just like you sometimes, and i think you might just meet your match dealing with someone who knows more about movies than you!!!

Make it a good one folks, you only live once here on Earth!!

a hurdle i must jump

..... not too happy, but what can i do?? my foot is really bothering me. I mean like it used too. I am frustrated, i can do 7 miles on a trail, but 2 miles of power walking on pavement did me in. I have an appointment with my podiatrist on Tuesday.... So until i see him, I'll continue going to Curves but i will hold off for a week on walking.... i am taking Ibuprofen, keeping my foot elevated when i can, and icing it for 20 minutes at a time every two hours..... and i gotta keep a positive outlook, and persevere with my quest!! I am tempted to walk through the pain............ but I have to be smart too. and since i just hurt it Saturday..... maybe a few days off.....with proper rest and treatment will work for me. Thank goodness Curves doesn't effect it........ so even if i have to do curves 5 days a week.....and my yoga tape doesn't effect it, so there is no EXCUSE not to keep my butt moving.

Gina, i am looking forward to the stick making....and do you have any thoughts on a movie yet???

No car, ....a blessing for two days

I must admit that it has been nice not having a car for two days. it's in the shop getting ready for the big beach trip!!! brakes, window fixed, plugs changed, oil changed, etc. etc. And yesterday i was "stuck at home" and loved it. Got my housework done, made a nice dinner, got my laundry done,...and everything in between. I DID go to Curves yesterday evening, Christina took me. I am glad that I went. got back home just in time to enjoy the Summer storms. have i mentioned before that i love storms. We pick up the car this evening.

I must be honest here, after doing the walk for melody on Sunday, I notice my foot is hurting right where it used too. this is the first time since my Fitness Quest. The walk was only 2 miles so that wasn't a problem, I am not sure if it was because i walked hard on the pavement. or it could be that because it's summer, i am not wearing my tennis shoes with the inserts for my foot as often. ( i wear summer sandals). Regardless of why, I am going to keep an eye on it. and not let it go for 8 months before i get it checked. So we will see, thankfully Curves doesn't seem to bother it at all.

I am steadily losing a pound or two a week. I can't ask for much more than that. I am not real hungry anymore, and still have to figure out how to eat all the food that i am supposed to eat. But i am not going to fret, or let this bother me, I am doing what i am supposed to be doing.... and that's what matters.

Kim, i am keeping you in my prayers, and it's great knowing.......no matter what!
God IS in control.

Saturday i am making a new walking stick with Gina .....I am so excited! Bill thinks i am nuts! he said " go in the woods and pick up a stick". men, they just don't understand. It's this old man that makes really nice sticks, and he's going to help us make our own...... I love to use a walking stick when i am on a trail.

Well i think i am going to do a yoga tape today....... and maybe a hike this evening, if we get back in time from getting the car. I must stay focused, and continue to do what I am doing........... I remember my promise to Melody!!!

Make it a good one today

~~~Two for you Melody~~~

I am just thinking, approx 5 months ago, about the time that I first read about Melody's Journey.... i was in the worst shape of my life. I couldn't even walk from my car to my house (25 feet) without getting totally out of breath. Today, In honor of Melody, i leisurely walked 2 miles in a little over 30 minutes. Katie went with me, and I had the honor of walking and talking with Melody's father for the 2 mile walk. I am getting used to walking 3 and 4 miles in the evenings.....and usually with many hills and i have hiked 6 and 7 miles a couple of times......... I've come a long way baby!!!! So why the pout the other day. I am just going to suck it up, and put my big girl panties on as my friend Patti says. Feeling good about myself, and enjoying a healthy body is so much more rewarding than anything that food can offer me.

Melody's father is a good man......who is doing the best that he can missing his daughter so terribly,..... I was honored to walk with him, although i must admit, it broke my heart knowing the pain his heart must feel.

Take a moment to appreciate your life, and appreciate the ones you love. And put your life's stresses in perspective. i am sure Chad and Melody's parents would trade you any day.

I just feel like...........

........ quiting!!! It's not even PMS time, But i am just not into it this week. I am tired of watching what I eat, I am tired of going to Curves. I am tired of hiking in the evening.......and listen to me now just pouting!!! I am persevering though..........today will be my 3rd Curves visit for the week... I hiked 7 miles Sunday, did a couple miles tracking box turtles on Weds. Hiked 2 miles with Gina Yesterday, planning on hiking 4 miles with Gina and Bill this evening. Planning on doing a 2 mile hike in honor of Melody at Clarksburg days, and 5 more miles with Bill in the evening. So yeah i may feel like stopping the train, but i am NOT getting off. My biggest problem with my eating is that i am not eating!!! I have no appetite. this is not good...... as i heal my sluggish metabolism, i gotta program my body so that it knows that i am eating.....and it doesn't need to hold on to every calorie i take in.

I honestly think that doing the Curves 6 weeks solution......has it's pros and cons. It is a great program that forces me to focus on my eating and forces me to eliminate the simple carbohydrates in my diet. It teaches me to eat to fuel my body and repair my stalled metabolism. However. because during the meetings we get weighed weekly....... it tends to cause me to lose focus of the big picture as to why I am getting healthy........but to focus on my weekly weight loss. So my mood is determined by the number on the scale, and not how i feel, and how my clothes are fitting , and how people are noticing finally that wow, Sandi is losing weight. I am on the final weeks of this program. And i plan on sticking to eating this way.......... 75% of the time ( just being honest, don't think i can do this 100% of the time) Curves offers this program every 3-4 months. and I will do it again.......but on my terms......... I will weigh and take my measurements at the beginning........ but will wait until the final program is over to weigh and measure again........ No more weekly weights for me yet . I AM DOING GREAT though.........and my body is finally giving me results, my fatigue has decreased dramatically, my PMS symptoms have decreased. it takes a lot more exercise to get my heart pumping, my blood pressure is decreasing. I am dropping clothing size, my clothes that i have are looser. So I must stay focused.

I appreciate all who keep me in line.... Christina, get tough on me...... don't let me whine. Gina keep checking with me about walking in the evenings, that sure helps me. Kim, keep coming here to hike, ( hey next week whats up ?? ) i thought it would be nice if you are around, to meet Gina and hopefully Christina
Maybe we could do a nice hike........(6 miles) then do a movie and stuff!!!

And God, I can't do this without you........... And Melody, I owe you this.... I may get to meet your parents this weekend. they just have to be awesome...... hey someone had to raise you right. it's time i read your journal again........ to remember, and keep fresh in my mind how you dealt with what God gave you with such grace and beauty.

Please have a great weekend

I love you all

~~~fitty par~~~

I just had to make my title today in honor of Gina.... during our 7 mile hike on Sunday......towards the end...... we or should I say she, could not talk too well... and she went to make the comment about the "end marker of the trail" and she proceeded to tell me that she can see "fitty par" and in human translation that means she can "see Pretty far" ahead of the trail! Whatever ;0)!!!

I am recovering well from Sunday. that night i was so sore and my body didn't want to move at all. in the middle of the night i almost died when i got up to use the bathroom. In the morning I was achy, however i managed to go to Curves but i had an easier workout that i normally do. I am thinking about taking today off. this morning my body is feeling pretty good

Christina is going with me to walk for Melody. Kimmie is going home, give ma and pa a hug from me, tell them i will meet them soon. Oh and Patti, bill said i had to let you know....... his eating "healthy" plan lasted a whole week so far!!! he is on a roll.

Tomorrow i leave early in the morning to go to the "turtle sanctuary" I am taking Judy's turtles back. They are big enough to be released. So I will have another long day...... I'll make sure i am back in time to go for my hike....... i think 4 miles is a good number...... don't you Gina.

Have a great day today everyone

I am in pain........

um, Melody disregard any messages sent to you at around the 6 mile hike marker!!! It's just my spirit was into it, my heart was into it, hey and even my lungs were into at this time........ BUT i failed to tell my legs from the knees down that i was hiking 7 miles after doing 4 miles yesterday. And right now my feet are not happy!!!

I am going to be honest, i am in "a lot" of pain, my feet are throbbing like a tooth ache...... and i feel wonderful. I am SO proud of Gina, she spent all day at church working a spaghetti dinner, and still went with me on this hike...... We were both in the same shape towards the end, and actually 5 miles into it, both our bodies were ready to s.t.o.p., but we had 2 more miles to get back to the car.
Melody, you inspire me so much, and meeting Chad was such a highlight today...what way to end an evening but with a hike that pushed my physical limits at this time.

Well it's about time to get into my whirlpool tub, put lotion on my aching body. take a couple of ibuprofen, ice my surgical foot down.....and go to bed.

dinner tonight was roast beef, and fresh strawberries

I met melody's husband today

I am so excited, I got to meet Melody's husband Chad today. I can sure see how these two were husband and wife. Chad is a sweet man, and a gentle spirit. I will participate next weekend in a "walk" to honor Melody, which will benefit the Leukemia/Lymphoma Society. It's a two mile walk, and Kim if you are not too busy....come with me.

Gina went with me again yesterday, we walked 4 miles, and I must admit, It was very tough, more "hills" than i thought. Even Bill thought for some reason it was a tough walk. And we are going to do 7 miles this evening. Gina is thinking about coming also. I want to get 20 miles of walking/hiking in by next Sunday. this past week, i missed it by 4 miles thanks to the Thunderstorms on Friday.

I'll get back on to let you know how i survived the hike this evening.... it's not too "hilly" but still 7 miles is 7 miles!!!

I am pleased with my energy level increasing, I am pleased with my blood pressure dropping, This journey is NOT easy. actually it is very difficult. (Gina will verify that, when we were both exhausted and wheezing and still had 1.5 miles to go to get back to our car) But this Journey is fun, and I so want to honor Melody , it's such a positive "push" for me.

well i better get moving here.........call Gina see if she is still up for it......and i am thinking i should leave sooner than 6pm

Just when i think i have it all planned..... God just smiles :0)

and let's me know that He's still in control. We had very bad storms in my area last night..... hubby worked until 4pm , got called out at 10pm, came home at 8am, sleeping a few hours and then is heading back out. ( he works for the electric company)

So no hiking yesterday evening..... i will hike in rain, snow, sleet and hail... just not lightning. Gina, I couldn't call you until just now 1:30 pm. we didn't have electric for a while, and then that came on and then we lost computer, phone, cable..... i know you are at church now...... i may go this evening. do you still want to go. I will try your house..........hey my house phone is working part time, Chris has my cell phone number if you want to call that.... I think i will call her for your cell phone . Oh and to top it off..... my cell phone battery isn't holding a charge.......... grrrrrr and how did my mama ever do it with out all these "electronics" ;0) So without Bill...... i gotta figure out the car pool situation with kids, who's going where, and with who, and when....... and how are they all getting back home .

progress

Okay......it's official, My kids are out of school for the summer! I remember that feeling of "great joy" when I was a kid! So i am happy for my guys, it's just that the older I get, the quicker time seems to go. And I know soon enough, school will start, and my "baby" will be going to the high school.

I was busy yesterday, my foster son had an appointment with his Case Worker, Sammy had an appointment with his eye doctor, Sammy had a baseball game, and i had to go grocery shopping. Corey has friends over for a basketball final (on TV) party!! ........... Just a day and a life with a mom of four.

My blood pressure usually runs (even with bp medicine) 140's/90's but yesterday when i had it taken..... i was surprised to see it at 130/80. So I guess my heart really has improved during this quest. And yesterday as i was getting ready to take one of my son's to his appointment....my daughter was like....mom, you are really really losing weight...... I sorta blew it off, so she ran and got her camera, snapped a picture of me and showed me my before and after picture.......... Wow, this eating healthy and exercising really DOES work and it has only been 4 months. i am feeling good

today is a "Curves" day (call me Chris if we are going together) and also, hubby and i need to hike at least 4 miles so i can get my 20 in before Sunday


Have a great weekend

Gina kicks butt

I met Gina for a short almost 3 mile hike yesterday......and i must say She did really really well.... she really pushed it up the biggest hill. we had a good time. and she is welcome to go with me and Bill anytime. Bill walks so much further ahead, so he was glad she came.
Well as I said before, my body works like clock work. and so today...i am having major cramping. but i will deal with it.
Yesterday was a Curves day with Christina, and then a hike with Gina..... my goal was to get in 20 miles of hiking for the week...... right now I have approx 12 miles in, almost 13. So if i do 4 on Friday, and 4 on Saturday......that will just about cover it. I could go with Christina this morning if she goes, but I am not sure that I ~~~~really really~~~~ want too!! Speaking of which, Chris, can i use your oven this morning to bake banana nut bread, the element in my stove burnt out??? Call me if you read this early.......i have been awake since 5:30am.

well, maybe I'll jump on later, talk to you soon

~~~~More energy~~~~

I am finally noticing that I am experiencing more energy. I am not getting drop dead tired in the mid-afternoon. Although i have still come to the conclusion that it IS okay to have a 45 minute rest if schedule allows it during the day. I have been busy lately and have not had the opportunity to sit and chill mid day. Also, being as it's "that" time due today and tomorrow.....i usually experience a severe drop in my energy level..... to the point i used to think there was something wrong with me.......until i figured out it was a symptom that occurred monthly!!!

My Curves 6 weeks weight loss solution meeting went well, I lost like 2.75lbs this week, and 1lb of body fat. it's hard to believe that i am on week 4 starting today. I was CRAVING chocolate in the worst way.....so i had some!!!
No exercise yesterday. But today is a Curves day and I am so excited that my first walk with Gina is today...... Gina i was going to call you last night, Sammy had a game.....and i am Not sure what time your household goes to bed.....it was after 9pm. But give me the time....and I will meet you at the new Parking area on tunnelton road just about 500 yards from the "federal lab" I walk, and i can walk far......I am just not a speed walker, um like your Aunt Christina!!! Gina, You can do this too, and i am proud that you are beginning this "mile" who knows maybe someday...you can do the 10 mile promise with me, for Melody.

Well Chris, if you read this in the morning,....... give me a call, i can take you to Curves anytime.... even if you want to get there for 8 am...... Katie is here to get Sammy to school........Last day!!!!



Only You can choose to make your day a good one!!!!

Ahhhhh, a Beautiful Morning

I love dreary rainy days, and that's what it looks like right now. it has cooled off, so i have all the windows open..... Kids left for school, I have Josh Groban playing in the background. can't get much better than this!!!

Not only did i do one heck of a Curves Workout (Christina will verify that) You see, she just started back, so yesterday was more of a stretching workout for her, and i think she was sorta making fun of me. My husband and I took the dogs for an approx 4 mile hike in the evening. I am so excited that my foot really isn't painful anymore..... I guess it really was bad, and needed the surgery. I am feeling really well, BUT i must say this is the first time that "allergy season" hit me. the itchy watery eyes, runny nose, sinus pressure.... and then i am getting exercise/allergy induced asthma..... but still, I am happy with how i am tolerating it. It's not pulling me down like a simple cold used to even last year at this time. oh I am also making sure i get plenty of rest too.. we as busy adults sometimes forget how important it is to rest and get the proper amount of sleep each day.
Eating wise, i am doing okay, and actually i am having the reverse problem. I am just not hungry........ I had too force myself to eat, but regardless didn't even hit the amount of calories i needed. I am heading to week 4 tomorrow, So i will have to work on that.
Oh Patti, Bill wanted me to tell you........he started his "healthy" eating yet again this Monday.........HOWEVER he actually stuck with it and made it a day :0)
Well i am going to do some laundry and housework......and sit down and enjoy my beautiful morning

this is the day that the Lord hath made
I will rejoice and be glad in it.

Sunday Morning Hike

We take the car and park it in one place, and then our daughter Katie drives Us to another location on the trail, that way we could do 6 miles without doubling up on the trail. It was quite hot/humid yesterday morning......... and once i got started, it's like there was no turning back. I did really well, and of course it wasn't even an issue for Bill. I took sudafed before i left as well as my inhaler as a preventative measure. 3 miles into the hike there was a gust of wind that literally blew the pollen from the trees. my eyes started to water, my nose started to run, and I started to cough. Bill had the same symptoms..... the air was filled with floaties. I took my camelbak bite me system (what you wear on your back, that has a hose that you connect to your clothing and you just drink when you need too.) the only problem with this hike, it's pretty level for the first 3 miles....and then you must hike up hill after that, and then a steep hill to hike, and then a steady elevated grade until you get to the car. I was so hot, my face was so red, and i was wheezing, but i DID complete it without ......... dying!!!
Next Sunday we plan on going 7 or 8 miles. i guess i am fortunate to have a husband that "wants" to go with me .

the rest of the afternoon i spent watching a move "Anne of Green Gables". it was a nice relaxing day.

Today i workout with Christina, yeah, it will be our first workout together in a couple of weeks so I am all excited!! You just gotta know this woman to love her. Kids have just 3 more days of school left... i look forward to summer vacation with them home... Sadly my youngest son will move to the high school in the fall. so I am officially, 12 years later, done with the elementary school. unless of course i end up with younger foster children down the road. Well I should get ready to go to Curves.

I love Rainy Mondays, ........ So i will enjoy today

PS Gina, If you'd like to go for a walk in the evening let me know, Sammy has baseball tues and thurs this week.

No longer IF...........but WHEN

It's so funny how my future outlook has changed now..... Instead of saying, If i loose the weight, If i stick to the program, If i manage the six week eating plan, if .........if.............if. Maybe i am being bold, but i now say When. Like when I loose the weight........ Yesterday evening my husband commented how now my clothes are looking "loose" I need to go buy more. Well i told him "Nah, I am only going to be this size for a short time, I don't want to waste money on clothes now" I just know in my heart, and with my support on earth, and in heaven.....failure is NOT an option. Even this silly blog keeps me accountable. And we all know that my desire to show Melody that her life, saved my life, is a very strong force with me. It's about time for me to read Melody's Journey again. to remind me of her strength and stamina.... and desire to always improve.

I really really really gave 150% today at curves. I sweated like crazy, and while the others were keeping a very relaxed conversation with the each other, I was unable to even talk on the recovery boards. It's a good thing.

Last night Bill and I went out to Eat.......and i am so pleased to say that i did wonderful, and honestly it really wasn't difficult. We went to smokey bones. I enjoyed grilled chicken breast , with a Portabello Mushroom with feta and artichoke hearts, and steamed baby green beans. Kept total control of my Carbs and my Calories. I am finishing up my 3rd week on the Curves Eating Solution plan. and i remember i was very nervous about starting this.... I must honestly say, that it has been quite easy for me, lots of pre planning, but easy. Tonight Bill wants to go to canal days (local festival) and i may go or I may not go...... regardless, i will make sure I eat before hand, and maybe even take my frozen Curves Shake with me to sip on while i am walking.

Make it a good one folks, you only get one chance at life.

A day of rest.......

since the weekend I plan on hiking with Bill, Today I am going to rest my body. I try to take one day a week to regroup, and in the winter it was usually Sundays. But since Bill love hiking with me..... I'll take the day off during the week.

yeah.......my bestest friend is back i sure missed her. And i contained myself until 9:30 am before i ran down to see Mike and Megan. I am glad they are back. they are the sweetest kids....and as i said before, next to my own children. these kids are my favorite.

busy day today.... running up to meet Bill to sign papers, and then we are heading to Greensburg after he gets off of work. I plan on going out for dinner, BUT i am planning accordingly and it has to be a place where i will NOT go off my Curves plan. Also our local town is having their annual festival. and i will prob not go. do Not want to be tempted by foods that i cannot eat. Sometimes you just have to know your limits, and know when you should "stay away" and right now, i need to stay away.

Chris I am glad you are home safe, and I am happy that the "kids" are back. plan on getting back into our groove next week.

to all, have a great weekend


p.s.

Dear Anonymous and Kim, thank you so much for your support, and bible verses that you shared with me yesterday.....it sure hit home.